What makes OCPD different from {insert disorder here}?
TL;DR: OCPD is motivated entirely by control. Any perceived overlap is purely due to symptoms and outward behavior; our motivations for why we behave in such a way is fundamentally different from other similar disorders. Read on for more information.
A lot of people ask me how OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder) works, and this inevitably leads to hour-long conversations of me trying to explain it. I usually get there eventually, but throughout the process I find myself running into the same problems; the distinction between it and other disorders. If I'm talking to an autistic person, they'll ask me how it's different from autism. An OCD person (note: i also have OCD, you can have both!) asks how it's different from OCD. Someone with NPD or BPD asks how it's different from their PDs. Because it overlaps with all of these and has similar symptoms to all of them.
Like autism, we need clear social cues and rules. We have specific ways of doing things. We need order and organization (though it may not look organized to others; as long as it is organized in our own mind).
Like OCD, we have a deep fear of uncertainty. We seek reassurance, we excessively ruminate and analyze every thought we have. Unlike OCD, OCPD doesn't have "compulsions" (except for compulsively working/workaholicism, but that isn't necessarily the same as OCD compulsions. I have both, and OCD compulsions are definitively different in my head).
Like NPD, we desire perfection. Anything less than that is unacceptable. Unlike NPD, we can be more self critical (I know NPD can be self critical at times, but we are at all times); one phrase I see a lot in the literature is that "People with NPD and OCPD both desire perfection. But those with OCPD don't think they've reached perfection and hate themselves for it, while NPD thinks they have reached perfection, and hate themselves when that is challenged". I don't know how accurate to NPD that is, but it is accurate to OCPD. We also hold people to extremely high standards. If we do something to a specific standard, and others don't work as hard as we do, we get angry.
Like BPD, we can "split". I use quotes because it's not technically called splitting for OCPD; it simply looks the same. While BPD splitting can trigger for emotional reasons (perceived slights, lack of attention, things like that), OCPD lashes out over extremely specific situations. Oh, you stopped messaging me? That's fine, I have work to do anyway. But you're bad at the video game we're playing together? Why are you wasting my time? Are you stupid, or just doing it on purpose? Like BPD, we feel very bad after the fact; however, while in BPD this is splitting, with OCPD it is our conscientiousness catching up to us. We know what we did was wrong, and that makes us feel terrible. The uncertainty of knowing how someone feels about us afterwards is torturous.
And yet, OCPD isn't any of these disorders. I could, in theory, lay out every single difference between OCPD and every other neurodivergence under the sun. But at the end of the day, I find that it's actually quite simple to lay out how it is different from these other overlapping disorders; motivation.
OCPD is entirely motivated by a fear of losing control. Everything else follows from that. Workaholicism? Well, the only way I can be sure that everything will turn out fine is if I make sure my work is perfect. Then, there's no uncertainty. Oh, but there's just one more thing to tweak, gotta fix that, gotta get it back under control.
Rules, lists, and organization? That's easy! As long as I can follow the list of rules, as long as I know the steps, then everything is clear and simple. There's no randomness; it's all if->then logic. Something breaks that rule? Clinging to these rules ensures control.
Fear of uncertainty? Uncertainty means no control. That's why if something bad happens. I have to obsess over it for days and days on end. Until I find the solution, so I know how to avoid it in the future, and thus never let that bad thing happen to me again.
Perfection? That's obvious. Only someone perfect can control everything.
Emotional swings and lashing out? We need control even over how people perceive us. But we also need control over how we do things, which clashes. I want to play a game to accomplish a specific goal; you get distracted or aren't as fast as me. I am no longer able to control the pace of the experience. I become anxious. I become angry. I lash out, because of this. Wait, no. now you dislike me! Now I'm not in control of how you feel about me because I slipped up and now you hate me! I need to fix this to reestablish control!
That's it. Any overlap is merely overlap in symptoms and outward presentation; it's the motivation that makes us different from other disorders. And motivation does matter. Both for understanding ourselves, helping others understand us, and for treatment.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk lmfao this ended up really long.
