pray for me, 'cause I won't pray for you

may contain untagged triggering content because I'm lazy. tread carefully. || ace & aro inclusionist, pro-shipping, pro-kink, pro-anything that doesn't harm people and has nothing to do with me | Idris, they/them | main: eternal-flame

[lilcowzia]

why is it that ppl hear "fetish" and immediately think "devoid of morals" like ur genuinely not making sense. ppl dont actually become inhuman and beast-like when theyre turned on, thats something we are told bc it aligns with christian patriarcal values, u know that right? desire isnt actually bad. it doesnt make you evil, or incapable of having/respecting boundaries

[lilcowzia]

i got a response to this abt how men get horny and "lose their minds" and "causes" them to behave vile. i rlly rlly neeeeed ppl to understand that men behaving inappropriately when turned on is something they are *choosing* to do, and when you equate that to human nature you are enabling them and diminishing the seriousness of that choice

[starqueensterlexa]

If you have ever known anyone with a kink for being hit, or beat up, or raped and you're okay with them, you also gotta be okay with the people who's kink it is to do the hitting, the beating, or the raping. At the end of the day, we're adults playing pretend, and that's it.

[starqueensterlexa]

With every single sub i have the first thing we ever do is establish the safe word (stoplight system), and the non-verbal safe word in case they can't talk for any reason. If I can't tell where the sub is at, I will ask them point blank what is their color, and if they can't give a response, we stop. The goal is to make the other person feel good, including pain, and the most important part us knowing your subs limits and LISTENING to them. I will *never* hurt a sub in a way that they have not explicitly expresssed interest in.

[steve-likes-robots]

Makes sense to me. The “getting hit” kink requires a “hitting” kink. It’s like Transformers. Megatron can’t exist without Optimus Prime.

[starqueensterlexa]

yes Steve, its exactly like Megatron and Optimus Prime from Transformers

[etchif]

This current trend of people being very openly hostile towards polyamory has made me realize a few things and among those things is that, apparently, to many people the bad thing about someone cheating in a relationship is simply that they are having sexual/romantic relations with multiple people at the same time. Like, that's what the issue is to many of them that's what's morally wrong about it. Not the fact that they're going behind their partner's back to break a serious established boundary and their trust. Which is crazy

[irredeemablemonster]

it would kill half of this site to understand that kids start jerking off and looking at porn the moment they hit puberty and get any kind of sex drive.

w-what do you mean kids arent sexless and pure beings??? i-i thought sexual thoughts only appear when you're 18.... or, no, 21......

[irredeemablemonster]

i saw smth along the lines of "minors shouldn't see porn, their brains are developing!!!"

this argument only makes sense if you

1. dont understand how any of human biology works

2. think of porn, depiction of the sexual act, as containing the primordial fucking sin, something that corrupts the minds of anyone looking at it

deeply fascist shit

[magicalgirlbait]

i need people to understand the fact that the stigma surrounding being a child looking at porn was the very first step into terrifying me into being unable to speak about the sexual violence i endured, which in turn allowed for it to continue happening.

[crybabybat]

You literally have to understand that ur closest friends and loved ones may very well have kinks or fetishes that gross or freak you out and they simply won’t tell you because they know it grosses or freaks you out. Like you have no way of knowing if your best friend is into necro roleplay if she doesn’t wanna tell you. Sometimes you date someone for years before finding out they have a thing for incest. Maybe your coworker likes ageplay and diapers. Who gives a fuck. Nothing changes between you knowing and not knowing except your own constructed moral outrage.

[crybabybat]

WRONG!

1. Get comfy doing illegal shit. Laws are made up to enforce whatever the people on top want to enforce, anal and oral sex are technically a crime in several states currently if I recall correctly

2. It’s also illegal in many places to do any kind of play that causes pain to a partner, especially that leaves marks, including bruises.

3. Making judgements about people’s morality and personhood based on whether or not they fall into the class of “criminal” is bad. Stop

I understand that “kink and not a crime” is meant to refer to genuine acts of sexual abuse and rape, but you can just say that. Also we don’t need to bring that up every single time we talk about kink. It just strengthens the connotation between kink and abuse. If we’re talking about kinks and fetishes, we are automatically talking about roleplay and other kinds of consensual play between risk-aware adults 👍🏼

[homoqueerjewhobbit]

"do you want to go out to dinner?"

"as long as we're eating food and not nuclear waste."

"You don't have to say that every time."

