Gay Hockey Hell is empty, all the devils are here

Call me les/@cablesscutie on AO3 /a young fandom old/ gay af icon by @shnehollander

[luna-azzurra]

The thing about a good character flaw is that it has to be the same thing as their greatest strength just turned up too high. the person who loves deeply and therefore controls. the person who sees everything and therefore trusts nothing. the person who is so loyal they lose themselves. there are no clean villains and no clean heroes and once you understand that in fiction you can't unsee it in people. everyone is just their best quality at the wrong volume.

[shanepervert]

ilya is literally sweetieful. even when he's being mean to shane he's being sweetieful because he's making him feel really good. many fail to recognize this but real ilyaheads know

[shilyas]

condo stairway scene gets me every single time bc of the way ilya lingers. the way he takes way too long to tie his shoes & adjust his jeans, the way he stands for a moment even though his cab is definitely there & the way he teases shane as he slowly lowers himself to give the sweetest, most unhurried kiss goodbye.

[writinginasnowglobe]

i think at a certain point shane would start getting seriously annoyed at the seemingly widespread idea that he's somehow supposed to be "controlling" ilya. maybe it starts off as a lighthearted joke with the way some of their friends will glance at him in anticipation when ilya says something particularly asshole-y like they expect him to tell ilya off. and at the beginning maybe shane somewhat gets it (but really though, he doesn't) because yeah it's his reputation in the league and maybe the rivalry plays a part in it too, especially for people who've never gotten to know him, but eventually, it just starts pissing him off

they're at the kingfisher after a game in new york and scott and some of the other admirals are there along with a majority of the cens and they're all having a good time. ilya and some random admirals player are chirping each other and ilya says something a little mean in the asshole way he does with a small tilt of his lips. and shane can suddenly feel eyes on him from scott and carter and troy and various other players, and for a second he doesn't get it. he doesn't get it, until all he does is snort in response, because well, it was true and also pretty funny and ilya really is the funniest person he knows, okay, and ilya nudges him with a small smile when he hears it, but then the stares slowly morph into something like confused gapes, and all of a sudden, he gets it. it's not the first time it happens and it definitely won't be the last, but shane starts noticing it a lot more and it continues to piss. him. the. fuck. off.

hayden giving him an expectant glance when ilya is half-yelling and groaning with a few cens in the bar at the soccer game on tv, like shane is for some reason gonna tell him to quiet down. scott giving him a quick side-eye when ilya chirps about his age on the ice, like shane is gonna tell him to stop; like he doesn't find the multiple layers to ilya's chirps to scott genuinely impressive, like he doesn't find it amusing. evan, though to his credit he was mostly joking, making a sly comment about shane needing to hold ilya back from fighting during a game, like shane would do that when ilya is well-fucking-aware of when to pick fights and when not to because he is the second-best hockey player in the league; like shane doesn't also find it unbearably hot when ilya has a little blood on his knuckles and dripping down the corner of his lips as he calls out mean little quips at the other team with a smirk on his face

because the thing about their relationship is that shane is undeniably attracted to ilya being an asshole. he thinks it's funny. it almost definitely also turns him on. and he likes when ilya is mean and smug and rowdy and a little shit. he likes when ilya is an asshole to him because that's their banter and their foreplay. he likes when ilya is an asshole to other people because he pretty much always thinks what ilya says is hilarious. (plus it's the fact that shane is also an asshole; it's just that ilya says it out loud more often than he does)

and so the thing about their relationship that, for some fucking reason, other people don't get is that shane, from the very beginning, has always and will continue to like when ilya is an asshole. and yes, they're married (shane also thinks some people seem to forget this, because why would shane marry ilya if he truly doesn't like ilya's personality. he thinks other people are a little stupid sometimes.) but they're also best friends and bond over being the best at what they do and how competitive they are and that they're both a little bitchy at times

long story short, i think that at some point during the first season of them playing together, all of the cens (and various other friends/players) eventually learn, as shane continues to not react the way they expect him to, that shane is THE biggest ilya enabler. he won't tell ilya off or nag him, but is actually probably standing a little off to the side with a tiny little smirk on his lips and hearts (and a little heat) in his eyes as he watches his husband

[pinche-aquarius]

Keep up the great work, lads

[mayax81]

[snakebites-and-ink]

I love how this addition would be absolutely incomprehensible almost anywhere else but we know exactly what it means

[whyactlikeahuman]

[quasikool]

#i literally crack up everytime #at least ten of the notes are from me

[shanerozy]

For the next two weeks, let's just be honest with each other... about what we actually think and... maybe how we really feel? I will try.

[cablesscutie]

Ilya loves that Shane is “boring” because what Ilya really means by that is that Shane, much like his “boring” car, is safe and reliable. (He is also thrilling and sexy but that’s not the focus right now.) We know this. I am currently having a big feeling about the appeal to Ilya of the “Mr. Real estate” part of Shane’s boringness. We know that Ilya is canonically not managing his money the best - he sends a lot of money back to Russia, his agent is shit, he buys a bunch of sports cars. He’s not really irresponsible because he makes enough to be doing all of that but we know the idea of an actual, long-term future was something Ilya couldn’t really picture for himself and he was kind of living accordingly.

