"There's nobody who's more misunderstood [than Ben]. The public image of him could not have been farther apart from who he actually is." - Matt Damon

izzy's playlists!
NASA
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Jules of Nature

@theartofmadeline

No title available
Sade Olutola
KIROKAZE
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Xuebing Du

#extradirty
tumblr dot com

Discoholic 🪩
🪼
Claire Keane
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

Product Placement

PR's Tumblrdome
wallacepolsom
dirt enthusiast

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States

seen from Singapore

seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Germany

seen from Malaysia
seen from Colombia

seen from Brazil
seen from Vietnam
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
@confusedbeannn
"There's nobody who's more misunderstood [than Ben]. The public image of him could not have been farther apart from who he actually is." - Matt Damon
Like everything in his life, Shane is very pragmatic about sex.
First it’s planning their meet-ups months ahead. Shane has time to plan his outfit, do a pre-workout, and complete his prep routine. When he’s hosting, the temperature is perfectly set, lights low, fresh towels set out on the counters. When Ilya’s hosting or a hotel, he builds in time to do everything he needs beforehand.
Once they’re married, that changes. Living together means things can be a lot more spontaneous (which he loves) but he also likes to know The Plan™️.
And once they’re married, Shane has no problem asking for what he wants so he can plan out his day and routine. It’s not particularly sexy, but he guesses that’s married life.
“Ilya?”
“Hm?”
“Do you want to eat me out after the Canada match tonight?”
They had both been rooting for Canada at the world cup - Ilya even got them jerseys.
Ilya chokes and Shane frowns at him. “You okay?”
“I - just - what?”
“Well I’m going to do a full shower after my physio session with Amelia - I should be done by the time the Canada game starts. Oh - and I meant to ask if you liked those new frozen meals Lyn brought over. They’re a new brand.”
“I - yes, please Shane if I ever don’t want to eat you out, I have been replaced by aliens.”
“Okay, cool. And the meals?”
“Gross,” Ilya said. “But normal gross.”
~*~*~*~
“Ilya?”
“What?”
“Can we fuck on the couch tonight? With the fire going?”
Ilya grit his teeth and for a second Shane thought he would say no.
“Of course.”
“Maybe around 8? I bought 2 hour logs and the fire needs to be completely out by bedtime.”
“Okay.”
~*~*~*~
“Ilya!”
“Shane?”
“Look at your messages! I want to try that position. Maybe after we get back from our afternoon skate?”
~*~*~*~
“Ilya?” Shane asked through his cars bluetooth. Ilya was cooking and keeping him company on the phone as he drove back from an optometrist appointment. Much to his husband’s (fake) disappointment, his slight nearsightedness still didn’t need glasses for anything besides reading comfortably.
“Hm?”
“Did my package get delivered?”
“A package did. I put it on side table for you.”
“Can you go ahead and open it? I wasn’t sure what size to get so I got a few options. I want to try them this weekend - maybe Saturday? If they don’t fit, I’ll need to do another order tonight for 3 day shipping.”
He heard Ilya take a deep breath. He hated to give him another thing to do on top of making dinner, but he wanted to make sure they had the right sizes before they wanted to use them.
~*~*~*~
“Hey Ilya?” Shane said quietly, so the other people at the stuffy fundraiser couldn’t hear.
“Yes?” Ilya, his hand coming up to run through the back of Shane’s hair.
“I’m exhausted. Can we do shower blowjobs when we get home tonight?”
Ilya hand stuttered in his hair. Shane hated to disappoint him but he was too tired for his prep routine, his post routine, and cleaning the sheets. Or even getting up for Ilya to do it. Shower blowjobs had excellent clean up time and he could fall right into bed afterwards.
“That sounds perfect,” Ilya said, a little roughly.
~*~*~*~
Shane was going to kill him. Murder him. Like a sniper - out of the blue, at any given moment, Shane might call out to him all softly and then ask for hottest sex imaginable (all sex with Shane) AND THEN plan it for later, leaving Ilya incredibly worked up.
The worst part was Shane did not even know he did this to him - for Shane, it was just planning - run at 6, breakfast at 8:15, workout at 8:30, shower at 10, fuck husband at 10:45, off ice training at 12:15, etc. It drove Ilya insane.