[space-feminist]

i feel like "feminist" anti-kink sentiment is very tail-wagging-the-dog. like male doms playing out bdsm scenes of abuse are not oppressing their female subs that's acting. you're mad at acting. you're those aliens from galaxy quest. same with fearmongering about "booktok". however an eroticized version of patriarchal dynamics being a popular kink DOES speak to the pervasiveness of sexism, bc eroticizing the oppression is a way of coping with living under it. it's women creating a fantasy world where men being menacing to them is sexy and not scary like it is irl, or where it is still scary but in the fun way like a horror movie bc you can tap out at any time by using a safe word or putting the book down. acting like this sort of kink is oppressing women is like if you assumed the thermometer controlled the weather outside. it might be depressing to look at the thermometer and see the impact of climate change, but it's not the thermometer's fault

[patricia-taxxon]

the conflation between "pedophilia" and "child rape" is such a long standing point of linguistic inconvenience and people fucking freak out when you bring it up so no one ever does

[patricia-taxxon]

if someone is "a pedo" that either means they are sexually attracted to children or that they have raped a child, and you never know which it is and people look at you funny if you ask.

[patricia-taxxon]

this is one of those pandoras box topics where as soon as you think about it too much you shoot about six parsecs out from the overton window and become rhetorically exiled forever. why do people have to accept that they exist within the same category as a child rapist, as their rapist, before they can even begin to unpack their attraction and treat all the issues surrounding it. also hi to whoever is screenshotting this for callout filler i hope i've fed you well this evening

[motordyk]

[parkchanwoohoo]

Every time taboo activities between consenting adults come up I feel like I always see one comment like "But what if they're SAYING they're consenting but really they just feel PRESSURED into SAYING SO" and I'm like. What do you want me to do with that?? Like. Okay? That would be bad and not consent

[parkchanwoohoo]

People are constantly salivating to go "NO you don't understand in this specific instance it is both NECESSARY and CORRECT for me to assume one person is violating someone who can't make rational decisions for themselves because what they do DISGUSTS me, what they are DISGUSTS me" and like. Okay

[sufferingandasense]

the implication that completely vanilla 'normal' heterosexual sex is inherently free of the possibility for coercion is, uh, also not great!

it also imo betrays a belief that rape is wrong because it's an aberrant form of sexuality- not because of the actual harm involved. framing it as a breach of taboo rather than a form of violence.

[shecallsthemoondown]

That one extremely neutered "Kinktober" event including a rule that any CNC-related works have to have a mandatory aftercare scene for the submissive party but not for the dominant... it really just spells it all out, doesn't it?

[shecallsthemoondown]

The vast majority of people, most "kinky" gays included, understand kink as nothing more than a one-way affair where a dominant gets permission to "consensually abuse" a submissive so they can carry out their dark fantasies without getting in trouble.

Everything about how kink dynamics are discussed in the popular eye makes this clear -- the endless jokes about "sub behavior" and "heehee i'm such a sub i don't care what happens to me ❤️", the mandatory "as long as it's consensual!" disclaimers tacked on whenever someone expresses their approval for kink, the way actual criminal law around kink largely treats it as a crime carried out by dominants against submissives. "Submissive" isn't a role in a mutually pleasurable act, it's just a personality trait you have that means you enjoy being mistreated. The average person is seemingly incapable of envisioning kink as anything other than an extreme extension of vanilla, cis/hetero sex, where a masculine dominant acts upon a feminine submissive who maybe gets to enjoy it too if she's lucky.

Then everyone has the nerve to talk about "top/dom shortages" like it's Sony not making enough PS5s when the reality is that a lot of the would-be dominants are scared of you. Because they've seen how most people talk about them, they've seen you react to their expressions of desire with the same discomfort your religious grandparents would show if they saw your browser history, and they're well aware how many people assume the submissive party is the only one capable of being hurt or abused.

[391780]

couldn't be me

[coldbrewpup]

why do monogamous people think it's appropriate to constantly at every moment bring up how they could never ever do polyamory? why do you think i give a shit or want to hear about it? and why on earth do you think it's appropriate to talk about how magical and spiritual and special monogamy is (in contrast to polyamory). why do you think i give a shit

[coldbrewpup]

oh and why do you think it's appropriate or normal for you to talk casually about how your jealousy and trust issues are so incredibly overwhelming and controlling that you could never let your partner out of your sight? do you hear how you sound?

anyway i love being polyamorous it's the most magical and freeing and beautiful thing in the world and i couldn't possibly imagine going back to the shackles of monogamy

[blushedfemmes]

i hate to be a hater i love to spread peace and joy but there are STILL so many people with ‘incest kink dni 🤢’ in their pinned and their blog is back to back posts about calling someone daddy. like…..you don’t have to call it incest kink if you don’t want to but play which engages in any way with family titles, parent/child caretaking, familial power dynamics and that taboo in general is at the very least adjacent to incest kink it doesn’t really matter how mainstream it is to call your partner daddy

