safe space for all queers

34 | she/they | demisexual | panromantic | genderfluid/nonbinary

[demibutnotlovato]

introduction.

Last update: June 30, 2024

Name: doesn't matter, but NOT Demi Lovato lol

Age: older than 30 (but often feels like I got stuck at 16 lol)

Pronouns: used to "she/her", but don't really care about pronouns

Gender identity: if only I knew ...

Sexual orientation: demisexual/pansexual

Romantic orientation: panromantic

Location: Germany

This is a sideblog, so I can't follow you with this blog.

[januscorner]

I feel like people forget most trans guys still had to grow up as girls.

We were still forced to be mature early

We were still told to not to take up space

We were still subject to female beauty standards

Our bodies were still treated as inappropriate

We were still pitted against each other

We were still excluded from “male” activities

We were still treated as lesser the boys

Those things don’t evaporate once we transition they’re fucking internalized. I constantly have to remind myself I’m allowed to exist. We don’t stop dealing with misogyny.

[the-silver-jinn]

My poem, "Nonbinary".

"don't look at me anachronistically

don't create an archetype

of the androgyne

i'm not a woman

i'm not a man

i'm not an androgyne

you don't need archetypes to glance at human

with an ardent care in your eyes

you don't need to make an androgynous box for me

i'm not in between

i hadn't been i'm not i won't be

the way i imagine myself

have nothing to do with your gaze

insensible and blurred

it all doesn't exist

i'm a being

i

essence

or even not an essence

i just am

inner essence is all i have

ask me about my identity

ask me with love

don't force me to be your ideal nonbinary

don't point at any contrast and encounter of the lines

don't define me as someone in between

the moon is not feminine

the sun is not masculine

the moon is lunar

the sun is solar

they are beautiful

not binary

not animal alike

that's all i said"

DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT CREDIT.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

You don't have to be sexual in any way. While some aces are still sexual in some ways, some just aren't at all.

[demibutnotlovato]

have you ever experienced limerence? i would have maybe considered myself asexual or aromantic had that not happened

Hey anon,

Thank you very much for your question. The answer is: Yes, I have experienced limerence.

However, I am panromantic and demisexual, so I DO feel romantic attraction and sometimes sexual attraction, if I'm really close and in love with someone.

But since limerence - as far as I know - can also be non-romantic and/or non-sexual, I think that it is possible to have experienced limerence and still fall under the asexual/aromantic umbrella.

Only YOU know whether you do identify with the asexual/aromantic labels. If it feels right and appropriate, go for it (in my humble opinion).

I hope this is helpful for you. Take care! 💜

[aromantic-diaries]

It's all a matter of perspective. "I can't fall in love" sounds tragic but "I'm immune to love" sounds fucking badass

[genderqueerdykes]

i've never understood the argument "I just can't use they/them for a singular person, it's grammatically incorrect." first of all that's not even factually correct, it's grammatically correct. second of all, why do you care more about grammar than the mental health and well-being of other people? grammar is fake, we made it up. other people and their feelings are real. reconsider your priorities

[super-ace]

Happy Bisexual Awareness Week to all our bi siblings. Love from the aspec community 🩷💜💙

[aaa-battery-not-rechargeable]

there's something i don't like about using the word 'valid' in conversations about queerness. 'valid' implies that someone or something has to be approved, and that there is someone doing the approving. i don't need approval from society or other queers to be what i am. you can't 'validate' my identity if i don't need to search for approval.

[anarcho-catboyism]

So much of the queer community Hates fluidity. Identifying as genderfluid or abrosexual is fine until you actually specify what genders or sexualities you're fluid between then it's "you're not a REAL lesbian" "you're not a REAL girl" etc.

Unironically it's "you can say you're fluid but saying how you're fluid immediately invalidates it" which is backwards ass binary bullshit.

[isabellascarlett1]

Trans women with facial hair 💗

Trans women with body hair 💗

Trans women with flat chests 💗

Trans men who wear makeup 💗

Trans men who wear dresses 💗

Trans men with non-flat chests 💗

[demibutnotlovato]

YOU'RE ALL VALID! 💕

[elipri]

may or may not related to recent events but also in general

[aromantic-diaries]

Aro joy will always be more important than forcing yourself to fit amatonormative standards btw

[genderqueerdykes]

detransition isn't a mark of failure, it's one that shows you were willing to take a huge step to figure out who you are, and you came out the other side learning something from your experience. it's more important to find that out than to spend the rest of your life wondering, and not knowing

[buggedmind]

That moment when you realize that you will never have your own family. You'll always be alone.

@buggedmind

[demibutnotlovato]

My ace thoughts ...

[genderqueerdykes]

i have been trying for like. months to explain how the relationship between butch lesbians and trans men is not something akin to polar opposites and this is all i got. like it's not like this:

it's a venn diagram with a massive overlap in the middle. i'm not saying EVERY butch is a trans guy and EVERY trans guy is a butch dyke , i'm just saying it looks more like this:

these are not "mutually exclusive" terms- they do not mean the same thing, but we can be the same people, an very often are. there is a long history of butches who identify as FTM, trans men, drag kings, genderqueer, genderfluid, transmasculine, male, polygender, and two-spirit lesbians, and so much more. the relationship between lesbianism and queer masculinity is inseparable and the only people telling you that butches and trans men need to violently separate from one another and be at each other's throats are terfs. even if we do not share identities, we share our struggle together as heavily misunderstood and unseen masculine queers.

we stand up for each other when our identities get confused by strangers, and we get misgendered. we stand up for each other when terfs and terfpilled people tell us that transmasculine people and men can't be lesbians, when people say "butches just want to be men", when people say "butches aren't real women", when people call each of us bull dykes and trannies, when people mock the way FTMs walk and talk and look, and when people tell trans men they're "just butch dykes in denial". we stand up for each other and understand each others struggles.

whenever a butch lesbian asserts they're a woman no matter how masc they are, whenever a trans man asserts that they are a man and not a butch, whenever a butch struggles to be seen as both a man and a lesbian, and whenever a trans man returns to the lesbian community while embracing their manhood, we are part of the same community, we share the same struggles, and we owe it to each other to stay strong.

we are not enemies. we are bedfellows, lovers, family, spouses, partners, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, siblings, friends, each others support networks, even if we don't share identities perfectly. whether you are butch and a woman, butch and a man, butch and something else entirely, a male, ftm, genderfluid, polygender, genderqueer, transmasculine, nonbinary, two-spirit or whatever else you may be lesbian, you are part of our family and your experience is worth being heard.

[genderqueerdykes]

i just wanted to say as someone who came out as genderqueer in 2011, you are in no way obligated to switch from using "older" other gender terms to newer ones like nonbinary. it's okay if you like the term nonbinary, but it's also okay if you'd rather stick with something else instead, like neutrois, genderqueer, genderless, boygirl, multigender, or whatever else your preferred term may be. use what suits you