still caring about internet friends you lost touch with years ago is so embarrassing. yeah i had a deam we met up irl recently. the last time we spoke was maybe 7-8 years ago. i still wear the laces we randomly decided was a sign of our friendship. i dont know what any of your socials are or if youre even active on any. sometimes i see someones art resemble yours and i wonder for hours. do you still go by that name you chose? whenever i see it i wonder if its you. we couldve passed each other in this vastness a thousand times and not have a clue.
we were lonely kids having fun together. do you remember?
You were my first beta. Now you're a bestselling author. I only found out after your second book was released.
You helped me stay alive as a scared and lonely teenager. You died young. Cancer. I found out five years later. I'll never get to say thank you.
You wrote my first fanfic with me. I still think of you every time I hear the name Jazzy even when I know it's someone way too young to be you. It's been 27 years. Do you remember? Do you remember trying to coordinate the hours we were online and your mom was always kicking you off saying she needed to use the phone?
We were friends, and then we weren't, and then we were again, and then you dropped off the face of the earth. Are you okay? How's your mom? Did you get that surgery? Are you still into that pairing? Where do you even live now?
You looked up to me as the older person who got out of the abusive situation. I called OCY for you. We stayed in touch for about six months while you were in foster care, and then you drifted away. Did you also get out? You're old enough now to be married with kids, if that's what you wanted. Where are you? Do you know I still worry about you sometimes when the night is dark and the hour is none?
You were my first love, maybe my only real love. We never met in person. I loved you. We found ways to schedule dates from halfway around the world when Skype was a baby thing and MSN Messenger was a backup plan. I walked half a mile through a foot of snow with no coat when my internet went out just to get to a WiFi connection to talk to you. One day you simply vanished. The last time we spoke you said you loved me. Sometimes I still say your name. I still remember it. I still remember you. I still wish I'd gotten to kiss you. I still wonder where you are.
