Anyway my stance on fiction and online harassment is shaped by the fact that I had unrestricted access to the local library from about the age of 8 and read quite a few books with fucked up content that I might have been a bit too young for and that caused absolutely no long-term damage to my mental health; meanwhile I was bullied mercilessly by my peers for several years and I’m still dealing with after-effects of that.
Tbh my stance on all online discourse is shaped by the fact that nothing has caused me more long-term damage than being emotionally abused and sexually harassed by my peers from the ages of four (four!! what the fuck!!) to 15 and being told it was my fault for being me a ~freak~
So hey, what the hell, adding onto this after almost 4 years and innumerable waves of pearl-clutching and witch-hunting to say:
My stance is also shaped by the fact that, as far back as i can remember, i've always been grossed out (ranging from squick to severe repulsion) by things seen in the mainstream as "good" and "desirable" and "progressive" and "hot"...
...which taught me long before i learnt the concept that DISGUST IS NOT MORALITY, and thus inoculated me against all the bullshit reactionism that targets all things "icky".
because you will never convince me that people actually enjoy eating pussy, or having their tits sucked, or getting pregnant, or being a woman. (or eating raw vegetables, or exercise that isn't swimming, or cats as pets, for that matter.) and so my near-daily exposure to people who clearly do enjoy those things and are still Just Some Guy serves as a reminder that:
(1) everything is "weird" to someone, even things YOU think are "normal"
(2) identity, orientation, interests, likes, whatever, are neither inherently a choice nor objectively "good"/"bad"
Shoutout to the people who grew up in a house where being gay or trans was just never talked about.
Shoutout to the people whose parents support lgbt rights but never told their kids until they were in their teens or twenties because they said it was “difficult to explain to children”.
Shoutout to the people whose religious communities came out in support just a little too late.
Shoutout to everyone afraid to come out just because they know they’ll be safe physically but they don’t know how everything will change socially.
Shoutout to everyone whose internalized homophobia that they’re trying to overcome came from subtle cues and not explicit statements.
Shoutout to the in betweeners. The pain you felt is real.
"i would kill for you" "i would die for you" okay but would you forgive me if i forgot something important for the 51204th time in a row even though i tried my best to remember
"omg that's so online. there's no way that affects the real world"
do posts and stories on the internet make you feel emotions? does that cat pic on your feed make you happy? does that article make you angry? does my friendship matter less because it happens through a computer screen?
if it makes you think, makes you feel, then it's real. we are shaped by the internet every day. we communicate with each other more online than ever. and you have the audacity to say that it isn't real???
we forgot somewhere along the way that the internet was invented as a way to share information and ideas so that academics and researchers could collaborate across distances and share resources. it was meant for connection and innovation. it very much was meant to affect our material lives. it's the very definition of connection and community at its core.
so when people claim that a problem or issue or topic isnt relevant simply because the forum or platform is online, I think it really discredits all the work that generations of people who fought for the ability to freely share their story with the world, and continually develop new ways of sharing those resources
In world controlled by those who want to isolate us and cut off our connection to each other and ourselves, viewing the online world as connection and community and freedom will go a lot farther than dismissing the vast universe of opinions, research, and stories as "fake" because you can't physically touch it.
someone trying to delete the entire wikipedia article on transmasculine discrimination, which documents notable hate crimes, purely just because she didnt like the use of the word transandrophobia is such an apt metaphor for. all of this
I don’t know if this is an obvious take or a hot take, but I think people need to start re-framing feminism as the fight for body autonomy as opposed to whatever this second wave revival gender essentialist bullshit we have going on right now. Once you reframe it in this way, it’s easier to understand intersectionality and why cis women are not the only people who need feminism. The lack of body autonomy effects cis women, trans people, intersex people, disabled people, poc, homeless people, sex workers, etc. and your feminism needs to include and prioritise all of these groups of people (which will include men btw) because feminism is about autonomy, not about establishing a matriarchy. Body autonomy is the biggest threat to the patriarchy, both with reproductive rights, LGBTQ+ rights, and even the right to not be drafted into military services. Once body autonomy is established for everyone, the patriarchy no longer has a leg to stand on.
And body autonomy does include things that you don’t personally like either. I was prompted to write this post after a series of bad takes from progressives, but one of them was re-hashing the Sabrina Carpenter album cover drama with “I don’t think it’s conservative of me to think that the album cover is a bad look when we’ve seen images of women being abused in this way” because I do actually think you’ve failed to understand feminism by projecting your morals onto a woman who was consensually expressing her own autonomy just because she expressed it in a way that you didn’t like or that made you uncomfortable.
Body autonomy also means unhealthy choices. Body autonomy also means regret rates. Body autonomy also means freedom of sexuality. Body autonomy also means mutilation. If you believe body autonomy has limitations and exceptions, then your feminism is most likely surface level.
TERFs are some of the biggest opponents to body autonomy, and if you find yourself thinking “oh people can do whatever they want with their bodies as long as it doesn’t harm them or make others uncomfortable” then you are far more susceptible to TERF propaganda than you think.
there was a post on here a year or two ago that was like "radfems think feminism is when women create a feedback loop to justify their harmful trauma responses" and I think about it every week. that one sentence helped me understand the abuse I suffered from my ex more than several dozen therapy sessions did. I hope whoever the op was is having a fantastic decade
sexism in medicine kills people. racism in medicine kills people. fatphobia in medicine kills people. queerphobia in medicine kills people. classism in medicine kills people. ableism in medicine kills people.
do not downplay people’s fears about being mistreated because they are a part of a marginalised group. it is a matter of life and death and you should be angry about it.
Yes, and hot take, I am so tired of people saying "just advocate for yourself" "just tell your doctor you want proof they refused to treat you" etc etc etc because it doesn't fucking work like that. So many people are unable to advocate for themselves, and even if we are able to advocate for ourselves, that doesn't mean the doctors are ever going to listen to us. It is not our fucking fault, so stop fucking blaming us. We shouldn't have to "just advocate for ourselves", the doctors should just fucking listen to us, its the bare minimum.
If you hate a character I think the best thing to do is to ignore them, block the tag or whatever, and maybe do not reblog other people posts and fanarts and put your hateful comments in the tag!😃
"teens are prone to tantrums and are emotionally unstable" - okay, yeah, puberty is real, and emotional regulation is a difficult skill to learn. but also. any adult person would be pissed if their opinions were disregarded, they had no say in what happens to them, their emotions and feelings were downplayed and their privacy were intruded on.
(at long last) the inaugural vulvar hypospadias study: results!
(sorry for taking so long to post this; college has been a lot!!! but happy to be back and intersex about it)
I got 116 responses to this & I'm very thankful for everyone who participated! I hope to do this survey again at some point this year, hopefully workshop the questions to improve it and collect more data. Its funny that vulvar hypospadias is so understudied, I think this is may be the largest study on it technically (<- joking, this was very informal, but seriously we need more research so bad!!)
Since the qualitative questions tended to involve much more personal information, I am just going to be summarizing the results for those to keep things private.
Here's the results:
Do you have vulvar hypospadias?
62.9% said "yes."
37.1% said "I'm questioning if I do."
2. What type of hypospadias do you have or suspect you have?
32.8% said "vestibular / partial."
32.8% said "vestovestibular / subtotal."
15.5% said "vaginal / total / persistent urogenital sinus."
19% said "I'm unsure."
"Prefer not to answer" was an option, but no respondents chose it.
3. Throughout your life, have you experienced chronic / frequent / reoccurring (with no other known cause)
Respondents could select multiple answers.
40.5% said "urinary tract infections."
41.4% said "incidents of incontinence or near-incontinence."
56% said "dribbling urine after urinating."
50.9% said "urinary retention."
33.6% said "pain while urinating in general."
37.1% said "pain while urinating after vaginal penetration."
57.8% said "discomfort or pain during vaginal penetration."
19% said "inability to do vaginal penetration at all."
54.3% said "discomfort or pain when inserting / removing menstrual products regardless of size or method of insertion"
16.4% said "menstrual products slipping down or falling out regardless of size or method of insertion."
45.7% said "constantly feeling the presence of an internal menstrual product regardless of size or method of insertion."
22.4% said "inability to urinate while using a tampon / cup / disc."
40.5% said "reduced or no erogenous (sexual) sensation where it is typically expected in the genital area."
17.2% said "reduced or no sensation in general in part or all of the urogenital region."
One respondent (0.9%) said "none."
When given the chance to elaborate, respondents reported:
a history of chronic UTIs, particularly during childhood or around their menstrual periods
overactive bladder with urinary retention, sometimes requiring catheterization, and difficulty fully emptying the bladder
an anteriorly deflected urinary stream that caused urine to contact the perineum/anus
dribbling and wetting oneself, often when young
pain or discomfort during penetration (sexual or attempted insertion of fingers/menstrual products) sometimes leading to avoidance or difficulty with insertion
reduced erogenous sensation, making masturbation difficult or impossible until late in life, or causing the clitoris to lose sensation easily
diagnoses including hypertonic pelvic floor dysfunction, pelvic organ prolapse, and scarring on the inside of the bladder
4. Do you have any of these other congenital variations in sex characteristics?
Respondents could select multiple answers.
35.3% said "sleeve hymen" (which can also be called "redundant" or a hypertrophic hymen)
19.8% said "other atypical hymen variation" (imperforate, microperforate, cribiform, septate)
28.4% said "vaginal hypoplasia or atresia"
29.3% said "labial fusion"
12.1% said "labial hypoplasia"
19% said "labial hypertrophy"
4.3% said "urethral duplication"
39.7% said "a ridge, line, seam, or set of bumps between the urethra and the clitoris"
10.3% said "a small tube-like structure that seems to extend from the urethra."
12.1% said "clitoral hypoplasia or atresia."
19% said "clitoromegaly."
4.3% said "other ambiguous genitalia."
6% said "other urogenital variation."
31% said "higher than expected amounts of a sex hormone (hyperandrogenism, hyperestrogenism)."
8.6% said "lower than expected amounts of a sex hormone (hypoandrogenism, hypoestrogenism)."
1.7% said "any gonadal variation (ovotestes, testes where ovaries were expected, etc.)"
9.5% said "any variation of the uterus."
5.2% said "any chromosomal variation."
56% said "i am questioning if I have one or more of these traits."
2.6% said "none."
When given the chance to elaborate, respondents reported:
hymen variations, particularly sleeve, microperforate, and septate, while others were uncertain they had a hymen at all
variations in the vaginal opening include the urethra sitting on the threshold or protruding tissue that obstructs the introitus, potentially related to the hymen or other excess tissue/flaps inside the vagina
mild labial fusion, labial hypertrophy (or suspected), labial hypoplasia, and the appearance of "labia inside labia."
clitoral variations including clitoromega, a forked clitoris, or difficulty locating the clitoris entirely.
suspecting or being diagnosed with Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH or NCAH), formerly PCOS now PMOS
hormonal variations mentioned include having "mini puberties" with temporary testosterone spikes, mild hyperandrogenism or signs of it (pre-T in some cases)
cysts on ovaries, small ovaries, endometriosis, a septate uterus, vaginal hypoplasia/atresia
5. If you would like to share any non-sex characteristic bodily variations (such as an atypical number of kidneys, scoliosis, etc.), you can do so here.
Respondents reported:
many (roughly 20%) brought up generalized joint hypermobility, or being diagnosed with/suspecting hEDS / Ehlers-Danlos syndrome / Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder, sometimes alongside POTS, and other symptoms related (fragile/stretchy skin, joint instability)
scoliosis, kyphosis, lordosis, and other spinal differences, chest wall differences (pectus excavatum, pectus carinatum), and other congenital skeletal variations
joint pain
various autoimmune conditions
various neurological conditions
flat feet
many mentioned having limited access to healthcare, and so rely heavily on self-observation rather than diagnosis
6. How long have you known or suspected you have hypospadias?
For reference, this survey was active over the course of January 2026.
8.6% said "one day or less."
19% said "a few days / a week."
15.5% said "a few weeks / a month."
37.1% said "a few months."
9.5% said "a year."
6.9% said "a few years."
2.6% said "since childhood."
One respondent (0.9%) said "as long as I can remember."
7. How did you learn about the variation called "vulvar hypospadias"?
Respondents could select multiple answers.
"From my parents" was an option, but no respondents chose it.
2.6% said "from a doctor."
3.4% said "from a friend or partner."
12.9% said "from reading medical papers."
94% said "from seeing it discussed online."
(& many of you mentioned my blog specifically, which makes me happy!)
8. How did you realize, or begin suspecting, you had hypospadias?
Respondents could select multiple answers.
"My parents told me" was an option, but no respondents chose it.
1.7% said "a doctor told me."
2.6% said "a friend or partner told me."
20.7% said "reading medical papers."
76.7% said "reading / talking about it online."
