when will jonathon sims leave the computer

magnus posting (he/him)

[hvlth-gxth-deactivated20170928]

Refer to England as “a mysterious and warlike nation off the coast of western Asia”

[myshangel]

how shane and ilya are sitting at their daughter's preschool after she got put in time out for saying "hello gay boy" (ilya has used this greeting to piss shane off for years and did Not know she could repeat it)

[finny-red]

Home Sweet Home 🌃🌙

[dogpuppy]

[sentientsky]

repeating this to myself forever and ever

[totearup]

One day Ilya learns that a Pike is a kind of fish and it's all over for Hayden after that. "Yes Trout? What did you say?" "Bass is on the phone and would like to know if we can babysit his children." "Hello children, this will be your coach for hockey camp, Mr Tilapia."

[hrgifs]

ilya 'needy top' rozanov

[sunnypeachyy]

Ilya's back appreciation post

[lavenderprose]

Hollanov PDA in the locker room yeah okay. I see the vision but also it doesn't take the form of kisses and hugs it takes the form of Ilya putting his fingers in Shane's open mouth mid-sentence. Shane biting Ilya's shoulder when he passes by. Manly butt smacks that DO linger just a little too long. Playing slaps and hitting HARD and yes it's foreplay. Actually, any kind of smack or slap you can imagine. Ilya just. GROWLING in Shane's face. Shane winking at Ilya and Ilya getting cuteness aggression so hard that he has to ball his hands up or he's going to put his husband in a headlock. Actually yeah there he goes.

[lavenderprose]

There's never been a fandom ghost like Cliff Marleau. He's a vampire. He's an ally. He's a latent bisexual. He a little confused but he got the spirit. He's imprinted on Ilya like a duckling. He has three sisters, all of them lesbians. He is 42. He is 28. He's French Canadian. He's from Florida. He is being psychosexually tormented by his best friend's thot husband. He is Hollanov's platonic third. He has a beautiful, terrifying wife. He's made out with Ilya but they were in Paris it's chill. Of course he's slept with men he's a fucking hockey player. He is Ilya's ex-husband.

[penandinkprincess]

laughing about the fact that i know in my heart that ilya babytalks anya while shane talks to her like a colleague

ilya is holding her like a baby and cooing in russian going, "who is my beautiful little baby bunny? is it you? it IS you, beautiful little baby with your beautiful little baby paws and your beautiful little baby face and-"

and meanwhile anya took off with the zoomies instead of standing still in the entryway so shane could wipe her muddy paws off after a walk in the rain, and shane is toweling her off after re-capturing her and going, "that was not our agreement, anya. we had an understanding. this is not treat-earning behavior."

[slobonmynov]

Sports photographer Shane Hollander captures the exact moment Boston Bear Ilya Rozanov briefly looks up from the ice to thank his mother after scoring a buzzer beating goal that brings the Stanley Cup home to Boston for the first time in far too long

The photo is in the front page of every newspaper the next morning, the public has never seen the Russian Terror look so soft, so human, they’re eating it up with a spoon, it results in a wave of positive PR that kind of embarrasses him but he’s ultimately thankful for

The photo is the centerpiece of a limited exhibition honoring the team’s firecracker of a season staged on the route of their victory parade. The photographer is invited to the opening as a last minute thing, fuck it fly the guy down here Roz can thank him in person for the extra sponsorship $$$ this pic is earning him

Sports photographer Shane Hollander arrives to the event a recently single freelancer and leaves with the heart of a bisexual terminator and a conditional offer of permanent employment with the Bears organization

[gaynehollander]

I feel like I've seen several posts about how good Shane is at poker and I firmly subscribe to that belief but here's what I find interesting. Playing poker against Shane is when Ilya realises that Shane actually isn't a bad liar. He's just bad at hiding his desire from Ilya. Actually, when playing against him he has no fucking tells. None at all. And Ilya knows him. He knows his face. He knows how to read him. He recognises every minute shift of his features. He has every microexpression catalogued. And yet. Shane. keeps. winning. Ilya tries everything, every trick in the book. He tries to distract Shane, tries to catch him off guard, tries to intimidate him but with every attempt the only the only thing he manages is to rile Shane up and so he's sitting across the table from him and the only thing Ilya can read in his expression is that he is definitely hard and desperately trying to cover that fact up and he really is horrible at hiding it but Ilya still doesn't know if he's fucking lying about his cards.