But Ilya didn’t want to mess it up by acting on the extreme horniness he felt every time his husband causally planned out mind blowing sex. He knew routine was good for Shane’s brain and it would mess the routine up if Shane asked to pencil in a blowjob at 3:15pm and Ilya dropped to his knees right then. So he had to wait and wait until the clocked ticked down for their scheduled appointment. He loved it.
Ilya: Okay everybody listen the fuck up!
Raiders: 👀
Ilya: My Jane said she will send me glasses pic if we win tonight!
Raiders who have experienced this before: Fuck yeah brother 😫🙏
Ilya: So I am not loosing to New fucking Jersey and missing a picture of my pretty Jane in her glasses!
The whole team realising oh shit he means business: Yes captain! 🫡
I want a friendship between Shane and Cliff Marleau (sort of like an extrovert adopts an introvert type of thing). Pre-outing, they’re close enough that Shane comes out to him.
“Hey,” Cliff says, suddenly struck with the best idea he’s ever had. “I think I know someone you’d get along great with.”
“Marleau, I’m not really looking—“
“No, no, trust me. He’s a good guy, and one of the best hockey players I’ve ever met—aside from you, of course.”
Shane isn’t sure where Cliff is going with this, but he does know he’s not interested in anyone but Ilya.
“I know you mean well but—“
“Rozanov,” Cliff announces, grin a mile wide, and Shane blinks. Cliff, for his part, is incredibly sure this is a good idea; he knows that Ilya is bisexual, even if he doesn’t talk about it. Even Cliff is aware of the dangers with Russia. Even if the rest of the league hates it, they can fuck off.
Mistaking Shane’s silence for skepticism, Cliff continues, “I know he seems like an asshole, but he’s one of the best men you’ll ever meet. I know you’ve seen it—the whole rivalry thing is bullshit anyways, right? He’s actually a big softie…”
Cliff talks up Ilya, and Shane smiles, glad that Ilya has such a good friend—even though he isn’t sure how to tell Cliff that he and Ilya are already an item.
ilya sees this old trend where someone holds out a hand to their partner to see what their partner would give them so he comes over to try it with shane who’s on the sofa. he holds out his hand and shane gives him the remote. he tosses the remote aside. shane looks a bit confused. he gives ilya his phone. ilya tosses that aside. he gives ilya a pillow. ilya tosses that aside. he gives ilya his hand. ilya shakes it out. his face squints in confusion before coming up with an idea and rests his chin on ilya’s hand. and okay, well, the challenge is just to annoy your partner, but holy fuck shane looks so fucking cute with his big brown eyes looking up at ilya waiting for his approval so ilya just really has to smile and kisses him about it.
Shane would carry fate on his shoulders, every time.
i've said before that i think in 2024 one of the younger cens players (picking a name at random and saying holmberg) makes shane and ilya listen to chappell roan and they take unfathomable psychic damage from good luck babe and casual while flashing back to their situationship era, but to get even more specific about it:
i think holmberg starts them off with good luck babe since it's her big breakthrough hit and ilya is like "hm. so this is a song about being in a relationship with someone who's in denial about being gay? and they won't admit to the relationship because of it? interesting" while staring directly at shane who is making very determined eye contact with the floor.
and holmberg (clueless) is like "yeah she writes a lot of situationship anthems actually!" and puts on casual.
which allows shane to pull an instant uno reverse card and stare daggers into the side of ilya's head while going "wow, imagine what it would be like to spend years sleeping with someone who sends really confusing mixed signals by saying that what you have is casual but then treating you like it's not casual at all. that would suck."
anyway chappell roan gets banned from the cens locker room playlist out of fear of causing their captain and alternate to divorce. they make an exception for pink pony club though because they are the pink (red) pony (centaur) club
Queering the Map is a community generated counter-mapping platform for digitally archiving LGBTQ2IA+ experience in relation to physical space.
The platform provides an interface to collaboratively record the cartography of queer life—from park benches to the middle of the ocean—in order to preserve our histories and unfolding realities, which continue to be invalidated, contested, and erased. From collective action to stories of coming out, encounters with violence to moments of rapturous love, Queering the Map functions as a living archive of queer life.
