Breakups and Banking

Thoughts on breaking up and starting work in banking, and the depression that comes with doing both at the same time.

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When you basically hand a date to a guy on a silver platter and they still can't drum up the enthusiasm

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When you get a text from your ex, two months after you specifically told him not to speak to you again

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"So what do you do for a living?"

Percentage of men who claim to be architects, journalists or doctors on dating apps: 87% Percentage of men on dating apps who propagate fake news: 100%

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Opening lines on Bumble

What I say: “Hey, what have you been up to this weekend?”

What I actually mean: “R U NORMAL?”

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Saw this idiotic shit on the left on some bro’s dating profile. Made the right to illustrate how 99% of men actually have no brain cells, and we are somehow expected to like it #dating #bros #hotidiotaxis #sexism #whoruntheworldgirls #igiveuponlove

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The latest Tweets from Single Girl Problems (@singlegproblems). First world problems facing single girls. #singlegirlproblems

Breakups and Banking is tweeting.

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"I'm not sure dating is a good idea if I can only say with 65% certainty that he's not gay."

Me, after meeting a cute but mildly flamboyant boy at a party

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On accidentally swiping left on Tinder

Left-left-left-left-left-left-left-left-left-left-left-left-le-OH SHIT

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"Who are you texting? Your boyfriend? No, you don't have a boyfriend."

Thinking about starting a new blog, called Quotes From My Mother

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On my mother

Actual conversation I had with my mother yesterday:

Mom: "When you get married, you should have a destination wedding. Bahamas, maybe. Beach. Keep it intimate. Just family. Do something separate for just your friends that we don't know."

This went on for several minutes, then she concluded with this exact line, I kid you not:

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On always being tired

Friend: Are you excited about your party?

Me: No. I'm tired, and everyone is going to pressure me to have fun.

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On taking the Tube in the summer

Tapping in and getting on the escalators is pretty much equivalent to descending into the depths of hell.

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On what constitutes as exciting

Me at 5 p.m.: I'm leaving work early, woot woot! How will we celebrate??

Flatmate: Do you wanna do something?

Me: Let's do a workout video together!

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Apparently the guy I made out with yesterday is a “cokehead and sexual deviant.”

The latest in my collection of Texts From The Morning After

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On what I want to do to my ex

Also maybe permanently injure his manparts.

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On the thought of being stuck in the Wharf

Literally feared today that I might never get off the Wharf if I don't leave before the last Tube runs:

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On forcing myself to go out

What I say to myself when facing down the thought of getting out of my sweatpants, putting on makeup, and getting on a Tube: