Cassandra's Secret Place

ehh, fuck it (25, she/they) this is where I shitpost, if you want something of substance follow my side blog pheonixgrave

[dahlia-molinas]

if christopher nolan was really the visionary and ground-breaking director everyone claims he is he would have cast ben affleck as penelope

[dahlia-molinas]

everyone reblogging this and saying some version of "but then odysseus would be home in 10 minutes" how does it feel to be funnier than me on my own post

[dogpuppy]

[teacuppigdog]

Me, reblogging from anyone I don't follow: I'm introducing diversity into the gene pool. This will make my mutuals' dashes stronger and healthier.

[flyingbooks42]

Me reblogging old posts: I am reintroducing historical species into the gene pool to hybridize with the dashboard equivalent of pugs, making them stronger and healthier.

[asteroidtroglodyte]

Me reblogging legacy posts: there are New Users, young Mutuals who were not here for the Old Times and do not remember the Old Ways. Someone must teach them, lest they be Lost.

[gaynfl-moved]

STOP CENSORING YOURSELF ON THIS WEBSITE. FUCK SHIT SEX MURDER ALCOHOL DRUGS FAGGOT DYKE QUEER TRANS BITCH SLUT WHORE SEX SEX SEX SEX!!!!!!!!!!!

[your-sleep-paraylis-demon]

OK OK. UH UHHHH..... KILL?

[gaynfl-moved]

[harvestspriteirl]

[paverics]

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

[hymnsofheresy]

i just woke up from a dream where i was being interrogated by a bunch of people asking me if “furbies are kosher” firstly…. im not jewish. secondly……..what the fuck

[hymnsofheresy]

please stop sending me asks pertaining to the kosher status of furbies. i really do not know. this was just a manifestation of my subconscious. im assuming that they are not kosher because furbies aren’t even food. but who knows! ask a rabbi, if you must. 

[natashatroyka-deactivated201902]

Jew here! Furbies are actually worse than unkosher–they are not permissible as food, even for gentiles. This is because the Torah teaches that it is forbidden for any human to eat the meat of an animal that is still alive, and the Furby cannot die.

[hymnsofheresy]

hi this is the most ominous description of a furby i have ever heard

[hadesisqueer]

Two World Cup finalists from opposing teams in this fucking picture, this sport isn't real

[hadesisqueer]

Context for anyone who is wondering: Lamine Yamal's parents won an UNICEF raffle for a charity photoshoot in which Barça players posed with kids, and 5 month old Lamine happened to get 20yo Messi. Which is like. Literally insane

[joyflameball]

[throo]

Wh-what do you mean it’s from a birthday cake

[throo]

We could have been eating him

[goldensunset]

>‘this thing is too generic and tropey’

>look inside

>forefather of that genre

[firestorm09890]

[frankbelloriley]

[skeuo]

i just beefed with someone online and I got tired of it so I said "I ate some really good blueberries today" and they replied "I had a fire ass peach today". world peace

[lupismaris]

Do it scared but please don't do it hungry. Please don't do it dehydrated. It's gonna make it so much scarier. Please.

[fervent-bookwomb]

i think that soy sauce fish and honey bear must be the very very best of friends

[fervent-bookwomb]

look at them. look at them!!! i bet they have tea parties together when the spice cabinet is closed.

[emtearzz]

buddies!!

[fluffysheeple]

christian bad driver: my guardian angel watches over me, I don't need to look before I merge

atheist bad driver: I will rely on my own skill to see myself safely home after a mere 8 drinks

agnostic bad driver: no one knows where all these dents and scratches came from

[dogpuppy]

[banhmigoddess]

My one boring tip to anyone in their 20s is to resist the temptation to rot in your room every time you get a free moment. Dismiss any neuroses you have about going outside and "being perceived". Be a dictator about it, plan your hangouts like they are binding commitments. No excuses! Go to the bar with your friends. Be kinda hungover at work. Socializing is like exercise; even if you don't feel like you want to, you should still do it because it's good for you.

[loveipromiseimnotinsane]

I am a really really big fan of this whole filming and putting pro-shots of musicals in theater

[daysleftofsecondterm]

Beautiful, you don’t HAVE to forgive them. You just can’t ridicule them after leaving for being “tainted” or “evil” or whatever the acceptable word is now. Do not punish the behaviour you want to see.

“But they should’ve known sooner” and we should’ve known sooner that Destiel was never gonna meaningfully happen outside of queerbaiting, what’s your point?

“I never want them near me” that’s fine, but you do realize to insult them, YOU have to get near THEM, right? Wouldn’t it be more conducive to what you want to just leave each other alone?

“What if one of them tries to approach me?” Then you block them online, or you keep the conversation clinical and polite irl. You do NOT take time out of your day to berate them for their old views. Your mother raised you better than that.

[pavilarg0]

Preserving these tags, they're very correct

[llamaking]

I would reblog this one million times if I could

[daysleftofsecondterm]

As a matter of fact you can!

[ink-in-hand]

This is fundamentally how cults WORK, btw

Villainize outsiders, which can look different depending on the cult, make everything an us vs them situation. And then when those outsiders show themselves to be hostile (doesn't matter why) the cult is proven right all along on one of their foundational messages

[merlions]

Critically important: