Last to the Fucking Bandwagon

Devin. Semiprofessional bagel eater. they/them.

[maureen-corpse]

I just saw an advertisement for “spring black Friday” and uh. I need to know what that is. What is the significant Friday in spring. Is it Good Friday. Are there going to be amazing doorbusters on the day of the crucifixion. Are we commemorating the death of Jesus with the hottest deals in town

[the-occasional-mishap]

CHRIST SAVED YOU ✝️🐇💲YOU SAVE 13%

Great and Holy Deals this Great and Holy Friday!!!

PETER WOULDN'T DENY THESE SAVINGS EVEN ONCE 🪨🪨🪨

The Sixth Glorious Mystery: How Big Are Your Savings?

Noon to 3 p.m. only 🌑 Save 33%!!

[the-occasional-mishap]

How could I forget:

Prices will rise again in three days!

[determinedapathy]

@apocrypals

[forcekenobi]

as a child being told "the moon controls the tides" with no additional explanation was like. oh okay. you want me to believe in magic? you're talking about magic right now? okay. fine

[forcekenobi]

sorry. only semi-related but i simply wasn't ready for "the sun is a distant gorilla". thank you NASA

[hyperchaotix]

[icarus-suraki]

[tiktoksformyfriends]

[video by tommcgovern27. original caption: this one’s going out to anyone living in a studio apartment rn]

[thetomska]

haha pretty cool song shame it doesn’t have a keyboard solo that fucks super har-

[mystery-incorporated-whore]

There has NEVER been a more appropriate time to post this tweet

[chillyfeetsteak]

there should be more options than suffering via employment and suffering via unemployment

[sayruq]

[cyberharpie-deactivated20150211]

When someone plays a song for you that you’ve never heard before

[nynaeve-almeara]

Is that porn

[sunfish-apologist]

No it’s when someone plays a song for you that you’ve never heard before

[reckless-glitch]

[nohoperadio]

A spoon's only objective in life is to make soup go upwards, and it knows this. That's why when you put one under a running tap it blasts the water way high. The spoon thinks there's suddenly TONS of soup to deal with and it freaks out.

[alliswyattonthewesternfront]

"when people ask how you're doing, they don't really care." most of them do, actually, the amount they care is just directly proportional to how well they know you. you're just mad you can't be the main character of the Twice Daily.

[alliswyattonthewesternfront]

if i am doing shitty and the check out girl asks me, "how are you?" i will say,"man, i've been better." we are strangers to each other. she doesn't need to know my whole life story. she doesn't need to know about my credit score and my hemorrhoids or my uncle in the hospital. she just needs enough to respond "been there, buddy. hey, at least the day is almost over?" and then we part ways. i have been on both sides of thousands of exchanges like this, the only one making you do a little song and dance is you, my friend

[exceptionalcelestial]

oftentimes when you look back on media you enjoyed as a child it's like hello why did they let a 14 year old fight a dragon? but star wars holds up. luke is 19. his reaction to losing his whole family is to say "alright, let's do this. I'm gonna learn to meditate and hire a sexy drug dealer and his friend who's a furry to be my uber across the galaxy so I can blow up a fascist government" that's something only a 19 y/o would do

[wagamaggot]

aplatonic aromantic asexual polycule

[wagamaggot]

coworkers

[habbadax]

Took a wrong turn somewhere

[orcboxer]

i took a nap and woke up in all these goddam spinanch

[cardiac-ossification]

[the-punforgiven]

[spacey-daydreams]

[existentialterror]

[petertqrk]

May yr new year have more malpractice and homoeroticism than ever 🍾🫂

[deathlonging]

we should talk more about cities that are vampires. cities that are cold and wet and sink into your bones and stay there. cities that are hungry and want to live. dead cities that dont know they're dead and suck the life force of their people to maintain the delusion. cities with harbors that are actually mouths; one-way entries. cities that are devastatingly lonely and see consumption as love

[roach-works]

[rhulksdiscordkitten]

HELLO ?

[rhulksdiscordkitten]

Help I got the Temu labiaplasty and now my pussy is on backwards

[mortalityplays]

one of the most important things, perhaps the most important thing I have learned in my life is that nice people can fuck each other up in monstrous ways. people can be bone deep kind and loving and self reflective and still lash out under pressure. people can be earnestly neighbourly and charitable and hospitable and generous and still find themselves in situations where they become selfish. people can be well meaning and easygoing and gregarious and hold deep seated opinions that turn them into vicious little bullies under the right conditions. nobody is just one thing, and nobody stays one way. every person is a kaleidoscope and they will surprise you. you will surprise yourself. it's not a warning and it's not a judgement and it's not an excuse, and it's certainly not a reason to stop trying or to stop trusting. it is just a fact.

[leehallfae]

@/girlglimmer (x) // @/christmas-winter (x) // fireflies - suzanne siegel // “orange and blue” - sarah jarosz // beautiful night - momcilo simic // christmas eve - julia andreevna petrova // @/hunting-brother (x) // @/bluecapsicum (x) // suzanne siegel