Incorrect Classic Lit Quotes

rikki, she/her currently reading: Heroes, Gods and Monsters of Greek Myths

[classiclitisprettylit]

you’re in her dms, i’m changing my form into a cuckoo so she will shelter me from a storm and come to care for me until i eventually change into my true godly form. we are not the same

[cannibality-deactivated20250227]

i’m not AMAB or AFAB, i’m AHAB and i have to kill this fuckin whale

[silentunicornspeaks]

assigned harpoon at birth

[charlesoberonn]

The myth of Achilles, but instead of holding him by the heel, Thetis sumberges him fully so that Achilles is completely invulnerable and Thetis has one invulnerable hand.

[charlesoberonn]

She only needs one oven mitt when taking cookies out of the oven.

[aphony-cree]

But there would still be two small parts of him that are vulnerable because they were covered by her fingertips at the time, stopping the water from touching them. Which means those fingertips are also vulnerable on her hand 

Achilles *putting those little round band-aids on two parts of his ankle before battle*

Thetis *knitting fingertip oven mitts for her thumb and forefinger*

This is a Greek comedy I could get behind 

[obaewankenope]

What if she put him in a sack and dunked him in? The water would saturate the sack and soak him and so long as she pulled him out quick, he wouldn't drown. Then they'd have a sack that's invulnerable too and can be used as the most unexpected shield ever.

Imagine Achilles storming Troy with one (1) invulnerable sack for a shield

[adspexi]

thetis just sticks him in one of these bad boys

and swirls him around like a batch of chicken nuggets until he’s invulnerable all over. 

[classiclitisprettylit]

Steve: I know we have this unspoken rivalry-

Ponyboy: Not a rivalry. You’re just mean to me. And not unspoken, you talk about it all the time.

[classiclitisprettylit]

if i were in a burning church i simply would have stopped, dropped, and rolled. rip to johnny cade but im different. 

[thoodleoo]

greek gods as strange stock images part 1

zeus

poseidon

hades

hera

aphrodite

hephaestus

ares

[hieronymouscock]

can u imagine being queen elizabeth I and ur navy comes back from colonizing the new world and they’re like yeah we named it after u. virginia. bc ur a virgin? u kno bc of how ur not getting any?

[spectral-ask-memes]

Greek Mythology Asks

Aether- Name? 

Anteros- Sexuality? 

Apollo- Gender? 

Ares- Favourite movie? 

Artemis- Favourite time of day? 

Asclepius- Favourite animal? 

Athena- Favourite thing to learn about? 

Atlas- Favourite myth? 

Cerberus- Dog or cat person? 

Cronus- Favourite food? 

Cyclopes- What’s your favourite joke? 

Dionysus- Favourite drink? 

Eros- Are you in love? 

Hades- Greatest fear? 

Helios- Night or day person? 

Hephaestus- What is your favourite form of art? 

Hermes- Do you like traveling? Where is one place you want to travel to? 

Hypnos- On average, how much sleep do you try to get every night? 

Icarus- How would you describe yourself? 

Labyrinth- Do you have a good sense of direction/do you get lost easily? 

Medusa- Do you have any pets? 

Odysseus- Do you finish tasks quicker, or does it take time for you to get through them? 

Pandora’s Box- What is a mistake you’ve made that you regret? 

Pegasus- What is your relationship with your parents like? 

Persephone- What is your “type”?

Phobos- Do you think it’s okay to be afraid of things? 

Poseidon- Do you like to swim? 

Prometheus- If you could have any one ability, what would it be? 

River Styx- What do you think happens when we die? 

Titans- If you could go anywhere in time, when would you want to go? 

Zeus- Favourite weather? 

[postmortemmischief]

fun things that tend to get lost in dracula adaptations:

dracula throwing jonathans mirror out the window & leaving; jonathans reaction being essentially “god dammit how am i gonna shave now”

draculas shitty straw hat that he wears during his frantic daytime errands

jonathan trying to whack dracula with a shovel

general respect for lucy & mina

“we should have pity for dracula” “yeah have pity for him when i slam dunk him into hell” “JONATHAN”

quincey quietly stepping out during van helsings long boring vampire lecture & waking everyone up by shooting the fucking window in bc he saw a bat

quincey in general like why would you make the conscious decision to not have a cowboy in your vampire movie

jonathan almost dying bc he ate some spicy chicken

[classiclitisprettylit]

lord byron: dramatic af, lowkey insane, pretentious, known for being a sex addict, general Disaster Man™

edgar allan poe: god i wish that were me

[slimegargoyle]

I was interested to know whether there had been any noticeable uptick in searches for “the cask of amontillado” since this meme began and while there has, it’s the exact same uptick which has occurred every fall in recent memory as high school teachers have geared up for their spooky october literature units 

[lookskindadeadinside]

it looks very similar to a reading of a heartbeat…..a specific heart…..that won’t stop beating……..from under the floorboards………

[classiclitisprettylit]

hear me out guys

donald trump is just... zeus taking a mortal form on earth

[pokeballin]

Greek Gods as John Mulaney Quotes (Part 1)

Hera:

Zeus

Poseidon 

Hades

Ares

Athena

Dionysus

Hephaestus 

Hermes

alternatively:

Hestia

[classiclitisprettylit]

therapist: *laughs*

hades, internally: this is great. now i'm going to get a good grade in therapy, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,

[classiclitisprettylit]

By the way, Detective Hercule Poirot wore three-piece suits. He also wore a pocket watch. Two years in a row, he wore a cowboy hat. He also had a huge handlebar mustache. None of that matters, but it's important to me that you know that. He did not look like his job description. He looked like he should be the conductor on a locomotive powered by confetti. But instead, he made his living in murder. He was the weirdest goddamn person I ever saw in my entire life.

[classiclitisprettylit]

hamlet: well, guys...

hamlet: i finally got over my fear of ghosts!

horatio: that's the spirit!

hamlet: oh fuck where

[classiclitisprettylit]

king hamlet: wow, son. your whips are getting really good!

hamlet: thanks, dad