[Guest Post] Two Men I Overheard Talking Loudly in the Apartment Hallway
Alt title: People I Wished Only Existed Online and Not on the Same Floor as My Apartment
Chapter 1: Not yet weirdos
Earlier this morning, I heard two men chatting away in the hallway outside my apartment. I had the TV set to a normal volume and wasn't really paying attention to their conversation, but as they continued to yabber for over 10 minutes as loud as, if not louder than the TV, it started to get distracting and annoying. I didn't passive-aggressively turn up the TV; I just patiently waited for them to finish. They continued to yabber on for about 5 more minutes and then the conversation ended.
I didn't think much of it at the time until this afternoon, when I think I heard them loudly chatting again. This time I didn't have the TV going, so I decided to listen a little closer; and after the whiplash of their choice of topics I wrote down what I could hear/felt like were some of the more memorable moments.
Chapter 2: Trust me bro, I'm weirder than you
Here we meet our protagonists who I will be referring to as Deep Voice and High Voice.
Deep Voice starts off by offering a side table and some other furniture to High Voice.
High Voice thanks him for the offer and says he's sorry to hear about Deep Voice's Mum. Deep Voice thanks him back and explains how his mum had dementia but it's okay now becuase she's in heaven.
High Voice explains that he can't take the furniture today so it'll have to be on another day later this week.
At this point it seemed normal enough, I almost felt bad for listening in on their not so private conversation from my couch on the opposite side of my loungeroom. That was until High Voice decided to try and one up Deep Voice by bringing up the fact that his mum also has dementia and isn't doing too well.
Deep voice without missing a beat, retorted with how his Dad is 90 years old and has issues so Deep Voice feels stuck and can't get on a plane on the off chance he dies.
High Voice said something back that I missed but seemed like he wanted to one up Deep Voice's dad situation. However Deep Voice isn't having any of this and doubles down and mumbled something about how some mystery third person was judging him about not seeing his dad, and goes on to explain how his dad was abusive so why would he see him.
To me this seemed to counter his earlier point but oh well I was missing parts of the conversation anyway. Seemed weird to have a grief off in the hallway but that's none of my business.
This is where the conversation goes from uncomfortable to what the hell am I listening to. Deep Voice starts flexing, and explains how he makes music and for his Mum's service he had written her a song. Weird flex but okay, until he added "but I used Ai to do the vocals". This is where I start side eyeing the door with equal parts confusion and intrigue.
I would have imagined if you were going to use Ai for song writing it would be the actual writing portion to tidy up the lyrics and not to create a artifical ghost voice to sing about your death mother. Especially when you brought up the topic about being someone who creates music.
This is also the moment I started jotting down the nonsense I was listening to as quickly as I could.
They both mumble for a bit and Deep Voice reiterates that it was just for the vocals.
High Voice doesn't sound confused or disgusted by this and instead sees this as the perfect opportunity to bring up his new crypto currency that he's still developing. Not yet released but in his own words he thinks it will "change the world" he then mumbles about grok and mentions elon, it didn't sound like he was bagging him out so I can only assume he's a fan.
At first I thought what a wild pivot but maybe High Voice correlated Crypto with Ai ghost singing which feels fitting and gross in its own kind of way.
High Voice then vomits out a weak sauce word salad of a sales pitch for his crypto, with marketing jargon gems including "20% interest rate" and "20% return". I'm no crypto bro but those two numbers didn't sound convincing to me. He also said um between every other sentence so he didn't sound overly confident in his world changing product.
Deep Voice, who didn't laugh when he heard the "world-changing" part, also didn't seem to buy what High Voice was selling. And when asked if he was into crypto, in what I could only gauge as High Voice thinking he'd suckered in his first angel investor, Deep Voice made a weird high-pitched noise that evoked an awkward shrug and a strong desire to change the subject, before stating he just didn't really get it or wasn't good at it. Something to that effect, anyway.
High Voice unshaken from his failed sale continues to serves some more jargon and ums before Deep Voice returns serve out of left field by bringing up Trump's crypto scam and how he manipulated the market. High Voice jargoned around that remark and seemed unphased by his comment.
I should mention this conversation didn't seem antagonistic in their efforts to one up/out weird each other. More like a bad first date between two straight guys who think it's going well, but don't really know how they come off on dates.
Chapter 3: Because why wouldn't you talk about sexual harrassment after mentioning Trump
This was the hardest part of the conversation to hear but maybe that was for the best; because they almost started speaking at a less than obnoxious level, however I still caught a few key details.
Almost the perfect segue after Deep Voice mentioned Trump; though I don't think he did so intentionally, he then brings up their next totally normal topic of conversation about a colleague of his losing their job due to a sexual harrassment claim.
High Voice joins in mumbling about someone "didn't have the correct SA policies in place" and "$450 to go to the lawyer" as well as "28 days to lodge their claim."
Of all the garbage I just listened to that was the only part of the conversation that I know is true, based on my own unfair dismissal experience and research.
However I didn't get the vibe that these two would support an actual victim of SA and would be more likely to call something that they didn't agree with or understand woke.
Chapter 4: second date confirmed
After more mumbling the conversation kind of peters out with Deep Voice asking if he'll see High Voice tomorrow. "Catch up tomorrow around 10?" To which high Voice mumbles for a bit before awkwardly responding with "Yeah I'll be awake by then" they then both part ways.
I'm half tempted to be up around 10 tomorrow for the next instalment, however I'd be equally happy to not hear their strange conversations and pray they never knock on my door to offer me furniture, Ai mix tapes or crypto scams.
I should mention this conversation didn't seem antagonistic in their efforts to one up/out weird each other. More like a bad first date between two straight guys who think it's going well, but don't really know how they come off on dates.
