A place for my doodles, silly ideas and to stalk other awesome people :D This is a multifandom blog, basically whatever I'm into at the moment. >>> mostly gaming, currently Baldur's Gate 3... Ā Also please don't repost my drawing, thank you.
and then Tumblr decided to sell them to AI models.
Now, don't get me wrong, tumblr selling out the users to AI companies is bad, yes, they shouldn't do that. It sucks.
but don't lets get this confused: your posts were already in there. Tumblr selling them is about tumblr making some money and about the AI models having more exhaustive post collections. It's not about your posts being in an AI model, vs not being in one. That battle has already been lost.
Can you find your post on google? Then it's almost certainly in an AI model already. Think about it: These AI sites showed up before all the sites were making deals to sell their users' content, right? How do you think they built them in the first place?
They scraped the posts. Just like google and bing and such do when they build their search indexes.
It's a fundamental part of how the open web works: you want your posts on tumblr to be visible to users, right? You want them to be readable?* Like, look how much stuff broke when twitter changed their whole read-while-not-logged-in policy, ruining a bunch of thread links/NSFW links. And if it's visible, it's scrapable. That's what the AI models were built on.
I've done website scraping before (not for AI models, of course. I was doing search engines and website archival), this is just how it works. You hire a few relatively smart CS graduates and tell them "build me a scraper that'll give us a bunch of tumblr posts" and they go off for a month or two and come back with a database of a few billion posts, and you stuff that into your AI model. That's how they got all the deviantart and flickr and twitter and pinterest and so on posts. They didn't pay for them: they just took them.
They only ever pay for this shit because either:
they fucked up in such a way that the site might be able to sue them for taking rather than paying
They can buy them cheaper than they can finish taking them. Maybe they'd need to pay the CS grads for an extra month? well, that might be more expensive than just throwing the site a couple hundred thousand bucks.
ANYWAY: my point is, don't treat this "oh no tumblr is selling our posts to AI" like it's a big thing that might happen and it would be bad to happen. Yes, it's bad, tumblr shouldn't do this, this'll let AI models get continual updates of content for far easier than just scraping them would be, tumblr betrayed user trust, and so on...
but realistically, this is not a black and white matter of "if only tumblr didn't do this, then we'd be safe from AI models!"
Nope. We already lost that battle. I'm sorry, and it does suck, but that's just how it is. The avalanche has already started, it's too late for the pebbles to vote.
* I'm assuming here that you don't run a private blog that's set to only followers or something. You'd be safer then, of course, but you're not really my target audience for this rant
I guess my point is: Don't freak out about this being a big thing that you're gonna have to fight to stop. Having anxiety over this is not useful. Instead, you need to realize that this battle is already lost, and reconsider your strategy from there.
I'm not saying "you need to give up and let AI companies take everything you make and do whatever they want with it". I'm saying that the specific battle of stopping AI models from getting your posts is a lost one.
So rethink your strategy: What else can be done? Can we limit what the companies do with our data? Can we stop them completely? Can/should we change where we post artwork to keep it from getting acquired by AI models in future? Does this need a political solution (like "ban generative AI"), not an individual solution from artists?
All those are options you could look at and decide on, plus I'm sure there's tons more I haven't thought of. I'm not trying to tell you want to do, just saying that you should choose your battles, and when choosing battles, don't choose one that is already lost.
The older I get the more I admire people who are earnestly, genuinely into whatever their thing is. I know it sounds like an annoying cliche but unless you're being cruel or hurtful there is really no need to be normal about things. The dude with the bad fake accent at the renaissance faire is having the time of his life. The people having photoshoots with their fashion dolls are loving it. The old lady with a yard unreasonably full of tacky ass lawn ornaments is having a blast, HOA be damned.
Don't waste your time being too cool to have fun, y'know?
FYI artists and writers: some info regarding tumblr's new "third-party sharing" (aka selling your content to OpenAI and Midjourney)
You may have already seen the post by @staff regarding third-party sharing and how to opt out. You may have also already seen various news articles discussing the matter.
But here's a little further clarity re some questions I had, and you may too. Caveat: Not all of this is on official tumblr pages, so it's possible things may change.
(1) "I heard they already have access to my data and it doesn't really matter if I opt out"
From the 404 article:
A new FAQ section we reviewed is titled āWhat happens when you opt out?ā states āIf you opt out from the start, we will block crawlers from accessing your content by adding your site on a disallowed list. If you change your mind later, we also plan to update any partners about people who newly opt-out and ask that their content be removed from past sources and future training.ā
So please, go click that opt-out button.
