This blog is one of my most-followed sideblogs, and still gets quite a few interactions whenever I think to send a post over to it. It makes me so happy that so many people have found solidarity and validation from this blog. Before I go any more into this I want to make it clear: I have not abandoned this blog, and I have no intentions of leaving it behind.
I want to tell y’all why I am so much less active on this blog, and why the only things I reblog here anymore are about healing and recovery. I am completely outwardly asymptomatic for BPD now, and have been for a few years.
I use the phrase “outwardly asymptomatic” because the BPD will always affect the way that I think, and my initial impulses in certain situations. But, I no longer meet the diagnostic criteria for BPD in the DSM-V. This does not mean that I never had it, I very much did (and still do, in my opinion. Like I said, it still affects the way that I think and internally react to things). If anything, I was a pretty “classic” case of it, meeting nearly all of the criteria.
I want to talk a little bit about my recovery here, and I want to keep posting about it and talking about it. There is so much stigma around BPD, and so much misinformation and misunderstanding around how treatable it is and what treatment is actually like, and I know I can’t fix that all myself, but I want to put my experiences out there in some way, in case it helps even one person.
I can’t sum up my entire recovery in one post. It was, and still is, years and years of work. For now, I think one of the biggest things that I want to tell other actuallyBPD people is this:
When I first started my journey to recovery, I was terrified. I didn’t want to be the way that I was forever, that idea was terrifying. But I also didn’t want to get better, because that scared me, too. BPD was the only thing I knew about who I “really” was, and I was so afraid that recovery would cause me to lose myself and the only sense I really had about myself. That never happened. That fear never came to pass.
I did not fundamentally change as a person from recovery. I did not lose the things that make me me. All recovery did was allow me to start uncovering the things about myself that were always true and I could never see. It was like part of the BPD was this huge buildup of rubble covering my entire self. I thought all that I was was that rubble. But as I started to clear the rubble, I found beautiful things underneath. Things that had always been there, things that the people around me may have been able to see, but that I never knew about because the rubble and debris had been covering it from my sight for as long as I could remember.
My ask box is absolutely open for anybody who has questions about recovery, though please keep in mind it may take me a while to get to responding. I only have so much energy for writing out new posts, and it is especially a lot of work to talk about my whole recovery process. That is a me thing, not a you thing, I promise.





















