Burnt Coffee Spoilers

Looking for the latest spoilers on any upcoming movie or tv show?? I've got 'em here on my blog haha :(

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"Politics are like onions. Onions have layers. Politics have layers."

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HOUSE OF CARDS SPOILERS

Warning: House of Cards Spoilers Frank Underwood invites all of the current presidential candidates over to his house for a slumber party. Donald Trump shows up in his onesie "jammies" with $100 bill patterns all over it. Chris Christie can't sleep until he gets tucked in so Frank has to tuck him in and read him a bedtime story for much of the episode's run time. After all the candidates go to sleep, Frank places Donald Trump's hand in warm water, causing Trump to piss himself. The next morning, Bernie Sanders wakes up and sees Trump pissed the bed and calls him "Pee Pee Pants" until Donald runs out of the house crying and stops running for president.

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STAR WARS SPOILERS WARNING: Star Wars Spoilers I was just about to head out to lunch when I got this in a password-protected email from someone on the Episode VIII production team. The password was "Jar Jar is a Sith Lord in Episode VIII" leading me to believe that Jar Jar Binks may be a Sith Lord in Episode VIII. I have yet to confirm this with my team. This is a piece of concept art revealing that Jar Jar Binks will turn to Donald Trump as an aid to help him finally become the Sith Lord he was always destined to become in Episode VIII. Did Donald Trump head over to the film studio while the debate was happening last night?? Is that why he wasn't on the debate stage?? I am so excited to see this amazing film.

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STAR WARS SPOILERS Warning: Star Wars Episode VIII Spoilers There is a flash forward scene in Star Wars Episode VIII where Rey, while dreaming, sees herself as a much older Jedi, played by Bernie Sanders, facing off against a very angsty and much older Kylo Ren, played by Donald Trump. This a screen capture of that scene provided to me by an inside member of the film crew for Episode 8. Unbelievable.

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JUSTICE LEAGUE SPOILERS

WARNING: Justice League Spoilers The Justice League keeps yelling at people that they are NOT The Avengers but people aren't getting it. Superman can't take it anymore when people keep asking him to turn into the Hulk. The Flash quits and takes a job as a UPS delivery guy but instead of driving a truck he just runs the packages to people's houses and shit.

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SUICIDE SQUAD SPOILERS

WARNING: Suicide Squad Spoilers The Joker makes the suicide squad get in his "Jokemobile" which is basically just the clown car he drives for uber.

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SUICIDE SQUAD SPOILERS

The opening scene to Suicide Squad has leaked and I am convinced that Jared Leto will be up for an Oscar after seeing just this one piece of the film…..

WARNING: Suicide Squad Spoilers

Jared Leto, while strolling around his local mall, enters a Hot Topic store for the first time and comes out as The Joker. He goes up to random mall shoppers and slaps their pretzels and Cinnabon snacks out of their hands. The Suicide Squad then bumps into him shortly after purchasing a new futon. They ask what he is up to and he replies “Ohhh, ya know, just… (Looks directly at camera. Runs up to it so close that all you can see is his fucking mouth)… Clownin’ around”. Jared Leto then runs around laughing hysterically and honking a red clown nose in their faces while they all cry for this madness to end.

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BATMAN VS SUPERMAN SPOILERS

Luckily I was online for the 15 seconds this film was leaked before it got removed. This is what I saw and it has been confirmed by multiple sources on my team that this is the true plot of Batman Vs Superman…

WARNING: Batman Vs Superman spoilers

The whole film is Batman and Superman having a beyblade battle. It gets so intense that the beyblades cut open the costumes of the two heroes, revealing that they are wearing the same Big Bang Theory t-shirts underneath. They look at each other and, at the same time, they say, “Bazinga”. Now that they are friends, they gang up on Lex Luthor’s beyblade, leading to his defeat. The remainder of the film is spent with Batman driving Lex to the ice cream shop in the batmobile to stop him from crying while Superman tries to calm him down in the backseat. When they finally get to the ice cream shop after 30 minutes of runtime, they bump into Robin, who accidentally gives Superman a kryponite flavor cone, killing him instantly. The film’s screen then goes black with “THE END??????????” written across it.

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DIRTY GRANDPA SPOILERS

Attended the Dirty Grandpa premiere and was surprised at how misleading the previews were for this film. I'm not saying the film was bad but it just wasn't exactly what I was expecting... WARNING: Dirty Grandpa Spoilers The runtime of this film is mostly spent on Robert de Niro rolling around in a very muddy ditch while Zac Efron stares at him shaking his head and smiling, with his hands on his hips saying, "Oh, Grandpa."

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PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN SPOILERS

The imaginary friend of Johnny Depp when he was like 5 or whatever just handed me this top secret information on the new "Pirates" movie that took the release date of Star Wars Episode VIII for some reason. WARNING: Pirates of the Caribbean Spoilers The opening scene goes like this... The camera zooms in on a dot in the middle of a vast ocean. As it gets closer we see it is a pirate who is somehow sprinting on the water. He runs up to the camera, grabs it, and pulls it so close to his face you can see his nose hairs. It's Captain Jack Sparrow. He yells, "I'm back, matees!! AARRRRGH!!" then giggles bashfully. The film's title slams onto the screen.

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STAR WARS SPOILERS

This spoiler comes to me straight from the editing team for Episode 8 and I’ve never been more excited for a Star Wars film in my life. The new direction they are taking is mind-blowing.

WARNING: Star Wars Spoilers

The whole film is shot in “found footage” style where Jar Jar is the cameraman/guy with the camcorder. Paranormal events are taking place at Jar Jar’s house. Sometimes his toy lightsabers turn on and his episode 1 anakin action figures start walking around without anyone using them. Jar Jar believes it is the ghost of his best friend, Obi-Wan Kenobi, causing the strange activity so he grabs his camera and tries to film him. “Mesa so scared holy fuck” - Jar Jar hiding in a closet.

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STAR WARS SPOILERS WARNING: Star Wars Episode VIII Spoilers I have yet to verify this with my sources but as of right now, the production team has confirmed that Shrek will take on the role of Darth Maul in Episode VIII. Incredible. I am speechless. Oscar Winner 2017??

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STAR WARS SPOILERS WARNING: Star Wars Episode VIII Spoilers Exclusive screen capture of the penultimate scene in Star Wars Episode VIII. The writers tell me this scene is of major importance in Rey's journey to defeat Kylo Ren.

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FULLER HOUSE SPOILERS

I've just seen a small clip of the upcoming Fuller House series premiere and it is incredible... WARNING: Fuller House spoilers: The opening scene is the full house fam sitting around in the living room all wearing "OBEY" hats. Uncle Jesse bumps into everyone as he tries to walk to the kitchen due to overcrowding and exclaims "RAAHH!! This house is too full!!" Then Donald trump walks in also wearing an "OBEY" hat and shouts "It just got FULLER!!" And the audience boo's for 20 minutes

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FRIENDS REUNION SPOILERS

Top secret information coming to me from the Friends writers themselves. This is the best plot they've ever written. Amazing. Wow. WARNING: Friends Reunion spoilers: The friends are all riding around on their hoverboards until phoebe falls off of hers and breaks her leg. They think this was just an accident but it wasn't as the hoverboard is actually alive and starts killing people one by one. "I don't understand...What God would allow this??" - Joey's last line.