Claystripe's Writes @claystripe6514 - Tumblr Blog

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weeping-wandrian

why the fuck does english have a word for

but not for “the day after tomorrow”

???

zeplerfer

Because you’re not looking hard enough! ;)

Overmorrow = the day after tomorrow

Ereyesterday = the day before yesterday

Example: I defenestrated my brother ereyesterday. I shall defenestrate my sister overmorrow! Because I hate my family and also windows.

wantcookie

english has some of the best examples of stupidly specific words, tbh

Rhotacism (n): excessive use of the letter “R”

Lingible (adj): meant to be licked

Whipjack (n): a beggar, specifically one who is pretending to have been shipwrecked

Yerd (v): to beat with an object with a stick

Roddikin (n): the fourth stomach of a cow or a deer

Balbriggan (n): a type of fine cotton, most often used in underwear

and my personal favorite

Cornobble (v): to slap or beat another person with a fish

somewhatgreatexpectations

This makes the English nerd in me extremely happy.

carefulpyromancer

Hoping to leave Twitter, will you guys take me back

misssophie0-o

whats your hoard

from iguanamouth

tickety-boo-af

It takes all types and they’re all so valid & so content. I can’t stop looking at them.

bluebird-in-wonderland

I didn’t know that I needed this today, but I guess I really did. Too fantastic for words.

screechingcollectivecollectorus

The real surprise here is the horde of hordes

antifainternational

Kinda weird how you say you’re against fascism yet you shut down anyone just because they share a different opinion than you. You guys are exactly what you say you hate... FASCIST! How come I have never seen any member of antifa actually sit down with someone and have a civil debate? I’ve only ever seen them yell and throw tantrums. Doesn’t look good for you guys, yikes.

pleasedotheneedful

fascism in italy was not defeated by discourse.

rosslynpaladin

Something I heard recently: if you insist on sheltering both lambs and wolves, you will get in the end only wolves. If you insist your safe space is safe for bigots as well as minorities you will have a space full of bigots- minorities will be driven out.

deceseze

anon i want to beat the shit out of you so bad

jumpingjacktrash

becoming vegan because factory farming is unethical is like deciding that since walmart and amazon mistreat their employees you are now going to get everything you need out of dumpsters

jumpingjacktrash

in a nutshell, instead of reforming the bad parts of your society, you try to opt out of it in a way that has really no effect, and wouldn’t work at all if the majority of people weren’t still part of the industry you dislike.

there was, for a while, a real movement of people who tried to get everything out of dumpsters, as a way of opting out of capitalism. but the problem was that you couldn’t get what you need when you need it, leading to you being kind of a drain on your community, and someone had to buy that stuff in the first place for it to end up in that dumpster anyway. it was Fundamentally Silly.

going vegan to opt out of farming practices has similar problems. for instance: you (hypothetical vegan you) won’t buy honey, but the bees are being used to fertilize the vegetables and fruit you eat, they’re making the honey anyway, all you’ve done is – well, nothing, because you’re not a big enough demographic to make an impact, but even if you were, honey sales are a much smaller part of beekeepers’ income than crop pollination. and beekeeping is not a big faceless corporate interest. it’s not monsanto. it’s a bunch of single-family or partnership business with a truck or two and a couple hundred hives. the bees make honey after a pollinating run, and the beekeepers sell it for a little extra income. if you made a dent in that, you’d be achieving nothing but making joe beekeeper buy his kids’ t-shirts at k-mart instead of target.

animal farming and plant farming are deeply interconnected. plant farmers grow animal feed; animal farmers sell manure for fertilizer. most non-corporate farmers raise both plants and animals. it’s more economic and gives them more resilience.

if you were a big enough demographic to hit ‘the farming industry’ in its wallet. you would be making things MUCH harder for small farmers than for factory farms. you would be making it easier and easier for factory farms to crowd family farmers out of business. so that’s pretty much achieving the opposite of what you want, right there.

and then there’s the fact that plant farming is just as rife with gruesome factory farm conditions as animal farming, but it’s humans who are exploited in those. i’m not going to level accusations of racism here, but it really is unfortunate how little the vocal internet vegan contingent seems to know or care about the exploitation of the mostly nonwhite workers in the industry. it makes y’all look racist, whether you are or not.

