Phandom, Anime, & Whatever else

A blog about random things (she/her)

[hollanoveau]

it’s late 2016. shane hollander is dating rose landry. ilya rozanov is breaking every traffic law known to man in his hideous sports car and tearfully scream-singing DONTCHA WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE ME….. DONTCHA WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS A FREAK LIKE ME…..

these two things, of course, have nothing to do with each other

[cannibalchicken]

[lesbianalumni]

Ilya looks up from his book. Shane has his legs strewn over Ilya's knees, lying back on the couch they bought for the cottage's back patio. The chairs and loveseat that had been here previously hadn't allowed them to get comfy and close enough for long, lazy summer afternoons like this.

"How many hours do you think we have spent kissing?" he asks.

Shane scrunches his face. "Why?"

"A thousand?" Ilya suggests, ignoring the question.

"Maybe." Shane sets to actually calculating it. They're been married for three years, after three years of dating and about ten of... whatever they were doing before that. There are some days when they probably kiss for hours, slow makeouts that aren't even leading to sex. Other days, their sex is hungry and fast and they kiss through it, equaling at least thirty minutes of lip-to-lip contact. 3 years of living together is over a thousand days, so if you were to average it—

"Five thousand?" Ilya interrupts Shane's train of thought.

"Maybe. That sounds like a lot."

"Is not enough, though," Ilya shrugs. "We need ten thousand."

"Says who?" Shane laughs and moves his right foot to gently poke Ilya's stomach.

"Says me. And Malcolm Gladwell," he holds up his book and then reads directly from it. "In order to achieve true mastery in a field, you must dedicate ten thousand hours of practice to it."

Shane rolls his eyes. "You're an expert at kissing, I promise."

"No, science does not agree," Ilya sets the book down on the wicker table next to him and moves Shane's legs so he can climb on top of his husband. "Let's add one more hour now," he says as he brings their mouths together, and the promise of five thousand more hours of this glows like a ray of sunlight in Shane's chest.

[jewelcoatfish]

shane (a little tipsy) being cornered by a few fans at a bar one night and they ask him what’s the best thing about coming out, expecting him to say something motivating like self-expression and liberation and shane just goes

“i don’t know, probably that i can have ilya’s photos on my phone now :).”

and the whole of non bigot hockey twt just fucking crash out and montreal metros and crowell gets burned at the stake

[toapoet]

These tags are my fave

[gracielufreebush]

Ilya Rozanov is a big, beefy athlete who gets paid millions to violently smash into other men on the ice, and he transforms into a dramatic damsel in distress the moment his husband comes into the room. There is no jar that is opened or trash that is taken to the curb by anyone but Shane.

“Shane, TV remote is all the way over there. Is almost in other time zone. My arms are weak, can you get it please, Shane.”

“Shane!! Shane, I have cut from cardboard! It’s bleeding, Shane, can you do first aid? I think I need mouth to mouth, Shane, I’m fading fast!”

“Shane, I am so thirsty I think my throat is atrophied from being dry.” (Earns a “wow, atrophied, where did you learn that word?” from Shane.)

“Shane, I’m getting sick, can you rub special cream on my chest? I am losing strength, Shane, I don’t think there is much time.”

*walks in door, first thing he says* “Shane, I almost was stranded today. My car was on E and my big, strong husband was not there to pump gas. I was coasting to gas station on fumes and vibe only, Shane.“

[academicblorbo]

Everyone: omg Hollander leash your dog, Ilya is barking at opponent hockey players again

Shane Enabler Hollander: ok so Ilyusha this player has had zero assists in the entire season, he got drafted last, and finally - and this is crucial - he once scored a goal in his own team's net

Ilya Heart Eyes Rozanov: thank you my ShaneWiki this is valuable data, off I go

[imgdist0000]

drawing people i see in the city (60/?)

[cliff-marleaus-left-toe]

I have this headcanon where in an alternative universe Ilya had a moment of insight at the beginning of their hookups so when The Raiders asked where he was going instead of saying he was gonna see Montreal Jane he was like 'I am gonna see my close personal friend Shane Hollander we are gonna eat takeout and play videogames in his house he is my best friend actually.' And the Raiders were like, 'Yeah, right.' But he kept the bit, and every time they were in Montreal, he told the Raiders he was meeting Shane, and the rivalry was just league PR bullshit. They never truly believed him, but it didn't really matter at the time. And When they were eventually at the cottage and Shane told Ilya his plan Ilya was like 'Do not be mad but I have been telling Raiders you are my best friend and every time we play monteral I come to see you to play videogames and eat takeout for years and they never belived me so there is still plusably denibility but if you wanna launch a friendship we dont have to wait or built up I already laid the groundwork.' And Shane is in his head like 'I am gonna marry this man.' So they announce the charity the same summer and the raiders are like 'well shit he was telling the truth.' And since Ilya did lay the groundwork, when the media asks them about Ilya and Shane's 'have been friends the whole time' narrative, the Raiders are like, 'Yeah, he told us they were friends; we just didn't believe him.' Which makes the public opinion on their friendship largely positive but doesn't really change the overall timeline all that much just gives them some room to be publicly affectionate and kind of takes the heat off the fanmail gate bc instead of the public thinking it was an enemies-to-lovers hot sex in hotel rooms 9-year situationship with messy breakups and hookups in between they think it was a slow-burn friends-to-lovers situation filled with yearning and Queer self discovery which is more palatable to the public.

