Current possessor of the mandate of hell

she/her 24

[argumate]

Moody's! lucky nobody suffered any consequences after the GFC

[argumate]

complex-variable said: I work in the financial industry and all I can think of when I see GFC is Glentucky Fried Chicken.

it's Gesus Fucking Christ

[mon3trs]

the punkest president is obviously obama, he’s the one who pretended to be a commie to score a bisexual girl

[mon3trs]

you’ve got me i’m not even a real obama fan i just said that to fit in

[ryan-sometimes]

I feel like the Brazilian football league is a goldmine of untapped potential for silly tumblr posts. What if I just started posting random funny moments of Brazilian football

[ryan-sometimes]

Two clips with similar energy: a Vasco player getting sent down a flight of stairs

And also a Coritiba player jumping over the barricade to celebrate his goal without realizing there’s a hole right behind it

[ryan-sometimes]

What’s crazy about that second clip of the Coritiba player falling in the hole is that it’s from 2014, and just YESTERDAY the SAME THING happened with THE SAME TEAM!!!

A Coritiba player was celebrating a goal yesterday, 12 years after the original meme, and once again fell in a hole behind the barricade

[tanadrin]

don't let anyone lie to you: marriage is a competition, and the competition is specifically over who the cat likes more.

[recreationaldivorce]

i would kill for some kimchi right now [remembers that murder is wrong] i would commit insurance fraud for some kimchi right now

[saltandmetal]

[Remembers that the costs of insurance fraud are distributed amongst the consumers of insurance] i would pay greater than market price for some kimchi right now [remembers i shouldn't advertise that fact] i would pay market price for some kimchi right now.

[frog43]

wha t if oregon trail was called wagon age: oregons

[naamahdarling]

This made me so angry the first time I saw it I’m reblogging it again.

[luxiethefool]

happy 10 years to wagon age oregons

[vulvalini]

[crabussy]

saying "it's okay. I'm only human" before glancing at a nonexistent audience with a slight smirk and a twinkle in my eye (the twinkle is an asterisk) (when you go to read the footnote attached it just says "in the beautiful garden of his imagination he is also another thing as well")

[striders]

made my bath too slippery and did a barrel roll trying to get out of the tub

[egberts]

tell them what you did in the other bathtub

[striders]

made my bath too full and beautiful and luxurious and flooded the bathroom and hallway with approximately five to six gallons of soapy water after i sat my ass in it 😔

[egberts]

failed to mention that this was at our free hotel with a huuuuge garden bathtub. i heard *plop* "i fucked up" got up and came running only to see a river running under the door

[deaths-accountant]

I believe it's customary to say "eureka"

[lastvalyrian]

> medical problem > unsure if it's serious or will go away on its own > sees a doctor to be sure > "why the fuck are you here. this is nothing. it will go away on its own"

[lastvalyrian]

> medical problem > unsure if it's serious or will go away on its own > decide to wait to not overreact > problem remains > sees doctor with concrete problem after all > "why did you wait so long. we could have done something if you had come immediately"

[lonelydipshit]

> medical problem

> unsure if it’s serious or will go away on its own

>sees a doctor to be sure

> “why the fuck are you here this is nothing it will go away on its own”

> doesn’t go away on its own

> sees a doctor

> “why did you wait so long we could have done something if you had come immediately”

[onrtrp]

i often have this thought as well

[deaths-accountant]

When all of this is over and done I must confess I don't want Mark Zuckerberg to be guillotined, I want to keep him as a weird pet and feed him sweetcorn.

[ntrider]

giving increasingly loud sighs as I wait for my crush to ask "what's wrong?" so I can say I'm in a state of depression unless I can touch someone's boobs with no bra

[ntrider]

I stop once I start getting short of breath

[aokozaki]

[Your crush, on the phone to someone unseen] Yeah I think she needs to be put down, her breathing-- yeah I know it can be a problem for her breed, but it's getting really bad.

[ntrider]

I'M NOT A DOG??????

[aokozaki]

[clearly less interested now] Oh.

[ntrider]

wait! au au

[aokozaki]

[walking over the distant horizon, towards the West]

[ntrider]

AU AU!!! AU AU!!!!! 😭

[foxes-in-love]

[bruntalism]

[deaths-accountant]

getting this as a tramp stamp

[defectivegembrain]

I went to Escher Sentence Island and more people were there than I was

[threetrenchcoatsinatrenchcoat]

i went to garden path sentence island and some flowers

[dirtreally]

[k-simplex]

I feel like I could fall for/develop a strong unrequited love for tumblr user chkq if I tried. I probably wouldn't have to try that hard even. Would it be good for me? No. But I could do it so easily....

[chkq]

thanks! i like your blog too but in a normal way :). i'm curious what my appeal could even possibly metaphysically be

[k-simplex]

I just think you're neat

[chkq]