chronically stressed, well dressed. and doing my best | she/her | cupioromantic/asexual | in a qpr with my zucchini riles | hopeless romantic | huge nerd, i will yap and that's a threat | AuDHD/OCD/GAD/ODD/T1D/PMOS | ENFP
You and your friend planned an escape, failed, then reunited in a completely different state and body of mind. Reading the notes from chapter 3, I can see some ways the Prototype wasn't very open to "CatNap".
"Do you want a boyfriend/girlfriend?" no i want a best friend/roommate/soulmate that I can go on silly adventures with and hang out with and have deep intellectual discussions with and we can be life partners without any of the romance stuff
don't you love waking up super tired in the morning, after staying up late after work, to be on call with your qpp? i do. i love waking up to texts from them in the morning, reading them while blurry-eyed and half-conscious.
I don't think you understand how much of an impact you have on me.
I may struggle with a lot mentally, my brain feeling like a separate entity thats hellbent on making my life miserable, but you give me the motivation to try even without saying anything. My brain is wired to believe everyone is against me, call it paranoia if you want. Surprisingly i was not born like this, i was a child; they were a lot older than me. but their actions would train my brain to believe no one liked me, their actions forever screwed up the way my brain perceives others. Their actions made me believe i was unloveable outside of familial love, that no one really liked me, and that they were just being nice in hopes i would leave them alone. I believed that if i was too much, everyone would eventually pull away. I got quieter, hid myself, changed how i acted to be more pallatable to others praying they wouldn't leave me. I would wait until being super close to someone to start testing the waters, seeing what i could get away with revealing without them changing their minds about liking me. The more i loved you, the more worried i got that you would pull away, just like they did.
But you didn't
Despite my many issues and cons, you stayed.
When i was feeling down, you helped me and listened.
When i couldn't love myself, you loved me enough for the both of us.
When i decided that it would be better for everyone including myself if i lay 6 feet under the soil where flowers could grow from my bones, you persistently texted and called me, begging to talk, begging for a response, begging for any sign that i was okay. And you stayed with me.
Now everytime i start to feel like it would be better if my breathing stopped, i think back to that time, wondering what your face looked like behind the phone. Did you look scared? Did you look at your phone like you were about to lose something of value? Were you crying? And everytime i think about it, i decide to keep trying, if not for me then for you.
And now I'm glad that i got stopped, that i wasn't able to follow through, because even if i don't understand why the hell you stay with me.. you stay. And you are worth staying for.
Now instead of seeing uncertainty in the future, i see us living together in a cozy cottage like house. With my dog and your cats. Little shelves filled with trinkets that speak about who we are, and trailing plants sitting on thrifted dishes. And a garden in the backyard right behind a wooden picket fence with flowers hand painted on it. A room full of yarn and other crafts, with pillows and blankets that i had sewn myself.
And for the first time in as long as i can remember, i have something meaningful to look forward to.
I thought i needed a romantic partner, whatever that means. But what i really needed was someone to lean on, someone to assure me that everything would turn out okay, someone to care for me when I'm not feeling good just like i would do the same for them,
i remember when you sent text. i was just hopping in the shower. i sat on the toilet seat for thirty minutes straight, calling you, before i had to pause and actually shower because my mother was waiting on me to run into the store for her.
the entire time in the store i tried to be strong, continuing to call you. i called your mom and your dad. no answer. on the way home from the store, i was sobbing,my mom in the driver's seat, when i finally got a text through to your mom. i only asked her to have you check your phone, praying that maybe you were in a small funk.
now I have the hope to live in a little cottage in the forest, with our animals. i'll be working, keeping you as comfortable and stimulated as possible without stressing you out. i'd come home tired in the evenings, but it'd be worth coming home to see you happy.
we'd frequent local bookshops and cafes, eat out once a week and have a nice day together.
come home and build a pillow fort and cuddle together watching something light-hearted on tv.
i'd bake cookies on the weekends, you'd teach me new recipes.
I just deleted 279 GB of my brother's files off the family computer since he doesn't use it anymore... I now have so much memory back on this computer. And to think he had the audacity to complain about my 25 GB mod folder... I BETTER be able to run sims with high graphics now
All of my favorite quotes in The Inheritance Games (that I've marked)
"I keep mine under lock and key." - Avery Kylie Grambs
"If yes is no and once is never, then how many sides does a triangle have?" - Jameson Winchester Hawthorne
"Traps upon traps, and riddles upon riddles." - Jameson Winchester Hawthorne
"To some people, you'll be Cinderella. To others, Marie Antoinette." - Oren
"Sometimes, things that appear very different on the surface are actually exactly the same at their core." - Jameson Winchester Hawthorne
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." - Mrs. Laughlin
"Maybe you're blameless. Maybe you're the evil genius that Gray seems to think you are, but at the end of the day, even if you thought that you'd manipulated our grandfather into this, I guarantee that he'd be the one manipulating you." - Alexander Blackwood Hawthorne
"In his honor, I eat this scone." - Alexander Blackwood Hawthorne
"My house, my rules." - Avery Kylie Grambs
"I'm a Hawthorne. It's never too soon to start trash-talking." - Alexander Blackwood Hawthorne
"How many of us want something you're willing to give?" - Jameson Winchester Hawthorne
"Everything's a game, Avery Grambs. The only thing we get to decide in this life is if we play to win." - Jameson Winchester Hawthorne
"He left you the fortune, Avery, and all he left us is you." - Jameson Winchester Hawthorne
"And what about you, Heiress? Are you incorruptible? Is that why he left the fortune in your hands?" - Jameson Winchester Hawthorne
"Everything is something in Hawthorne House." - Jameson Winchester Hawthorne
"Everyone is a little wrong sometimes, Heiress." - Jameson Winchester Hawthorne
"Because if you don't tell the story, someone else will tell it for you." - Alexander Blackwood Hawthorne
"You might think you're playing the game, darlin', but that's not how Jamie sees it. We aren't normal. This place isn't normal, and you're not a player, kid. You're the glass ballerina—or the knife." - Nash Westbrook Hawthorne
"You can play by the rules—or you can make them." - Jameson Winchester Hawthorne
"This family—we destroy everything we touch." - Grayson Davenport Hawthorne
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