Alexandra Khitrova on DeviantArt / Instagram

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
occasionally subtle

#extradirty
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titsay

Janaina Medeiros
will byers stan first human second
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

Love Begins
ojovivo
hello vonnie
Xuebing Du
Peter Solarz
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
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i don't do bad sauce passes
Sade Olutola
cherry valley forever

izzy's playlists!

oozey mess
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@chokoladefisken
Alexandra Khitrova on DeviantArt / Instagram
The worst thing I ever did at a D&D table was when our DM ran out of place name ideas and told us the name of the port town we needed to go to was "Bar Harbor".
So I tricked him into roleplaying the slightly-too-helpful town guard into giving us directions to- Well you see, the party has been out in the wilderness for like a MONTH, we're all a mess, the dwarf's beard is out of control, so can you tell us- Where can we find the Bar Harbor Barber?
But we were not done. We each took turns, like a pack of velociraptors.
We also had Dryad in the party and a few of her branches got broken in a fight and now her whole canopy is unbalanced and it looks awful, but she really needs to see a specialist, is there a Bar Harbor Arbor Barber?
The Paladin also wanted to look in on a small church he'd heard of, that the city had a patron saint, who was boiled alive in a cauldron of ale, so where is the temple of the Bar Harbor Larger Martyr?
It was around this point that Chris started to tire of this nonsense.
The bard, naturally, wanted to go carousing, and he'd heard this town had some of the most attentive and welcoming Ladies of the Night on the continent, known by thier brightly colored stocking bands, so had he seen any of the Bar harbor Ardor Parlor Farber Garters?
Chris immediately escalated to threats of a Total Party Kill.
Unfortunately, I'd had time to prepare and-
"What do you want?"
"I just wanted to know if you'd seen my cousin."
"...Your cousin?"
"Yeah, I know it's a long shot, but he's got a pretty distinctive appearence and you might have seen him around town."
"Oh No-"
"Okay so he's Welsh and the whole family used to be in the wagon-making business but he got into clothes manufacture until there was an accident with a lamp black dye and now he's permanently stained a sooty color and that really turns heads, so now he's got a job drawing in crowds for the city funded swap meet- no, not the Drow that also works there, I mean like the inside of a fireplace- anyway, he got tired of people mixing the two of them up so he started wearing this fancy armor with a magical +1 charisma bonus-"
"Gallus I swear to God I *WILL* Summon the Tarraqsue-"
"-So have you seen my cousin, Arthur Carter, former Sartor but now he's the Darker Harker for the Charter Barter of Bar Harbor, the one with the Charmer Armor?"
Amazingly, we survived the Tarrasque.
You do realise Bar Harbor is a real place, right? It’s in Maine:
Important Clarification:
Chris the DM is FROM Bar Harbor, Maine.
We did this to his Home Town.
thinking about how all the adults were absolutely bullshitting when they said that school days are the best days of your life???? like whatever issues i have going on now, i can buy myself little treats like a book or food whenever i want. i feel like im stagnating in my current job so im looking for a new one. imagine if i was bored of school, no one would let me go to a new one. I don’t have to hang out with anyone I don’t want to. being an adult is fuckjng amazing and i was so right to feel trapped as a kid
This gives me hope
this video does more in 10 seconds than your fave’s entire filmography
For everyone who’s confused
I feel like im watching a wedding ceremony from a country i didnt know existed. Like, I have no idea how all this stuff is important but good for you?????
This is so special and I’m sure that people have reblogged explaining. but like she must have made an impact to get that cuff. Those take so long to make and are so complicated that they don’t get traded often.
In the time I’ve been going to festivals and received kandi for small acts of kindness I’ve near cried every time. It’s just such a sweet thing for someone to say “thank you, you made a positive impact on me today and here’s how I can express it” they come from connecting with people and helping each other out.
