Better man, Dean winchester
Pairings: Dean winchester x f!reader, mentions of John Winchester
Warnings: Talk about kids and John Winchester
Summary: Unlike Dean, Y/n grew up with a picket fence and loving parents, so she dreams of kids and marriage but Dean isn’t sure whether it should be with him.
When you were 12, you never pictured yourself as a doctor or a fireman, when asked ‘what you wanted to be when you were older’, you always replied with “I don’t know”. Because the only thing you did know was that you wanted a family, people to love and surround yourself with.
When you were 22, you met Dean Winchester, he was charming and sweet, and flaky to say the least, but you were persistent. You stayed with him, you understood what his job entailed and when you looked into his eyes you could feel everything he felt.
Soon, you thought maybe it was okay to never have the only life you dreamed for yourself because you had Dean. Who stood by you, just like you had with him. Who kissed your cheek every morning and made you breakfest. Maybe it was fine.
Dean tried hard to make you happy, on the days where you would join him and Sam on the occasional hunt, he sometimes saw you stare a little to long at the kids with their families, he saw the way your eyes lit up when you met eyes with a baby and how you never failed to volunteer to check in with the kids during a hunt.
So there you were, laying in bed next to the love of your life, a man who had saved the world countless times unbeknownst to everyone else. Your head rested on his chest, as his arm sat flat on your hips.
“We should get married,” You could hear Deans heart rate, raise. But soon became normal, he rubbed circles on your hip bone with his fingers, you turned your head to look at him only to find a small grin on his face, “what?”, you asked, with a smile on your lips.
“You want to get married?” He asked, a throaty laugh escaped his lips as he kissed your forehead.
“I do,” You said, “It’s not that weird for a girl to wanna marry her dude,”.
“So marry me then,” He said, his green eyes looked into yours as he hugged your body tighter.
“No, you have to ask me properly,” You said, as a giggle escaped your lips, “I want romance, I want to swoon and I want a ring,”.
“Okay.” Dean said, nodding as he kissed your head again, “Done deal,”.
“That was easy,” You laid back into your comfy position, this time it felt different, Deans fingers had come to a halt.
“You thought I wouldn’t want to marry you?” Dean asked sitting up, confused at the notion. You didn’t know but Dean had bought a ring last year, after a hunt. He’d been waiting for the right time and for a moment to ask you whether you would ever consider marrying him.
You sat up beside him, “No, I mean- I just never thought you wanted this- marriage, me, anything outside of hunting,”.
“It’s not like we’ll have a picket fence life, it’ll be us- you know?” He said, putting arm around your shoulders, you leaned into him out of instinct.
“Yeah, the picket fence life,” You laughed a little, but it didn’t come out as joyful, rather it was laced with saddness. You moved down, laying your head in Deans lap, thinking about everything you would miss and whether it outweighed everything you already had.
Dean heard the tone of your laugh, he frowned, knowing exactly what you wanted. You wanted a family and you wanted a life. He was willing to give it to you, but he was scared.
“I know you want kids,” He said, he coughed a little, the thought made him uncomfortable, it made his stomach churn with anxiety.
“I never said- I never implied that I did, I mean getting married doesn’t mean kids, Dean,” You said, “You don’t have to worry,”.
“I see how you look at a little girl with their moms, I see how you smile at the kids we take care of you, I know you want kids, Y/n. I want you to have it all, I really do-,” Dean started, you lifted your head to look at him, tears pricked in his eyes. The thought of having kids with you seemed like a miracle, something that only happened in his dreams.
“It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about this, I know you don’t want that,” You said, a soothing hand stroking your face.
“I can’t have kids, Y/N, I couldn’t be good to them, the way Dad raised me and Sammy, history repeats it’s self,” Dean said, taking your hands from his face and into his own.
“You are not your father,” You said, “I never knew him, Dean. But from what I’ve heard- The stories you’ve told, you are nothing like him,”.
“I am, I lived the life he wanted me to, I’ve killed and tortured and hunted, I became who he raised me to be,” His voice cracked as he spoke, “I can’t risk bringing kids- My kids into this life, knowing how much sacrifice it takes.”.
“I know, baby,” Tears welled in your eyes as you saw one escape his, he lip trembled as you tightened the grip on his hands.
“I am my fathers son,” He said, softly, wiping the tear from your cheek.
“You put your dad on this pedestal, you speak about him fondly and yet you’re scared to be him, but I want you to know that you aren’t Dean. Your dad loved you, he spent his whole life hunting the thing that killed your mom,” You straddle his lap this time, legs on either side of his, your hands cupped his face, wiping the tears from his eyes.
Dean didn’t cry often, he had never cried with you. It broke your heart to think that he would ever be a bad dad, “To think how many people you’ve saved Dean, how many times you’ve put my life- Sammy’s life in front of your own, that shows me that you are a better man,”.
Dean opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out, “I think you would make an amazing father, you’ve already raised an amazing man, I know you could do it again,”. You wrapped your arms around him, kneeling on either side of his legs as you laid your head in the crook of his neck.
Moments passed, Dean hugged you back, his arms wrapped around you, squeezing you so tight you could almost feel his love wrap consume you.
“Let’s give it a go then,” He whispered, bringing you forward to look into your eyes, “I want you to have everything, Baby. I want you to be a mom and I can try- for you I’ll try,”.
You hugged him again, this time a massive smile had overcome your face, the glee you felt was indescribable, “Obviously not now, I mean we’re too young- I’m only 26 and you at your ripe age of 36,” You joked as you looked into his eyes again.
He chuckled a little, before kissing you deeply, he kissed you a lot, this time it felt different. The love you felt wasn’t pink anymore it was burning red. It felt light and free. You loved this man more than anything, and he loved you. You’re dreams we’re coming true and Dean Winchester was the man that made it all fit together.
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