Through mapping LGBTQ2IA+ experience in its intersectional permutations, the project works to generate affinities across difference and beyond borders — revealing the ways in which we are intimately connected.
hollanov taking an after game interview together because of plot convenience reasons and ilya was chirping the opposing team about their first line points per game being barely scraping 0.4 when shane tapped his arm lightly and ilya leaned towards him. all the reporters perk up because omg are we gonna see shane hollander disciplining ilya rozanov live???? this is TEA. and ilya just nodded and said
“apologies, my husband wanted to correct that their first line pgp was 0.34. which was more pathetic than i originally assumed.”
It's. There's. It's so... There's so much. I'm having a minor breakdown rn please send help.
We will never be free.
354 pages and it all starts with a @deancrowleycas post. Beautiful.
I would say this again. Every day
I am halfway through and I am LIVING
I AM LIVING THIS IS AMAZING. the fact that my brain immediately had like. 5 things to add to the presentation is probably a sign i am mentally unwell
i know in my heart that anya is 100000% a master of the "i haven't been fed yet 🥺 pls I'm SO hungwy 🥺 pls can I have breakfast 🥺" scam
she has a limited window of opportunity for it to work after shane moves in and they're finding their new rhythms because shane gets up first, so he told ilya "i can handle anya in the morning since I'm up earlier" meaning letting her out, making sure she's got water, AND getting her breakfast served (because this is logical and ilya gives her her dinner, so yes. balance. fairness.), but ilya processed this as, "you stay in bed because you like having phone time before you get up, and I will let anya out and you can feed her when you get up," which is sweet because now ilya gets his extra twenty minutes of staying in bed without feeling bad when anya needs to go out, and he doesn't expect shane to feed anya because he already gives her dinner so why wouldn't he also feed her breakfast? (especially because i know that dog's bowl is COMPLEX. she is eating GOOD. she is eating the insta model breakfast plate of dog cuisine meant to create the ULTIMATE dog health foundation for the dog of a millionaire.)
and they do NOT know that this miscommunication has happened because anya always eats quickly even with her slow feeder, so by the time ilya gets up, she's by an empty bowl doing her 🥺 please 🥺 breakfast 🥺 routine, while shane is doing yoga in the gym.
and it is not until little miss is well on her way to content sausage roll that they discover they've been HUSTLED.
ilya is more than slightly proud of her tbh.
@penandinkprincess
Much like the rest of the fandom I am obsessed with the nickname Shanebug. Thank you to whoever created it, I love you!
I like to think that Shane was given the nickname by David. When he was a toddler Shane was obsessed with any and every type of bug. He’d make David and Yuna take him in the garden all the time to dig for worms or look at the flowers to see if there were any bees. But his absolute favourite were ladybugs leading David to coin the nickname Shanebug.
Obviously once hockey took over his life Shane kind of forgot about his bug obsession. But once he gets settled living in Ottawa with Ilya he starts to pick it back up.
When Shane and Ilya went round to his parents for dinner he offhandedly mentioned that he was planning on adding some plants to the garden so more insects and bugs would visit. And David goes suddenly silent and starts to get teary.
David: Oh Shanebug is back
Ilya: Shanebug, what is a Shanebug?
This leads to Yuna getting out all Shane’s toddler pictures showcasing him holding a ladybug in his hands, him covered in mud pointing at a worm with the biggest grin on his face and him cross eyed as a butterfly lands on his nose. Ilya’s favourite though is a photo of Shane dressed up as a ladybug for his third birthday, antennas and all, that he gushes over.
Ilya is so besotted by the idea of Shanebug that he orders a gazillion different types of flowers and plants to give his husband the bug haven of his dreams (just as long as there are no spiders).
Ok yes obviously Shane getting horny and handsy and bitchy when drunk, but I would like to also offer: Shane getting concerning when drunk
Like, Shane’s still not one to drink often, but they’re at a banquet or gala or whatever so mentally he’s decided he Has to, and the pressure to perform is kinda high so there’s a glass or two on top of when he should’ve called it quits, and now he can definitely feel himself at the far end of tipsy. It’s fine, he’s not at the point of being sloppy but his tongue is a lot looser than he’s comfortable with, so in comes his genius solution: no words.