look, i keep saying this, even though folks never seem to hear me: i don’t hate vegans, i’m not trying to stop you being vegan, i do not care what you eat.

my problem is with defensive internet vegans trying to promote their dietary restriction lifestyle as a solution to problems in the real world. it is not. it may create more problems than it solves, or maybe it breaks even, i don’t know. it certainly doesn’t solve anything that can’t be solved just as well without it. it can only look reasonable from a perspective of deep ignorance about where food comes from and how the farm economy works. you basically have to be young, urban, and somewhat privileged to embrace it. and it is, fundamentally, very silly.

questionablemotivations

Furthermore I’d like you to look at a sheep farm. Actually look at it.

You CANNOT grow crops there. That’s WHY there are sheep on it.

You refuse to use wool, well aside from.the fact that it’s a fantastic fiber and how polluting polyester and other plastic fibers are, it doesn’t harm the animal to remove and in fact is done for their benefit.

Above - a sheep farm (note steep and craggy hills), an uncompressed bale of freshly shorn wool and some sheep being shorn.

It’s not stressful for the sheep. Sheep are dumb. Be confident, dont hurt them and they’re good. Wool is a good fiber - strong, warm - even when wet - renewable and biodegradable.

My issue with Veganism-As-A-Cult is the lack of critical thinking. By all means eat what you want, wear what you want to wear but a blanket ban on all animal products because they’re HARMFUL is in itself an extremely harmful philosophy.

Do you refuse to eat plants that were pollinated by bees or fertilized by manure since they’re a product of animal labour?

Honey doesn’t hurt bees. Wool doesn’t hurt sheep.

What about animals that are going to die anyway? We are currently in the process of exterminating possums in our country as they are a pest and destroyer of our native species. We kill them humanely but they’re still going to die because its them (introduced pest) or our endemic endangered species. We use the meat for pet food and the fur for a lot of things now - in making yarns or fur items - because the alternative is to let it rot. Which is just bloody wasteful tbh.

What would (generic) you prefer we do here? Let sheep die of over heating or the weight of wet wool? Force bees into swarming (90% casualty rate) so we can avoid taking their honey? Leave pest animals to rot and encourage the use of set-and-forget traps since there’s no incentive to check them?

What’s the humane option?

house-of-crows

see: why I hate militant veganism

msaprildaniels

Veganism, as I have encountered it, tends to be a thing that morally smug white people try to spring on others as a quick fix solution for the world, and I resent it more every day.

starfleetacademy

Desire paths are just the best human invention because cities will spend millions on sidewalks and yet. Our little foraging brains will think ‘too far cut thru grass for food’ and others will be like ‘other human have good idea. I follow’ until there’s a beaten path when there’s perfectly acceptable sidewalks to either side

starfleetacademy

For example

solitairians

these are called “olifantenpaadjes” in dutch (little elephant paths) (remember this for later it’s important) and there’s a whole facebook page dedicated to it, where people can send in pictures of these “elephant paths” all across the country and they get rated with stars.

apparently, a city renovated its park, and ended up putting a tree branch over a beloved path:

of course, this meant the path had become unusable, which is an utter tragedy, so an anonymous citizen did the rational thing and got up in the middle of the night, went to the park, and cut the branch in half using a chainsaw.

so like.. this citizen should probably get arrested for destruction of public property right??? nah. the city just thought it was funny and even made a joke about it when the renovated park got-re opened. the only thing to come out of it was this photo, posted by a local news site:

and that’s the story of how dutch people really, really, really love their little elephant paths.

demonius-darkblade

liberal-memes

princessnijireiki

This is Adam Erickson, pastor at the Clackamas United Church of Christ in Milwaukee, Oregon!

saxgoddess25

Oh finally. A real Christian.

kylostantrums

John Mulaney grew up in Chicago in the 80s. You know who else did?

Kevin McCallister.

