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If courage isn’t the absence of fear but doing the right thing regardless of it, maybe confidence isn’t the absence of insecurity but knowing you have real worth despite it
this is beautiful
By this same token, maybe goodness isn’t the absence of bad thoughts or impulses, but the conscious choice to behave according to your moral ideals in spite of them.
I love this.
when Charles Bukowski said "and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?"
"Picture a wave in the ocean.
You can see it, measure it, its height,
the way the sunlight refracts when it passes through,
and it's there,
you can see it and you know what it is.
...
It's a wave.
And then it crashes the shore and it's gone.
But the water is still there.
The wave was just a different way for the water to be for a little while.
That's one conception of death for a buddhist.
The wave returns to the ocean and where it is supposed to be."
-Chidi Anagonye
just taught my niece how to reflect and paraphrase when her friends vent to her instead of trying to find solutions for them and her mind is literally blown it’s hilarious lmao
like i wrote a response to her friend for her and then had her role play with me so i could show her how to do it and after i was finished paraphrasing her eyes got so wide like WOW that’s so cool 😂😂
like literally people just need to feel understood. you don’t need to always offer advice when people are venting about things. just identifying their emotions and validating their experience can do wonders.
this is literally the sweetest thing ever 🥺
Sure, relationships typically start with a honeymoon phase that then grows into something deeper but a bit more mellow if things work out, but it’s depressing as fuck that this has turned into a really, really common script for straight relationships that says it’s totally normal and inevitable for dudes to just become more and more emotionally checked out of the relationship, and leave it to their girlfriend/wife to perform if she wants to get even a crumb of affection from him. I’m so fucking tired of seeing women constantly being taught that decades of emotional neglect is just our lot in life.
what “getting out of the honeymoon phase” should mean: you aren’t joined at the hip anymore and can spend time apart, but you still greatly enjoy eachother’s company and deliberately make time to be together. you’re not just a unit, you’re a matched set (like, you’re susan and bob rather than susanandbob). you start to see eachother’s flaws and don’t put eachother on a pedestal but instead love eachother as human beings, flaws and all.
what it should NOT mean: you barely talk anymore. you feel like two completely different people, tied together by a frayed thread. you’re annoyed by eachother’s flaws and don’t like to be around eachother
similarly: “relationships are hard, they take a lot of work” means that cooperation on a daily basis in both the practical and emotional realms takes conscious effort. you can’t coast on those honeymoon feelings forever, and you aren’t psychic, so you have to pay attention and communicate so you can honor each other’s wants and needs.
it should not mean that you’re fighting every two days or walking on eggshells to avoid the anger of an unreasonable partner or breaking your back trying to get the slightest sign of affection or respect from someone who’s checked out and doesn’t care about you.
This is so, so important. Dont keep investing in a relationship thats not giving back. You deserve to be heard, you deserve at the very least communication.
One of the things that’s really struck me while rereading the Lord of the Rings–knowing much more about Tolkien than I did the last time I read it–is how individual a story it is.
We tend to think of it as a genre story now, I think–because it’s so good, and so unprecedented, that Tolkien accidentally inspired a whole new fantasy culture, which is kind of hilarious. Wanting to “write like Tolkien,” I think, is generally seen as “writing an Epic Fantasy Universe with invented races and geography and history and languages, world-saving quests and dragons and kings.” But… But…
Here’s the thing. I don’t think those elements are at all what make The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings so good. Because I’m realizing, as I did not realize when I was a kid, that Tolkien didn’t use those elements because they’re somehow inherently better than other things. He used them purely because they were what he liked and what he knew.
The Shire exists because he was an Englishman who partially grew up in, and loved, the British countryside, and Hobbits are born out of his very English, very traditionalist values. Tom Bombadil was one of his kids’ toys that he had already invented stories about and then incorporated into Middle-Earth. He wrote about elves and dwarves because he knew elves and dwarves from the old literature/mythology that he’d made his career. The Rohirrim are an expression of the ancient cultures he studied. There are a half-dozen invented languages in Middle-Earth because he was a linguist. The themes of war and loss and corruption were important to him, and were things he knew intimately, because of the point in history during which he lived; and all the morality of the stories, the grace and humility and hope-in-despair, was an expression of his Catholic faith.
J. R. R. Tolkien created an incredible, beautiful, unparalleled world not specifically by writing about elves and dwarves and linguistics, but by embracing all of his strengths and loves and all the things he best understood, and writing about them with all of his skill and talent. The fact that those things happened to be elves and dwarves and linguistics is what makes Middle-Earth Middle-Earth; but it is not what makes Middle-Earth good.
