cantarina reads fic aloud

Podficcer, incurrably multifannish, shipster. This blog is mostly podfic, fannish gifsets, and queer/femme stuff. More frequently known as Twitter's @vworpvworp Blanket go-ahead to remix, repod, or do whatever else to my fanworks. Please drop me a link...

[cantarinapodfics]

[White text on a neon green background, with a red arrow pointing right on the top of the test and a blue arrow pointing left below it. The text reads #ITPE.] Sign-ups for #ITPE 2021 are open until September 30th at 11:59 GMT-12!  #ITPE is the #InformalTwitterPodficExchange, a multifandom podfic exchange with no minimums on gift length. You DO need a Twitter account to be play but it doesn’t have to be one you use regularly. More info here: https://twitter.com/ITPE_mod/status/1441435861757874177

[prokopetz]

If you’re trying to catch a housecat that’s gotten outside, don’t forget: they’re an ambush predator and you’re a persistence predator. You have several times more endurance than they do - use that to your advantage! Don’t run after them; that’s playing to the cat’s strengths, and vigorous pursuit may cause them to hide. Instead, follow them at a brisk walking pace until they get tired and need to have a lie-down, at which point you can simply pick them up and take them home.

[fsthhdwefg-deactivated20180515]

Ok but no shit this tactic is what allowed humans to survive pre-civilisation

[lowkey-revolutionary-raccoon]

Some mammoth: *chilling, eating grass, mammothing*

Cavedude: *power walks towards them*

Mammoth: oh sIHT

[krwzprtt]

cat : haha you can’t outrun me

human:

[animalrates]

[queerist]

I adore this

[talkgentlytome]

this video cured my anxiety, my acne, my life 

[untitled94191]

[revisitingleverage]

401: The Long Way Down Job

[cantarinapodfics]

i will never not adore elliot for calling nate out on his bullshit

[feyrealms]

I agree john mulaney is probably an immortal akin to beings such as keanu reeves and jeff goldblum but he’s like a new born baby immortal who is looking at the long long expanse of a lifetime he has in front of him and is already tired

[newtgeiszler]

jeff golblum is thousands of years old and loving it. john mulaney was born in 1901 and ever since 1924 it’s gone downhill for him

[wombatking]

So to be clear, the immortal timeline seems to be:

John Mulaney - early 20th century

Eric Andre - Probably 17th century or so.

Taika Waititi - Elizabethan age, probably hung out with Shakespeare

Keanu Reeves - We think sometime around Alexander the Great, but he seems to have just sprung up fully formed.

Jeff Goldblum - 100% Biblical times, may or may not be King Solomon.

Tommy Wiseau - Indeterminate, may be the first Homo Sapiens.

[kegisaroused]

I love how recapping Xena sounds like you’re talking about your AO3 bookmarks…

-1940s Indiana Jones AU

-Xena and Gabrielle are cloned into modern times by Xena fans. Hilarity ensues.

-Xena and Gabrielle are reincarnated, find eachother again, get married.

-A reporter follows Gabrielle and Xena around trying to find out if they’re banging. Don’t ask me why there’s a modern reporter in Ancient Greece this is just crack fic lol

-ANGEL/DEMON AU

-Xena commissions a Sappho poem for Gabrielle’s birthday and they fly off into the sunset.

-WAGNER’S RING CYCLE AU

-what if Xena was a real person and the TV show is just based on her real adventures.

… but no. Those are all literal, actual things that happened in the show.

[thedandyunderworld]

Taking place in England the owners of the yard slowly kept adding sections to the contraption so when the squirrel learned one section and got the nuts, they’d add another section. It took over 2 weeks to get to the final product you see in the video.

[still-godless-david]

I love how it pushed itself along in the red cart. FASTER FASTER!

[obeekris]

Squirrel Ninja Warrior!

[eliyora]

This is some apex squirrel Olympic shit

[fabulouscrabulous-deactivated20]

Just flip ‘em!

[gwydtheunusual]

Please do this for them if you find one… They are so completely harmless and just want to get back to cleaning the sea floor.  I love them so much :)

[misandristabbacchio-remade-deac]

they’re literally just ocean roombas please be nice to them

[fernacular]

Y’know, I really enjoy the concept of Clark Kent.

Like, minus the whole superman aspect.

because, like, okay I can buy that maybe he can disguise himself well enough to hide the fact that he’s superman, but i doubt any amount of slouching and glasses wearing can truly disguise that he’s a very tall EXTREMELY muscular man with a jawline that can cut glass.

So basically this newspaper office has this guy who looks like a weightlifter/supermodel just hanging around but he wears glasses and acts like a huge nerd and everyone just goes with it???

