Not All Who Wander Are Lost

Writing, fangirling, odd musings and occasional rants from a woman old enough to know better and still to young to ever grow up. Some times silly, often irreverent, and hopefully never rude. I don't know who I'll be, but at least I'm finally learning to enjoy the ride. Writer, crafter, gypsy and aspiring costume designer.

[bohemiangothwitch]

Date: Hey baby, why don't you show me something sexy...

Me: Wanna see just how flexible I am? [Bends backward onto my hands and scuttles toward them]

[charlataninred]

Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

[meraarts]

Might I add:

The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

The woman who raised the changeling alongside her biological child

The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship

[eater-of-hopes-and-dreams]

The adventures of a space roomba

Cinderella finding Araura (and falling in love)

I don’t know a snappy description but the my nemesis cynthia story certainly lives in my head

[blitzlowin]

hilariously, these are almost all in my fic tag. so, a compiled list from the notes (and some extras):

The God of Arepo (graphic novel 1 / 2 / 3) (ebook)

The Monster of Sentan

The Witch’s Cat

Raise Both Children

Stabby the Roomba (honorable mention)

Cinderella Marries the Prince (comic)

My Arch Nemesis Cynthia

Pirates and Mermaid

Eindred and the Witch

The Demon King

The Cornerwitch

Grandmother Beetroot

Apocalypse Daycare Worker

Grandmother Accidentally Summons a Demon

New Year Saga

A Story About Changelings

Ranger in the King’s Forest

The Difference Between a Hare and a Rabbit

Goblin Men (Canines)

[charlataninred]

I am in love with you /p

[inkvoices]

Adding Faceblind Prince Charming and Cinderella

[inkvoices]

21. The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship

22. The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

[lightningladybug]

adding the Doctors Without Borders one

[inkvoices]

I LOVE tumblr storytime, so here’s a bunch more your weekend reading. Enjoy!

24. The Queen with Three Cursed Children

25. Tiny Dragon with one coin hoard

26. Haunted house

27. Shark hero was about to go rogue

28. Grandma lives in the woods comic

29. A Different Aftermath comic

30. Battery (microstory but I love it so much)

31. It’s A Date comic

32. Supervillian kidnaps rival’s kid and they want to stay

33. Narrative Town

34. I have been hired to clean the wizard tower comic

35. Robot Apocalypse

36. The Statues That Do Not Weather

37. Kushiel

38. Tooth Fairy

39. Alien abduction

40. Felonious wish-granting

41. When humans met actual space orcs

42. Space cousins

[dannnnnnnnnnnnex]

WAIT REBLOG THIS VERSION INSTEAD

[sarahseeandersen]

[teaboot]

The Victorian Era was shite compared to now obsiously but also titty piercings were popular everyone was on heroin and they thought bad sex made your kids ugly so the zeitgeist must have been wild

[deafmangoes]

I wish I could remember the source, but I once read a sociologist's take that the Victorian era was a complete abberation of human development. It was uniquely weird, never existed before, will likely never exist again.

I wonder how much of that was on the back of the industrial revolution. Maybe humanity had a similar "weird" moment in the Fertile Crescent when we figured out farming.

But yeah. Victorians were an odd bunch. Delightfully contradictory.

[teaboot]

I feel like the wild combination of Suddenly Having So Much New Technology We Barely Understand and Suddenly Using So Much New Technology We Barely Understand *May* have resulted in such new and novel situations as:

The baby will stop crying if I give it cocaine

My entire face is covered in arsenic

How Wonderful That I Can Buy Guns And Heroin At The Same Store! I Certainly Hope My Lead Poisoning Does Not Lead To Bouts Of Distemper And Irrational Thinking

There Are Bare Electrified Wires Running Through My House And My Technicolor Dress Is Highly Combustible, Which I Do Not Know Yet

My son, Lead Poisoning Georg,, shall someday inherit my gun powder and lead paint empire,,

NEW! Magical Miracle Substance! Asbestos! WILL NOT catch fire! CANNOT catch fire! YOU WILL NOT die! (From fire)

Impress Your Guests And In-Laws With The Tastiest Bright White Bread Chalk And Wood Shavings Can Produce

NEW! Baby feeding bottles! NEW! Glass baby feeding bottles! How do you clean them??? That isn't important stop asking questions. NEW!