[hollanoveau]

while you made sad ilya headcanons, i studied The Code (the bro code, for your bros that you’re definitely not in love with but also it would kinda be okay if you were)

bc like. ilya breaks the news that he’s going to ottawa. cliff knows why. but also that’s unacceptable bc he can’t just leave him like that. that’s his bro! that’s his bestie! his ride or die! and he’s seen ilya change over the past year. he knows things got Serious between him and shane over the summer. Ilya’s happier now, but he’s also sadder now when they’re not together. quieter. more withdrawn. sure, ottawa is a hell of a lot closer than boston, but shane will still be in montreal. who will ilya have in ottawa in the meantime?? nobody.

cliff can’t let that happen.

so he has his agent start desperately pulling strings. his enormous boston-based family does Not understand at first, but they’re a hockey family, so in a way they get it. a good captain is worth following, even if it’s outside the country. cliff keeps it under wraps and doesn’t tell ilya. lets him make his plans and pack his shit and move over the summer without him.

and on the first day with the centaurs, as coach wiebe is introducing ilya to everyone and he’s fighting the nerves he hasn’t felt since he was nineteen and meeting the raiders for the first time, cliff casually strolls in decked out in red and black and smiling ear to ear. ilya definitely doesn’t cry like a baby as he flings himself at him and crushes him in a hug.

the ottawa winters are easier to bear between the two of them.

[mybloodstream-caffeine]

Hollanov are always going to have crushes on each other. They're gonna be married for over a decade and Ilya is still gonna puff up and preen when he makes Shane laugh at one of his snarky comments or goofy bits, which Ilya said specifically to make Shane laugh. Because he has a crush on him. Shane is gonna smile and flush and sort of bury his face into the pillows when he wakes up to Ilya already looking at him, eyes heavy lidded. He's gonna mumble "Hi~" all shy and bashful. Because he has a crush on him. They are perpetually crushing on each other. Any minute now I'm gonna start sobbing

[crying-and-screaming]

Two Man Advantage

Merry playoffs to all those who celebrate! (I am very reluctantly rooting for the Avs), please take the first chapter of my fic that's basically "Shane but he's in a Panarin-level bad trade to Boston." (Or for the non-hockey fans, what if Montreal's management was also incompetent)

Read now on ao3!

[lavenderprose]

"Vegas is sad because Ilya didn't actually want to be doing that :( He was trying to create distance between them :("

And what if I told you that Ilya engineered that hookup specifically because he wanted to dom Shane that night and he knew that if he got Shane in that hotel room that Shane would submit to him so beautifully and what if I told you that actually that's what they both wanted so fucking bad and what if I told you that the only reason the Penthouse hookup is bad is because Shane DID NOT COMMUNICATE what he wanted. Which was kisses. That's all he wanted. Not softer sex not Ilya being "gentle" not the denial of an aspect of his sexuality. Which is submitting sexually.

Vegas is sad because they aren't communicating well and they have feelings for each other and Ilya is refusing to recieve even the most basic aftercare (Chatting. Ilya enjoys to chat with Shane after sex, we've seen it before) and he's too in his own head about other things that he's failing to provide Shane's preferred aftercare (kisses) and neither of them even knows that that's a fixable problem at this point. THAT is the saddness of the scene. Not the kinky sex. They absolutely should have been having their kinky sex they just needed to be doing it more safely. But they're 24 and Ilya is about to reenter the Slavic Torment Nexus and Shane thinks he deserves to be sad forever until he wins a Stanley Cup. So.