Mercy Is For The Weak

"The bubbles you know is gone! I'm HARDCORE, NOW!" Bubbles they/them, he/him This blog is for people with BPD. If you don't have BPD, you may follow, but do not reblog unless stated/tagged otherwise. (See here if you have another cluster-b personality disorder)

[bpdbubbles]

This blog is one of my most-followed sideblogs, and still gets quite a few interactions whenever I think to send a post over to it. It makes me so happy that so many people have found solidarity and validation from this blog. Before I go any more into this I want to make it clear: I have not abandoned this blog, and I have no intentions of leaving it behind.

I want to tell y’all why I am so much less active on this blog, and why the only things I reblog here anymore are about healing and recovery. I am completely outwardly asymptomatic for BPD now, and have been for a few years.

I use the phrase “outwardly asymptomatic” because the BPD will always affect the way that I think, and my initial impulses in certain situations. But, I no longer meet the diagnostic criteria for BPD in the DSM-V. This does not mean that I never had it, I very much did (and still do, in my opinion. Like I said, it still affects the way that I think and internally react to things). If anything, I was a pretty “classic” case of it, meeting nearly all of the criteria.

I want to talk a little bit about my recovery here, and I want to keep posting about it and talking about it. There is so much stigma around BPD, and so much misinformation and misunderstanding around how treatable it is and what treatment is actually like, and I know I can’t fix that all myself, but I want to put my experiences out there in some way, in case it helps even one person.

I can’t sum up my entire recovery in one post. It was, and still is, years and years of work. For now, I think one of the biggest things that I want to tell other actuallyBPD people is this:

When I first started my journey to recovery, I was terrified. I didn’t want to be the way that I was forever, that idea was terrifying. But I also didn’t want to get better, because that scared me, too. BPD was the only thing I knew about who I “really” was, and I was so afraid that recovery would cause me to lose myself and the only sense I really had about myself. That never happened. That fear never came to pass.

I did not fundamentally change as a person from recovery. I did not lose the things that make me me. All recovery did was allow me to start uncovering the things about myself that were always true and I could never see. It was like part of the BPD was this huge buildup of rubble covering my entire self. I thought all that I was was that rubble. But as I started to clear the rubble, I found beautiful things underneath. Things that had always been there, things that the people around me may have been able to see, but that I never knew about because the rubble and debris had been covering it from my sight for as long as I could remember.

My ask box is absolutely open for anybody who has questions about recovery, though please keep in mind it may take me a while to get to responding. I only have so much energy for writing out new posts, and it is especially a lot of work to talk about my whole recovery process. That is a me thing, not a you thing, I promise.

[inloveforevr-deactivated2025041]

[bough-keeper]

"i forgive myself for what i did" and "i should not have done that" are two statements that can and should coexist. you can forgive yourself while holding yourself accountable. you can understand that you fucked up while also understanding that you're human.

[bough-keeper]

"i forgive myself for what i did" and "i should not have done that" are two statements that can and should coexist. you can forgive yourself while holding yourself accountable. you can understand that you fucked up while also understanding that you're human.

[stuckinapril]

i love it when you start doing little things different & notice how much you’ve grown as a person just by that. like you from a year ago would not have handled that situation the way you are now. you’ve changed for the better. & that is so satisfying

[holographography]

idk who needs to hear this but “depressing quotes” blogs and stuff like this may express how you’re feeling but seeing a constant stream of negativity and romanticised sadness is only going to make you feel worse. Even if you only unfollow one blog and follow a puppy blog instead, you’ll feel a little better

[resiliencewithin]

There is a fine line between acknowledging and accepting your feelings, and dwelling and living in them.

[cannibalchicken]

[happiersuggestion]

there are people you haven’t met yet who will love you

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

eventually you realize you don’t want to die. you just don’t want to live the life you’re living. and slowly you try to create a life you want to live. just gotta start there.

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

no one needs to add “sounds fake but ok”, “no”, “well, not me”, “impossible”, etc. to this post. and i’d rather you not.

[skeleton-monarch]

gentle reminder that saying you have no friends is a self fulfilling prophecy. your friends will hear that and feel undervalued and your connections will strain.

say what you mean: i want more close connections in my life. i am sad that i don’t have many people in person to talk to. i feel lonely even around people i care about, and who care about me.

by saying what you mean, instead of defaulting to “i have no friends”, it makes you think about what the real issue is. and knowing the real issue is the first step to fixing it, and your friends will be glad to help you now that they aren’t feeling like you’re dismissing them.

and for those of you who truly have no friends, you will find some. i promise, but it truly helps to frame it as “i want more friends” rather than i have no friends. your mindset dictates how you act around other people, so making it more positive invites positivity to your life.