We also know that Ilya has been supporting his family since the second he joins the NHL - he canonically sent a ton of his signing bonus home when he first started. And then they spent it. And they asked for more that he didn’t have yet. His family’s money had run out, and if this is the situation when Ilya starts in the NHL? That means his family was in the process of running out of money through his teen years and I’m thinking of him being there watching it happen. Teenage Ilya with his dreams of leaving his home where nobody’s nice to him to become a beloved hockey star in North America, watching everyone pin their hopes on him while knowing that if he wasn’t so good that Russia wouldn’t let him stop playing he would’ve had to quit years ago.

So Ilya grows up with this and spends his young adulthood with everyone else’s hunger tearing at his stomach and then. Shane. Boring Mr. Real estate with his careful investments and practical purchases and charity idea and sponsorships. Whose biggest luxurious indulgence was building a gorgeous summer home down the road from his parents, so he can retire to a peaceful lakefront someday. Shane has plans for that long-term future, and now Ilya is part of it. Now it’s retiring to the cottage together, and Shane’s been planning for them living out long lives together, and thought about how to make sure their family is taken care of, and Ilya can relax.

[scunthotter]

Set aside that Shane was based on Sydney Crosby. If the two of them existed in the same universe they'd be so weird about each other.

[hollzy-baby]

#ilya would also be weird because he's pretty sure Sydney Crosby would be the only man who could've also pulled shane and he really can't#tell if the man is gay or not

@scunthotter - you can't leave that in the tags!!!

just imagining Ilya waging a one-sided war of total annihilation against Sydney Crosby and Crosby doesn't have any special beef against Boston so he's just out there like oh I respect Ilya Rozanov as a competitor of course

(also Shane and Sydney Crosby have never been seen in the same room (is what everyone tells the rookies as a joke b/c those 2 are timing their entrances and exits to interact as little as possible))

[cablesscutie]

Key difference between Sidney and Shane: Sidney Crosby is a Notorious Bitch on the ice and will actually fight someone instead of pulling an Ilya and skating off to let someone else do the punching. So what I mean to say is Sidney Crosby says he respects Ilya through gritted teeth. The rivalry is Hollander/Rozanov. Crosby/Rozanov is a feud. They’re shoving and tripping and racking up penalties minutes against each other. Crosby HAS fought Roz. He DID start it (except that Ilya instigated for sure).

[penandinkprincess]

okay but for ilya who came from a house that was so tense and probably also had plenty of slamming doors and raised voices when there wouldn't be witnesses, it's so special to me that the way shane loves him is so GENTLE.

i got the drinks you like specifically for you, yeah i notice you're a hard worker so no i won't play along with a joke about you being lazy because i know it's not true, the water in the well tastes good, do you want to stop and get something to eat?, do you want to go inside now?, here's a blanket because it's kind of cold outside, do you want to just talk to me in a language i can't understand and i'll just listen until you're ready to stop?

the way shane loves is so quiet, and i feel like that's part of what makes it feel SO good to ilya specifically.

[junior-theabgshark]

[paranormal-taters]

[femalegothic]

what made heated rivalry successful is that fujoshis are a largely untapped market

[hrgifs]

hollanov + working up to holding hands

[shanehollandergirl]

ILYAWEEK DAY 3, favorite quote: heated rivalry, chapter 27

[gaynehollander-moved]

I'm obsessed with Shane and Ilya snarking at each other at the All-Stars Skills Competition (a.k.a. engaging in foreplay in public) and Wyatt going "...you know, you guys don't have to sit together."

[sweetangelfart]

Their outfits in the bar scene is so precious to me.

We have #ourshane who is dripped out in his "I'm in my millionaire hot shot outfit that I hired a stylist to pick out specifically to woo my man's pants off, you think this gives off 'I want you to rearrange my guts and then rearrange your opinions on us being together' " outfit, beelining to #ourilya who looks like death has warmed over despite wearing his "look at me, I am so nonchalant, in my floral print shirt and short shorts that I got as an inside joke only I know, #bitchface #russian-smoulder ...haha, I'm not pining for a man who's joggers I've shoved my face into to breathe in his scent after he made me meet god on my couch and left me there to rot in memories of us as our cum dried on my stomach" outfit.

Shane in his mind is already 5 steps ahead, he's had a honest talk about himself, has had his epiphanies and he's already quietly worked out a plan to execute in the background and is ready to have.a.talk.with.his.man. ain't nothing gonna stop him from bulldozing the wall that ilya has built up. He's determined 💪 he's got a one track mind. Win ilya back and Win the all stars game. PERIODT.