(2) Some future user: "I've been away from tumblr for months, and I just heard about all this. I didn't opt out before, so does it make a difference anymore?"
Another internal document shows that, on February 23, an employee asked in a staff-only thread, āDo we have assurances that if a user opts out of their data being shared with third parties that our existing data partners will be notified of such a change and remove their data?ā
Andrew Spittle, Automatticās head of AI replied: āWe will notify existing partners on a regular basis about anyone who's opted out since the last time we provided a list. I want this to be an ongoing process where we regularly advocate for past content to be excluded based on current preferences. We will ask that content be deleted and removed from any future training runs. I believe partners will honor this based on our conversations with them to this point. I don't think they gain much overall by retaining it.ā
It should make a difference! Go click that button.
(3) "I opted out, but my art posts have been reblogged by so many people, and I don't know if they all opted out. What does that mean for my stuff?"
This answer is actually on the support page for the toggle:
This option will prevent your blog's content, even when reblogged, from being shared with our licensed network of content and research partners, including those that train AI models.
And some further clarification by the COO and a product manager:
zingring: A couple people from work have reached out to let me know that yes, it applies to reblogs of "don't scrape" content. If you opt out, your content is opted out, even in reblog form.
cyle: yep, for reblogs, we're taking it so far as "if anybody in the reblog trail has opted out, all of the content in that reblog will be opted out", when a reblog could be scraped/shared.
So not only your reblogged posts, but anyone who contributed in a reblog (such as posts where someone has been inspired to draw fanart of the OP) will presumably be protected by your opt-out. (A good reason to opt out even if you yourself are not a creator.)
Furthermore, if you the OP were offline and didn't know about the opt-out, if someone contributed to a reblog and they are opted out, then your original work is also protected. (Which makes it very tempting to contribute "scrapeable content" now whenever I reblog from an abandoned/disused blog...)
(4) "What about deleted blogs? They can't opt out!"
I was told by someone (not official) that he read "deleted blogs are all opted-out by default". However, he didn't recall the source, and I can't find it, so I can't guarantee that info. If I get more details - like if/when tumblr puts up that FAQ as reported in the 404 article - I will add it here as soon as I can.
Edit, tumblr has updated their help page for the option to opt-out of third-party sharing! It now states:
The content which will not be shared with our licensed network of content and research partners, including those that train AI models, includes:
ā¢ Posts and reblogs of posts from blogs who have enabled the "Prevent third-party sharing" option.
ā¢ Posts and reblogs of posts from deleted blogs.
ā¢ Posts and reblogs of posts from password-protected blogs.
ā¢ Posts and reblogs of posts from explicit blogs.
ā¢ Posts and reblogs of posts from suspended/deactivated blogs.
ā¢ Private posts.
ā¢ Drafts.
ā¢ Messages.
ā¢ Asks and submissions which have not been publicly posted.
ā¢ Post+ subscriber-only posts.
ā¢ Explicit posts.
So no need to worry about your old deleted blogs that still have reblogs floating around. *\o/*
But for your existing blogs, please use the opt out option. And a reminder of how to opt out, under the cut:
The opt-out toggle is in Blog Settings, and please note you need to do it for each one of your blogs / sideblogs.
On dashboard, the toggle is at https://www.tumblr.com/settings/blog/blogname [replace "blogname" as applicable] down by Visibility:
For mobile, you need the most recent update of the app. (Android version 33.4.1.100, iOs version 33.4.) Then go to your blog tab (the little person icon), and then the gear icon for Settings, then click Visibility.
Again, if you have a sideblog, go back to the blog tab, switch to it, and go to settings again. Repeat as necessary.
If you do not have access to the newest version of the app for whatever reason, you can also log into tumblr in your mobile browser. Same URL as per desktop above, same location.
Note you do not need to change settings in both desktop and the app, just one is fine.
Please be aware that the "opt-out" choice is just a way to try to appease people. But Tumblr has not been transparent about when has data been sold and shared with AI companies, and there are sources that confirm that data has already been shared before the toggle was even provided to users.
Also, it seems to include data they should not have been able to give under any circumstance, including that of deactivated blogs, private messages and conversations, stuff from private blogs, and so on.
