Many of these are valid points… But at the same time, a child has a lot of needs, they are dependent 24 hours a day. It is hard constantly being on call for a child. At no point in history was it expected for one person to take on all of a child’s needs.
People historically have communities in which they can raise children. Swapping childcare with neighbors, grandparents, partners, friends stepping in. It is not unreasonable to want to feel like a person, and when you are on call 24/7 for a dependent, you really can’t be.
Kids, even normally well behaved and well parented kids, are experiencing disruptions in their normal routines, there are scary things happening in the world, and they haven’t been able to see their friends and other families. They are scared and stressed and acting out more.
Parents are more stressed than usual. Assuming a parent is a stay at home parent and has no work obligations, they are still a human with their own anxiety and fear and stress about the pandemic, and now you are adding on the additional stress of parenting around the clock in a small environment with a little who is used to life being very different.
And that’s not even talking about parents who are working! Having kids that need your 100% focus and a job that needs your 100% focus at the same time? How are you supposed to accomplish that while also social distancing and not relying on others for help.
You see critiques on the nuclear family, critiques on the capitalist framework that doesn’t allow individuals time on this website constantly. Now those problems just dissolve because parents are supposed to grin and bear it and take on weight they never should have realistically expected when they chose to have kids?
It’s absolutely not the kids fault, and some parents do have kids they were never prepared for because they were just following the script. Some parents do hate their kids and that is atrocious.
Parents are suffering the most during this pandemic. They expected a village to distribute the weight of a little person who needs constant attention and now they have to try and work and support their family and stay afloat themselves mentally when they are only allowed to pay attention to themselves at all after bedtime.
I’m so sick of all these hot takes demonizing parents who are going through the same struggles everyone else is, not having access to friends or leisure activities, the stress of the pandemic, work insecurity, trying to stay healthy and safe, while also navigating all of that with a child who is struggling too. There is so much expectation on parents to be teachers and playmates and authoritarians and chefs and housekeepers while still maintaining the job and means to keep the household afloat. Then you get all these shit takes on the internet for parents venting online about their kids!!
I work with foster families, I’m not immune to the knowledge that some parents are genuinely garbage. Some fuckwit online who has never had to care for another dependent is always quick with a judgment and a comment and can’t make the distinction between someone who genuinely hates their kids and someone who is venting.
There are unique struggles in caring for other dependents (disabled, elderly, etc) and they deserve support and love too! I don’t understand why we can’t support everyone that is struggling in this time and not bash parents with “well what did you expect when you had kids???? If you didn’t predict that you would have to be with them 24/7 in a shoebox house while not able to interact with any other humans and still have to work 40 hours a week why did you have them at all???? It’s irresponsible to have kids and you are an unloving parent is you ever expected them to have interests and relationships and activities outside you!”
And let’s not ignore the mysogynistic angle that it’s mostly mothers who are struggling the most here. Y'all want to sanctify the concept of single mothers and foster parents and working mothers in theory but God forbid they rely on school or a support system for their household to function, right?
I go to the internet at large and see so many helpful thinkpieces by childless individuals complaining about parents using their kids as an “excuse” as to why their work has been subpar, about awful parents complaining about their situation online, about how school isn’t a “babysitter” and parents need to stop being so selfish. You think you’re owning all the upper-middleclass white woman who rely on a maid to care for their crying child while they sit on the veranda with a glass of wine and you pt yourself on the back for your hot takes that nobody has ever thought of before.
Meanwhile talking to parents online and in person it’s “my boss is threatening to fire me if I don’t step up my work but I can’t find a babysitter and school is cancelled, I don’t know what to do with my daughter”, “I have to complete my work day between 8p and 4a because I am trying to give my child attention in the day”, “my son keeps crying and screaming because we haven’t seen grandma in a while, I don’t know what to do”, “my relatives keep pressuring me to see my baby and we are trying to social distance, they are harassing me every day”, “I haven’t been sleeping because my baby wakes up 4 times a night and my husband has been isolating since he is an essential worker, should I allow my my mom to come over and give me some sleep”, “I am scared I have been letting my kid have too much screentime but I can’t do any household chores otherwise”, “e-learning is complicated and my kid isn’t learning anything but I am not a teacher and don’t know how to explain this lesson to him”
You don’t check your humanity at the door when you become a parent.