You know why Kevin was so good at defending the house? Judging by his resourcefulness and creativity with the traps, Kevin definitely attended Detective J.J. Bittenbinder’s “Street Smarts” assemblies in school. In this essay I will

slytherinnpride

fetidmoppet

@raleighkween

santas-clauze

every western movie ever made: The wild west is dying. theres no more room left for cowboys anymore…

me everytime: :(

nem0c

every samurai movie ever made (both edo and bakamatsu periods): The bushido code is dying. there no more room left for samurai anymore…

me everytime: :(

rickfuckingdalton

A lot of westerns are remakes of samurai movies

bonesawcagematch

those samurai movies were very often heavily inspired by 50′s and 40′s westerns

simon-newman

Cowboys and samurai are brothers separated by time and space.

eric-coldfire

Best duo.

seriousfic

injuries-in-dust

The classic cowboy age was 1865 - 1880

The samurai age was 1185-1868

Meaning it’s entirely historically accurate for a story where a cowboy and a samurai are together if the story takes place between 1865-1868.

Even more if you want the cowboy teamed up with a former samurai who came to america after the end of the samurai age in Japan.

feniczoroark

…romcom

injuries-in-dust

I’d watch that.

ranger-truth

Guys, guys, let’s get back into Animorphs!!!

lesbiangender-deactivated201908

They are all free to read with Applegate’s permission on the animorphs website!

crayyola-deactivated20220827

Oh yeah babey

radicalclownfriend-deactivated2

cungadero

remember the mirage island shit in pokemon r/s/e how fucked was that nonsense

cungadero

you had to talk to an old man once per day. then the game would generate 2 random number bytes. those bytes would have to both match the also random and unseeable personality values of one of your party pokemon. assuming you had a full party of 6 that was roughly a 1/10000 chance. thats rarer than finding a shiny. and this wasn’t once per random encounter this was once per day. this was the only way to find liechi berries and get gold pokeblocks

this literally sounds like some fake forum post from 2004 but it was 100% real they really put this in the game un fucking believable

yugirimistwalker

between this, feebas, and the regis im beginning to think the fucking riddler played a part in the development of r/s/e

atrius97

For those who are unaware, Feebas could only be found in one location by fishing in a pool of water. However there are 400 tiles of water, and only 6 random tiles will allow you to fish up a Feebas. These tiles are randomly generated when you begin the game so they differ between all other players. The Regi’s, (Regirock, Regice and Registeel), all had a puzzle to unlock their domain. Written in Brallie, in some hidden caves. The puzzles required you to: Find the Pokemon Relicanth and Wailord and have them in the first and last slots of your party. (In Emerald version these instructions were reversed, Wailord first, Relicanth last.) This unlocks the other 3 puzzles. For Regice: Wait 2 minutes with the game on without moving your player. (In Emerald the instructions had you run a lap of the room while touching the outer wall.) For Regirock: The instructions had you move right twice, then down twice, then have a pokemon use the move Strength. (In Emerald it was left twice, down twice and then Rock Smash instead.) For Registeel: Walk to the center of the room and have a Pokemon use the move Fly, which is a move that would usually let you fast travel around the map, and doesn’t work indoors except for this one single puzzle room. (In Emerald Version, they had you use the move Flash instead.) Footnote: There was also a misprint in the original Ruby Sapphire Guidebook which showed the Pokemon Trapinch as having no evolutions, making the Vibrava and Flygon unobtainable to those who didn’t accidentally levelup Trapinch until it evolved seemingly for no reason.

fyeahpokemoncreepypasta

R/S/E were scarier than most creepypasta.

boobiemom

That comment about The Riddler having a hand in making these games, the puzzle ridiculousness didn’t stop there. Because there WAS a Riddler IN GAME.

On Route 110, on the end closest to Slateport, there was a house to the left of Cycling Road called the Trick House. Inside this house, an older man lived, who called himself the Trick Master.

This guy, upon walking in, seems invisible, but is just hiding. There are several random locations he can be hiding in, although these locations were set for everyone, but changed every time you returned. If you manage to find the man, he’ll then disappear into the deep pits of his hell house and say “COME FIND ME AT THE END” and then you had to traverse through eight different puzzles, each one unlocking after a new badge was obtained.

Now here’s where it gets crazier because three out of eight of these will require HMs. Puzzle #1 requires Cut. Puzzle #2 required Rock Smash, and #3 required Strength. But to make this WORSE, Rock Smash isn’t given to you by any significant character. It was given to you by an npc inside of a house in Mauville City on the southeast corner of the city. If you didn’t find him, you could never progress because Rock Smash is required to reach the next city, as well as many other locations, including Mirage Tower on Route 111.