If Heroin And Lead And Cocaine And Arsenic And Typhoid And Tuberculosis And Radiation And Ungrounded Wires And Lead And Chalk And Arsenic And Working In The Coal Mine Are Bad For Me, Then How Am I Moving So Fuckingn Fast

[everybidenjusthavegoodtime]

*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free

[hotcommunist-deactivated2019032]

invasive species encroach on lesbian territory

[dreaming-shark]

This is a common misconception because they’re such similar environments, but you should be aware that dads are native to Home Depot, while lesbians are actually native to Lowe’s. At this point, however, both dads and lesbians have made themselves at home in both Home Depot and Lowe’s to the point that trying to separate them back into their original ranges would probably do more harm than good to the delicate ecosystem of large chain hardware stores.

[ailithnight]

A properly raised and socialized Dad will be perfectly comfortable cohabiting with Lesbians. Its not really “encroaching on another’s territory”. You wouldn’t say that about foxes in a forest that also homes bobcats, would you? No. It’s just two different species that have both evolved to live in similar/the same environment. As long as they recognize each other as equals, Dads and Lesbians are more than capable of cohabitation.

Now, if you were to release a pack of Lumberjacks into a Lowes or Home Depot, that’s where chaos will reign. Being adapted to a far harsher and more demanding environment, the Lumberjacks would simply push Dads and Lesbians both out and also consume far more than a sustainable amount of resources. It would be like releasing bears at a country club.

[chequerootlurks]

As a former timber-harvester… I feel this is potentially accurate in theory. But highly improbable in actuality.

Lumberjacks, like most megafauna species generally require more space than the average hardware store, even a big box store could provide. The misconception is that Lumberjacks are a social species because of how they often work and live together.

This is a matter of necessity, not preference, and a survival technique for thriving under the LogBoss.

A “pack” of Lumberjacks, if not under the environmental pressure of a LogBoss will naturally disperse until they each have a wide territory.

Lumberjacks rarely fight for territory.

One on one, a Lumberjack could drive out a Dad or Lesbian, however the latter tend to travel in social packs.

Lumberjacks will passively retreat on the presence of large numbers of people. Kind of like Sasquatch.

Getting a “pack” of Lumberjacks assembled would be hard enough unless they were forced into a Hardware Store by a LogBoss. In that case, they would already be in a heightened and potentially agitated state far above their natural behavior. This artificial scenario can be likened to a circus animal running amok. If it had been in the wild, the incident would not have occurred.

Free-roaming Lumberjacks are the cryptids of the Hardware ecosystem. They are surprisingly quiet and unobtrusive.

Please stop labeling Lumberjacks as dangerous roving social predators. They are intermediate level omnivores and remarkably peaceful unless threatened.

[thatdisasterauthor]

As a hardware store worker I can say that this is all 100% accurate.

[swindle94]

now how in the FUCK am i supposed to leave tumblr when a god tier post like THIS is just is just waiting for me daily?!?!?!

[fromchaostocosmos]

question where does the “art student” or “DIYer” “crafter” or “soap maker” or “miniaturist“ etc. who has ventured into the store for supplies fall into the ecosystem/what is their impact of said ecosystem?

[terulakimban]

Most of the above are native to craft and hobby stores (art students, historically, are native to museums, but having been introduced to hobby stores, have found a niche for themselves and thrived), but all can be seen in hardware stores on occasion due to territorial overlap. They are generally low-impact, as they tend to stick to specific small areas and primarily utilize different resources. While a large group of any of them can be disruptive (art students, in particular, are known to travel in packs), in general, they are more likely to have territorial disputes with one another than with the local fauna. 

