borger

whats the difference between a chickpea and a pinto bean? i wouldnt pay to have a pinto bean on my face

[monkeyislandtwo]

i think "[sic]" is one of the funniest things of literature. like yeah this guy really wrote it out like that

[cheaphalloweencostume]

im so sick of unnecessary dinner scenes in movies 😡 every fucking movie they just want to titillate you with some food because they think you’re a dumb animal who just wants to see mashed potatoes bouncing. if its an IMPORTANT dinner scene where they explain lore then whatever i understand. but they shove useless meals into every movie these days and its disgusting

[cheaphalloweencostume]

really? you don’t say

[jewfrogs]

kids were roleplaying with minecraft figurines and one of them had their figure go up to the other and say “i’m in love with you” and the other one replied “sword slash to the chest. and you’re on fire”

[randomfae]

[myothertardisisonthemun]

[spaceboytoy]

Hello bisexual community

[spaceboytoy]

Begin killing

[tartrazeen]

[encryptidarchivist]

count dracula? uhhh ok. one

[cool-jpgs-of-wizards-with-swords]

🧛 nathing vrong vith me

[tarragonthedragon]

irish coworker: *is back from a month in italy*

me: the weather must have been great, you're looking so tanned!

irish coworker: *stares down at his arms, which are a shade of eggshell white i associate with tasteful wedding table settings* i suppose i am!

welsh coworker: *enters room* wow, youre looking so tanned!

ghanaian coworker: *looks around like hes on the truman show*

[hussyknee]

[tally-art-deactivated20201005]

Only the subtlest metaphors on this Tumblr.

[pastel-hutt-deactivated20180115]

This works as a metaphor for children but also it works perfectly well when played totally straight because horse people are actually like this

[rider-waite-blog]

it literally took me three solid readings through this to realize that it wasn’t necessarily about horse people, because they are exactly like this

[wintersoldierfell]

you've heard of death of the author, now get ready for death of the audience: where instead of basing your reaction on a thousand uninformed opinions online, you actually read the text and engage with it

[wintersoldierfell]

girl help there's people on this post who can't actually read my text

[erarg]

[3000s]

[thriron]

[redstonedust]

we all love a nuanced villain but i gotta admit im charmed by the ones who just outright say "im going to use the power of EVIL to fulfill my EVIL plans and become queen of all EVIL!!!" its honest. its a classic. i fuck with it.

[markatoto]

we just found out doing this typically hurts the human body

[thedarkplumber]

I always suspected as much #empath

[pettydemon]

exactly

[calstone-light-o]

why is it always them

[ceruleansageredux]

at least it didn't involve classified documents this time?

[calstone-light-o]

no but I think finding one in a war zone and measuring it out of spite is at least on the same level

[chasingcoyotes]

I didn't realize how disgusting light bulbs were till I had to dump THOUSANDS of them into a gaylord. I am now dingey and smell like grandmas ashes

[flagellant]

Pardon me?

[chasingcoyotes]

i forgor not everyone knows what gaylords r but it's these big bitches watermelons and shit come in, we use em to store paint and bulbs lmao

[flagellant]

You mean a box???

[howtobreakglass]

I work in a warehouse and have to deal with these all the time. They’re called gaylords because they were popularized by a company called Gaylord iirc. You get used to calling them gaylords but every so often you say it to a person who doesn’t know and it hits you.

One time at work, I texted my boss about an order of them that came in by saying “there’s a 1400lb gaylord in the warehouse. besides me, of course.”

[chasingcoyotes]

its always fun when we get new ppl at work that get whiplash when they hear us scream across the shop for three gaylords

[iamafireplace]

i … did not know that

via @katyagoncharov

[vraska-theunseen]

hot tip! if you ever find yourself googling gloryhole in order find a picture to show someone else what it looks like (pictured below btw), REMEMBER TO TACK ON GLASSBLOWING AT THE END

[hellshire-harlot]

On a similar note: Make sure that you specify you’re talking about the computer science when you refer to CNC, and specify the psychiatric practice when you refer to CBT.

[dagreb]

I make eyeglasses (wholesale). The number of times in a workday I talk about mounting, edging, finishing, and if something is uncut... man I tells ya.

[miraviglioso]

yea and make sure to specify yarn when looking up fingering weight....

[the-haiku-bot]

yea and make sure to

specify yarn when looking

up fingering weight….

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[neververy4]

A hump yard is a place to sort/store rolling stock for trains by pushing them over a hill and letting them roll into specific rail lines. Some cars have precious cargo (living quarters, automobiles, fragiles) that would get damaged when it slammed into the other cars, and as such are marked “DO NOT HUMP”

[butchfagminotaur]

please don’t be alarmed when i say your nipples need to be tightened i’m just a bicycle mechanic and they are actually called spoke nipples

[notkaaii]

i PROMISE i don't mean anything dirty when i talk about using my fingers to widen a rim, i'm making pottery on the wheel!

[wanderer-of-the-internet]

and similarly when I talk about bedding and cleavage - these are geology terms I promise!!

[fwizard]

There is a post that wants out of my brain that’s like. me and my bf watching supernatural on our shitty $40 couch in the apartment that we just moved into. and the place isn’t really tidy and our landlords above us walk like elephants but it’s ours. it’s ours and we got here on our own willpower and almost out of spite we manifested this and it’s ours. and it’s good :) and it’s good you guys

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Writing would be so much easier if I didn't have youtube or computer games Right There.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

"Derin you can get timed apps to block -- " No. I don't want to block them. They're too fun.

[hrrkikshoard]

Me when I block myself from my games.