Do not believe that "AI companies will honor the "opt-out request retroactively". Once they've got their hands on your data (and they have), they won't be "honoring" an opt-out option retroactively. There is no way to confirm or deny what data do they have: The fact they are completely opaque on what do they currently "own" and have, means that they can do whatever they want with it. How can you prove they have your data if they don't give everyone free access to see what they've stolen already?
So, yeah, opt out of data sharing, but be aware that this isn't stopping anyone from taking your data. They already have been taking it, before you were given that option. Go and go to Tumblr's Suppport and leave your Feedback on this (politely, but firmly- not everyone in the company is responsible for this.)
Finally: Opt out is not good under any circumstance. Deactivated people can't opt out. People who have lost their passwords can't opt out. People who can't access internet or computers can't opt out. People who had their content reposted can't opt out. Dead people can't opt out. When DeviantArt released their AI image generator, saying that it wasn't trained on people who didn't consent to it, it was proven it could easily replicate the styles of people who had passed away, as seen here. So, yeah. AI companies cannot be trusted to have any sort of respect for people's data and content, because this entire thing is just a data laundering scheme.
Just a reminder with Tumblr getting ready to sell your data to AI: Nightshade and Glaze are two programs that poison your artwork (and possibly photography? Unclear) when it's added to AI datapools. Now would be a FANTASTIC time to go Glaze and otherwise poison your work so that if it gets collected against your will, it becomes super obnoxious to AI and has to be removed.
Hey if your computer ain't fast enough to run the app, they've a web version called web glaze. Though it's recommended that if you can, it would be better to run the app locally because of the speed and not to overload their server.
Automattic will sign a contract with OpenAI for Midjourney to learn off of Tumblr and Wordpress
Hello! Automattic, Tumblr's parent company, will sign a contract with OpenAI and Midjourney so Midjourney can learn off of Tumblr's and WordPress' art and other user data. :) (The full text of this article is copy/pasted in the cut below). You can opt out! but I truly cannot imagine a more idiotic or out of touch decision on the part of Tumblr's CEO.
First thing's first: When/if this goes live, opt out of this immediately. Do this even if you're not an artist. The more people opt out, the less valuable this contract is to Midjourney. in an ideal world, literally all of the active users would opt out, but if we can even get to 50% that's pretty delicious.
Second: Contact Tumblr Support. It's vital that you do this politely. Tumblr staff is not responsible for this decision and the point of doing this is to show the userbase's unwillingness to be involved in this, not harangue Tumblr staff. (Seriously, stop haranguing Tumblr staff). Here's a script:
Hi, I'm writing in to express my disappointment in Automattic's pending contract with OpenAI to sell user data. Midjourney is already embroiled in copyright lawsuits, and it is not possible to train it without compromising copyright, including violating the IP of artists on this site. I strongly protest this contract and will opt out if it goes live. Depending on the privacy terms around what user data is sold to OpenAI and why, it is possible I will leave the platform entirely. Thank you for your time.
Third: Download Glaze and start poisoning them prompts, my friends
Fourth: Stare into the middle distance for a second with me because holy fucking shit? How stupid can one decision be?
Tumblr and Wordpress are preparing to sell user data to Midjourney and OpenAI, according to a source with internal knowledge about the deals and internal documentation referring to the deals.Ā
The exact types of data from each platform going to each company are not spelled out in documentation weāve reviewed, but internal communications reviewed by 404 Media make clear that deals between Automattic, the platformsā parent company, and OpenAI and Midjourney are imminent.
The internal documentation details a messy and controversial process within Tumblr itself. One internal post made by Cyle Gage, a product manager at Tumblr, states that a query made to prepare data for OpenAI and Midjourney compiled a huge number of user posts that it wasnāt supposed to. It is not clear from Gageās post whether this data has already been sent to OpenAI and Midjourney, or whether Gage was detailing a process for scrubbing the data before it was to be sent.Ā
Gage wrote:
āthe way the data was queried for the initial data dump to Midjourney/OpenAI means we compiled a list of all tumblrās public post content between 2014 and 2023, but also unfortunately it included, and should not have included:
private posts on public blogs
posts on deleted or suspended blogs
unanswered asks (normally these are not public until theyāre answered)
private answers (these only show up to the receiver and are not public)
posts that are marked āexplicitā / NSFW / āmatureā by our more modern standards (this may not be a big deal, I donāt know)
content from premium partner blogs (special brand blogs like Appleās former music blog, for example, who spent money with us on an ad campaign) that may have creative that doesnāt belong to us, and we donāt have the rights to share with this-parties; this one is kinda unknown to me, what deals are in place historically and what they should prevent us from doing.ā
Gageās post makes clear that engineers are working on compiling a list of post IDs that should not have been included, and that password-protected posts, DMs, and media flagged as CSAM and other community guidelines violations were not included.
