hello vonnie
ojovivo
noise dept.
Product Placement
RMH
cherry valley forever
if i look back, i am lost
Not today Justin
🪼
titsay
wallacepolsom
No title available
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
izzy's playlists!
$LAYYYTER
occasionally subtle
Origami Around
Kaledo Art
will byers stan first human second
Keni
seen from Japan
seen from Canada
seen from China
seen from Algeria
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Germany
seen from Canada
seen from United States
@chernataxdama
( <= green bean
( <= chili pepper
. <= blueberry
=3 <= broccoli
● <= orange
. <= pea
• <= plum
<3< <= strawberry
<==}< <= carrot
~<O{ <= beetroot
°o8~ <= grapes
Ó <= apple
88- <= raspberry
c'ɔ <= bell pepper
cc’ɔɔ <= pumpkin
-8 <= cherries
☆{ } <= pineapple
¶\__________ <= garden hose (to water all the plants)
alright everyone good work gardening today. Let's all head inside and get some lemonade now
Jean from Genshin Impact artwork by MoonKitten
(via)
What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
You only need one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.
GUYS
Do you remember this classic Squidward moment:
I didn’t know if it existed and certainly never expected to see it
BUT BEHOLD
HONEST-TO-GOODNESS CANNED BREAD
I have no idea how this ended up in the Ohio food pantry I was volunteering at but they said I could have it
Should I report back with updates as I embark on this new adventure
OKAY GANG, I had a busy day yesterday and so the Canned Bread Adventure had to wait. But now we begin the journey! Hopefully the price will not be too great. (Mentally, of course, as the can was free.)
Now, this is marked as ready-to-serve, but there ARE instructions for heating up and even baking it. But of course we need to try multiple options to get more of the experience. Interestingly, the instructions SPECIFICALLY say to open BOTH ends of the can. You are also advised to use a spoon if the bread proves recalcitrant.
As the can opens, I begin to see why; it is clearly In There.
So regarding my first reactions, there is an… interesting aroma. Very rich, hauntingly familiar yet somehow foreign. Where HAVE I smelled that before…?
Oh well lets get it out!
The bread was indeed happy in its can and Not Having Any Of That with just the spoon, so I was forced to take extreme measures and run a knife along the inside. BEHOLD THE TOWER OF CANNED BREAD! On a positive note, the can lines make excellent cutting guides.
Time to taste! I admit to some hesitance. WHAT IS that smell?? It’s so FAMILIAR and yet makes me wary! I am getting flashes of old homestyle cooking and pioneer theme parks.
Oh right. Maybe I should check the ingredients list.
So it turns out this canned marvel consists of, among other things, mostly molasses and rye wheat. And baking soda! That’s right, friends, we are looking at a log of pure heftiness in terms of flavor profile. It is sweet and moist and yet somehow also savory and utterly drying. I immediately require cherry 7UP. My friends, I can confirm that if you like molasses, THERE IS DEFINITELY MOLASSES. The texture is very soft and, again, moist; if I had been presented a slice of this at a church benefit dinner, I would have called it some type of cake (then possibly politely nudged it to the side of my plate).
Now, research (aka my aunt googling it at the food pantry) suggests this is indeed one of those polarizing foods—if I remember correctly, one source predicted that you will either love it of have an instant hatred, and that it has been known to cause sharp family disagreements. I believe this to be accurate, as while I would not say I HATE it, I’m reluctant to eat the whole slice and can confidently place it on Weird Things To Try Only Once.
But that doesn’t matter, because this is FOR SCIENCE, and there are INSTRUCTIONS WE MUST FOLLOW
I’m unsure how splitting of the loaf (for lack of a better descriptor) would affect cooking times, and I do not have a toaster oven besides. So we will be popping this whole baby (minus one slice) in the oven and then trying it out with and without some cream cheese.
Mmm canned bread burrito.
I will be DELIGHTED if this crisps it up like a more traditional bready crust, but I am reserved in my hopes. Regardless, I shall report back later!
Quick Extra Note: That molasses smell PERMEATES. I am at least 15 feet away from the table where I opened the can, and it lingers around me like the faint savory-sweet ghost of an Appalachian kitchen from the 1800s.
WOW, I think like FIFTEEN new people followed me today (who either aren’t bots or are very well-disguised bots!) and I can only conclude this surge was from a burning curiosity to know the final results of the Canned Bread Journey. Well, wait no longer, friends, for here we go!
First, I have to say that the smell of bread baking apparently does ALWAYS smell good, regardless of the type of bread. My kitchen smelled lovely.
The molasses scent reasserted itself the instant I opened the tinfoil, but oh well. I grabbed my cream cheese and my apricot jelly and headed to my desk for the unveiling.