89.7% said "examining my own body."
9. Do you know if you were exposed to either high androgens or high estrogen while in the womb?
4.3% said "yes; high androgens."
8.6% said "it's possible/likely; high androgens."
7.8% said "it's possible/likely but I'm not sure which."
77.6% said "I'm not sure / have no way of knowing."
1.7% said "I know I was not exposed to highandrogens or high estrogen in the womb."
"Yes; high estrogens," "yes but I'm not sure which," and "it's possible/likely; high estrogens" were all options, but no respondents chose them.
10. Do you consider yourself intersex?
52.6% said "yes, entirely or partially because of my hypospadias."
7.8% said "yes, but not because of my hypospadias."
26.7% said "questioning / unsure / ambivalent."
6% said "no."
6.8% selected "Other" and wrote in their response.
(The following two questions focus on medical abuse and intersexism)
11. Have you been subjected to CIMI (coercive intersex medical interventions)?
10.3% said "yes."
9.5% said "I suspect I may have, but I'm not certain."
18.1% said "I'm not sure if I have or not."
61.2% said "no / I have no reason to believe I have."
One respondent (0.9%) said "prefer not to answer.
When given the chance to elaborate, respondents reported:
scars in the genital area without clear explanation
having a fused labia operated on without justification, sometimes without anesthetic
being prescribed or coerced into taking hormonal medications, often disguised as birth control pills, even at a young age. Respondents experienced negative side effects and many were not informed of the true purpose of the medications or alternative options.
doctors not listening to reports of pain, lying about hormone levels to justify hormonal treatments, conducting genital examinations without explanation, and being forced to engage in vaginal dilation treatment.
12. Have you ever experienced other medical neglect, mistreatment, abuse, or general poor medical care as a result of / related to your hypospadias?
21.6% said "yes, many times."
10.3% said "yes, once or twice."
19.8% said "I have experienced something which may count, but I'm not sure."
12.9% said "I'm not sure if I have experienced anything that might count."
33.6% said "no."
1.7% said "prefer not to answer."
When given the chance to elaborate, respondents reported:
having issues such as chronic UTIs, yeast infections, inability to penetrate the vaginally comfortably, and visible genital differences dismissed and often attributed to personal failings
having multiple doctors, including gynecologists, urologists, and pediatricians, failed to notice or mention the unusual placement and appearance of the urethra during physical examinations, pap smears, and checkups, even in cases where it should have been blatantly obvious, or having a doctor make a vague comment on an abnormality but refuse to elaborate.
experiencing difficulty or pain during procedures like catheterization and not being listened to by providers, or being chastised for contaminating urine sample with menstrual blood due to hypospadias
actively avoided seeking medical care for genital-related issues due to fear or past negative experiences, resulting in low exposure to medical appointments where the condition could have been noted
receiving no sexual education relevant to their anatomy, leaving them unable to understand their experiences or apparent differences.
(End of medical abuse TW)
Thank you so much to everyone who participated. I am so glad to help provide a space for people with hypospadias to engage with each other and learn more about our variation together! As mentioned, I plan to do this survey again, workshop the questions further, and try to continue collecting data so we can have a little more information on common experiences 💛💜💛
nuance: i can only read in dreams if my brain "sees" the words as an image
(easiest example i can think of is, i semi-regularly dream that i'm playing pokemon on gameboy, and in those dreams i can "see" the menu and understand it. imho it's because the menu is stored in my brain as a static image; the words are always in the same place, in the same order, and also there are only one or two words in a row.
but in those same dreams, i cannot read any pop-up/scrolling dialogue in the game. nor can i read anything in other kinds of dreams, like notes on a whiteboard, a book page, a message on the back of my hand, etc.; as soon as it's something i've never actually read before and/or a compound sentence or long list, my brain just creates gibberish.)
next time you get frustrated with yourself while trying to clean or do some other adulting activity, ask yourself, "was I ever actually taught how to do this or was I just told to do it and yelled at when I inevitably didn't do it right?"
then go look up how to actually do that shit before you keep trying
it might take more time today, but it will save you so much time and frustration in the long run not trying to struggle through something you don't actually know how to do.
Also: does "how to actually do that shit" work for everyone?
Or do you need to do that shit in a way that works for you, and trying to be abled/neurotypical about it just makes more barriers and more stress and that's why you've been convinced that you can't do it?
