it’s so crazy to look back on where i was when i first started this account compared to where i’m at now. i think i was around 20 or 21 when i first posted here, at probably what i could say was my lowest point in life and the darkest place i had ever been. at that time i wasn’t sure what the future looked like or if there was even going to be one at all. i had just started therapy, i was causing harm to myself and those around me on a regular basis, feeling like a stranger to myself and not even having a solid sense of who i was anymore; not that i ever really had a sense of who i was at all. the days all felt like a blur and most of the time i wasn’t even participating in them because i was in an almost constant state of dissociation and total depression everyday.
fast forward to now, next month i’m turning 24, i’ve been in therapy for 4 years, and let me tell you: things do change. things do get better. they get so much better. so much better in fact that by the time you even reach 24 or by the time a few years have passed no matter what age you are, things are going to be so much different and for the better. i’m not depressed anymore. i find so much beauty in the most ordinary things everyday. i’m not stuck in toxic friendships or in toxic cycles anymore, but i’ve learned how to bloom in solitude and i’ve created the life i’ve been dreaming of since i was a little girl. i don’t look in the mirror and wonder who i am everyday anymore, i know who i am and i love her so much. i have so many hobbies and things i enjoy and i get so excited to wake up everyday and do those things and learn new things about myself. i’m not stuck in a job i never really wanted anymore around those people i never really liked anymore, now i own my own business and i work out of my apartment everyday that i’ve turned into my dream home through filling the walls and every corner with every bit of self expression that i can. i’m so inspired everyday and i only wish i could go back and tell myself how much better things are going to get.
i still get notifications for this account and it always reminds me how much better things are now and i wanted to let you know too.
i don’t know who needs to hear this but i promise whatever you’re going through isn’t forever. no matter what you’re doing, where you’re at, or where you came from, you still have time to do all the things you daydream about. you just have to make sure you’re here to see it.