we can lose and call it living

im trying to recover, this is my journey! after a lifetime of problems such as anxiety, ocd/intrusive thoughts, depression, self-hatred, unhappiness, and unhealthy coping mechanisms, im finally dealing with the main root of it all: an unhealthy family dynamic (entanglement and codependency) due to my parents’ emotional neglect and abuse. im deciding to be done with the toxic lifestyle of my past and to give myself the chance to learn how to be happy and how to be my authentic self, after a lifetime of emotional trauma. this is my journey, but I hope im able to help others who are currently in the darkness.

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Dealing With Executive Dysfunction - A Masterpost

The “getting it done in an unconventional way” method.

The “it’s not cheating to do it the easy way” method.

The “fuck what you’re supposed to do” method.

The “get stuff done while you wait” method.

The “you don’t have to do everything at once” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be permanent to be helpful” method.

The “break the task into smaller steps” method.

The “treat yourself like a pet” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be all or nothing” method.

The “put on a persona” method.

The “act like you’re filming a tutorial” method.

The “you don’t have to do it perfectly” method.

The “wait for a trigger” method.

The “do it for your future self” method.

The “might as well” method.

The “when self discipline doesn’t cut it” method.

The “taking care of yourself to take care of your pet” method.

The “make it easy” method.

The “junebugging” method.

The “just show up” method.

The “accept when you need help” method.

The “make it into a game” method.

The “everything worth doing is worth doing poorly” method.

The “trick yourself” method.

The “break it into even smaller steps” method.

The “let go of should” method.

The “your body is an animal you have to take care of” method.

The “fork theory” method.

The “effectivity over aesthetics” method.

[brosef-von-dudehomie]

I can attest to the persona method. I have done shit that straight up made me lock up by just pretending to be someone who would have no problem doing that thing.

@hawkeyedflame

[the-healing-mindset]

"You don't have to share everything"

Along my healing journey I have realized that, at times, I just want to share a lot of what I have learned about things. Things in general. School subjects. Career subjects. Whatever those things may be. But recently, I have figured out that wanting to share things and wanting to connect has led me, on more occasions than not, to oversharing. When a conversation goes quiet, I often will try to restart the conversation by bringing up something personal or other things that don’t necessarily have anything to do with anyone else. Even the original subjects at hand. As expected, in most of these cases, I immediately regret bringing up whatever I did because it really gives others information that they don’t even need to know. Recently, I began to wonder just why I do this.

Having analyzed a bit of my childhood and most of my life at present, I have been able to figure out that for all this time, I have been surrounded by sociopaths and malignant narcissists. Recalling some specific instances in my life, I can remember having being berated for the choices that I made. At various points, I often would feel like I was on trial. Having to answer for every specific decision, having to give excruciating detail of all that led up to my choice, and for everything that happened after. Even during “trial,” every word I spoke was analyzed and criticized. The main goal, I have determined, was for those individuals to inflate their egos through appearing more clever than I was at the time. Of course, there is a certain level of malice in this. “See, I know more than you do and there is nothing you can do about it.” Or, “See, I am better than you and that’s just the way it is.”

Early on, a lot of this came from my family, meaning that I became desensitized to just how wrong this was (and still is!) When I tried to connect with others, there was always this expectation that they would be there to tear me down. To pick me apart and tell me just how wrong things were in my life, just as my relatives did. If and when they didn’t do this, I unconsciously went about putting myself on one of those malicious “trials,” putting myself down and freely giving up details that others didn’t need to know. This can be somewhat dangerous as not everyone has our best interests in mind. As we grow, things will just be different. We have to keep in mind that not everyone is on the path of healing right now and accept that they may never get there. That’s okay. Maybe they’re put in our lives to remind us to remain on course.

It’s not all doom and gloom though. In mentorship, I learned that there will only really be a select handful of individuals with whom you will be able to have these in-depth and open conversations. Not everyone is going to be receptive, nor does everyone have the capacity for it. “Find your tribe,” my mentor told me. Those who will be receptive. Those who will look out for you and have your best interests in mind. Those who you can trust. Those who are growing alongside you. We’re all different individuals, so of course, not all experiences will be intrinsically shared meaning that ultimately, some things are just meant for us to experience on our own, irrespective of anyone or anything else. This is how growth happens. Through it all though, you don’t have to share everything. Don’t feel left out because you don’t have a story to tell all the time. Sometimes, the silence is nice.