This video makes my heart so happy
I-??????? I can't really get that my brain hurts
Grammatically speaking, Pronouns are a game we play with society.
A crew of sailors discuss their ship. "her mast is strong but the sails need changin. She's a beaut though."
I see a fancy rock on my hike. I pick it up, turn to my friend and say "Look at him, he's so handsome"
A group of our sparkling Gay gentlemen meet up for a night out. "Girl, Daniel's serving up looks tonight. Queen! She's stunning love. She's killin it."
My neighbor needs a cup of sugar, I take some to them.
My lesbian friend wants to introduce me to her fellow female partner. "There's Star, he's wearing the blue jacket. Let's catch up with him"
What's real is how respect for one another makes us feel. He/him lesbians deserve your respect.
Pronouns are also more related to gender presentation than gender itself for some people!
Lesbians calling themselves "fathers", "husbands", "boyfriends", "handsome", and other words associated with men are a part of their gender presentation as masculine women as well as their reclamation of the idea that "lesbians just want to be men". He/Him pronouns is just a part of that!
thank you @national-shitpost-registry
i feel like it's important to also note that he/him pronouns aren't just for masc lesbians; femme and androgynous lesbians might use he/him pronouns too and honestly, regardless of someone's presentation, you should always default to using whatever they ask you to use anyway, much love to he/him lesbians!
I love being an adult because you know what actually happens when you run your car into a curb and scratch up the bumper?
Nothing. You get it fixed, or you don’t. Whatevs.
You know what actually happens when you are depressed or sick or on your period and don’t cook dinner?
Nothing. You still get to eat something, nobody scolds you, it doesn’t have any real bearing on your future success, and you don’t get soft shunned for a week by your family.
You know what actually happens when you break stuff, forget stuff, get sick, fall asleep, are rude, miss a flight, don’t know how to do XYZ thing on fixing cars or canning food or whatever, lose things, get lost because you can’t read a map and forgot to charge your phone, buy the wrong groceries, plant the wrong plants, not make your bed, make your bed wrong, jump on your bed, sleep on your bed, eat crackers in your bed, have emotions literally anywhere?
Nothing.
Nothing happens.
No one is mad.
No one can hurt you, and if they do there are laws saying they can’t and that it’s an actual crime with legal consequences.
All there are are outcomes and different paths and different problems and different situations and you just bumble your way forward into dealing with those and that’s it. That’s the whole thing. It’s not the wrong choice, having problems isn’t indicative of your inherent badness or inadequacy or lack of applying yourself. It’s just life, and it’s happening to literally everyone.
I’m not even kidding.
You just do stuff and nothing bad happens. Walk around existing? Nothing bad will happen. Wild.
You can cry. In public. And the most likely outcome is not that you will get taken away to receive the beating of your lifetime, it is that people will mostly ignore you and some will be kinder to you. 🤯
On Saturday I got pulled over because it turned out I'd been driving on expired tags for a year and hadn't even noticed.
I got told to "take care of it soon please" and let go with a warning. Today I went to the DMV and paid a $5 late fee along with the 2-year fee for registration, got new plates and stickers and that was that.
A year late. No big deal. No one was shocked or appalled. It was just a thing that happened and then I took care of it. No biggie.
Turns out, people expect you to make mistakes because they're people and they make them too. More often than not, you can just fix them and move on.
Thank you for this lovely positive post!
I need to remember this 😚
Guys, even the “big stuff” is fixable.
Do you know what happens if you forget to file your income taxes one year (look, I was still drinking pretty heavily, I forgot a lot of things that year)?
Literally nothing, the IRS has a little section on their site that reads “did you forget to file? Just file within 3 years to avoid any fines.”
People mess up. We make mistakes. There is almost always a mechanism to fix them.
It’s going to be ok.
@smol–jelly I can’t-
every person can feel freddie’s presence in their souls when they sing MAMAAAAAA UUHHHH, I DONT WANNA DIE, I SOMETIMES I WISH I’VE NEVER BEEN BORN AT ALL with all the air in their lungs i’m not joking