And speaking of that neat but fucked up place! Another puzzle would be the return to Sky Pillar, and the visit to Mirage Tower. Mirage tower was Emerald only, but acted as training for Sky Pillar. Sky Pillar was a location in R/S/E where you could go to find Rayquaza at level 70 either post game (R/S) or after the Sootopolis Incident with Kyogre and Groudon (Emerald). Mirage Tower was a tower located on Route 111 that appeared only once in the game, the first time you visit it after getting the Goggles from your rival and friend.

Now what is so upsetting about these places? The fucking floors. At many segments throughout the towers’ floors have cracks in them. To get over them, you had to ride your Mach Bike at max speed and if you stopped, slowed down, or hit a wall while still on a cracked tile, you fell to the first (or previous) floor. The patterns and difficulty of each cracked floor increases as you go up. One example of this is the 2nd floor for Mirage Tower, which forces you to go through the whole room at max speed without stopping or else you failed, and requires sharp turns.

For Sky Pillar, well… look at this and tell me this isn’t the devil’s work.

YET ANOTHER PUZZLE! Was Shoal Cave. At predetermined times a day, every six hours (YES THIS STOPPED WORKING IF YOUR INTERNAL BATTERY STOPPED WORKING), the tide will shift. Because of this, half of the cave is unavailable during either time of this. If your schedule didn’t match up with the time frame, you’re SOL.

The entrance room at the different times.

AND FINALLY, FOR MY LAST INPUT! Remember how you needed both Relicanth and Wailord to get the Regis? Well that isn’t the whole of it. Routes 132, 133, and 134, where you go to GET to that place, were almost totally covered in tide tiles. Long story short, you had to Surf going west from Pacifilog and had to follow a very specific path which took several tries to remember. And if you failed to get the right path? YOU ENDED UP IN SLATEPORT! WHERE YOU HAD TO FLY ALL THE WAY BACK AND TRY AGAIN! Look at THIS shit and say that isn’t some Riddler shit.

cobblepottery

I saw Cats last night and I still haven’t recovered. Here is a play-by-play of my experience

The movie begins. The audience is rife with anticipatory giggles. Some lady in the back row loudly says “can we be quiet now, please? let us watch the movie in silence” in a displeased Russian accent.

We will inevitably disappoint her

In the first 5 minutes, while crying with laughter, I decide this movie is actually about a human who gets genetically engineered into a cat and is exiled to a furrykin community.

5 minutes after that, I think about how good a movie this would be if it was hand-drawn animation and not CGI people-cats, and I become absolutely furious

Mice and cockroaches have human faces and bodies. The audience is screaming.

This film comes VERY close to having a dog on screen. I start sweating in dread of what it might look like. The dog is never shown.

None of the humor is funny

During the slow parts I start to imagine other celebrities in full cat CGI to amuse myself

Cat Idris Elba sexily Thanos-snaps another cat out of existence. Audible confusion ripples through the audience.

The cats do some extremely horny body work involving their tails. The audience is making disgusted noises. Several people yelp “oh NO” very loudly

At the end of a song, the throng of cats start “applauding” by slapping their hands on the ground and saying “meowmeowmeowmeowmeow”. This instigates a fight-or-flight response in me so strong that I nearly bolt out of the theatre.

During an awkward silence the camera cuts to a cat making a “yikes” kind of grimace and the whole theatre laughs because that is the exact emotion we are all feeling

A cat helicopters into the ceiling and is vaporized by cat Idris Elba. A man in the audience yells “GOTTEM!!” at the top of his lungs

Most cats are naked but somehow cat Idris Elba manages to be far more naked than all of them. The audience is screaming, again

Memoriiiiiiies. All alone in the moonliiiiiiight. “Please,” begs the Russian lady in the back of the theatre, sounding defeated, “don’t laugh. Not now.”

The actor who plays the main character gray cat who never gets a song explaining who he is (I am told he is Munkustrap) is DEAD SERIOUS about this role. He is a PROFESSIONAL. He is feeling being a cat so hard. Look at his face at literally any point (but especially during the final epilogue song) and I guarantee he will be having an intensely invested serious face journey. His shoulders must be aching from carrying this entire film.

110 minutes later, or maybe years: the credits roll. The audience cheers raucously. We exit the theatre in a daze. One of my friends goes home with a high fever. 10/10