Can’t embarrass himself if he’s silent. And really, more people were talking at him than with his so who really cares?
Ilya. Ilya cares. A whole lot. Shane is visibly rocking back and forth but now won’t answer if he’s okay or how he’s feeling or if he wants to go home. He’s nodding and smiling at people walking past but those flushed lips are Sealed. Not a peep! And it gets to the point of Ilya mentally running through every sudden onset neurological disorder he can think of while Shane revels in his successful plan that now has the added bonus of getting Ilya to stay right in front of him for the rest of the night :)
(The Checkin Champion suffering more than jesus dealing with the source of his anxiety spiral going nonverbal while giving him nonstop heart eyes and a big dopey grin and warm hands that need to Stop pawing at his dick!! Public!! We’re still in Public Hollander!! Stop being horny and say words!!!)
shanebug photo album circa '91-93
The night before Shane might win his third Stanley cup, Ilya sends him the clip of his Stanley cup win.
Confused, Shane immediately calls him.
"Is this some new and unique way to psych me out before the final, Rozanov? I didn't know you had money on Detroit."
"No, I am sending for a good reason," Ilya laughs. "I know it sucks for us that when you win all your team will be kissing their girlfriends and Pike will be making out all gross with Jackie, and we will not be able to. So, I wanted to show you exactly where I first kissed the cup. It was on the top, right over where it says Ottawa 1905, left of where it says 'Challenge Cup'. I remember because I did this on purpose. We weren't anything then, but I was thinking of you. I couldn't help thinking of you. So if you kiss the same place, it will be a little like we are sharing a kiss. And only we will know about it."
And Shane feels the air clean knocked out of his lungs and the back of his throat get tight, as he barely gets out, "Baby, that's... Thank you. I don't know what to say. I love you so fucking much. I'll make sure you see our kiss, okay?"
"I will be watching. I love you, My Shane. Go show the world why Shane Fucking Hollander is the goat, okay?"
On the night Shane wins his third Stanley Cup, he kisses their spot on the cup, thinking only of Ilya, and longs for a day where he can pull him onto the ice like Scott did with Kip.
On the night Shane wins his fourth Stanley cup, he hoists the cup into the air with his captain, they both kiss the same spot on the trophy, and then in front of the world, on his home ice, Shane Hollander kisses his husband, and it feels like a promise fulfilled.
logging onto tumblr like heyyy i'm thinking about the same character i've spent the past few weeks thinking about. no change here. just wanted to let yall know
Shane doesn't get a concussion, Ilya breaks up with him, everybody cries.
And then Scott Hunter gets Stanley Cup.
Shane and Ilya are both in Vegas. Conflicted feelings about everything.
...
Scott: Everybody's invited to my party at a local gay club!
Ilya: I'm going.
Shane: Are you nuts?
Ilya: Are you a pussy?
Shane: EXCUSE ME
...
Scott: (looking at Shane and Ilya taking shots) Guys, I think you've had enough.
Shane & Ilya: Not stopping until he gives up!
...
Ilya: (drunk off his ass) Imma come out.
Scott: You what
Ilya: Imma come out. (edits Twitter bio to "EVIL BISEXUAL") Here. I am a badass bitch. (to Shane) You could never.
Scott: ...
Shane: You think you win? Watch this. (edits Twitter bio to "EVIL GAY")
Kip: How many Stanley Cup winner captains are queer exactly, I want the stats 🤣
Carter: I tried to mansplain being queer in Russia to two gay players, omfg
...
Ilya: (crying) I am so sorry I broke up with youuuuuu
Shane: (also crying) Bitch I hate you I wanted you to come to Canada this summer for sex vacation
Kip: I kinda want popcorn at this point.
Scott: I hate them. So much.
Carter: Wait. That weird fight. Did you guys fight because of Rozanov?
Shane: Kind of?
Carter: I KNEW IT ROZ YOU DAWG!
Kip: Babe?
Scott: Nonononono you got it all wrong
Ilya: Naaaah dinosaur never clocked my flirting
Scott: Your what
Shane: (furious) Did you jerk it in front of him too?
Ilya: Nope you are special.
Kip: (having the time of his life) The lore, I need the lore
...
The next morning
Shane: (hungover, looking at a picture of him, Ilya and Scott with a caption "gay father, gay son and bisexual unholy spirit") (groundhog scream)
Ilya: (scrolling through TMZ entry about him two-timing Shane and Scott) I think we need to quit drinking.
Shane: YOU THINK?