••Astrid••

[teenagecriminalmastermind]

rollisi fans how does it feel to be winning

[shania-twain]

[enfranchisement]

beat your depression

beat it with a fucking broom beat it into the fucking ground die die die

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I was hanging around at my boyfriend’s place (in hindsight he was probably Satan) and we were just chilling, doing normal things, when a long, sleek, black car pulled up outside of his house. My boyfriend, suddenly very nervous and twitchy, told me to go and hide in the closet. When I asked him what was up, he just told me it was a “work associate” so I went and did as he said. I peeked a little bit out of the closet to see who this person was. I wanted to see who could possibly get my boyfriend, the actual Devil, to tremble in fear. And lo and behold, it was Ted Cruz.

[alpineprincess]

Reflections on this post:

1. I need to read URLs.

2. “in hindsight he was probably Satan” may be the single greatest hook to a story that I’ve ever seen.

3. The levels of stress and suspense that occur in the rising action here rival that of some of the greatest survival horror works that exist on this earth.

4. “And lo and behold, it was Ted Cruz” is probably the only sentence that could make the conclusion to this story more terrifying, and ended the story in a way far superior to anything my own sense of dread could have come up with.

[teamcoco]

WATCH: James Acaster’s Apricot Routine

[umbronydraws-deactivated2024050]

you better watch out 🎅 you better watch out 🎅 you better watch out 🎅 you better watch out 🎅 you bETTER WATCH OUT 🎅 YOU BETTER WATCH OUT 🎅 YOU BETTER WATCH OUT 🎅 YOU BETTER WATCH OUT 🎅

[mediokurrr-deactivated20200405]

[threebigolsausages-deactivated2]

so in 2010 i made a facebook event for my birthday party for this year, because i thought “haha wouldnt that be funny, 2018 is forever away!”. but now it is 2018, and my birthday is in 2 days.

people have been building the hype for the past 8 years

and now im stressed cause i gotta deliver, i had 8 years to make plans and i procrastinated to the last minute. time makes fools of us all

[threebigolsausages-deactivated2]

The big day came and went. I knew I had to do something special so I turned the party into a SURPRISE MURDER MYSTERY! It’s long so check my twitter post for the whole thing but here are the highlights:

At 10:48pm, I called everyone into my room. There had been a murder, and everybody was a suspect. Next to the body was a gun, and the party goers were quick to find the red fingerprints on it 

They found red fingerprints on a balloon and popped it to find a receipt for gum inside. Someone had been passing out gum all night, however they claimed someone else gave them the gum first.

the argument was going nowhere so we contacted the victims spirit. she led us to the REAL murder weapon: a 100% very real bottle of poison. my roommate claimed he saw someone earlier with that bottle, but before he could tell us…

the power went out! and when it came back on…

my roommate had been murdered! following the clues, we tracked down the true culprit to the bathroom, where he was trying to escape through the window

with the murder successfully solved, the party goers were treated to this congratulatory message on the wall to forever commemorate their success. the other prize was that they didnt have to listen to my fake Savannah accent anymore

[possumistic]

If you see this

You were visited by the magic kitten of rest. Reblog to have a good night’s sleep.

[bluesteelstan]

I was just fortunate to meet [Stan Lee]. I feel like I’m just grateful that he was around to see what Marvel was able to do, especially in the last ten years. I feel like he always…he had the cameos. I think he was happy with the turnout.

[itsfullofstars]

VIDEO FROM THE SURFACE OF A COMET

This is truly incredible.

Details:

Remember Rosetta? That comet-chasing European Space Agency (ESA) probe that deployed (and accidentally bounced) its lander Philae on the surface of Comet 67P? This GIF is made up of images Rosetta beamed back to Earth, which have been freely available online for a while. But it took Twitter user landru79 processing and assembling them into this short, looped clip to reveal the drama they contained.

[thenatsdorf]

Foster mom welcomes another baby into her litter.

[primarybufferpanel]

“Yes, good, this is also my baby. Put her with my other babies.”

[crtter]

I’ve introduced kittens to foster moms before! Some cats are so taken up with parental instinct they’ll accept a new baby instantly, but some can hiss and see the baby as an intruder that can potentially harm her kittens. When this happens, I like to to rub the new kitten with a piece of cloth that smells of the mom’s kittens, ideally whatever was being used as bedding when she gave birth. They go like “Oh! A baby I haven’t cleaned yet? Unacceptable! Hand them over”

[scatterbrainedhypatia]

That was the cutest addition to an already adorable post.

[bubonickitten]

i’m introducing my little cousins (ages 3 and 6) to studio ghibli movies. the first one we watched was ponyo, and we watched it like 6 times in two days because the 3-year-old kept requesting it on repeat, and she started crying when we suggested we watch something new, so i told her “this one is just like ponyo” to console her long enough to get five minutes into spirited away and realize she likes it

anyway now she refers to spirited away as “ponyo 2” and the rest of my studio ghibli collection as “the ponyos”

[bubonickitten]

the 3-year-old approached me with the cat returns and asked “can we watch this ponyo next?”

[bluurose-angel]

Never have I ever

Seen a show that’s as emotionally damaging as “Merlin”

[galexy-astra]

LET 👏 RETAIL 👏 EMPLOYEES 👏 SIT 👏

[the-real-skye]

The only major chain retail store that I know of that allows their cashiers to sit is the Aldi grocery store, a German chain. Their starting pay is also $12 an hour chain-wide.

The interior of the store looks like this so they save money on the annoying shelf restocking. Products remain in their boxes until being removed by customers.  No unboxing and putting stuff on shelves, and constantly having to rearrange it. Also, the boxes make inventory a breeze as a sealed box has a defined number of items in it. 

Typical American grocery stores have shelves like this

Every item has to be unboxed and neatly stacked on the shelves. If they get messed up by the customers, everything has to be rearranged back to specific rigid order. When you have to verify the inventory, every item has to be removed from the shelves to be counted and put back. Aldi’s also do not have plastic bags. You can buy reusable bags or simply use the empty cardboard boxes that are available.

Last is the carts. Most grocery stores have their carts strewn across the parking lots, rolling around and hitting cars until a store employee is sent out to collect them, after being yelled at by the manager when they were told to do other tasks in the meantime. Aldi’s chains those carts together and you have to put a Quarter in to release it. When you are done, you plug the chain back in and get your Quarter back. If others are lazy, you can collect and return the loose carts and collect the Quarters. 

It stops this…

Then the employees have to do this

[staff]

Words can’t express our devastation, fury, and sorrow. Our hearts break thinking of the lives that will go unlived, and the families left behind.

If you’re suffering from fear or anxiety, or know someone who is, call the NAMI helpline at 1-800-950-6264 or text NAMI to 741741. Trained counselors are available 24/7 to help you process what you’re feeling, free and confidentially.

Where do we go from here?

This won’t be the last mass shooting in America. Until Congress puts aside the politics of gun control and honestly faces the human toll of their inaction, guns will continue to ravage our communities.

If you’ll be 18 by November 6, 2018, please register to vote. Help your friends register. Help your neighbors register. On election day, organize carpools to polling places. Trade shifts with people who can’t get time off, or babysit their kids. A single vote for gun control is more powerful than all the thoughts and prayers in Washington.

Tens of thousands of people will be killed by guns before we can wrest control of Congress from the gun lobby. Many hundreds will be students sheltering in classrooms. But change is possible.

TurboVote.org will help you register online or by mail. Go now. We don’t have time to wait.

See how much the gun lobby has given to your representative, or spent on their behalf.

[angelarecamier]

if u reblog this in 45 seconds u will meet ur favorite musician(s). no matter what. they will be raised from the dead 4 u.

[onaheroicmission]

I reblogged this and met Josh Dun out of the blue at Disney World.

[hashtagloveloses]

[hashtagloveloses]

[hashtagloveloses]

put this in the MOMA