Breathing

Inconsistently

[clockturns921]

lol @ my life

America

[clockturns921]

It took one lie to break my heart all over again:

Would you like to get coffee?

It was a lie because you just wanted coffee; a conversation with an available female to soothe your aching heart.

But that was never coffee for us; coffee was laughing at old memories and crying as we shared life’s deepest pain.

You knew you weren’t asking for coffee. You were asking for a space across the table to be filled. And I went because of one lie: this is fate.

And it took one lie to break my heart all over again.

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Hometown

You moved back to our hometown The same time I did. Normally, I would consider that fate Telling us we belong together. But now... I know better than to think my fate Has anything to do with you.

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Shiver

My night ends with you And I’m comfortable So I reach over and grab your hand And I hold it.

You look me in the eyes Deeper than anyone before And I melt. But then….

Morning comes And it’s like my mind resets itself And I look at you like you’re a stranger Who intruded my space And I shiver.

And I ask myself for the millionth time: Why is everything so hard?

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Afraid

I’m sitting around waiting For the day when I say “I never thought I could be this happy.”

But I’m afraid. I’m afraid I’ll never be motivated enough To actually go and look for my happy.

And if it comes looking for me… I’m afraid I’ll be too sad to open the door.

[clockturns921]

Dogs

I appreciate words But sometimes I wish we were like dogs. Existing side by side In silence.

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Easy

I just want an easy kind of love But I don't have that with you. And I'm still not sure if that means it's wrong Or right.

[clockturns921]

Sometimes you just have to call it a day in the morning.

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Tomorrow

I can’t help it. I make a million expectations for myself every.single.time I walk out the door. And I fail every.single.expectation I make. And I come home defeated Lost Broken Exhausted - And I crawl into my bed Close my eyes And hope for a better tomorrow - Trying to put the thoughts away that say tomorrow will be the same. Because I need that hope to survive - That hope gives me a tomorrow. And I’m still convinced that one tomorrow Will hold a better me. A me that doesn’t hold expectations over my head. Yes. I will always be convinced that one of these tomorrows Will hold a better, stronger, wiser me.

[clockturns921]

[nothingwithoutwords]

I want to stop writing poetry about you but my pen does not obey as soon as the ink touches a blank page words appear I did not wish to say I tried to write a poem about spring beginning to bloom but it ended up as a haiku about me missing you

Leigh, day 226 (via nothingwithoutwords)

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Messy Selves

Growing up is not all that it’s cracked up to be.

Unlike when we were kids and so terribly oblivious to the world. We acted only the way we wanted, whatever felt natural.

But now, we act and are shaped by the things that surround us. Culture, society, friends, even location.

We become so terribly aware of everyone else that we lose who we are.

And we know this and try to stop it. We try to live against it - to become oblivious again so that the freedom of a child is regained.

But we realize that it cannot happen. We realize that maybe this is the way it’s supposed to be…

We are given a little slice of sanity in an insane world as something to look back to as we start to form into our true messy selves.

The selves that make the wrong decisions, act in ways contrary to who we are to please others. The selves that hold on to past lovers, who remember every detail of that love as a means of torture.

Because while childhood is important, it is life happening right now that is shaping us. The bad decisions and wrong turns, the daytime laughter and midnight cries.

This life is the life that will be passed on as lessons to others. This messy, broken, insane life.

So, yes, growing up isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.

It might be even more.

[clockturns921]

I'm worth more than a drunk text.

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It's time for you to admit that you're fucking awesome.

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Dgaf

[clockturns921]

We are all failures at perfection.

[clockturns921]