[blushedfemmes]

and yeah this whole ‘not calling it what it is makes it okay’ attitude extends to many other kinks as well. ‘i want someone to get me so high i can’t think and use my limp body….. RAPE KINK DNI EWWW 🔪🔪’ makes me genuinely sick to my stomach when i think about it too hard. so you’re telling me you DON’T think that kind of intox play is the literal definition of rape??? like again if using that specific word squicks you i get it i also dislike that word and wouldn’t use it in my own play but at least i can acknowledge that my intox kinks are cnc play based in eroticizing a pretend lack of consent. which is rape. i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again: i trust a kinkster who says the words rape and incest out loud and with a full understanding of the emotional weight of these kinks and what that kind of play requires infinitely more than i would ever trust someone who posts the very kinks that they claim to disavow. because it’s really giving you don’t know what rape and incest actually are. and that’s fucking weird and scary to be playing with concepts that you can’t even approach with clear-eyed lucid understanding

[ftmtftm]

Seeing shit that completely rewrites recent online trans history makes me so frustrated because I was there!!!!!!

Like what do you mean "theyfab was coined by frustrated transfems to express their frustration with transmisogynist nonbinary people"???? I was literally getting called a transtrender theyfab by 4channers as a 15 year old in 2013 because I was a feminine nonbinary kid with a dyed undercut??? In 2016 I was a shithead 18 year old that hated itself and was calling other trans people transtrender theyfabs to try and validate myself????????

It's literally a term born out of misogyny and the idea that feminine nonbinary people who were afab are faking being trans???????????

I didn't escape the depths of 2010's transmedicalism in my early 20's and start dedicating my time towards trying to repair the damage I and others caused just for y'all to completely rewrite that history to try and justify your own hatred of other trans people 😭

[ftmtftm]

Some of you type like you use /tttt/ regularly and I'm sorry but I don't trust it. If you're trying to justify using theyfab you might as well just adopt brick and passoid and kek into your lexicon too while you're at it.

[gatheringbones]

one of the other reasons it’s so hard to find someone to genuinely talk to about sa and or abuse is because people have stakes in your survival story and the way that you talk about and relate to it. they’re not interested in your actual journey; their investment extends only so far as what they can find politically useful in what happened to you. listeners who experience genuine curiosity and nonjudgmental empathy are possible to find but first you have to kill everybody who’s only there to project their agenda onto your experience.

[butchfemmespuffy]

oh cool booktube is shoving horrible drama videos in my face based around a legal case against an australian author who basically wrote lolisho. that's cool. awesome. great. "this is why dark romance is sus" publishing fandom is now the most unserious group of people on the internet tbh.

[butchfemmespuffy]

this serves as your regular reminder that i think obscenity law is stupid as fuck and there is zero moral value whatsoever to writing porn about the most insane immoral shit known to man. write about elves fetishizing csa who gives a fuck. if you think it's ethical for writing any kind of fiction to be grounds for arresting literally anyone you are my enemy. yes i also don't think you should be arrested for writing things i am ethically opposed to, like nazi propaganda with space marines. do you know what prison is. do you have any idea how fucking batshit it is to say someone should go to prison for writing gross things that are made-up.

[butchfemmespuffy]

"you arranged these words in this order on a page, therefore the state should imprison you" you are literally a fascist. that is a fascist thing to believe. you are advocating for fascism.

[valentinedagger]

i'm sure i am preaching to the choir, here, but we all know, yes, that the recent Texas bill introduced criminalizing all "obscene" depictions of minors, including non-realistic drawn and animated portrayals, applies to all obscenity, not just that which you, personally, consider sexually titillating, yes?

as in, this applies to depictions of minors doing drugs or drinking, violence against minors, minors engaging in criminal activity, and anything else considered contrary to conservative values and the valuation of law-and-order.

yes, this will criminalize depictions of CSA, including educational depictions meant to prevent CSA; yes, it will criminalize depictions of queer minors, even entirely nonsexual depictions. and please understand: this is because obscenity is not exclusively attributed to sexual content; obscenity refers to all topics and concepts that are considered unfit for polite society under conservative thought. nudity (entirely nonsexual and educational nudity), drugs and alcohol, violating the law, abuse, and more, are all considered obscene content.

[grubarchived]

like people are just going to keep saying “theyre only queer because they want to be/because it gets them off/because they think it’s fun/because they saw a queer person and thought it sounded like a good idea/etc. theyre gonna keep saying it

and we are going to have to stop desperately scrambling to say noooo, they have to be like that, they have no choice, they wouldn’t be like this if they didnt have to. we HAVE to stop falling all over ourselves assuring straight people and transphobes that we hate being us as much as they hate us being us, that we are suffering and that’s why we deserve this decadence and deviancy. we HAVE to start saying “yeah ok and?”

being queer is a delight. deviant sex makes people really happy. being genderfucky is joyful. queerness CAN actually be an option you can choose, and that doesn’t make it worth less than if you only picked it with a gun to your head, because it is a good option and there are good reasons to pick it.

[elodieunderglass]

“They’re only queer because they want to be” nice! My identity is also self-constructed because I’m a human