[call-it-living]

I’m currently in the midst of an intense anxiety / ocd episode. It has not been fun. Panic attacks, constant anxiety, fear, all the stuff I’ve had to overcome time and time again in the past. My worst ocd theme ever has been POCD (pedophilia ocd) and it’s back in full swing. I’ve been triggered by my classes - I’m in a Psychology sex and gender course where we’ve discussed pedophilia and MAPS (“minor attracted people” aka non offending pedophiles that want to have the stigma removed from them by changing what they’re called). Anyway, it has my POCD back in full swing and I feel like I’m drowning.

The thing about ocd is IT IS DEBILITATING. But for some, like me, it is SILENTLY debilitating. This happens when we feel intense shame about our ocd and the intrusive thoughts. I can’t exactly talk about this because people might assume I’m a predator. Also, ocd does this thing where it can have me spun out mentally and then I have to go do a regular life thing and it’s like, I do it. But I have to pretend like my entire universe hasn’t come to a screeching halt.

POCD convinced me that I am the worst of the worst, I am irredeemable, I am disgusting. It makes me afraid of myself and makes me feel like I can’t actually live a normal life because I don’t deserve to, I’d be tricking everyone into interacting with me who is secretly a bad person. I’ve put my life on “semi hold” for YEARS because this idea lives in the back of my mind ALWAYS. But when the ocd is triggered it is especially difficult to deal with.

So, what do I mean by “semi hold?” It doesn’t actually fully get put on hold, because it’s not like I’m institutionalized or going to long term therapy. But I’m so stuck in my head and truly believe these things that I’m never fully LIVING. I’m just surviving. I’m living half of a life. Because why would I put in the effort if I don’t deserve it? If I’m just a monster? So yeah, it’s debilitating. The scariest part is looking back at HOW BADLY it debilitated me, and how much everyone around me did not see it. I was strung out all the time. I probably should’ve been institutionalized at some point. I had such bad health ocd too. I was so so sick, mentally and physically, and no one saw it. Not even me! Not even me. I’ve since went back and read old “poetry” from the one year of college I did. None of it is poetry, it is all a blatant cry for help. It is so sad. Ocd is a menace.

I recently found out that the show “The Good Doctor” is getting a spin-off called “The Good Lawyer” about a lawyer with OCD. I’m terrified for this show. The good doctor is already a show I hate. It is about a surgeon with autism but the actor is not autistic and his portrayal feels so offensive, and the way they dramatize autism makes me feel icky. I can’t handle the idea of the good lawyer, and all the folks watching that are gonna get a hollow portrayal of ocd that’s overly dramatized and played by someone who has never known the debilitating evil that is ocd. People like my parents! It’s so frustrating. My parents watch the good doctor. My mom is obsessed with autistic children and disabled children and watches TikTok’s of them and always shows me videos of them and I’m like WHAT ABOUT ME!!?! I HAVE THESE THINGS!!! But they weren’t cute so she didn’t care :) and I’m so bitter about it…

[the-healing-mindset]

Be Comfortable. Be You.

If you've been through situations that were traumatizing, especially if they happened at a young age, you may have difficulty feeling comfortable in your own body. Being present with a constant identity may seem terrifying to you because you may have been shamed or threatened because of it in the past.

Something that may serve as a reminder of continued safety within the moment is to say to yourself, "Be Comfortable. Be You."

You may get caught up from time to time trying to figure out how to change yourself in the moment to fit what is happening around you. This isn't always necessary though. In fact, it can be somewhat detrimental to the mind as there is very little sense of safety when you always feel like you have to change for others.

Reminding yourself in moments where you feel yourself getting anxious or overwhelmed about how you might need or want to please others just to be comfortable and to be you(rself) allows you a place of brief familiarity from which you can continue building upon until you feel more stable and secure in yourself as a whole person. Because you are, and you deserve to be treated as such.

[call-it-living]

I’ve had intense anxiety my whole life

I’ve always had intense emotions, whether positive or negative

Sometimes I get so excited I can’t contain myself

Sometimes I get so anxious I can’t contain myself

Either way, it’s a lot!! And I’ve always struggled to relax

Enter: the tank drum/steel tongue drum

Bless the youtubers that play and upload their videos. This is the most effective way to relax me I’ve ever found, for any emotion.

It sounds like I’m selling something but I genuinely want people who struggle with relaxing to give it a try! It’s insane!!

[lilcowgirl7-deactivated20210223]

I needed this drag. Let’s change guys and not look back

[user87262893]

working out your brain is a must!!

• hydrate it by drinking lots of water

• eat dark chocolate and blueberries and walnuts and salmon and other foods high in antioxidants!!

• play little brain games on your phone; I like wordconenct! anything that makes you think!

