It’s sad to see how many people seem to draw Lebensfreude or joie de vivre mainly out of spending money. The small moments of sensual pleasure are all tied to consumerism (and, on that note, self objectification). “I love spoiling myself by booking massages, buying products, getting waxes and going shopping” It’s so bleak to me. The grey man telling Momo she needs the new doll, and the sun dress for the doll, and the party dress and if she has the party dress, she needs the boyfriend doll to go to the party with, and the party outfit for the boyfriend, and the sun outfit, and the best friend needs a party dress and everything you draw joy out can and has to be bought.
There is also the element of performing femininity in this. Getting your eyebrows waxed isn’t, if we look at it for what it truly is (painful procedure), self care or self love. It’s self maintenance. It’s maintenance of beauty standards. The joy coming from that isn’t that it feels good to do - same with waxing in general, and, I would argue, getting filler or gel nails. Maybe it’s not always outright painful, but is it FUN? Does it feel good? The pleasure people get from it isn’t pleasure of the senses, it’s the pleasure of performing femininity adequately.
On that note, I find it interesting that the key word re:massages isn’t always “I love getting massages”, but “booking” massages. The joy of it is in acknowledging you spend money on it? That can be applied to “taking exercise classes” instead of exercising, “visiting a spa” instead of having a spa day. I do think there is, of course, a joy in doing something special that costs money. Something you save for and are excited about. But it’s unfortunate wording to make a list that comes down to buy, book, shop, spend. The slippery slope the Grey Men are betting on, the moment where ‘I’m so happy with my doll’ turns into ‘the ski outfit and the après ski dress and the ski outfit for the boyfriend and—“
It’s not new that maintenance of (sexist, let’s acknowledge it) beauty standards are viewed as pleasurable status symbols. Small hands, pale skin, small feet, small waists. It’s disheartening, however, to see how little this changes across cultures and times.
I see posts like this on my dash on the regular — the self-pampering movement is deeply tied to consumerism, that’s obviously what inspired this post. But today I think I hit a new low when I saw a post that started off with “it’s important for women to possess things”. Bedsheets, cosmetics, degrees (the things can be immaterial). The post went on to make several points on how you should build your own personal taste (unrelated to online trends), how you should refine your taste etc etc. [There is also something to be said about women in the past who didn’t have the opportunity to own things, what this post also touches on] But the main aspect in this, apparently, was buying things. The idea that a personality cannot be developed outside of capitalism. It’s such a cliche line, I know, but this post truly embodies the “I shop, therefor I am” mindset. It’s almost a self parody. You need to possess things to be someone. Go shop your degree. Go buy your self. Sniff perfume and buy linen bedsheets. That’s who you are.
— of course, your perfume and the objects you surround yourself with show your personal taste. But they aren’t your personal taste. You don’t have a specific taste because you buy an object, you buy the object because you have a specific taste. The incredibly backwards consumerist thinking is so baffling to me. And, of course, it’s also tied into the neo ultra feminine mindset that I originally made this post for. The soft girl era, “I spoil myself by buying products to perform femininity”. That part, as a feminist, is worrisome. But as a snob (if we want to call it that), this particular mindset, go buy your personality via buying perfume, is just appalling and, frankly, tacky. I think Oscar Wilde said it best: “it’s what you read when you don’t have to that determines who you will be when you don’t have a choice” — that’s how personality works (not just related to reading, of course. You understand). At least as far as I know, right now.