What makes it good is that every element that went into it was an element J. R. R. Tolkien knew and loved and understood. He brought it out of his scholarship and hobbies and life experience and ideals, and he wrote the story no one else could have written… And did it so well that other people have been trying to write it ever since.
So… I think, if we really want to write like Tolkien (as I do), we shouldn’t specifically be trying to write like linguists, or historical experts, or veterans, or or or… We should try to write like people who’ve gathered all their favorite and most important things together, and are playing with the stuff those things are made of just for the joy of it. We need to write like ourselves.
Sometimes you just have to let yourself feel those emotions. They are undeniable. They suck. But they are there. Just don’t let yourself indulge more than necessary. They are yours, but they are not you.
its true that crying wont solve things but we dont cry to solve. we cry to release
Taking the lid off a pot that’s boiling too much wont solve the problem of the heat being too high, but it will release the pressure so you’ll have time to get the heat under control before everything inside the pot explodes
A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life. Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.
this fucks me up every single time
I never expected this to be my most popular poem out of the hundreds I’ve written. I was extremely bitter and sad when I wrote this and I left out the most beautiful part of that class.
After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, “is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?” We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we’d never have a lasting relationship of any sort.
She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice.
Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the “feeling of love” had vanished or faded and they weren’t happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.
The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.
The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.
Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I’ve never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I’ve chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days.
I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again.
This is so fucking important and I think it’s something I needed right now
I wish the person whose stars I still see every time I look at him never stopped looking for mine… But he turned away and gave up the choice.
At some point in your life, you will probably have a bad friend.
At some point in your life, you will probably BE a bad friend.
A bad friend doesn’t necessarily mean an abusive friend. It could just be someone who is incapable of being supportive when you need them to be. Or someone who you don’t really have chemistry with, but still feel an obligation to be friends with. It could be someone who expected too much of you. It could even be because of bad communication. It can be unintentional. It can just be a brief rough patch. It can sometimes be irreparable. It is not the end of the world, even if it feels like it in the moment. It’ll be okay. Just breathe, acknowledge what went wrong, and if it was your fault, accept the responsibility.
This is not only okay to reblog, it’s encouraged! Many of us have made mistakes, and we to need to acknowledge and reflect on them. Otherwise, we won’t ever become our best selves.
Have you ever considered how fucking astonishing babies crying is?
The young of other animals don’t make noise, or if they do, barely any at all. Baby birds only start chirping when their parents come back with the food, kittens meow to their mothers because cat communication is extremely subtle and drawing your caretaker’s attention may require a sound when you have eight siblings. At this point, they can already see and walk.
But human babies? Crying is essentially the first willful action that they learn. Months before being able to move on your own, or even hold your own fucking head up, or being able to choose when and where you defecate. Before anything else, a skill more valuable than anything else, is a distress call.
A distress call specifically intended to be impossible to ignore.
Before object permanence or theory of mind, without even an understanding of what help they need, who could provide it, and whether they choose to do so, a human being is capable of expressing that there is something wrong in the state they are in, that they are powerless to correct on their own.
This is what was evolutionarily selected above silent babies that did not attract predators. This is what was selected instead of young who could instantly walk. This is what was selected as the ideal offspring for the human race. Not one that runs. Not one that hides. Not one that can fend for itself. A creature that can communicate, if only the simplest, most inherent message: I need help.
Humans are incredibly social creatures. We evolved under the reliance other humans would be there to help us.
“We evolved under the reliance that other humans would be there to help us.”
And you know what?? We consistently show up for each other. No matter how much capitalist society tries to alienate us from one another, we show the fuck up and help each other out when it comes down to it.
Communication and cooperation is inseparable from the human experience.
Asking for help is the first, most important thing you ever learn to do, so please don’t forget that friends.
We’re starting a Youtube channel on introvert relatable scenarios via skits. Just wondering if you could support us by subscribing: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFww4cIdUz0J2LtUSv4k02g
A long time ago I took a course on the sociology of marriage and my professor said “With compromise, you both lose. As a couple, you must collaborate on the best possible outcome.” Ever since, I never prioritize compromise in a relationship, only collaboration.
Which is weaker: letting go, or holding on?
Closing your grasp around nothing
What do you think "It is the bright, the bold, the transparent who are cleverest among those who are silent: their ground is down so deep that even the brightest water does not betray it.” means?
It basically means: clever people are deep not in terms of being merely “clever” but also in the sense that real cleverness has to do with what’s inside and your own depth as a person has to do with the way you experience your own silence, hence your selfhood, hence the innermost strength of your being — and yet the idea of transparency is there for people of that sort are not seen through easily even by what appears to be equal (brightest water) of their worth