[walmart-the-official]

Hey, don’t cry. Free online database of Japanese folk lore

[bleu-guacamole]

Might I add, free database of mostly European folklore and myths

[bogleech]

A Book of Creatures by @a-book-of-creatures doesn't update these days but is another thing along these lines, really huge, fully illustrated all by the author and cites all sources

[oldhunters]

level 100 bobo

[angel-mistakes]

Friends Find Out fic idea Shane and Ilya get HAMMERED at the same bar after a Metros vs Raiders game. It's not something either of them plan on and it's definitely a sight to see-- especially for their friends Marleau/JJ & Hayden. It's bizarre to see the two hockey rivals getting along, although everyone believes it to be due to the amount of alcohol the two have consumed through the night. It's funny until they start trying to get them home. Shane and Ilya become like a pair of traumatized, bonded kittens. They won't let go of each other, refusing to leave the other to make it home. Demanding they be taken together.

Eventually their friends carpool in Hayden's SUV but even that comes with trouble, Ilya insisting he stay the night at Shane's rather than the hotel. Shane's on board with the sleepover idea and before they can even put a stop to it, Ilya and Shane are making it inside Shane's house when the car parks. The hopes of ushering Ilya out of Shane's home are crushed when Ilya lands on the couch, looking right fucking at home and dragging Shane to sit down with him.

The guys look at each other at a loss for what to do-- knowing their friends are going to be embarrassed knowing how touchy they've been with their sworn enemy. Shane and Ilya are demanding the others leave now they're home but their friends are refusing. The pair grow more and more agitated before Shane slurs out, "fine, fuck it" and then starts mauling Ilya on the couch. It's a devouring, sloppy kiss. The two don't care for the audience they have-- they seem to be doing it out of spite because of their friends not leaving like they asked. When they start fumbling for each other's shirts that's when their friends snap out of their shock and pull them away from each other, thinking it's just drunken mistakes.

There's an agreement this is something they'll all have to keep secret, especially when it seems that Ilya and Shane don't recall anything from last night when they wake up in the morning-- Ilya waking in his hotel room with Marley, Shane in his house with Hayden and JJ.

[kushblazer666]

araki in nebraska: fuuuuck dude what if there was an enemy

[segamascott]

[innerchildabortionclinic]

[isnt-that-wizardd]

it's 2014. everyone is doing the als ice bucket challenge. ilya rozanov is nominated for the ice bucket challenge. in true asshole fashion, once he completes his own video he nominates shane hollander to do the challenge next. shane hollander must complete the ice bucket challenge. he decides to film the challenge after practice, wearing a light gray compression shirt, shorts, and a backwards ball cap, with hayden and jj throwing the water on him. ilya rozanov watches the video, thinking it will be funny. he has never regretted his life choices more as he is forced to witness an already sweaty shane "jock" hollander become drenched in water, shirt clinging to his body even more, head shaking off the excess water with a grin, staring at the camera like he just knew ilya would be watching. it is like something out of ilya's - literally - wet dreams. he downloads the video to his phone. he makes another very large donation to the als association.

[jewelcoatfish]

i think the final nail in the coffin that makes ilya quit smoking for good is this one time he wakes up in the middle of the night to go piss and when he comes back shane wraps himself around him and dives in ilya’s chest and ilya has an existential crisis moment about how much shane needs him and how shane wouldn’t want to make it without him and oh god oh fuck okay he actually needs to live a long and healthy life now otherwise shane would be inconsolable fuck

[randomgalrebloggingrandomstuff]

After years of regular abuse to their bodies, Shane and Ilya have lots of aches and pains. One night, Shane awakes to a familiar pain in his hips, tendons and ligaments pulled too tight. He can feel the pain, starting at the top of his leg, where femur meets pelvis. Can feel it radiating out, throbbing, traveling down his nerves to rest in his knee. Feels it spread further, down to his ankle and into his toes.

Shane knows this pain, and he knows the only thing that will help is to stretch the muscle. Pushing through the pain, he bends his knee and plants one foot on the bed, hooking his other ankle over his knee. He laces his fingers behind his thigh and pulls, his ankle coming toward his chest, stretching the offending muscle and tendon and ligament. The pull on his hip burns, and Shane pulls hard enough to almost feel relief.

Shane tries to do his stretches without waking Ilya, knowing he went to bed late and had to be up early, but Shane’s movement and unsteady breathing must have woken him, because suddenly Ilya is there. Strong, warm hands are stroking his hip and behind his thigh, helping push his ankle toward his chest.

“Shhhhhh, is okay malysh, you are doing so good”.

Shane whimpers at the mixture of pain and pleasure flooding his body. Unable to say anything through the throbbing, pulsing feeling that had made a home in his body.

“I know, you are doing so good. Just a little bit more and I will get your heating pad for you.”

Starting at his ankle, Ilya presses light, lingering kisses along his legs, following the same path as the pain pulsing in his nerves. Once he reaches the top of Shane’s hip, Ilya makes his way back down his leg, pressing sweet kisses to every inch along the way.

“Let’s switch sides now sweetheart”

After they repeated the stretches on the other side, Ilya got up to plug in Shane’s heating pads and arrange them on his aching muscles. Strong, warm hands massaged Shane’s legs, pressing hard and dulling the throbbing sensation with a new, sharp pain. This kind of pain was good. It broke up the ever present ache in his hips and knees and ankles, made him feel like maybe the pain wouldn’t last forever.

Afterward, with Shane in a position that doesn’t disturb his heating pads and hurts his legs the least, his head tucked into Ilya’s neck with his husband’s warm, perfect hands caressing his head, Shane whispers into the darkness,

“Thank you”

Ilya looks down and kisses the top of Shane’s head.

“Of course sweetheart. Wake me up if it gets bad again”

“Ya tebya lyublyu”

“Ya tebya lyublyu”

[diphowell]

softies