Carnival

they/them and fucking proud of it

[tyskerrie]

Heartstopper season 2 really said aro and ace people are inherently queer

An ace book front and center in the pride section

A "here and queer" art exhibition with a piece made by an aroace artist about being aroace

I just love it

[carnivaloflightss]

Isaac really got me sobbing 😭😭

[toopsy]

uh oh! you misunderstood a social cue and said something mildly awkward. you will think about this and cringe everyday for the next 20 years

[nonbinaryresource]

suit up: formal wear tips and tricks for all y'all nonbinary cuties

[we recently received a question from a dfab person asking about finding a suit that would actually fit. i’m answering this by way of copying relevant answers from previous asks and adding some new information. it’s all pretty link heavy, but i wanted to share these resources with everyone. due to the nature of the original question, many of these resources are targeted more towards transmasculine and/or androgynous folks and/or people with an interest in wearing suits. i would love to expand this post in the near future to include more resources for all folks, of course!]

suit-specific advice first things first: proper fit is important and complicated! if there’s a department store in your area that you’d feel comfortable going to and it offers this service, you might want to go in for a suit fitting. knowledge is power! there are also a lot of online guides targeted at men that discuss proper suit fit, and that can be helpful to check out. here’s one. you can also pick up a tape measure, and take your measurements at home.

i know that a lot of nonbinary and trans folks swear by topman’s products, which have a pretty solid track record of fitting well, but aren’t necessarily inexpensive. in general, suits are pricey; topman’s prices are good, in comparison to the world of suits, but that certainly doesn’t make them affordable and accessible to all. i’d recommend keeping an eye on their clearance section. on a related note, check out this review of topman from qwear.

if you’re looking for the most cost-effective route, i’d recommend mixing and matching from stores in your local area, where you can go in and try things on. a lot of my suiting pieces are actually thrifted. also, a lot of this depends on your body type; personally, i’m super tall and a bit curvy and so while i often buy men’s jackets, i tend to go for menswear-inspired pants.

rounding out this section with some relevant essays and guides from autostraddle:

the style manual: suits 101 (required reading, in my opinion)

the style manual: suits 201

fat booty butch buys a suit on a budget

style thief: how to dress like bette porter (this is a different/non-traditional take on the suit, but some of y'all might dig it; i know i do) 

general resources and companies to check out when we’re talking about nonbinary style unfortunately, there aren’t many clothing companies that were created specifically to serve nonbinary folks. (but hey, always a great idea for our generation of nonbinary fashionforward entrepreneurs!) there are some companies that were created specifically to blur and challenge the boundaries between men’s and women’s fashion, often with an intentionally queer and/or nonbinary slant. dapperq and qwear are definitely sites to check out. here’s an article listing a bunch of companies you might want to check out. dapperq also has a great list of stores that includes genderqueer/androgynous lines. additionally, here’s an interesting article from dapperq about androgynous (but not masculine) formal attire. autostraddle’s fashion/style section is a good resource, too. here, disgender-fashion writes about gender-neutral formal wear. here’s another article from colorlines that lists some companies that might be of interest. scout’s honor describes their clothes as for the modern tomboy. you may have heard about greyscale goods, which got their kickstarter fully funded recently, and aspires to provide a curated service to their clients, sending androgynous clothes to your doorstep. and finally, here’s another great masterlist of blogs and companies, from gqid.

now, you may have noticed a couple things about these places: a) they’re pretty expensive, and b) they’re mostly skewed towards a version of androgyny that emphasizes a particular version of masculinity. for some folks, that’s not reflective of how they want to present themselves, and either way, that’s okay! but if you’re looking for something else, it can be a little frustrating. and, of course, these companies are not accessible to everyone.

sometimes, in order to put together a wardrobe that best reflects who you are, you’ve got to venture into traditionally gendered, normative spaces and curate your own closet. unlearn the conventions that our society has imposed on us and try on what makes you feel awesome. 

some other asks we’ve answered that might be relevant

“I was wondering if you could help me out and offer some suggestions in regards to fashion and style in the nonbinary fashion world. I am very curvy and large breasted, but I would still, very much, like to ‘pass’ as gender neutral and have an androgynous look to myself.”

“im genderfluid and winter formal is coming up soon and im very confused on what to wear”

and as always, our /style tag

good luck! we’re always here to talk nonbinary style and gender expression.

-kate

[unorthodox-soundwave]

Gotten a couple follows from porn bots and similar accounts recently, so a quick reminder:

[thefrogginbullfish]

[uncanny-tranny]

I think the thing people sometimes forget about the Pronoun Debate is that it ultimately isn't about the pronouns

It's about people who are upset that trans people have the nerve to say we don't want to be disrespected anymore.

[misscrappy]

That feminine urge this, masculine urge that ….

Yeah, okay , cool

But what about the Lunar urge to ritualistically disappear every couple of weeks ?