So first thing I noticed (besides the odor de molasses) is that it looks EXACTLY the same! Probably because of the tinfoil, or maybe this kind of bread just can’t form a crust, idk I am not a baker.
I then cut a plain slice, because again, for SCIENCE, we must try multiple avenues here.
Verdict: It tasted… pretty much the same as before going in the oven? Very sweet/savory and moist and with that bitter rye flavor that some people like (I do not). But it was warmer, and that definitely had a positive effect. Most things that taste a little funny generally taste better at something other than room temperature, though. ESPECIALLY if it comes from a can. I ate one bite and did not feel compelled to experiment further down that road, so I just added the cream cheese spread (plain) to the piece and took my next bite.
Verdict: Okay! Now we’re getting somewhere! This is a nice balance - the sweet creaminess pairs well with the savory tones of the bread! I could finish a slice of this!
Now let’s add some jelly (apricot) on this bad boy:
Verdict: Nice! Nice! Refreshing balance! Slightly interested to know if other flavors of jelly taste better with the bread (I also tried just jelly and didnt care for the combination), but I like apricot, and most jellies go well with cream cheese. I ate two slices before the rye aftertaste became too powerful. This is a very filling little bread, though, so I was satisfied. Overall River (that’s me) Rating: 5/10. To be fair to the bread, I am not a fan of rye OR molasses (or other bitter flavors, like coffee or dark chocolate). But to be fair to ME, my and my aunt’s google searches suggest that this food often forms Strong Opinions in both directions, but especially if you are from Massachusetts (possibly Boston specifically), which as far as I can tell is the only place in the whole U.S. that knows about and sells this stuff. They also eat it with beans—it actually says so under the heating instructions (which I missed, but I just ate spaghetti and do not want to open a whole can of beans, so some other brave non-MA soul can try that if they so desire.)
In conclusion: If you like strong, savory/sweet flavors like rye and/or molasses, you may enjoy this! I didn’t think it tasted particularly “canned” (although there were some flecks that MAY have been pieces of the can caught by my knife removal technique). It has a cakey texture that I did not find unpleasant. But if you dislike such flavors wholesale, or just feel an uncontrollable aversion to anything that bears the same shape as cranberry sauce freshly removed from the can, you may want to abstain.
[For Comparison:]
This was fun to try, though! Thank you for coming on this journey with me, and remember, don’t be afraid to try new things sometimes! =D As for the rest of the loaf, I have foiled it up again and plan to give it to my oldest brother, who historically likes rye AND molasses (and every single other food in the world EXCEPT, for some reason, marshmallows).
Bonus: Stormy finds the canned bread uninteresting. But she is a cat, so her opinion should always be taken with a grain of salt.
~River
may I help you
twitter: we’ve added a view counter to give you Extra depression this holiday season! look at all those people looking at your post and not interacting with it. fuck you.
tumblr: here are bells. swipe your mouse across them real fast to hear the sounds of elon musk strangling the twitter bird
The (Little) Wanderer
I’m a melee main leave me alone.
babe wake up new laxative potion just dropped
Lindsey stealing from Laverne
Pepsi just made Pilk official
A man applies for a job at the circus
“What can you do?” asks the owner
“Really good bird impressions”
“Sorry we’ve got someone who can do those already”
“Oh well” said the man sadly, as he flew out of the tent.
I have a friend who does the best ever seagull impression.
He can’t do the noise, he just steals your chips and shits on your car.
I removed the shell from my racing snail.
I thought it would make it faster, but if anything it’s more sluggish.
In a small town, a doctor is about to retire and a young colleague comes to replace him.
They visit all the patients together, and the old doctor introduces the young one everywhere.
“Doctor, I’ve been having a constant stomach ache lately.” cries one of the patients.
The old doctor answers,
“Didn’t you eat too much fruit? I think you should eat less, that’ll make you okay.”
As the two doctors leave the house, the young man wonders,
“How could you make a diagnosis so quickly? You didn’t even examine the lady.”
“Simple. I dropped my stethoscope, and as picking it up, I saw that the trash can under the table was full of banana peels. I immediately realized what was wrong.”
They move on to the next house, where they are greeted by another lady.
It’s the young doctor’s turn.
“Doctor, I’ve been feeling exhausted and weak lately.” says the lady.
“Well, ma'am, maybe you should do less volunteering for the church and get more rest.”
As they leave, the surprised old doctor asks his colleague,
“How did you know that? After all, you didn’t even examine the lady, and you don’t even know her.”
“Simple. I dropped my stethoscope, and as picking it up, I saw the priest under the bed.”
“She rises in moon dust, born in the night with crowns of betrayal, to once again be the destroyer..”