A point of clarity -“crafter” is a bit misleading; while it conjures a specific image, much like ‘fish’ or ‘reptile’ it actually covers a broad array of wildly disparate species, and in general, more descriptive nomenclature is preferred. Fiber artists in particular are a genus to watch out for, particularly in groups. Beware a roving pack of domesticated quilters. They fear nothing, will go anywhere, and due to their social nature, will often seek interaction from other species that thrive best in solitude. They are quite friendly, and will happily adopt members of other species; the concern is that their adoptees do not always wish to be adopted. 

[midrashic]

#in search of taxonomic precision and peaceful coexistence (via welkinalauda)

[bohemiangothwitch]

Those out here saying domesticated quilters are quite friendly have never seen them strip the flesh of a fabric store worker when agitated by a sale. Gone in seconds with nothing left but a faint trace of emotional scarring...

[ao3commentoftheday]

Things that are still writing even if you don't think they are (an incomplete list)

thinking about a story

creating a new document

brainstorming

researching

thinking of a title

explaining your story to someone else

reading other stories and noticing things like word choice, sentence structure, plot development, characterization

thinking of a great line that doesn't have a story yet

getting a picture in your mind that you want to put into words someday

being inspired by others, even if you don't know what to do with that inspiration yet

making notes about how you want to tag your work

editing

cutting out lines or scenes that don't work

stopping work on something that isn't working right now

starting over

writing a summary

rewriting something you've written before

[ao3commentoftheday]

to all the people in the notes saying that if this is true, they're writing all the time: yes. yes you are.

[sharp-tender-shock-deactivated2]

This is a comment someone appended to a photo of two men apparently having sex in a very fancy room, but it’s also kind of an amazing two-line poem? “His Wife has filled his house with chintz” is a really elegant and beautiful counterbalancing of h, f, and s sounds, and “chintz” is a perfect word choice here—sonically pleasing and good at evoking nouveau riche tackiness. And then “to keep it real I fuck him on the floor” collapses that whole mood with short percussive sounds—but it’s still a perfect iambic pentameter line, robust and a lovely obscene contrast with the chintz in the first line. Well done, tumblr user jjbang8

[headspace-hotel]

I hate that my aesthetic sense agrees with this but everything you just said was correct

[headspace-hotel]

I went back to dig up this post because I was thinking about poetry.

This is one of those non-poem things that are among my favorite poems.

As the OP stated, the use of alliterative consonants is aesthetically just great, especially the placement of the strongest use at the end: “fuck him on the floor.” The use of “chintz” is indeed great word choice.

Because I’m insane, decided to scan the poem:

Not only is the second sentence, indeed, perfect iambic pentameter, the entire poem is perfectly metered, though the first sentence has four iambs rather than five.

There are further things I love about this poem, though: I like the casual connotations of “keep it real” juxtaposed with “chintz.” It causes me to interpret the “chintz” more strongly as meaning something fake, a facade. There is also of course the coarseness of “fuck,” which is a contrast with “chintz” but a different kind of contrast, gutsy and carnal where “chintz” is flimsy and inanimate.

And then there is the storytelling: there is SO MUCH storytelling in just these two lines. To break it down: The speaker is having sex with a married man, in the house he shares with his wife, which is “filled with chintz”—something that here connotes fakeness, in contrast with “keep it real.”

The illicit encounter in the poem takes place within a house filled with facade, the flimsy construction of the wife’s marriage and domestic sphere, but the encounter itself is a taste of something “real.” That’s a story, and it’s just two lines.

This is EIGHTEEN SYLLABLES, y’all. The amount of meaning condensed into these eighteen syllables is stunning, and it is so elegantly done.

From a technical standpoint (and ive taken 300- and 400-level poetry classes so I can say this) this is damn near flawless as a poem.

[agent-octopus]

Kept thinking about this ever since I saw it and had to do something

[headspace-hotel]

there's art now

[jetlaggingbehind]

[questions-within-questions]

Ah dang to go further; the floor is framed as a refuge. As if there is literally no other space in this house that hasn't been populated by his wife with flimsy inanimate fakery. There is no space for this man in this house save for the floor. There is no space for him on the sofa, oon the counter tops, and most notably, no space for him in the marital bed.

