honestly, The Onion isn't even pure bullshit anymore, just a year or two Too Early. ..

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@darnlizardpost
honestly, The Onion isn't even pure bullshit anymore, just a year or two Too Early. ..
What am I doing in my wardrobe?
Well, that’s Narnia business.
I think you mean in ur closet ;)
ah yes, my train of thought, or as i like to call it, the Anxiety Express
closeted gays be like: I can’t get my wisdom teeth removed because what if they give me laughing gas and I accidentally come out
*spongebob narrator voice* ah.. zee mortifying ordeal of being known
“You should never bottle up your emotions,” I say, kicking seventeen Emotion Bottles™ under the carpet.
the thing all sherlock holmes adaptations get wrong is making the guy an irredeemable asshole who treats everyone like shit . not only is it not reflective of the original stories they miss that “nice, smart, well mannered dude who snorts coke when he needs to think” is possibly the funniest character ever devised
I feel like the modern equivalent is that guy you think is super well put together until you find out exactly how much red bull he ingests on a regular basis.
Modern Sherlock is that very nice English Professor-seeming guy who you bring a problem and while walking from the door of his office to his desk he starts explaining the entire solution you need
And upon reaching his desk he’s like “Excuse me one moment.” and pulls out one of those huge Monster canisters they legally aren’t allowed to make anymore, cracks the whole thing, chugs it, takes a deep breath, and then nods at you and is like “Alright, and then what you need to do is…”
Imagine how much better the dynamic of bbc sherlock could have been if they did this.
Double sherlock posts, sorry 🤷♀️
things sherlock holmes has canonically done:
scrapbooked the hell out of his newspapers
put on a hat that was too big for him
giggled
cried because lestrade was nice to him
got all sappy and romantic by smelling a rose
let a puppy lead him on adventures
“impish mood”
lit his pipe with an ember from the fireplace because he thought it looked cool
feel free to add to this
built a pillow fort in a client’s house
told a guy he was giving him secret government documents and then gave him a book about bees instead
told watson stories about his past solely to avoid cleaning his room
oh i almost forgot
decorated his room with pictures of famous criminals
Ordered a picnic for a pair of newlyweds
Was offended that Watson doesn’t praise his skills as a housekeeper
Waived his fee if his clients are too poor to pay him
Made hot chocolate to wake Watson up on a cold morning
Danced around and bowed to imaginary friends
‘Flushed up with pleasure’ when being praised
Wouldn’t explain how he comes to conclusions because he was worried Watson would think he is ordinary
Grabs Watson’s hand when he’s frightened
Let another puppy lead him on adventures.
WHERE ARE YALL GETTING THIS/1!!1!!!????!?
Leaped over furniture like a gazelle.
•Shook hands with a baby :,}
my mom: it’s really not good to eat past sunset me, whose circadian rhythms have aligned with a nearby raccoon’s: your rules don’t apply here
I wish that I could hug whoever made this.
PRO CHOICE
the last time i reblogged this i got an angry anon. let’s try this again, shall we?
PRO CHOICE IS PRO WOMEN
the forced birth movement needs to go down
man: has anyone ever told you you’re beautiful? me: oh no sir, today is my first day out of doors and papà forbade mirrors in the house lest we fall victim to vanity
“hi welcome to mcdonalds what can i get for you?”
“yeah can i get a deluxe quarter pounder with cheese?”
“absolutely, do you want the meal or just the sandwich?’
“uuuuuh hold on”
*fishes something out of my pocket*
“mikey what do i do?”
“get the fries. youll need the energy in the coming days”
*stuffs it back in my pocket*
“uhh yes please the meal would be great”
serious question: can anyone else see this post? am I hallucinating?
this is like Schrodinger’s fucking meme because half the time the pic is deleted and the other half it’s visible
LESBIAN RIGHTS GAY RIGHTS BI RIGHTS TRANS RIGHTSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! RIGHTS TO EVERY BEAUTIFUL AMAZING WONDERFUL AND UNIQUE PERSON WHO CALLS THE LGBT+ COMMUNITY THEIR HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE ALL SO FR*CKING VALID!!!!!! HAPPY!!!!!!!!! PRIDE MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can these directors please learn to use dark palettes without making all the details in the shots imperceiveable? I can’t fucking see!!!
the characters: go into a darker room me:
this is by far the funniest thing tht could have been added to this post
More like
I fixed it
and then there’s next level hell
When you have to sneak around like a goddamn spykid so you don’t wake anyone up on your way to midnight snack time
can’t forget that spider walk down the stairs
Oh hell yes, avoiding creaky ass floorboards tryna rat your ass out
When you have to sneak around like a goddamn spykid so you don't wake anyone up on your way to midnight snack time
This is a TREE APPRECIATION POST,
if you don’t love trees get OUTA HERE.
THX FOR THE OXYGEN YOU BIG, SEXY OAFS💗💗🌳