hehe hiii

https://blueisveryconfused.straw.page/

[blueisconfused]

okay, writing update. i think this is better than the “what are you?” “tbh idek man” that it was before

i like to think gabe still doesn’t know the answer to the question, he’s sort of just making shit up on the spot and trying to approximate. one label doesn’t sound exactly right and depending on the moment he can be a metaphor, a ghost, a manifestation of grief, and so on.

anyway gabe and natalie would have been such Siblings had gabe lived and i wanted to hint at some of that here

[wylanvaneckz]

wylan van eck character of all time. deeply anxious and pathetic while also being a snarky little bitch. manages to perfectly balance both an inferiority and superiority complex. sees his boss/sort of kidnapper take someone’s eye out and then throw them overboard and proceeds to yell at him for it. stops in the middle of breaking into one of the most secure strongholds in the world to ask his crush if he likes guys. wholeheartedly believes his inability to read is a moral failing. plays the flute. blows things up for profit. has genya make him a little hotter when he’s getting tailored back. is a good enough actor to fool the whole merchant council but cannot control his own blush. has a constant internal monologue questioning all his life choices. makes a bet over his dad wanting to kill him. maintains extremely one-sided beef with the guy who kissed his sort of boyfriend. loves his friends. loves his mom. has a beautiful tenor. is nice to his stepmom’s birds. spits in his abusive dad’s face. gets super beat up for a job and all the other characters are like hey you really didn’t have to go that hard and his response is basically “yeah i know i wanted to <3”.

[myinabilitytofuckingbreathe]

Lowkey “house that always rains” by Conan gray is such a Goodfry song. The pov switching ofc depending on the lines. “Grew up swift and strange” Gabe growing quickly, and in odd circumstances, because of having to deal with his illness and caring for his mother and her illnesses. “In clouds of Texas rain” the Goodmans always referring to the weather as cloudy or bad in some way all throughout the musical. “Laughing soft in church” kinda a stretch with this line, but the goodmans and their whole ‘we are a perfect and normal family’ facade that they do. “Always more to prove to boys in private school” David and constantly having to be the best of the best because of his father’s expectations. “Oh I saw you, in the doorframe, of the house that always rains” the constant grief and sadness in the Goodman household. “Come and find me, because they’re shouting, in the house that always shakes” David’s dad and the fights that they have. “Don’t that explain why we’re afraid of love?” Gabe scared that everything that goes on with his family, with his illness, will scare David off. David and literally everything that goes on with him, depression, drugs, alcohol, not wanting to hurt Gabe. “If I could do it all over again, I’d be less of a lover to you and more of a friend. I’d get it in my head that it’s not about me” Gabe wishing he could support David more in his depression and addictions, and thinking that maybe he could if they were less focused on them as a unit and more so on David as a person. “While I was scared of being left, you were scared of being seen” Both of them being ignored for so fucking long in there own ways, Gabe by Dan, Natalie, and Diana sometimes when she was getting treatments, and David by his father. Both of them wanting so desperately to actually be seen for once, but at the same time they’re scared that their problems will be too much, and they won’t be good enough.

AND THEN THEY BOTH GET EXTENSIVE THERAPY AND GET BETTER AND HAPPIER AND THEY STILL HAVE DAYS WERE THINGS ARE BAD BUT ITS BETTER AND ITS OKAY BECAUSE THEY HAVE EACH OTHER THERE TO HELP THEM AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH AND ITS HAPPILY EVER AFTER :))))))))

Also does this make sense to literally anyone else, please tell me I’m not delusional and crazy and that this actually makes perfect sense and the song fits them

[person4924]

jack wolfe covered cool about it at a concert the other night btw. if anyone even cares

[blueisconfused]

i know we’ve already talked about how wylan and kaz are character foils for a multitude of reasons, but have we considered: kaz and wylan both mimicking human behaviors and coming off as unsettling because they’re able to pull it off really well.

both of them have an otherworldly kind of presence that’s just off enough to feel but not enough to really pin down. kaz appears in rooms without warning. wylan stares at people for too long. both of them remember details about others that they shouldn’t. for different reasons, but the underlying discomfort remains the same. give me unsettling wylan to go with unsettling kaz. let them be creepy together. i beg you.

[willowskindaobsessed]

And if I said they’re both autistic what then?

[blueisconfused]

that was implied but thank you for saying it out loud

[mxrderscenes]

writing is so funny because i could write nonstop for 9hrs and then hit a block where im like "how do i transition between this moment and the next?" and then i just dont touch it for 6 months

[meanao3thoughts]

a feel like the new generation of fanfic readers NEED to understand that clicking on a fic (interaction) does nothing. ao3 has no algorithm. your private discord discussions of fic do not reach the authors. if you do not actively engage with writers they will stop posting. this isn’t social media this is community.