[normal-horoscopes]

I’d also like to point out the use of the word “has.” The wife has filled the house with chintz. She isn’t filling the house with chintz. She doesn’t fill the house with chintz. She has filled the house with chintz. Use of the past-tense makes the wife a subtly removed element in the story, someone whose presence we see in the environment, but who is blissfully distant during the actors throes of passion. There is an element of physical as well as emotional separation from the wife that is catalyzed by being fucked on the floor. Use of the past tense is an end to the wife presence in the actors life, a carnal catharsis amid cold fragility and emotional distance.

[stargazing-enby]

This is my new favourite post in the world

[astronomical-bagel]

everyone cheer for the one (1) time tumblr had reading comprehension

[ballwizard]

every time i eat one of these fucking things my soul goes away and i become a mafia boss smoking a fat fucking cigar pondering the next sap on my hit list

[bohemiangothwitch]

Yeah that tracks.

[andhumanslovedstories]

had a genuine revelation in therapy that made me burst out laughing, been a while since I had one of those

[andhumanslovedstories]

therapist was talking about urge surfing (the idea that urges are waves that come and go if you ride them out, so the more you delay acting on the urge, the more likely you are not to do it) and then I was talking about how the transient nature of my emotions is actually what gets me so mad, like it's actually very very annoying to be so so sad but to also be thinking "I know I'm very sad right now but unfortunately I am going to feel better later so I can't destroy my life for one minute's gratification," and it's just so annoying because if I knew or at least believed that I was gonna be sad FOREVER it would make things much easier, but instead I'm so mad at the knowledge that this too will pass. like it's a manifestation of weak will to not feel bad forever.

and my therapist was like, "so even at the worst times, you still have hope"

and I was like "holy shit dude" because never once in my life have I considered that the little bastard voice that tells me not to smash all the dishes because they'll be a pain in the ass to clean up in ten minutes is the last gift/curse of Pandora's box

[andhumanslovedstories]

hope is a thing with wings, i.e. a bird and like most birds is 1) very beautiful, 2) very annoying, and 3) sometimes shits on you

[cwritesfiction]

I will not overcomplicate my plot

I will not overcomplicate my plot

I will not overcomplicate my plot

[jacqueswriteblrlibrary]

Due to unforeseeable events….

The plot is now overcomplicated.

[theprissythumbelina]

I have lost control of the plot

[unfocused-overwriter]

The plot

He destroyed his outline

Yes

YES

The plot is out

[nadjasnandor]

the vampires got it right. life is about being bisexual and a little bit pathetic. and going through different levels of depressive episodes

[bohemiangothwitch]

By this metric, I. Am. Nailing. It. Woot!!!

[observer1090]

I would die for you. You did absolutely nothing wrong.

[bohemiangothwitch]

She was so damn enjoyable to watch too. Every bit of her. And the way she turned on McIntyre like a pit viper! I could watch her tear him apart for eternity.

[fandomoverdose-deactivated20230]

I need a gif of the boy from Enola Holmes 2, the boy who traded clothes with Enola and realized he has truly found himself wearing woman attire

I want his smile on my blog forever.

[bohemiangothwitch]

It was a fantastic smile. I need that level in my life.

[middle-earth-mythopoeia]

Visit Original Link

Chip the glasses and crack the plates! Blunt the knives and bend the forks! That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates — Smash the bottles and burn the corks! Cut the cloth and tread on the fat! Pour all the milk on the pantry floor! Leave the bones on the bedroom mat! Splash the wine on every door! Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl; Pound them up with a thumping pole; And when you’ve finished, if any are whole, Send them down the hall to roll! That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates! So, carefully! carefully with the plates! That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates! So, carefully! carefully with the plates!