it’s fucking crazy to think about the amount of people who have sung bohemian rhapsody? like it’s such a unifying song, by nature of the fact that so many people know it. it holds so many good memories for me and other people. it’s a song you scream in the car with your friends while you drive around your boring hometown, it’s a song you drunkenly sing with your arm around your best friend, or a song you sing along to with strangers when it’s on in public. it’s bittersweet to think about freddie’s legacy carrying on like that through his masterpiece. freddie carries on because he’s a part of so many people’s good memories and bohemian rhapsody is a huge part of that.
Reblog if you have sung bohemian rhapsody with your friends
every time i see this post i’m reminded of the video of 65,000 people singing bohemian rhapsody in near-perfect harmony
like, what other song can make that claim?
Some of the highlights of that video include:
The crowd cheering after the first stanza when they realize what they’re all doing
So many people audibly ‘doing the guitar parts’… like ya do
The sheer number of voices joining the rediculous falsetto (thanks, Roger)
How they all start jumping at the ramp-up “so you think you can stomp me”
Hands up, hundreds, thousands deep for the final “ooooo”s and the last line to close the song
Only days before my state went into lockdown, “Bohemian Rhapsody” came on in the restaurant kitchen I’d just been hired at and, no shit, every single worker in that little diner started singing along. Me (the only queer afaik), the manager, all the other kitchen workers, the dishwasher up front, the two people on the counter, all but two of the men over 30. Just belting out Freddie Mercury at the top of their lungs. And you can bet when “sometimes I wish I’d never been born at all” came around, we every single one of us ramped up the intensity and basically made sure Freddie could hear us in the afterlife.
what the fuck is this
he loves shrimp can’t you read
Ever since that Steven universe smut blog turned out to be a republican senator I knew I’d never leave this hell site. You just don’t get drama like that anywhere else
im sorry What
the way they just dropped this bomb and did not follow up. king
Ted bundy isn't ugly, you're just a lesbian
Congratulations, this is the worst ask I’ve ever gotten
reblog if you’re a lesbian, support lesbians, or think ted bundy is ugly
it IS a phase, mom
show me a permanent state of the self, mom
Impermanence does not mean insignificance, mom
guad, why is one of your three primal fears whales?
so you know how millions of years ago life on this planet tended to be *enormous*? like, after dinos we got ridiculously massive mammals like the indricotherium:
and we got freakin giant apes
and giant fucking camels (Titanotylopus)
well naturally ancient ocean life was 1000x scarier. absolute nightmare fuel. it wasn’t enough that we got terrifying GIANT FUCKING MEGALODON SHARKS
no there was also bullshit like styxosaurus just running around. for NO REASON
look at this bullshit
even the fucking whales were terrifying. wtf Basilosauruses NO ONE asked for
oh wait don’t let me forget that even boring fucking FISH couldn’t be normal
unnecessary and unhelpful.
I hope i have made a point. the largest animals in the history of the world are now extinct and fuck you PETA i am GRATEFUL for that. i just, i have enough shit to deal with in the world as it is. i don’t think it’s fair to make me deal with that too, i really don’t. so good riddance.
Except. Blue. Whales.
did i say the largest animals in history? NOPE ACTUALLY THAT WOULD BE THIS FUCKER
This Utter.
Blue.
Bastard.
Life on this planet is 4 billion years old and the relatively recent accursed Blue Whale is the largest animal to have existed in all that time. I hate and resent that, and this is why blue whales are tied with late-stage capitalism as one of my Top 3 All Time Fears. Good day to you.
EVERYTHING ELSE GOT SMALLER! EVERYTHING ELSE! NO MORE GIANT RODENTS, NO MORE BEAVERS THAT COULD SQUASH A PERSON WITH THEIR FOOT. NO MORE 3 TON SLOTHS. EVEN THE FUCKING SHARKS got smaller. But not the blue whales. NOT THE FUCKING BLUE WHALES
Turn-offs: historically inaccurate cosmetics in period dramas
yeah but i feel like forcing actors to wear lead and/or bird poop on their faces qualifies as hazardous working conditions
I was talking more about sparkly eyeshadow in like 1311 but touché