[kittensnax]

[taratnel456]

the idea that meds/therapy can’t fix problems caused by situational/societal issues can coexist with the idea that meds and therapy can be very helpful for many people and shouldn’t be demonized or presented as useless for risk of scaring people away that might really benefit

[noisepartythumpingmusic]

#god yeah i am so sick of this new wave of pseudo woke doomerism#about how mental health treatment is pointless bc the world is such a mess#like yes there are many many problems in the world but that doesn't mean getting help for your mental health won't make you feel at least a#like any worldview that boils down to 'the correct response to our current situation is abject despair'#is just not something i can get behind#so pls don't peddle messages of hopelessness to people who are already inclined to believe them

Strong strong strong cosign @storybookprincess

[carovingian]

you can need crutches AND the sidewalks can need repair.

[dromaeocore-deactivated20250226]

Psychotic people NEED more coping mechanisms that aren’t just “take your meds” . Seeing a psychiatrist is expensive and inaccessible for many, not to mention the fact that for some people, the side effects of antipsychotics are worse than the psychosis itself, and the fact that antipsychotics often don’t remove symptoms entirely!

So, here’s what I learned, after nearly a decade of being unmedicated due to financial constraints and a religious family that was fairly anti-psychiatry for most of my life:

- STRESS MANAGEMENT. A stress-free life is impossible in this society, but you can definitely lower your stress levels with lifestyle changes. Stay hydrated, exercise, take your vitamins, spend time with loved ones, eat nutritious meals, spend some time outside in nature.

- It’s very hard to keep on top of all of this when you’re dealing with negative symptoms, and many of us can’t access all those things if we’re poor, but every little bit helps. To-do lists and bullet journals help me keep on track with this stuff.

- PROPER SLEEP. Sleep deprivation is one of the number one causes of psychosis. Try to get at least 8 hours a night, or however much your body personally needs.

- Stay away from weed unless you already know for a FACT that it doesn’t negatively affect you. If you don’t know, don’t risk it, because it makes paranoia and other psychotic symptoms much worse for most of us.

- When in an episode, it’s good to have a safe person around who you can confide in. Someone who will listen to you nonjudgementally, without encouraging your delusions or hallucinations. If you don’t have a safe person, psychosis forums, support groups, or even just a private diary are all good places to get your thoughts out.

- One of the best ways I dealt with some of my less intense delusions and paranoias was my “I Don’t Care” method. People are watching me through cameras everywhere I go? Whatever, let them watch. I’ll put on a little show for them while we’re at it. I’m living in a horrifying simulation and if I just look through the cracks I can see the rotting world beneath? Whatever, why would I want to do that? This fake milkshake tastes pretty good, I’m going to go on a fake walk.

- Obviously this takes some practice, because psychosis activates all the parts of your brain that are like FEAR ALERT, FEAR ALERT, SET ALL SYSTEMS TO PANIC, but after some time it’s a skill you can hone pretty well.

- Breathing exercises! Tormented by horrifying prophetic visions? Hallucinating bugs all over your body? Your food looks suspiciously like human organs and that’s really freaking you out, man? Wrap yourself in a weighted blanket and breathe in for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds, hold, and repeat.

- Avoid the tempting cycle of triggering yourself on purpose, whether it be self harm, curiosity, what have you. When you get the urge, do something distracting instead.

Feel free to add onto this post anything else you’ve learned!

[dromaeocore-deactivated20250226]

#ooooh okay stuff we go through with patients in inpatient include the weighted blanket and breathibg excercises

#deep breathing excercise sort of like the ones you do in walk through mindfulness i guess? those are good

#the 54321 technique- usually for panic attacks but also good for like “reality checking” and grounding yourself in reality

#something cold like ice in your hand to stay grounded can work for some people but not everyone

#have a person with you!!

#some people like fidget toys? for grounding

#write it down if you cant tell someone  - what are the voices saying what do the bugs under your skin feel like whats the odd creature#in the corner doing

#please dont bang your head - punch a pillow or something if you have to#but focusing on more harm reduction type stuff

#OH I CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT THIS BUT MUSIC!!! PUT YOUR HEADPHONES IN AND HIT PLAY

#ive had a couple of older patients who preferred radios

#if youre getting ideas of reference from tv etc avoid those things if you can

#had another lady who used to knit? i think the repetitiveness of the task was good for her

#sticking to a routine - any sort really - is good too

#we also have a music therapist and treadmills set up so playing an instrument or singing and gentle sorts of exercise seem to be good too

#thats all i think of i think rn - but yeah!! non medicinal approaches are so so important for coping strategies