Like “Oh yeah, that’s Clark. No no he works here. Oh no don’t bother being intimidated by him, talk to him for five minutes and he’ll devolve into a lecture on proper tractor maintenance. We like Clark.”

 I wonder if the ladies in the office ever drag him with them to bars so they don’t have to worry about creeps trying to harass them like “back off creeps our friend here is 6′4″ and grew up chucking hay bales”  And then it’s funny because (as far as they know) Clark is like, the meekest lil nerd around. (He don’t look it though!!!!)

It’s just incredible to me that Clark Kent can pull off being a quiet harmless dork while still looking like, well, superman. 

[cuttydarke]

Do you think he occasionally turns up to the office Halloween party wearing a really shitty Batman costume?

[ma-at-thought]

Well, I do now.

[bowditch]

[whetstonefires]

That is an excellent Batman costume worn poorly.

[saphire-dance]

Lois dressed as Robin it was hilarious. 

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

Being a good person is a choice. Don’t let people fool you into believing that truly good people never have bad thoughts, are never tempted by the easier path, by the low road, never mess up or act out selfishly. Never believe a person can be good without making a conscious effort.

Every single time you do something good, you’ve made a decision to make the world a little brighter.

Goodness is not an inherent trait, it is a choice. Keep making it! I see you, I’m proud of you, and I’m rooting for you!

[thoodleoo]

i hate when people in movies/tv are reading ancient languages and they translate everything really smoothly and poetically, as if when people who study ancient languages aren’t consulting three different commentaries and sobbing profusely when we read

[quousque]

ok so like…. it says

“come you all into the deepest cavern, or maybe that’s fireplace, depends on usage, and having come may you give your…. treasures? Skin? Pants? I don’t know, something…. to the….. about-to-be-adored guy, that one who…. okay, he either causes earthquakes or sleeps a lot, I think this might be an idiom….”

[thoodleoo]

“ok, sorry that took so long and i hate to disappoint but i’m still not entirely sure what it means, like, it could be something about a religious ceremony or it could be a dick joke. leaning towards dick joke, might be both. knowing the ancients, probably both. this could very well be an ancient dick temple and we should probably leave.”

[rudjedet]

Funnest part is when you get shit like this:

Why yes that is a text comprised of almost exclusively crocodile hieroglyphs.

[thatlittleegyptologist]

We also can’t get a coherent translation because the grammar makes absolutely no sense. Participles and Participial statements all the way. Sobek who is Crocodile of Crocodopolis who advances the Crocodile for the Crocodiles….

The crocodile hieroglyph is also used to write sovereign and an adjective meaning power…so the text is suuuuuuuper confusing.

[beautifultoastdream-deactivated]

I can’t help but wonder if the crocodile hieroglyph text (which I never knew about, that is AMAZING) is the ancient equivalent of a sestina or another complex poem form. With the crocodile symbol meaning so many different things, and the result being so difficult to translate, it might make more sense as a poem or some other stylistically rigid text.

Either that, or it was the Egyptian equivalent of a student being made to write lines on the chalkboard.

[systlin]

I will not take the name of Lord Sobek in vain

I will not take the name of Lord Sobek in vain

I will not take the name of Lord Sobek in vain

I will not…“Shakes out chiseling hand” Take the name of Lord Sobek in vain….

[bold-sartorial-statement]

Looks like an ancient shitpost to me.

[midnightmindcave]

mai nayme is hep and wen i wryt upon the wal so smooth and wite i bless the kynnge commend his akh but then get tyred and carve the croc

[digitaldiscipline]

It’s the equivalent of “Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.”

[captainlordauditor]

this is making me think of that story that was written in order to explain why simplifying Chinese characters to one character per syllable is a really bad idea

[fantasiawandering]

Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek  Sobek Sobek

Hathor, Hathor

Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek

Hathor, Hathor

Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek

Hathor, Hathor

Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek Sobek  Sobek Sobek

Ahh Set! Ahh Set!

Set! It’s Set! Ooooo, it’s a Set!

[katzedecimal]

Did you just

[spockvarietyhour]

[captaincrusher]

Getting dragged into a fandom like.

[mamalazzer]

If Taika Watiti directed a short between Civil War and Infinity War

My other Avengers AUs

[rkyrakune]

[dreams-in-metaphors-deactivated]

Nature spirit.

[simonalkenmayer]

How very rare!

[thriceandonce]

@fialleril

[just-shower-thoughts]

Cassettes had side A and side B, therefore it was kind of logical its succesor would be the CD.

[younowwantcheeseontoast-deactiv]

fuck this post

[xubbs]

ABCDMP3

[morbidmanatee]

NEXT TIME WON’T YOU SING WITH ME

[mystifyinglane]