This is the official manager, of the place known to you mere mortals as hell, speaking.
No, I am not satan herself and I would never proclaim to be, I’m merely the one (terribly overworked) demon responsible for everything down here running smoothly.
Please follow the instructions given below, to ensure a smooth transition between your previous life experience and your now following eternal damnation:
no running, no matter what the circumstances, except when expected to run, than please, do it as slowly as possible
no screaming from 10am to 11am (even our demons need a break)
under no circumstances, enter the newly constructed 10th ring, this rule has to be followed for your own safety!
do not interact with the inhabitants of the 10th ring (once again, this rule has to be followed for you own safety!!!)
Cerberus, our three headed dog does not like to be petted (we will not respond to any complaints regarding lost limbs)
unionizing amongst demons is strictly prohibited!! I am paying you in pineapple pizzas now… WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT???
PRAISED BE THE PINEAPPLE!!! PRAISED BE THE PIZZA!!!!!
If you follow those simple rules, I, your manager will be able to grant you a free pineapple pizza every century as a reward!
In the following I shall list my alliances and animosities:
My partner in crime and the pizza-parent of my adopted children: @supervillain-offical
My sworn enemy: @the-offical-government
My personal hired pizza baker: @holyspiritoffical
I am the co-leader of the army towards ultimate evilness, the fearsome “Hired Goons for Pineapple Pizza”
I am a member of the evil alliance founded by @villain-offical
I have hired @deers-offical (don’t know for how long yet, mostly because of a certain Pineapple that shall not be named….)
And I hired a new Demon!!!!! @soul-crushing-demon-offical WELCOME TO THE TEAM!!!!!
And the third minion is….. @alarm-clock-offical …. LET ME SLEEP!!!!!!!
I have a geese army… they have nuclear weapons….
I have adopted @gwi-ma-offical now!!!!!!!! *pats @gwi-ma-offical on the non-existent head*
And my second child is…. *dramatic pause* @disaster-offical !!!!!!!
Finally, I am now legitimizing my third adoption: @pizza-offical . Because every good family needs a pizza god!!!!
And last but not least, the offical Picrew for hell:
And some art of hell I made:
And here’s Hell’s wanted poster, which shows them in their angle phase:
Today at my school we had an assembly about internet predators and when I had said that most of my true friends are over the internet and they gave me a lecture about how “I don’t know who I’m talking to” blah blah. So please, if you aren’t a predator in any way, please reblog so i can prove a point.
IM A CUDDLY BEAN OF MIDGET HEIGHT LOVE ME @draco-the-kitsune @da-moonmoon @ekhoecho @xxacantheaxx @la-sid @devils-in-disguise-music-stuff @angelchronicals @vynl-from-the-void
You all have helped me through some of the hardest things in my life! And I feel like I’d get along so well with you, @mtttme ! I wanna meet you all in real life!
I talk to my internet friends about more important shit than with my friends from school OF FUCKING COURSE I WANNA MEET THEM @sleekeazyz i’m talking to you
lol @writing-sloth don’t worry, i’m not a predator! you’re way more genuine than friends i see everyday and i’d love to meet you :) WE’VE BEEN CURSED TO LIVE LIVES MILES AND MILES APART
@chaoticga-y @chaotic-little-shit @ihalfandhalfbastardi @imidori-ya @ourravenmaster @neeepnooop @dementedzombieo-o and many more!! (those were just off the top of my head,,,) yall are great!!
This is your reminder that Crushy canonically listens to Franz Ferdinand because I said so. Also you guys are all gonna find out what my main is now. Oh well.
Tags: @amnesia-offical @deers-offical and anyone else!!!!!!!!
And the adoption process was surprisingly easy actually…. I just patted them on their non-existent head a few times…. Gave them some pineapple pizza…. And BOOM….
ADOPTION!!!!!!!
So you are okay with @gwi-ma-offical moving into the secret supervillain lair?
Yeah, I actually had it made for the hostages because they wanted to commit arson safely. But it's empty right now, so your new child can have it all to themself!
Also… would you be able to explain to me how you got down to hell while all of the demons there have devolved into anarchy???? How did you get past them?????
Because If you were able to get there…. Then I have to offer you a job in the venture of getting me back into control over Hell!!!!
OBVIOUSLY, shout out to my alliances (and animosities):
@supervillain-offical , @the-offical-government , @heaven-offical , @deers-offical , @soul-crushing-demon-offical and @alarm-clock-offical YOU ARE ALL NOW LEGALLY REQUIRED TO PARTICIPATE IN THE FOLLOWING NOTES GAME!!!!!!!!!
(And you are all the BEST!!!!! :3)
Anyways……let me use this opportunity to start a notes game I just made up:
Tip the first letter of your first name into the tags and list the three funniest suggestions, I’ll go first:
The guest to spread the news of the evilest pizza!!!!!
but we stopped knowing it at the quintuple crossing….
Thanks for tagging me in this, it was really fun!!!! ヽ(•‿•)ノ
Npt: @hell-offical @deers-offical @ anyone else because I don’t know that many officals yet!
