Gay Bitch

shark lover | halloween enthusiast 🧡

[penandinkprincess]

ilya and svetlana's physical comfort and affection with each other even outside of sex is very important to me, so i want it to continue after shane and ilya are together, with shane settling into it and working through his own jealousy/insecurity about svetlana because i think platonic physicality is very important and sweet

and because it offers the very funny idea of poor svetlana tucked away in the corner of the couch with ilya's head resting on her stomach and shane laying against ilya with his head on his shoulder, which aw. cuddle puddle. ilya getting to be touching his two most important people at the same time.

but also there is now a total of 400 pounds of hockey player standing between her and freedom if she needs to get up

*face slaps face slaps rousing them from a nap because yes yes so cute but she needs to pee so MOVE your giant selves*

[c-a-k-e-deactivated20170914]

i hate those posts that are like “hes tall, handsome, funny… i didnt say a name but he popped into your head didnt he ? :)” like no? he didnt. who the fuck is he 

[katana-kind-blog]

he is here

[c-a-k-e-deactivated20170914]

oh!! hes everything hes been made out to be!!

[noknowshame]

resurrected dead wife watching her own montage: wow I looked so hot in that

[dogsdayilya]

Loyalty (1869)

— by Briton Rivière

Loyalty (2025)

— by Ilya Rozanov

[rozanovshane]

toddler shane refusing to talk after his hockey team lose a game. yuna & david are trying to be encouraging like “bud!! you played so good!!” and shane is ignoring them while climbing into his car seat where he’s going to angrily drink his juice box and then chew on the straw.

[rabbittush]

He’s had a rough day…

[rozanovshane]

toddler shane mic’d up highlights

get the puck get the puck get the puck

faaaast i’m so fast

let’s gooooo!

[unintelligible noises]

go go go go

[singing o canada]

[imsodishy]

One thing about the Hollander men; if you hit them with a social situation they don't know how to react to, they will straight up leave ✌️

call that the Hollander Goodbye

[penandinkprincess]

thoughts and prayers to ilya, who is marrying into a family of flight risks 🙏

[snap-crackle-cunt]

no im not in love w him bro he's so boring. he's sooooo boring with those big brown eyes and perfect mouth. he drinks ginger ale. soooo boring. he kisses me like i'm the sun. snoozefest. he folds his clothes before i fuck him. bro im not in love whatsoever

[1410-1221-dec2008]

[shilyas]

02.13.2001 🎉 Happy Birthday, Hudson Williams!

[lavenderprose]

I just know that Shane was one of those kids who didn't speak til three and when he did he busted out a full sentence one day and that sentence was, "Jason stole my FUCKING crayons" followed by a WHAP as Shane hit Jason and Jason hit the floor and Yuna and David were summoned immediately to the school to have an Important Conversation and David sat there the entire time staring at Yuna out the side of his head because Shane did NOT get those "interpersonal skills" from the mailman and Yuna's only response to the entire conversation was, "Well. Did Jason steal his fucking crayons???"

Twenty-three years later Ilya Rozanov dies on a floor in Ottawa after hearing this story for the first time.

[finelytaylored]

“can’t believe you treat your gf like this Hollander 😔” has me crying lmao please someone write this

[snap-crackle-cunt]

yuna and david: wait i thought u were a slut. like. ur canonically a whore?

ilya: why yes. i am slut for your son. i am ultimate whore for your autistic son

[bambicoded]

it's important to me that ilya remains captain of the centaurs after shane joins, but i have a specific picture in my mind of shane being assistant captain and being generally harmless and super chill , so the centaurs see him as like the chill parent (something to be said about shane being content in letting someone else, specifically His Someone, have the reins and enjoying not being in charge) but then ilya has to be out for a few weeks for like health or smth so shane goes into Captain Mode and the centaurs are scared shitless by how intense he gets all of a sudden. the most intense drills of all time. the hardest plays they've ever heard of. the strictest practices on earth. and they suddenly understand why shane led the metros/voyagers to victory so many times and why ilya treats him like the boss in their relationship. and then as soon as ilya comes back he turns it off and the centaurs are like Oh Thank Fuck Because What The Hell Was That

[lavenderprose]

As a married person I do need to tell you all that Shane and Ilya do weird shit all the time.

They routinely have entire conversations where Ilya is very softly smacking Shane's foot the entire time. Shane enjoys the percussive feedback.

Ilya mispronounces the word "Application" and they just sit there mutually whispering 'Aaap-li-caaa-shun' at each other for the next thirty seconds.

Ilya comes up behind Shane while he's trying to make a smoothie and says 'HELPING HANDS' and puts his arms under Shane's armpits.

Ilya sees Shane undressing in the bathroom and yells, "Take it all off!"

Shane carries Anya into the bedroom and holds her over Ilya's chest and moves her paws and says, "Papa it is me. Papa it has been an whole hour since I ate. Papa I am so hungry and sad." then drops her on his stomach.

Shane comes into the home office and grabs a pen off the desk and puts it against Ilya's cheek and says, "Any last words?" and Ilya says, "I wish I had eaten more dumplings."

Ilya spends an entire episode of House Hunters International with his hand down Shane's pants. It's not doing anything in there either it's just keeping warm.

Sometimes they are just mutually awake at three AM for No Reason and they go stand on the porch and stare at the empty street together.

Sometimes they are laying there playing footsie on the couch while on their phones (Parallel play) and Shane says, "Does your mouth ever do that squeezing thing. You know. When you eat." And Ilya says "Explain" and they spend the next ten minutes dissecting whether this is a Human Experience or a Shane Experience.

Sometimes Ilya will put his head on Shane's stomach and say, "Show me your boooones" and wait for Shane to lift his shirt so he can burrow under it.

I just think that we as a fandom need to embrace how Weird married people get about each other. From personal experience I am telling you it is SO FUN.

[femaustinpowers]

david hollander is the true winner of the idgaf war. he doesn’t know what youtube is. he doesn’t care about shane’s sponsorships. he understands why shane doesn’t wanna go to wimbledon and is just happy to go with his wife. he sees his son making out with his supposed arch enemy and turns 180 degrees, gets in his car, and doesn’t tell a soul. he pulls out the vodka when his newly out gay son is having a freak out at the dinner table. if shane had even 1% of his idgaf powers he would be unstoppable. unfortunately that boy inherited his mom’s gaf-ability, which is constantly set to 150%.

[1410-1221-dec2008]