[tenitchyfingers]

“We chose the term “asexual” to describe ourselves because both “celibate” and “anti-sexual” have connotations we wished to avoid: the first implies that one has sacrificed sexuality for some higher good, the second that sexuality is degrading or somehow inherently bad. “Asexual”, as we use it, does not mean “without sex” but “relating sexually to no one”. This does not, of course, exclude masturbation but implies that if one has sexual feelings they do not require another person for their expression. Asexuality is, simply, self-contained sexuality.”

— The Asexual Manifesto, Lisa Orlando and Barbara Getz, 1972

[capricorn-0mnikorn]

Note the date, people:

That’s 1972

29 years before AVEN was started online,

and 47 years before the present.

And that’s only the date that Manifesto was written, so asexuals as members of a community must have existed at least some time before that.

So, no: we are not just Tumblr trenders. Get out of here with that.

[queerhumanbeing]

supporting my asexual friends and foes by rebbloging this

[freyjawriter24]

It’s 50 years this month since the first version of the Asexual Manifesto was written. Aces have been writing about our experiences under this name for at least half a century. We are not an internet fad.

[visuellesgedankengut]

whenever it feels like i might not be as trans as i think i am and that

it's all in my head

i could just act and look like my AGAB and it would be easier

i don't even pass as.. whatever i wanna pass as

i look at other transmasculine/trans men/gender fluid/gender queer/non-binary people and it makes me feel like

home.

it feels like there's no judgement in whichever way i might go.

i'll be fine either way. whatever way. because i belong. no matter what.

[halftoning-deactivated20240224]

what I wanna see more in media r painfully average people being lgbt, let the 40 year old school janitor be trans, let the grandpa who just sits on his porch be bi, let the girl who's on her way to an office job be lesbian, let the guy who's at the same bus stop everyday be nonbinary, and so on and so forth, idk I don't know why people always expect lgbt ppl to be this alt fashion teen/young adult and stuff when sometimes it's literally just some guy

[chronically-cal]

you know someone is either mentally ill and or queer if they love alice oseman's books . if they're neither , they are a very very rare breed .

[cryoverkiltmilk]

Wearing all kinds of clothes as an enby: ethereal, enriching, uplifting, beautiful, adorable, delightful, i garb myself in the finery that reflects my true self, all shall adore me

Shopping for other clothes as an enby: i am a formless horror, how dare I expose the world to myself, these fine things are not meant for me, what even are numbers, sizes are an eldritch language

[vexwerewolf]

I like talking to other enbies because they will instinctively understand this bullshit and I don’t need to explain it to them

[carnivaloflightss]

Me

[lovelesskeys]

there's a type of loneliness that comes with being aromantic, especially if your friends aren't. it's a longing type of loneliness, for the things that society promised you when you were growing up that are no longer within your grasp. the loneliness of knowing that, one day, your friends will most likely get married, maybe start a family, and you're.. well, you're not stuck because romance isn't needed to live, but it's going to take a while for the feeling that you need it to go away; therefore, you're going to have to find other ways if you want a deeper connection with someone that isn't, and won't turn into, romance.

[http-bisexually-active]

being perceived as a girl fucking sucks lol

[ladygobpire]

my oversized sweatshirt will protect me from Everything

[enby-life]

“But why should I respect if someone is neogender and uses ‘made up’ pronouns!!!!!! That’s too much for me to remember!!!!!!”

1: how often, on average, do you think about people you know in the context of their gender. How often do you think of your friend Steve the Man™️ and how you’re going to see a movie with Boy™️ Steve and you’ll pay for popcorn this time because DickMan™️ Steve paid for it last time, and maybe after the movie you’ll go with RagingTestostrone™️ Steve to play video games because he’s BallHavingManlyMan™️ Steve. Not very often, right?

2: how much, on average, does someone’s gender affect you? Do you see your coworker Malissa in the break room and then freeze in your tracks because how are you supposed to talk to Melissa she’s a WOMAN. You were going to ask her for a pen but maybe she’s too WOMANLY to have a pen you shouldn’t ask her for a WOMAN pen that’s so wrong of you to WOMAN ask her to borrow a WOMAN writing utensil WOMAN. Yeah, it doesn’t really affect you all that much does it.

3: so the chances are if you know someone’s gender, it won’t be brought up again. It doesn’t matter if you know or not, or what their gender is. It changes nothing, calm down.

4: we all know how pronouns are used, they’re used to talk ABOUT someone. They’re descriptors. A call to your dad wouldn’t sound like ‘hey HIM, I heard the weather by HE was getting pretty cold. HIMSELF might want to get some blankets so HIS can stay warm! Love HIMSELF, talk to HE next week!” So how often are you really going to be talking ABOUT this person, that you clearly already have no interest in even talking TO?

So let’s at least acknowledge that genders and pronouns are very similar to a person’s pet(s). To them, it could be the most important thing in the world! And really after being made aware of it, this won’t affect you at all. So please stop shouting at them about how pet dogs are terrible and should never be allowed inside of houses. You’re embarrassing yourself.

And before anyone tries to pull an “I can’t remember!!!”: reread this post. Reread it, because you missed all of the points.