[middle-earth-mythopoeia]

I LOVE the tags on this post, they make me so happy:

[marcos--budt]

[marcos--budt]

More links, PLEASE reblog or repost and add more resources: OHCHR - Iran: Women and girls treated as second class citizens, reforms urgently needed, says UN expert Iran: Where the regime opposes women’s rights Read: The Wind In My Hair - My Fight For Freedom in Modern Iran by Masih Alinejad

Watch: Kiosk - Sweet Destiny (the movie) I don’t think I’ve ever asked my followers to reblog anything but this time it would mean. The actual world. To the people of Iran. If you could spread awareness of the Iranian people’s fight for freedom right now. I’m not on Twitter or Instagram (although this post is optimized for instagram so PLEASE FEEL FREE TO REPOST IT ON IG) but from what I could see there is not as much noise about this as it should be. Nor is it easy to find posts with resources and basic information. And on tumblr I’ve only seen some posts from dedicated feminist blogs or actual Iranians. And from what I’ve gathered they NEED US to share what’s going on. They are shutting down internet in Iran so it’s up to us to not let the world look past this, not this time. PLEASE join the fight for women’s rights!!!

__

@silvery-luna @milkyway-ashes​ @goldieisontheinternet @aftabkaran

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Okay the WEIRDEST THING is going going down right now

So some guy in Michigan in the US has just found a letter in his grandmother’s house; it seems to be a pen pal letter from 1973ish, and it’s from a young Welsh girl. In it, she lists:

Her name, and the names of her brother (Gwynedd) and sister (Catrin)

Their ages

Where she lives in Wales (Denbigh)

Her hobbies, including horse riding and reading pony books.

So this American dude decides to take a photo, whack it on Twitter and ask the only Welsh person he knows if there’s any way to track this Welsh girl down, because you know, ALL WELSH PEOPLE KNOW EACH OTHER, OBVIOUSLY

Except

I am furious to report that it has worked

Welsh person he tags doesn’t know, but takes up the challenge. Someone reckons the Catrin might be a woman who translated a hymn book once, and checks the foreword to see that the dates and ages do seem to be about right. Someone else suddenly has a brainwave - wait, isn’t she the mother of Steff, the comedian?

My husband gets tagged, takes one look at this letter, and is like “That is 1000% my aunt.”

So now it’s 20 to midnight, Steff’s aunt has obviously not yet seen the excited message to put Twitter out of their misery, and my mother-in-law is currently on the phone gleefully telling us that when that letter was written her sister had never sat on a horse in her life before, and she’d lied to an American pen pal for clout before the internet even existed.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

UPDATE: the aunt has confirmed. She has given no comment as yet on the horses.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

UPDATE 2: Local Woman’s Family Cannot Stop Dragging Her

[dduane]

Connectivity meets reality and hilarity ensues…

[neil-gaiman]

Hi neil!

I got into the sandman comics about a year ago, and then subsequently the show (which is just fantabulous), and after telling my uncle about it he sent me the Death volume (she’s been his favorite character for decades). at the end of the volume there was a comic where Death teaches the reader about AIDs and safe sex.

I was wondering what it was like to originally publish that comic, when (i’m assuming, i wasn’t born yet) they were such touchy subjects?

A friend of mine, Don Melia, had just died of AIDS. Before he died we talked and he urged me to do something to help. Martha Thomases at DC Comics and Alisa Kwitney then assistant editor on Sandman put us in touch with the right people, and got what I wrote fact-checked carefully by an AIDS organisation, and found the helpline and information that we put on the back of the original 8 page supplement (to comics) and handout (sent free to comic shops). A lot of comic shops got them to libraries, high schools, or gave them out to customers. It didn't seem like governments were telling people how to keep safe. We could and we did. I'm still grateful to DC Comics for making it happen, and to all the comics retailers who gave them out or distributed them to people who needed them.

[zarohk]

Just wanted to say thanks again, because reading that comic, and having my dad hand me that issue, in a way that framed sex education as normal and in parts funny, made it much easier to talk about sex and sexual health together.

Having that as a third-party we could talk (what Death says or what Neil Gaiman says) made the conversation less embarrassing, especially since you’re the exact same age as my dad. So yeah, thanks Neil.

[neil-gaiman]

I'm so glad. That was what it was for.

[objectlessondujour]

I grew up during the worst of the AIDS epidemic and before an elder could explain what I needed to know, they were dying of this disease.

There are plenty of other reasons that this lesson is still important.

My thanks, Neil. I am here in small part because of this sound advice.