#but also the sheer number of treatment resistant schizophrenia ive seen. its so common#and also you become resistant to your meds over time anyway and sometimes?? people run out of options

#like theres one guy ive been looking after for a few months and he’s resistant to everything even clozapine and ect#he adores using the headphones and he’s usually pretty good at asking to have a chat with the nursing staff when he needs

#also contact disability services? sometimes the service is shit but they SHOULD have packages for people with chronic psychotic illness

#mental health#ah also last note i promise- for people who DO have meds nicotine will restrict the effectiveness#also caffeine and other stimulant drugs MIGHT make paranoia worse - again it doesnt do that with everyone#stay safe guys!  via @aziraphalesangel​

Thank you so much for these tags!!! As someone who’s going to be working inpatient after this week these are extremely helpful suggestions and I wanted to share them <3

[symptoms-syndrome]

Passive aggressive maybe, but like...healing and getting better isn't easy. When I see people make posts about "LOL google says I should make a schedule to help manage my ADHD but I can't make a schedule bc I have ADHD" it's like. People saying that stuff know it's hard. That's part of why you gotta do it.

Sometimes healing is easier. Sometimes it's something really small that becomes routine. But sometimes it's hard! Sometimes you gotta push yourself to do something and it sucks! But I don't know what to tell you, other than that you don't need to be good at it right away.

Using the calendar example, I have ADHD + semi-frequent memory loss, so it can feel really difficult to try and make a calendar when both of those things can directly get in the way. So I started with making sure recurring events were in it, like therapy and med reminders. Now I'm usually able to remember to put in appointments or other one-time events in as soon as I know about them. It takes a lot of work.

I don't know. I just think sometimes people on this site are sitting in mud and complaining about being dirty. You really do need to try.

[goobiroo]

I relate to this but for cptsd and routines. It's hard. Healing isn't supposed to be comforting all the time. It's an everyday every minute thing. But I do the work to get better

[symptoms-syndrome]

Yes! It definitely applies to a lot of things.

Thinking on it more, I think part of the issue is that people view things as either in their "comfort zone" or in their "danger zone," which is not really how things work. There's an area in the middle where things suck and feel bad but aren't so bad you're in danger (mental, emotional, physical) and that's where growth happens.

Because I'm a visual learner:

Trauma can make you think things are like this:

When in reality, things are more like this:

Trauma etc can make that challenge zone (often also called a window of tolerance) really fucking small, so it can be easy to overshoot into the danger zone, which can lead to having panic attacks and being triggered. Sometimes that can reenforce the idea that everything outside our comfort zone is scary red danger zone! But with gentle prodding into our little orange areas, we can grow our window of tolerance. Growing our challenge zones, then turning our challenge zones into comfort zones.

Using a more concrete example, say you try going to a party and you get SUPER overwhelmed! That might put you in a situation where you visualize things like this:

Figuring out what's in that orange "challenge zone" can take some trial and error, but maybe you can try something like this:

Forcing yourself to go to a party where you'll feel overwhelmed and triggered is just going to reenforce the seperation of the red and the green. But pushing a little bit, in a way that feels scary but safe? That's where growth happens! Then maybe eventually, things look more like

[goobiroo]

That makes a lot of sense. You explained this so well, thank you! And totally, that orange area is super hard to figure out bit it's possible.

Since my coping mechanism is to make challenges into adventures:

I tell myself my orange zones are quests that will help me get to my goals or newer areas. And like any other person, I gotta rest in between them and not overwhelm myself. When I am rested and taken care of my needs, I have a better chance to avoid quick burn out when picking up the quests again. This storytelling keeps me excited and keeps me in check to let myself rest.

[pancakeke]

I don't know if any of you had the same experience as me, but I tried therapy when I was a teenager living in an abusive household and thought it was a waste of time. Ultimately my biggest problems (dad) were beyond my control and no amount of coping would make them better. Now that I'm an adult with actual control over my life and don't live with my dad anymore therapy is MUCH more helpful.

If any of you had bad experiences with therapy when you were younger it may be worth it to try again now.

[pancakeke]

THE SAME GOES FOR MEDICATION!! I tried meds as a teenager and they were powerless to help much due to my living situation being horrible. I thought that meant medication didn't work for me. Now that I'm out of that situation and trying agajn I can really see a difference.

[unrelentingembers]

recognizing a coping method as damaging is important but it’s also important to forgive yourself and not think poorly of yourself for using that method in the first place. you were in situations that no one should ever be in and there was no one to tell you how to handle it so you figured it out as best you could. it’s easy to look back on things you’ve done and become frustrated with yourself but you survived and there weren’t a lot of options for that survival.

[dailyskyfox]

a mood™️