Evil overlord who seems to be attempting to seduce you to the side of darkness with their devious sexual wiles, but when you try to accept they're taken completely by surprise because the possibility had genuinely never occurred to them – it turns out they're just kind of like Like That.
They thought teleporting behind you and firmly caressing your shoulders with their great bladed gauntlets while whispering directly into your ear in discordant polyphony about how all humans naturally crave subjugation was a power move. You were supposed to be intimidated.
so fun coming across pre-9/11 references to the twin towers bc people loathed them. You can be reading a random book from the 90s and stumble across succulent easter eggs like this:
"...where the World Trade Center (so good they did it twice!) stands as the final failure of architecture; not an idea, not a design, not a whimsy, not a grace note, not a shred of art or passion wrinkles those sharply creased trouser legs."
Something by I love about Black Menswear is how they’re not afraid of color and personality. It’s not just the same boring black or blue suit jacket every time. It’s also just very dapper.
Looking back on 2020, I think it's hilarious that Wellerman of all shanties is the one that blew up online. It's not a song about life on the high seas or adventuring
A problem with many films that present their dialogue in some dead language as an Art thing is that they employ a very stilted, formal register which those characters under those circumstances simply would not have used. If you're aiming for true authenticity it's imperative that your script shows us the ancient Sumerian for "what the fuck".
Here's some of the notes, starting with the things multiple people brought up:
SHRIMP COCKTAIL:
banahbanah: #flashback to that one fic where Peter Parker frets about drinking shrimp cocktail because of the alcohol
generaldeliciousness: adding: what a prawn/shrimp cocktail is
#why is your character turning it down because they're under 21 #do you think prawn cocktail is a cocktail #this lives in my brain rent-free constantly #the rest of the fic was so normal #and good enough that i'll still re-read it #but bro
And then many, MANY, people wondering if this was actually authour mistake, since Peter really would do this!
POMEGRANATES:
zhajhassa: #haha where's that post that was like someone describing someone eating a pomegranate but they ate it like an apple
thornhands: #once someone wrote persephone biting into a whole Pomegranate #had to stop and stare at a wall for a minute
sungsingsanguine: I once saw someone very confidently write about a character eating slices of pomegranate.
FRUIT TREES:
zagreuses-toast: #given a very endearing glimpse into a writers blindspots by seeing them describe someone sitting under a ''pineapple tree''
salatrash: I remember something about picking watermelons... OF A FUCKING TREE
baander: #cranberry trees
DOUGH/BATTER:
maycelium: #I'm a chef so I'm really used to people not accurately describing how to cook food #But I was surprisingly flabbergasted when someone was writing making a cake and was kneading it. Which uh #Not necessary for cake. It was interesting for sure but just bizarre
livebloggingmydescentintomadness: #the one that drove me nuts was when a character set aside a batch of PASTA DOUGH 'to rise' #pasta doesn't have yeast!! #it does need to REST but it will never RISE #you do not want an airy crumb on your noodles
lovesodeepandwideandwell: #THE ONE WHERE THEY MADE COOKIES BY LADLING BATTER INTO A TRAY
Some other topics:
ANIMALS:
catenarwhal: #mandatory 'how cows produce milk' mention#i'll never recover from that one I fear
piromantic: #one time i saw someone fake their way through describing how spiders behave
pluto-lichen: horses
misskittypotter: #stardew valley faking its way through what fresh fish smell like
pa-pa-plasma: #saw someone faking their way through knowing what a seal is once #i still am fucked up over that one to this day. they just straight up did not know #& they were NOT good at guessing it either like it was clear they had never googled that animal ever #& was only just now realizing via answering questions from anons that seals are not!! what they assumed. initially
SEX:
dykevandyke: #what a prostate is #and where it is located #as in. external.
dreamyeyedrose: #I remember back in the ff.net days reading an Ichigo/Renji fic where the writer assumed the penises go inside each other #and I was like “I mean I don't know how it works for sure I don't have one but idk if that's how it works”
SOME OTHER FOOD STUFF:
thetrekkiehasthephonebox: #add another one to the list bloggers#this character is cooking a salad
shosta: #still baffled about the published work that didn't know food could freeze
sun-dari: #once i read a fic where the author didn't understand cinnamon
alto-tenure: #read something recently where the author was just. blatantly wrong about spices
dramatic-dolphin: #i saw someone try to fake their way through what ramen is once. like 14 years ago.#but i remember.#i was very confused about ramen for a few months. they were writing it so authoritatively.
