Ben

Deoressed bitch #4074587 Like and subscribe

[bshek]

i haven’t been on this account in years how many bots have followed me jesus

[thebootydiaries]

‪karl marx ghost watching me check out at sephora right after i just ranted about capitalism on twitter for clout‬

[liquidstar]

it’s really frustrating how you have to wait like, 2 weeks before you can drink milk after you buy it. i know you gotta wait for the date on the bottle but like why cant the store just sell the milk thats ready?

[liquidstar]

[anticapitilizationbureau-deacti]

this is the tumblr equivalent of “several people are typing”.

[a-yoda-a-day]

just wanna say welcome back to everyone who participated in tumblr’s worldwide day of play.  what was it like going outside for the first time in your life

[dankmemeuniversity]

[pileofknives]

Attention all customers: our store will be closing in five minutes. If you are present in the store after closing you will be hunted for sport.

[slappycat]

open rp

any sluts out here want some tea? a fucking biscuit?

[kirkegarde]

‘Tis I, Matthew Hopkins, infamous English witch-hunter, responsible for the deaths of between 230 and 400 people in the 17th century.

Excuse me, miss.  Are you, by chance… a witch?

[slappycat]

a witch yeah yeah, anyway shit this tea has NO sugar and i forgot sugarcubes is that cool with you

[kirkegarde]

Matthew Hopkins recoils in fear and disgust, for this is truly…

Y-yes, that will be fine.  As a Puritan, if I take tea at all, it is without sugar…

Seeming to have not alerted the witch, he chooses to take a subtle approach and coax the damning information out of her.

Now, pardon me for asking, but do you regularly hold council with imps and other such demons, perhaps meeting for tea and to blaspheme God?

[slappycat]

look dude do you want a biscuit or not

[kirkegarde]

Matthew Hopkins’ eyes darken in fear, and his face goes ghastly white.  The Witchfinder General has found a witch for whom he is no match.  She evades even his most cunning inquiries with ease, and the brazen air with which she admits her heresy shows she fears neither man nor God.  He cannot win, and defeated, he relents.

A biscuit would be lovely… Thank you.

[slappycat]

bitchin

[aaropostle]

Remember when Katy Perry found a loaded gun in Rihanna’s purse during the VMA’s.

[lostmedia-deactivated20250112]

[spacespectrum-deactivated202010]

my armenian father getting angry at a squirrel

[cornchipz-revival]

“you are. stealink…. my nuts…”

[captainlordauditor]

some iconic dialogue that sounds like its from the great canon of literature but are actually from memes

I will face God and walk backwards into Hell

“I’ll do whatever you want” “then perish”

I have been through hell and come out singing

feel free to add more!

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

There are no gods here

Do I look like the kind of man who dies

God’s dead and soon we will be too

I thought there were no heroes left in this world 

[helloitstrash]

• you kneel before my throne unaware that it was built on lies

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Impudent of you to assume I will meet a mortal end

This is hell’s territory and I am beholden to no gods

Bury me shallow, I’ll be back

[hubriscomplex]

- take this gift, for the gods surely won’t

[unheavenlycreatures]

God wishes he were me

One day, you will be face to face with whatever saw fit to let you exist in the universe, and you will have to justify the space you’ve filled

[tyrannosaurus-rex]

Violence for Violence is the Rule of Beasts

[phase2-moved-deactivated2021073]

The soothing voice of the Khan Academy man

[dddsurvivor]

hello???

[skarchomp]

[otakuconvention]

eating a jolly rancher filled gummie

[brucebocchi]

if tumblr dies before the end of the year i want everyone to know this was the best post

[slimetony]

[rosswoodpark]

Everyone talks about how animals can see colors we can’t but I wanna know wtf my dog is smelling for three minutes on the sidewalk

[kalichnikov]

That’s conk creat babey!!!!!

[gluten-free-pussy]

My Uber driver is blasting Dancing Queen and the whole car smells like weed

[susiethemoderator]

5 Stars