• read books. It’s simple but necessary. Even better - join a book club, or read with a friend, so you can have discussions after. This will improve your reading comprehension.

• do puzzles - it doesnt have to be sudoku, I love playing Beat Saber on the Oculus Rift because it makes my brain have to match colorful patterns to physical movements very quickly!

• learn a new dance - even a tik tok trendy dance. Learning new dance moves are proven to strengthen synapses!!

• go bird watching, or foraging, or anything outdoors that requires you to explore pattern recognition and visual searching

• watch a movie with the intent of analysis - this is best done with a cinephile friend!! talk about tropes and symbolism and character growth

• cross stitch, or sew, or do anything that requires matching nimble hand movements to patterns

• play or learn an instrument!

• develop a consistent sleep schedule (or as close to consistent as you can get!)

• when eating, try to identify the ingredients and flavors you’re perceiving!

I hope this helps :)

[moonlightwaterhealing]

I like how this went from me feeling like “hm why is this attacking me 🤨” at first, but feeling grateful seeing an added guide on a genuine expansion on a “ how to” work out the brain. This genuinely helps a bunch. People find solace in doing activities that get them through life by doing said activities of phone/tv or if that’s all they’ve ever known in their life to get them through things + etc tho. However, this was very impt to point out. Slowly beginning incorporating things to work the brain in ones own time.

[genuineconspiracy]

This but look at me. Look at me. dietary water counts toward hydration. you do not need to force yourself to drink a ton of water in order to be hydrated. Soda (while it has other problems and I don’t encourage it) counts, coffee counts, tea counts, electrolyte drinks help you retain water, soup counts, vegetables count, fruit counts. Unless you have health complications, you should be able to rely on your sense of thirst to keep you hydrated.

[screaming-heart]

when you’re healing, you will fuck up. maybe you’ll relapse, maybe you’ll do something you know is gonna hurt you, maybe you’ll deprive yourself of something you need, whatever. but healing isn’t linear, its wibbly wobbly and weird. you’re not terrible for messing up, you’re not terrible for not being ready to move forward, you’re not terrible for not being perfect. you still deserve healing, and you still deserve respect.

[call-it-living]

I guess I’m gonna just…live life as the 3 mental illnesses in a trench coat person that I am

[call-it-living]

Update: I had food and felt mostly better. I was nervous about classes this week and they went great today so I’m okay. Sometimes you just gotta eat and drink and sleep and get out there.

[call-it-living]

I guess I’m gonna just…live life as the 3 mental illnesses in a trench coat person that I am

[pathcend]

Thank to @letstalk.mentalhealth [Instagram] for the graphic!

[khylamarieren]

Meet yourself wherever you are. You don’t have to be ready, you don’t have to be overly prepared, you don’t have to be perfect, and you don’t have to feel or look any specific way to start living the life you want. You are worthy of freedom now. Stop holding yourself back because you don’t feel good enough yet. You are.

[callistomist-deactivated2020091]

I decided to create a masterpost that would help you with what you are struggling with. Hopefully any of the links below will help you! Reminder; You’re going to be okay. What you are going through will pass, just remember to breathe. 

————————————————————————————-

Distractions;

Here are some distractions to help keep your mind occupied so you aren’t too focused on your thoughts. 

-Draw something

-This website translates the time into colours.

-Create your own galaxy.

-Play flowing.

-Make a 3D line travel where ever you like. 

-Listen to music.

-Calm.

-Ocean mood, do nothing for two minutes.

Sleep issues; 

- 8 hour sleep music.

-Rainy mood. 

-Meditation.

-Coping with nightmares.

-How to cope with nightmares, 11 steps.

-Calm

-Foods that can affect your sleeping, both positive and negatively. 

 Uncomfortable with silence; 

-Rainy mood.

-10 hours of rain and thunder.

-3 hours of rain and thunder.

-Human heartbeat.

-Rainforest.

-Sound of rain on a tin roof.

-Autumn wind.

-Rain on a tent

-Traffic in the rain.

-Soft traffic. 

-Fan.

-Train.

-Simply noise.

-My noise.

-Rainy cafe.

Anxiety; 

-How to stop worrying. 

-Tips to manage anxiety and stress.

-The 10 best ever anxiety management techniques. 

-Self-help strategies for anxiety. 

-Helping a friend with anxiety. 

-All about worrying.

-8 myths about anxiety. 

Sad, angry and depressed/depression; 

-“I’m always sad”

-Feeling sad.

-Going through trauma.

-“I’m always angry”.

-Anger management. 

-All about anger.

-National helplines and websites.

-Self-help strategies for depression.

-Dealing with depression at work.

-Dealing with depression at school.

Isolation and loneliness; 

-Pets and mental health.

-All about loneliness. 

-“I feel so alone”

-10 more ideas to help with loneliness. 

-How to deal with loneliness.

 Self-harm;

-Alternatives to self-harm and distraction techniques.

-146 things to do besides self-harm.

-More alternatives to self-harm.

-Self-harm alternatives.

-How to take care of self-harm wounds/injuries.

-Getting rid of scars.  

Addiction; 

-How to help a friend with a drug addiction.

-What is addiction?

-All about alcohol and addiction.

-The facts about drug addiction.

 Eating disorders; 

-Helping a friend with an eating disorder.

-Eating disorder treatments. 

-Support services for eating disorders. 

-Self-help tips with eating disorders.

-Eating disorder recovery. 

-Recovering from an eating disorder. 

-100+ reasons to recover. 

-Understanding and managing eating disorders. 

 Dealing with self-hatred;  

-3 ways to ease self-loathing. 

-How to turn self-hatred into self-compassion.

-Self-hatred resources.

-10 step plan to deal with self-hate. 

 Suicidal; 

-International suicide hotlines (1)  (2)

-Preventing suicide. 

-Reasons to stay alive.

-Dealing with suicidal thoughts and feelings.

-Coping with suicidal ideation.  

 Schizophrenia;

-All about schizophrenia.  

-Helping a person with schizophrenia.  

-Understanding and dealing with schizophrenia.  

-Delusions and hallucinations.  

OCD;

-Managing your OCD at home. 

-Overcoming OCD.

-How to cope with OCD. 

-Strategies for dealing with the anxious moments. 

Borderline personality disorder; 

-Helping someone with BPD. 

-All about personality disorders.

-Treatment for BPD.

Abuse; 

-Healthy relationships VS abusive relationships. 

-Emotional abuse

-Overcoming sexual abuse. 

-Hotlines services. 

-5 ways to escape an abusive relationship. 

-Domestic violence support. 

-Signs of an abusive relationship. 

-What do to if you’re in an abusive relationship. 

-Surviving abuse. 

-What you can do if you’re sexual harassed. 

-Sexual assault support.

-What to do if you’ve been sexually assaulted or abused. 

 Bullying;

-How to stand up against bullying.

-How to protect yourself when it comes to cyber bullying.

-How to help stop people bullying you. 

 Loss and grief; 

-How to cope with a suicide of a loved one.

-Grieving for a stranger. 

-Common reactions to death. 

-Working through grief.

(Other loss and grief)

-Moving away from friends and family. 

-Coping with a breakup.

 Getting help; 

-Seeking help early. 

-All about psychological treatments. 

-Types of help.

-All about age and confidentiality. 

Things you need to remember; 

- Don’t stress about being fixed because you’re not broken.

-Remember to remind yourself of your accomplishments. Tell yourself that you’re proud of yourself, even if you’re not. 

- This is temporary. You won’t always feel like this. 

-You are not alone. 

-You are enough. 

-You are important. 

-You are worth it. 

-You are strong. 

-You are not a failure, 

-Good people exist. 

-Reaching out shows strength. 

-Breathe. 

-Don’t listen to the thoughts that are not helping you. 

-Give yourself credit. 

-Don’t be ashamed of your emotions, for the good or bad ones. 

-Treat yourself the same way as you would treat a good friend. 

-Focus on the things you can change. 

-Let go of toxic people. 

-You don’t need to hide, you’re allowed to feel the way you do. 

-Try not to beat yourself up. 

-Something is always happening, you don’t want to miss out on what’s going to happen next. 

-You are not a bother.

-Your existence is more than your appearance. 

-You are smart. 

-You are loved. 

-You are wanted. 

-You are needed. 

-Better days are coming. 

-Just because your past is dark, doesn’t mean your future isn’t bright. 

-You have more potential than you think. 

- Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.

Please remember to look after yourself and know that you are more than worth it and you deserve to be happy. Keep smiling butterflies x

[stuckinapril]

how to feel like a person?

digital detox. if your phone was taken away, how much free time would you have? how empty would your day be? do you have things to do outside of scrolling endlessly on different apps? if you come to the realization that a lot of your time consists of being glued to your screen, you need to start considering incorporating no-phone time blocks into your day. a big part of our daily misery boils down to consuming so many things in 24 hours, to the point that we feel too burned out to do anything else that truly nourishes our body and soul.

establish a routine. discipline is so important for happiness. start out small—schedule your day, get consistent with your skincare routine, take daily walks—and then gradually add more and more things. don’t try to revamp your life all at once. that’s a surefire way to quit altogether. be realistic about your limits, but also push yourself where appropriate so you don’t stay static.

journal. mentalize your feelings. don’t suppress your emotions. be curious about your thought processes and what makes you tick. always be self-compassionate, but hold yourself accountable where it’s due.

start pursuing hobbies. make a list of all the things that interest you and try them out. there are so many things out out there; one of them is bound to stick. don’t go into it with the negative mindset that you know you wouldn’t like doing x and y. some things you might know in your heart are not for you, but don’t rule out possibilities you’re ambivalent about. be open-minded and see finding your interests not as a chore, but as an exciting prospect.

practice gratitude. this is such a popular advice bc it works. start off your day by listing 3 things you’re grateful for. it’s crazy how so many people don’t realize it’s a blessing to just be alive, when so many people get robbed of their lives so early on. i’m not saying to never shoot for more, but having a foundation of contentment goes a very long way.

have a solid set of friends, but march your own march. you don’t need anybody; you just want them. same thing with friends. friends are good for us because we are a social species, but if one person were to leave your life, it’s not the end of the world. your life is already colorful, filled with so many things you’re doing for yourself—furthering your career, improving on your skills, working on your fitness—that a person leaving shouldn’t be detrimental. never be so dependent on someone you can’t envision a life without them. you need to make your life exciting on your own; you can’t have someone else doing all the heavy lifting for you.

have an abundance mindset. if one thing fails, that just leaves room for something better to take its place. you are always bound to find better. there are 8 billion people in this world. there are countless different possibilities. failure or loss does not mean it’s game over for you.

see pain as a learning experience. true growth spurts do truly come from heartbreak or failure. it teaches us to pick ourselves back up and try again. always have a growth mindset. that relationship didn’t work out? now you know what to avoid for the next relationship. you’re single again? now you get to focus on and learn more about yourself. that friendship ended? at least you won’t waste any more time on someone who doesn’t value having you in their life. you didn’t get that job? that leaves the door open for other possibilities. you didn’t get the score you wanted? now you know what to work on to do better next time.

action-directed things to improve your self-esteem. you can sit in your room all day and tell yourself you’re the best thing since sliced bread and everyone’s obsessed with you, but truly building up your self-esteem comes not only from thinking positive things about yourself, but also acting on them. work on things you care about. work on yourself as a person. love who you are, but also strive for self-improvement. do things that can act as proof—to you—for why you’re worthy. it’s a game changer.

dispense of the victim-of-life mentality. it’s safe to dwell in your misery and keep blaming things on factors out of your control, but where would that get you? it’s just resulting in you expending your energy needlessly. stop seeing life as jumping from tragedy to tragedy. actively fight against your negativity bias. recognize that for every bad thing that happens, 100 good things happen, but we as humans have a tendency of focusing only on the negatives. sort through your emotions, make peace with what happened, but pick yourself up and move on. the most valuable thing we all have on this planet is time. it’s limited and it will come to an end eventually. you don’t want to look back and resent yourself for not simply letting go of things and appreciating what you have around you.

[the-healing-mindset]

7 Subtle Signs Your Trauma Response is to ‘Fawn’

“I once felt guilty because a friend spent thirty minutes looking for parking near the cafe I chose to meet them at.”

[call-it-living]

“A number of people have asked of fawning, “Isn’t this manipulative?” But I think that misses the point. It’s disempowering, it stems from pain, and guilt is simply not an effective way of motivating people to unpack their trauma and show up differently for the people they care about.”

This entire article was relatable to me. But this quote specifically hit hard. I’ve felt manipulative for a long time. I was always so worried I was being manipulative even though I felt I had the therapeutic knowledge and self awareness to not be that kind of person. I’ve even accepted that I’m manipulating people once I realized I’m a people pleaser. But this quote gives better context. The guilt I’ve put on myself all these years for feeling manipulative without understanding why has been massive. And it does not serve me! I haven’t changed my behaviors based on the guilt. The only thing that is finally getting me to try and change my behaviors is having the knowledge and understanding about why I do these things, and why it’s making me feel like shit. It’s hard to overcome the guilt but ultimately it will help me in the long run to stop focusing on the guilt and start focusing on how I can get more in tune with myself!

[rosydraws]

Actively working to correct my negative self talk. It’s not hurting anyone but me.

[pastel-hazey-dreams]

[beenovel]

Words of advice from my chronically ill mother:

Part of taking care of your body is not having shame about it. If you're spending all your energy being guilty then you're not giving your body the rest that it needs to recover