Ilya on the other hand is fucking bracing for impact going, awh fuck he's gonna break up with me and I'm wearing a floral shirt.... he's gonna tell me he's gonna marry rose landry and I'm wearing a floral shirt...he's gonna tell me he doesn't need me anymore and I'm wearing a floral shirt... I'm gonna lose him forever and I'm wearing. a .goddamed. floral. shirt. ....*record scratch* wait a damn minute, He what?

.....oh my fucking god, this beautiful fucking idiot got himself a stylist!?

OMFG I'm going to DEVOUR himmmmmm.

[cablesscutie]

Shane and Rose coming out date (but let’s double the gay!)

The second (and last) time Shane and Rose try to have sex with each other is in fact a disaster. Shane can’t stay hard. Topping just really doesn’t do anything for him, and combined with the weird definitely not heartbreak ache in his chest and the wrongness that’s chilled his spine since their clothes came off, it’s bad enough that he starts to feel the telltale soreness in his throat that has always preceded frustrated tears.

At the same time, Rose has pulled Shane’s head down to her shoulder so he won’t notice how far away her eyes are as she frowns at the ceiling and tries desperately to will her body to orgasm. It’s getting further away though, frozen over with the dread that she’s going to have to finally face the thought she’s been carefully not thinking since a game of strip spin the bottle at a party in theater school. I’m gay, she thinks, and immediately goes still and tense. She nudges Shane and feels so guilty as she tells him “I think I’m actually not in the mood tonight.” It’s cowardly, and he looks miserable when he pulls away. God, she must’ve been doing such a terrible job at pretending to be into it. Well, she’s certainly been able to feel that he hasn’t been having a good time.

“Sorry, babe,” she says. She wants to soften it further with an excuse about being tired, but the thought of lying to Shane makes her nauseous. He’s been so sweet to her, and she really does like him so much. He’s hilarious, and when she talks he listens and actually understands her, and he’s objectively gorgeous. But she can’t convince herself she wants to fuck him. His face is an odd combination of relief and apology. Fuck. He thinks it’s his fault, that he’s been the one to upset her, and she won’t have that, so she asks, “Can we just cuddle for a while?”

Shane’s arms feel awkward as he wraps Rose up in them, but she’s put on her T-shirt and a spare pair of his boxers, and he’s done the same so it’s at least better than before. He feels sick with guilt that he’s put that nervous expression on her face. Who is he to be making Rose Fucking Landry self-conscious? For the first time, he feels the urge to tell someone else…that he’s gay. Because that’s what’s causing the problem. He loves watching her face move through its thousand expressions, breathing in the gentle scent of her shampoo when he kisses the top of her head (so much that he does it now, even with the weirdness lingering), and the way she always gives his waist one quick extra squeeze before she lets go of a hug.

But as he lays in bed with her, he has to admit that all of those nice feelings he gets with Rose are a lot more like how he feels about Jackie Pike than… than Ilya. Shane’s throat aches again, and with Rose asleep, he lets the tears come until he’s too tired to keep himself awake.

The next morning, Rose asks Shane to get dinner with her just the two of them, and then proceeds to spend every moment waiting for resets thinking through how to go about coming out to her boyfriend. Because the selfish thing is, she wants to find some combination of words that lets her keep him after. Despite the necessary death of their romantic relationship, Rose knows Shane Hollander is a person she could grow to love very deeply, and she wants to. It’ll be a hard sell. She’s really not worried about him saying anything mean or being gross about it, but she thinks he’d be justified in feeling hurt and wanting as clean a break as possible.

When they sit down at their table, he’s so cute, looking at her in the candlelight with his warm eyes and wide smile that she just has to tell him so. It flusters him adorably, and then she ends up rambling something about Miles and jealousy that flusters him worse when she realizes she’s sending horribly mixed signals for someone about to tell her boyfriend they have to break up because she’s probably a lesbian.

“I’m sorry, I’m going about this the wrong way,” she tells him.

Shane is absolutely certain he is about to be dumped, and once again feels that terrible surge of dread and relief washed down with guilt. It needs to end, isn’t fair to her, and she should be the one to do the dumping, but a part of him still wishes she wouldn’t. Even knowing they’ll never be able to make each other happy like this, he’s already mourning the loss of their easy conversations and her easy affection. But then she says, “I’m really sorry about last night. I know I was being weird and not really…doing it for you?” His stomach goes cold and Shane feels like the worst person in the world. Is she really apologizing to him? As though she should have been doing better? That awful self conscious look is back on her face, and Shane needs to come clean. He’s so immediately anxious he thinks he might start hyperventilating or breaking out in hives but there’s no way he can live with the shame of letting Rose put the blame on herself.

“I think I’m gay,” they blurt out, their voices overlapping choppily.

There’s a moment of mutual stunned silence, before Rose, unsurprisingly, recovers first. A peal of delighted laughter rings out as she briefly collapses back against the booth in relief. When she sits up again, Shane is looking at her with an entirely different tangle of emotion from last night, but he does look like he’s going to cry again. She reaches across the table to squeeze his hands, and beams when he squeezes back. “Shane Hollander, we are going to be best friends. Starting now.”