Thoughts

[decodekid]

good lofi vibes 

[decodekid]

Check out my new song !

[decodekid]

(via https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5aF5sbYVkeFEyaaXTiYemn?si=_4jeCHluTIiiUeNSgMod7Q)

[decodekid]

Lady Gaga - Alice - Manuel Saleta Remix

[killacamii]

L O C A L S  O N L Y 

By: KILLACAMII

vibe out to my newest song!

[zxvra]

(alexcmkim)

[josefmelancholy-deactivated2023]

(Josef Melancholy) *New music 

[decodekid]

Manuel Saleta - Paris (Original Song ) Lyric Video

Original song by Manuel Saleta Listen to it on Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/user-293172876/paris

Here’s a song i made about Paris <3

[decodekid]

and when you go to sleep, my world falls asleep too

[modernpendu]

Don’t shorten your words, I like your details.

[sarcastic-sadness]

[emptycinema]

Fight me if you don’t think this is the best moment of any lipsync ever

[decodekid]

eat, sleep, overthink, repeat

[decodekid]

room

fullfilled by the demands of my carrier, i most bond with the cozy feeling of loneliness and the various elements of my native and purest home.

where plants are satisfied with my exhalation, but in my reality i can simply satisfy the pages of a dead tree, that provide knowledge through the words of our language, different orders, numerous scents of ageing, and colour, but it’s selfish. 

leafs of knowledge lay on the structured pieces of a wooden corpse that provides beauty to my eyes, as well as little details that remind me of my non big, but vivid past. 

i have no digit, therefore, i’ll always be young.

four walls that perfectly boost my own being, but at the same time, it reflects the conformity and loneliness of our well being, our care for ourselves, more than each other.

Even though i’ve shared more nights allied through my life, the empty ones are a more realistic form of my growth, empathy, privacy and sense of self. Through time, silence has reached a bigger value, and a bigger risk, and i gently accept that, I’m learning.

I’m another exhibition of men made power, through which i’m able to express myself, but i know i lack the touch of nature, as part of my classified priority, which i hate, but also recognise. 

I should not blame myself. if my carrier was the fighter, I should now see through the eyes of those who crave, in order for me to become myself, and forgive myself. But if i close my eyes, my heart will as well.

decodekid :)

[decodekid]

Billie Eilish - my boy - Decodekid Remix

song: my boy by Billie Eilish

[decodekid]

overthinking is scary and dangerous

It is not about just “get off your mind”

Being able to understand yourself whenever you’re feeling any stress regarding your mental illness can be a good thing, but it can also get very messy considering how much you can question yourself to the point of obsessively thinking whatever it is that’s bothering you. 

That’s when self-knowledge gets scary, when you fear your own thoughts, when you fear the possibility of something being real, but at the same time you don’t know if those thoughts are just another part of your imagination, or if by making yourself think that those thoughts were created by overthinking you’re basically lying to yourself and avoiding the problem in order for you to stay calm.

It is a constant cycle of contradictions with yourself. Thinking of wether or not you should blame it on your mental illness. is it part of my imagination? is this just caused by OCD and anxiety?, and if it is caused by OCD and anxiety, why does it get physical? (explained below)

Don’t you get specific physical feelings on your body depending on what emotion you’re experiencing? 

Thinking can get as far as that, and it’s a scary thing. 

“If it’s just another product of your imagination, then why are you physically feeling shame?”  Well.. maybe my anxiety is being generalised and i could be feeling what i’m thinking. “But what if it’s real though, also it’s a mental illness, isn’t it supposed to be MENTAL?”

Then I go back to remind myself to stay calm, and distract myself, but the act of distracting myself can even get messier when I’m constantly thinking that i’m accepting whatever it is that i’m fearing with distraction, cause it’s literally called, distraction. And I hate myself sometimes for thinking so much, or being able to argue so much, dialogue, etc. knowing too much can hurt you. (Actual footage of me and my mind below)

As much as i’m told that it’s all in my mind, as much anxiety breathing exercises that I do , as much meditation that I do, distractions, etc. These little demons will live on (hopefully not forever), and it’s a constant battle.

“When I wasn’t aware that my pain was an illness, when i wasn’t diagnosed with anything, my pain was present, but at least i had silence, now by understanding myself, i’m destroying myself </3.”

How many times do i need to be reminded that it’s all in my mind in order for me to believe it. See what i did there with the words in bold? It also feels as if i have to believe it it’s all in me in order for me to be well but then what’s really real then? And if nothing’s real, then why should I even care about what my mind creates 

CREATES!

and there you have it, you’ve been overthinking.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

If you want to be more confident …

1. Don’t compare yourself to other people.

2. Don’t ruminate on what others do and say.

3. Learn to be patient, and to just enjoy the journey.

4. Expect to meet with problems – and know that these will pass.

5. Remember that you’re strong, and can cope, and thrive in hard times.

6. Appreciate your qualities and personality.