the-celery-stalks-at-midnight: #i will never ever forget someone putting leftover fries in the microwave to reheat them and setting the timer for five minutes
typeghost: #this sparked a memory of a hannibal fic where the author had to fake their way through writing about gravy
draculin: #the one fanfic where the author knows about coffee only as a concept wrote a character as a coffee drinker#was very interesting#I don't remember the fandom or the plot but I was mesmerized by the coffee actions and choices
11235811235811: #there's a lot of faking their way thru congee in the svsss fandom i'll also note
fishali3n: #read one where the person clearly didnt know what tofu is
emmy-everafter: #in the aftermath of shadow and bone s2 i saw a lot of people pretending to know what stroopwafels are #babes they are more like cookies than breakfast waffles #like yes there is a waffle pattern but you're not gonna cut into a stack of them with syrup and sugar#🤣🤣🤣
NON-FOOD STUFF:
red-umbrella-811: Shoutout to Dame Agatha Christie for faking her way through what a wrench is in a very popular published work.
bluebeetle: #once saw someone have a character put an entire phone book in their pocket
nonametis: #- sex talk in languages other than english #<- or just the petnames in a different language other than English
sadisticpony: #the fanfiction i saw this week where op DIDNT KNOW HOW AUTOMATIC DOORS WORKED #and that they arent in peoples homes!!! of course. also opening the automatic door for someone is unironically very funny but its not #its not like. grabbing the door handle to let someone in. helpppp
danmeichael: #reminds me of the fic with the figure drawing class where the character started with the feet. #i love you feet first figure drawing author
meowmix1100blr: #me watching this one fic absolutely obliterate what the board of directors does
vexedhexes: #one time i read an architect character making a doorway bigger by building a bigger door #what a beautiful world. #OH. also gravity falls fic where they go 'oh piedmont is in california so its warm all year round'
leveragehunters: #characters going to a beer garden #And it's literally a garden outside the pub#It was a very cute mistake
fitofpique: #yes! #grown men do not get blind drunk off two beers #but i am possibly guilty of the hypothermia one #assuming it does not make you very horny?
dadvans-likes: #always thinking abt the soup kitchen fic #the entire setting of the fic was 'soup kitchen' #and i very quickly realized #the author did not know what a soup kitchen was #and they thought that soup kitchens only served soup #fic
msmargaretmurry: #i love fanfiction #once read a fic where the characters played 20 questions #but the author seemed to not know how to play 20 questions and was just kind of winging it........ #immaculate
shakespeareaddict: #Look I know not all of us are hockey experts #But it takes about ten seconds of research or any attention paid to the show to realize #That the Stanley cup playoffs are not in fucking September
baejax-the-great: #the funniest one i saw #was someone faking what church is like #like 1. they really didn't have to write an entire church experience for their fic #and 2. they had clearly never even watched a show where people went to church #it was bonkers weird
twosunson: #things ive seen authors faking #knowing how to unclog a drain #knowing. literally any history #knowing what ketamine looks like (apparently- oregano) #(you know who you are)
waterhorseyblues-ao3: #beltane being celebrated in winter #wales being portrayed as a completely separated land from england (i wish) #characters getting up after weeks of bedrest like that dosnt completely fuck you up
violetfairydust: #i once read a fic where the flight time from london to seattle was 3 hours
purekesseltrash: One time, in a fic set specifically in Des Moines, IA, two of the characters casually drove 20 minutes to the ocean. The memory continues to delight me. I want to know where that author thought that Iowa was.
I like this picture. I really really like this picture.
As you can see, George Foreman is approximately 12 times bigger than God, making 6'3" Muhammad Ali look like an itty bitty little guy by comparison. And Foreman has the facial expression of an athlete doing a sports whereas Ali is making the face most of us would make if George Foreman were trying to beat us up. The poor guy looks so terrified. He looks like he just shit hisself from it.
Muhammad Ali then proceeded to mercilessly clobber the ever-loving shit out of George Foreman in what was ultimately a pretty one-sided match, scoring one of the greatest wins of an already legendary career.
Something to bother and upset your figurative ghost (Sophia? Was that her name?): Friend of mine lives in a small country. Friend is repairing a silk handkerchief. Friend cannot find ANYWHERE in her country that sells silk thread in the appropriate colors and does not want to pay VAT and shipping to import.
Briefly proposed solution: I order silk thread - online because nobody near me sells it - and send it to her with someone else who will be visiting family in said country later this year.
Actual solution: Friend found lyocell thread locally and decided to substitute.
