blurple

Em | they/them | research doctor school | “pretty good at this science thing”

[volvolassie]

Tolkien was ahead of his time

[juney-blues]

i'd say i carry a normal amount of all the mild social rejection i've ever received in my body like shrapnel

[shabbytigers]

in other developments re german/anglo cultural exchange on breadstuffs, this image was posted to a facebook group yesterday

the following events ensued:

1. predictable lively discussion on the preparation of Wienerschnitzel, in which natives and wurstaboos are pro-puff and everybody else is like *confused dog head tilt* why wouldn’t you want the crust to stay ~attached to the thing you put it on? as with other fried foods?

2. thirty “Bad Schnitzel is my band name” jokes

3. thirty “Bad Schnitzel is my stripper name” jokes

4. one “ah yes, Bad Schnitzel! a lovely spa town” joke

5. this absolute masterpiece:

[abandoned-quiche]

* (Oh, these parentheses I keep opening?

* (I'm collecting them.

* (Right now, I'm 1,762 parentheses deep.

* (Oh, my precious parentheses... (I don't ever want to close them!

[bloodied-dagger]

* Oh, these parentheses I keep closing?)

* There’s some guy who keeps opening them.)

* Right now, they think they’re 1,762 parentheses deep…)

* But really? They’re all closed.) Thanks to me.)

[oneheadtoanother]

idk anything about this but I love it

[lynati]

If any competition needed to be on Tumblr, it's this one.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

sorry to be a broken record every month but christ menstruation is a stupid concept. oooooh excuse me for not getting pregnant, why the fuck is there goo falling out of me about it? grow the fuck up and reabsorb that shit for nutrients.

[cuunos]

being a kid and hearing adults say stuff like "woah 2011 was 4 years ago haha" didn't really convey the fucking horror of a youtube video crossing my recommended labelled "9 years ago" and it's from 2017. that's not true. 9 years ago is 2010 or something. don't lie.

[youweremyridehome]

whooppsss i forgot to post these from ccb2025

yours truly cosplaying as terry (sharron lutz) from drawtectives (celestial spear)

only 2 ppl in the crowd recognised the char 😃😃😃

[woman-respecter]

it really irks me how men addicted to sports betting are treated like poor helpless victims of a corrupt industry who can’t help but blow their entire salary on a parlay about a dbacks spring training game but women who overspend on lattes or clothes or blind boxes are stupid and evil and everything wrong with capitalism, whose “overconsumption” is noboby’s fault but their own. ignoring that they are also preyed upon by influencers and corporations.

like to be clear i think neither are blameless, but both are somewhat taken advantage of. i just hate that men are given a way more generous interpretation of their situation when women are criticized much more harshly for analagous behavior.

[tetitasdelimon]

top 5 horror movies

-having a job

-not having a job

-applying for jobs

-the job market

-the concept of working my whole life

[anphivenas]

i need to get into cars

[dontsaythatillcry]

they have doors which help with this

[relevant-wikipedia-articles]

Car door - Wikipedia

[draconym]

I think it sucks that you have to go to so many different kinds of doctor to take care of yourself. It's the 21st century. I should be able to go to a single office where they scan me with a big xerox machine and tell me what I'm allergic to and why my tummy hurts and if I have any cancer or cavities or if my glasses prescription has changed. And then I should get a sticker.

[sourcreammachine]

[isuggestlandback]

If you ever wondered why they call tattoos and piercings "unprofessional" and "unsophisticated"

Source: Lainey Molnar

[enjoloras-deactivated20220821]

Okay so Victorian erotica is literally the most heinous, morally bankrupt, horrific shit I've ever read - but I've read a fair bit, partly from historical interest but also because a while back I helped a friend with a university project she was doing about censorship and pornography in 19th century England.

Anyway I need to share with you all the most hilarious line that has ever been written, circa 1887:

[prokopetz]

I feel like this excerpt is significantly enhanced by knowing that the novel in question is a first-person narrative written from the perspective of an inexplicably sapient flea who lives on Bella's body, and that's why the third priest's penis is described in this way: from the narrator's perspective it literally blots out the sky.

[kingarniestar-deactivated202509]

me when im a flea

[rnismatch]

my camel straight up told me "man i am not carrying another fucking straw" like wtf asshole its just one straw whats your fucking issue

[caitthegreatest]

ah yes Kenzie Lalonde posting a very normal pic with a coworker on her social

[nottobeborne]

me and who