Just because it’s in practice in all these places doesn’t mean it’s really helping society move forward in any way.
I agree, student/ teacher relationships and doctor/patient relationships that are as intimate as an OB/GYN should use some preventative practices in our present society. However, other working relationships between men and women should not need this level of fear placed upon them. Putting practices like this into place is essentially a bandaid on a much bigger issue. It can help to start, but it’s not looking at the core issue or doing anything to resolve it.
The real issues here are: fear, shame, and lack of respect for women. Men who feel that they cannot be alone in the same place as a woman whom they are not married to are afraid of one of two things: that they will engage in an incriminating act, or that they will be accused of engaging in one of these acts. If the former, there are two acts in question: consensual sex and un-consensual sex, ie adultery or rape. In all situations, the men are viewing women as property and objects, which is where the real issue lies.
Men who fear they might end up cheating on their wife by having sex with the woman they are alone with don’t have enough respect for their wives or for themselves. They don’t have respect for the promise and commitment they made when they were married. The fundamental problem is not being alone with the woman. The fundamental problem is that we are not teaching our boys and men to respect and honor their promises no matter the temptation.
Men who fear they might end up raping the woman in question don’t have respect for women in general. it doesn’t matter what she does, what she’s wearing, etc, it matters how he acts. Again, the fundamental problem is not being alone with a women.The fundamental problem in this case is that the man is seeing the woman as an object, as something he can use for his own personal gain and pleasure. A woman to hold power over, because that’s all women are to him: something beneath him that he can conquer.
“But,” you say, “the men who use this practice probably aren’t actually afraid of raping the woman, but rather they’re afraid of being accused of doing so!”
Sure, in most cases this is probably true. However, it still comes back to viewing women as property and objects and not valuing them. Women in these situations are never taken into account, just the men. Women don’t go around saying that they’ll never be alone with a man they’re not married to (as much, anyway). Why? Because society hasn’t taught them to devalue men in the same way it’s taught men to devalue women.
A self respecting man, religious or not, politician or not, should be able to have an interaction with a woman that he is not married to alone and have everyone in his immediate circle of colleagues, family, and friends, trust him when nothing sexual happens between them. If he truly respects women as people, there will be no question of his character. If someone does question it or try to use these situations against him, those around him will be able to prove his honor. If there is nothing scandalous about his life, he a “scandal” cannot tear him apart.
I’m not saying this practice should never be used. Perhaps there are cases where a man is struggling and still learning and needs to use them to respect the women around him. But it shouldn’t be the end goal. Isolating men and women from each other is only pulling society apart. It’s teaching girls to be afraid of being alone with boys, and turning those girls into women that are afraid of being alone with men. It’s teaching boys and men that they have control and power over the women in their lives rather than to respect those women as fully as they would another man. You wouldn’t have a gay man say that he can never be alone with another man, because it’s a power issue, where men respect other men, but don’t respect women. Since men are often in high positions of power, this is also cutting out women’s voices from the narrative.
Accusing someone, particularly a white male, has never been the issue. Even if they did rape someone, more often than not they are pardoned of it. If they didn’t rape or commit adultery, and live the sort of life trustworthy life where those around them can vouch for their honesty, a rape accusation will slide off with no grounds for true incrimination. Isolation from women is not the answer: respect for women and living honest lives is.
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