[bambistjames]

non-writers will never understand the mental illness of writing an entire conversation in your head while doing dishes and then forgetting every word the second you open a blank doc

[blueisconfused]

i’m feeling pretty good about my writing and thinking ‘wow i’m getting out so much this is great’ only to find someone who’s written an unreasonably long one-shot that’s like. double the length of what i’ve written. then things are Not As Fine

[free-2406]

Is this anything

[blueisconfused]

if you saw me post a next to normal fic on ao3, leave it up for a couple days, and then frantically delete it because i realized i was completely wrong about the structuring and need to redo it with an extra three (3) chapters. uhh no you didn’t

[pavlover-boy]

the nature of tumblr is that, no matter what you do, your most popular posts are always going to be a low-effort shitpost from half a decade ago, that meme you shamelessly reposted that one time, and various posts accusing the Character of being a fag

[siodin]

"Add something, if you'd like" what if i dont want to, tumblr. what if i want a blank post on my blog #mynothing

[winterskyfirefly-deactivated202]

Reblog to hug prev poster (they need a hug)

[im-cool-i-swear]

I have yet to actually read Six of Crows, but from what I can gather:

-Kaz is emo Inigo Montoya but for his brother instead of his father

-Inej is a pirate and also an acrobat

-Nina is really really pretty

-Jesper likes money and guns

-Some blonde guy named Matt??? He’s awful but part of the group???

-Wylan cannot read because his dad hates him

-Someone is named Joost and he has a mustache but that’s not one of the six main people??

-Some of the six people are Grisha

-Someone is named Pekka and he is a trashcan

-There is a club and it has crows

-The six main people steal something (money?) from an ice castle prison thing

-They’re criminals but like it’s okay because… they’re hot?

-Kaz and Inej are in love, Jesper and Wylan are in love, Nina and the blonde guy are in love, but why evades me

-Everyone is gay

-Chapter 40 is bad

Is this at all correct

[gabeofcrows]

okay but jesper fahey who had raging crushes on people that either just wanted to sleep woth him, or just didn't like him back at all. and he gave 110% of himself into them because if he put enough effort in, then maybe, just maybe, they would love him back in the way that he loved them. jesper fahey, who has so much love to give and wants to give it, craves to give it, but never seems to be able to get it back, to find someone who reciprocates the amount of love that he has to give. but he'll give it anyone, because maybe this time is going to be different, and maybe this time, someone wants him. someone might want him, and not just his silly jokes, or his advice, or his ability to cheer people up, not just sex or a little fling. maybe, he'll find someone who loves him the way he loves them. jesper, who reads into every little detail, every interaction, every change, with the hope that this is it, someone loves him properly, wants to give him the world

give me a jesper fahey who's given up a little bit. jesper, who will keep giving out that love, with only the tiniest speck of hope that it will ever fully be returned, but even that's dying too. jesper, who reads into things because it's second nature, but tells himself to stop being stupid, still getting your hopes up

now give me a wylan van eck who loves jesper fahey like it's breathing. wylan, a little scared that he might be another one of jesper flings, but loves him anyway, because he too has a lot of love to give and no one who wants it. wylan, who buy jesper cute gifts at the markets, little trinkets that make him think of jesper. wylan, who links his finger with jesper's at every moment, who plays with his hair, who constantly wants to be in physical contact with him all of the time. wylan, who can't help but let his adoration pour out of him every time he's with jesper, who's eyes involuntarily light uo every time he sees him because he's so desperately enamoured

and give me a jesper who at first can't believe it, who won't let himself believe that this is it, someone genuinely loves him the way he loves them. he throws everything at wylan, desperate for him to stay, lapping everything up, because he knows it'll be gone soon and then he'll be left with nothing but his false hope yet again

give me a jesper who, one night, sits in the kitchen sobbing; he didn't mean to, it just kind of happened. and wylan finds him (the bed was cold without him) and doesn't ask what's wrong at first. he just holds jesper close to his chest (jes is sitting, wy is standing) and kisses his head and lets jesper just cry. and jesper hates himself for it, because he's going to have to explain himself and it's probably going to scare wylan off, and now this is the end, the end of the best thing he's ever had, and he's already planning the bender he's going to go on to get over this, the people he'll sleep with

and then he talks. he tells wylan that he's scared, scared that no one could ever love him the way that he loves, that he's so used to giving everything of himself and never getting it in return, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt any less. and he's so scared that wylan will come to his senses and just leave, that this is the first time that he's ever felt that someone actually loves him, adores him even.

wylan just keeps holds him silently, carding a hand over his hair. and jesper's so scared because this is it, he shouldn't have gotten so comfortable

and then wylan just says 'i know how you feel. ive never been loved like that either'

and he does. he's always given everything and he's scared to lose everyone, and now they're both crying in the dark kitchen at three in the morning. somehow they end up on the cold floor, warm in each others arms. but that doesn't matter

because they've both always given everything they got to people who only ever give them a sliver in return. and now they've got each other, love so easy it's like breathing

[soliidago]

concept of wylan pulling jesper by the tie or the beltloop or the collar or the lapel or,,,, okay I need to sit down im getting dizzy