Sophia, the ghost from 1875 who haunts a lamp I got at Brimfield: well, having a visiting friend bring the thread makes total sense. why would that upset me? She lives in the country! perhaps there's little call for silk thread out there!
me: no no. she can't find silk thread in her country
me: the country where she lives. the whole country
Sophia:
me: but the country does have mock-silk thread, so it's probably a place where silk WAS once sold
me: and now it isn't
Sophia: hold a pillow up to my face so I can scream into it please
Brilliant! Such a technology would allow books to be reproduced en masse, without the need for laboriously reproducing books by hand! This would greatly increase the number of copies of books that we could create, as well as greatly reduce the incidence of copying errors!
OH! And if my new alphabetic syllabary takes off, then instead of hundreds of blocks for different ideograms, a case of printing blocks could include dozens of copies of each letter, thus allowing for more rapid deployment and a much more efficient storage of the printing blocks!
This could lead to a literacy revolution! We could mass produce texts for the common people! Everyone, not just the elite scholars, could study the works of the great Confucianist masters, thus increasing loyalty, filial piety, and virtuous behavior!
Update: I have consulted the court historians, and they have told me that it is not possible for me to delete official government records, and that my request to do so will be added to the sillok.
AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION I AM NOT THE FIRS T EMPEROR OF THE '"MIDDLE KINGDOMS"" I AM THE FIRST EMPEROR PREIOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM THE GLORIOUS PROGENITOR THE FIRST OF THE FIRST A GOD AMONGST MEN I INVENTED THE FUCKING JOB THERE IS NONE BEFORE ME AND NONE WHO CAN MATCH ME I AM HEAVEN'S SPEACIAL BOY!!!!!!!!!!
Oh dear! I have addressed the First Emperor by an improper title! Such shame! Such an embarrassing gaffe! I shall ask the royal scholars to make the subject of my next royal lecture the proper forms of address in the Qin courts.
As for the other matter, I shall consult with the Jip Hanjeon for their advice in this matter.
After consulting with the great minds of my kingdom, it has been decided that committing mass murder of the court historians and fleeing the castle is not in line with the teachings of Confucius, and does not adhere to the concepts of benevolent governance.
Hey I have a 2am question for you: do you think there is anything they could ethically jurassicpark?
I think the ethics of jurassicparking animals is complicated by the existence of companies like colossal biosciences, who market the idea of bringing back extinct animals but then do it by doing a few basic gene edits on existing animals and saying it's equivalent to the extinct animal without any evidence...
...i truly detest the misinformation colossal biosciences spread, i was initially optimistic but I'm not really optimistic anymore. They basically completely misled the public on what a direwolf was, genetically altering a wolf to look like the fantasy creature from Game of Thrones and completely disregarding that dire wolves were a completely different branch of the canine family that had just convergently evolved to look similar. that's so wildly irresponsible I can't ignore it
...and even in jurassic park they weren't actually bringing back the dinosaurs, just using dinosaur DNA and the DNA of living animals to create something marketable as a dinosaur
But let's say we disqualified things like that from being eligible for the thought experiment and instead assume you can bring back the extinct animal or at least get a close version using DNA from the extinct animal mixed with a same-genus relative
it would have to be a pretty recently extinct animal, that could survive in the climate of today, and it would have to be something that could be ethically kept in captivity.
Mammoths are right out since, being elephants, they almost definitely were highly intelligent creatures with multi-generational social structures. If you create a mammoth you dont have mother and grandmother mammoths to help raise the baby. You'd have to foster using elephants but that's not quite the same. It seems unlikely that recreating them would be ethical with the amount we don't know about their behavior and social needs
Also it seems unlikely that mammoths could survive well in the contemporary climate
A better idea might be to try a much more recently extinct animal like the ivory billed woodpecker or Carolina parakeet. However, the habitat those animals lived in is still minimally existent (old growth pine savannahs and canebrakes)...
To be honest, I think the best application for jurassic-park type technologies in conservation is adding genetic diversity to existing critically endangered species. It's already happening to some extent, cloning has been used to grow babies of critically endangered species from the DNA of long-dead and preserved individuals.
I also think that genetic modification technologies can and should be used to help preserve endangered species but corporations owning those genetically modified creatures or deciding what gets preserved and how, and what is done with the creatures, is such an incredible danger.
For example, genetically modified American chestnut trees that are better at surviving the blight could be the best chance of bringing them back, but what if some company like colossal biosciences wanted to bring them back, and then decided they "owned" that species and could decide who was allowed to plant one and propagate it?
laws restricting this sort of thing would also probably be written so that they favor the corporations.
i would more readily trust a random guy with the ability to modify genetics of species than a corporation...
a lot of things might be real. let's go find out. @cicadaaceofclubs - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
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