Untitled

All the things I wish I could say

[corazon01]

You have fully convinced me that I am forever unlovable.

[corazon01]

I loved a man so much at 20 that I’m now single at 27 wondering why I’m not worth anyone’s time & affection.

[corazon01]

Loneliness blooms within me. It’s spread throughout my body & makes it hard to breathe. I obsess over every interaction & thought I have.

I am alone. No family to comfort me, no partner to say they love me, no friend willing to be there for me. I’m stuck living a life where books are my comfort & people destroy my psyche.

[corazon01]

I will never belong so why do I try so hard for a family that never tries for me?

[corazon01]

I’m so tired of being lonely

[corazon01]

If words in the dictionary had pictures attached to them, you’d see my face under so many

alone

pathetic

unwanted

used

[corazon01]

You don’t care as long as my legs are open & a smile is on my face.

Happy one year anniversary.

[corazon01]

Why must I be the bigger person?

Why must I be agreeable?

Available?

Dependable?

This feeling is worse than heartbreak. Losing you has been suffocating me. What happened to us? Was I that unbearable? I stood up for myself & now I’m not useful?

You just replaced me & didn’t even have the decency to tell me.

[corazon01]

Like an ancient city, we are withering away faster than we were built.

Time has not been kind, words left unspoken, feelings have been hurt

We cried and laughed and dreamed. We made promises and swore to never leave.

Look at us now. Crumbling down like a house built on sand, tragic but inevitable.

Stay my friend, I want to rebuild with you.

[corazon01]

You say I’m so agreeable, that I don’t voice my opinions.

You say I need to start making decisions, you feel bad that you make all the choices.

I don’t know how to tell you that I used to be stubborn & fought for what I wanted.

I don’t know how to tell you that I don’t want to give you a reason to cheat, just like him.

“Be more assertive,” you say.

How do I tell you I’m too scared?

[rosariumpartone]

quote from Rosa, Rosa 🌹

[rosariumpartone]

quote from Dead Girls Don’t Cry ✟

[corazon01]

You say we’re different because of our ages.

I say we’re different because I can see you in my future & you only see me warming your bed at night.

[corazon01]

I am the outsider. A stranger really.

To be looked upon is to be judged & critiqued. Or invisible & unimportant.

I am the fly on the wall in my own family. If I decay now, would I even be missed?

[corazon01]

Breathing is getting harder & eyes are stinging with tears

Sleeping but so exhausted in the morning

Friends become strangers

I’m spiraling, loneliness sits heavy in my chest & my mind is enemy number one. I want to stop for a moment, I want someone to hold me for a bit, I want to scream my lungs away. I need peace, I need to not hate myself.

[corazon01]

So, this is where we ended up

All of those years that I wasted for love

And here it is, forevermore

The house is on fire and I can't find the door

If I had the heart to start it again

I'd stamp out the sparks in my own self-defence

Say, you ain't gonna like how this ends

How This Ends - Lewis Capaldi

[corazon01]

They say a mothers love is unconditional, but I must hold my tongue

and do as you say

and hide my flaws

and hate everything I am to be accepted by the one who gave me life.

“I love you daughter.”

“Do you?”

“Unfortunately.”