Automattic plans to launch a new setting on Wednesday that will allow users to opt-out of data sharing with third parties, including AI companies, according to the source, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, and internal documents. A new FAQ section we reviewed is titled āWhat happens when you opt out?ā states that āIf you opt out from the start, we will block crawlers from accessing your content by adding your site on a disallowed list. If you change your mind later, we also plan to update any partners about people who newly opt-out and ask that their content be removed from past sources and future training.āĀ
404 Media has asked Automattic how it accidentally compiled data that it shouldnāt share, and whether any of that content was shared with OpenAI, but did not immediately hear back from the company. 404 Media asked Automattic about an imminent deal with Midjourney last week but did not hear back then, either.
Another internal document shows that, on February 23, an employee asked in a staff-only thread, āDo we have assurances that if a user opts out of their data being shared with third parties that our existing data partners will be notified of such a change and remove their data?ā
Andrew Spittle, Automatticās head of AI replied: āWe will notify existing partners on a regular basis about anyone who's opted out since the last time we provided a list. I want this to be an ongoing process where we regularly advocate for past content to be excluded based on current preferences. We will ask that content be deleted and removed from any future training runs. I believe partners will honor this based on our conversations with them to this point. I don't think they gain much overall by retaining it.ā Automattic did not respond to a question from 404 Media about whether it could guarantee that people who opt out will have their data deleted retroactively.
News about a deal between Tumblr and Midjourney has been rumored and speculated about on Tumblr for the last week. Someone claiming to be a former Tumblr employee announced in a Tumblr blog post that the platform was working on a deal with Midjourney, and the rumor made it onto Blind, an app for verified employees of companies to anonymously discuss their jobs. 404 Media has seen the Blind posts, in which what seems like an Automattic employee says, āI'm not sure why some of you are getting worked up or worried about this. It's totally legal, and sharing it publicly is perfectly fine since it's right there in the terms & conditions. So, go ahead and spread the word as much as you can with your friends and tech journalists, it's totally fine.ā
Separately, 404 Media viewed a public, now-deleted post by Gage, the product manager, where he said that he was deleting all of his images off of Tumblr, and would be putting them on his personal website. A still-live post says, āi've deleted my photography from tumblr and will be moving it slowly but surely over to cylegage.com, which i'm building into a photography portfolio that i can control end-to-end.ā At one point last week, his personal website had a specific note stating that he did not consent to AI scraping of his images. Gageās original post has been deleted, and his website is now a blank page that just reads āCyle.ā Gage did not respond to a request for comment from 404 Media.Ā
Several online platforms have made similar deals with AI companies recently, including Reddit, which entered into an AI content licensing deal with Google and said in its SEC filing last week that itās āin the early stages of monetizing [its] user baseā by training AI on usersā posts. Last year, Shutterstock signed a six year deal with OpenAI to provide training data.
OpenAI and Midjourney did not respond to requests for comment.Ā
Hi, Tumblr. Itās Tumblr. Weāre working on some things that we want to share with you.Ā
AI companies are acquiring content across the internet for a variety of purposes in all sorts of ways. There are currently very few regulations giving individuals control over how their content is used by AI platforms. Proposed regulations around the world, like the European Unionās AI Act, would give individuals more control over whether and how their content is utilized by this emerging technology. We support this right regardless of geographic location, so weāre releasing a toggle to opt out of sharing content from your public blogs with third parties, including AI platforms that use this content for model training. Weāre also working with partners to ensure you have as much control as possible regarding what content is used.
Here are the important details:
We already discourage AI crawlers from gathering content from Tumblr and will continue to do so, save for those with which we partner.Ā
We want to represent all of you on Tumblr and ensure that protections are in place for how your content is used. We are committed to making sure our partners respect those decisions.
To opt out of sharing your public blogsā content with third parties, visit each of your public blogsā blog settings via the web interface and toggle on the āPrevent third-party sharingā option.Ā
For instructions on how to opt out using the latest version of the app, please visit this Help Center doc.Ā
Please note: If youāve already chosen to discourage search crawling of your blog in your settings, weāve automatically enabled the āPrevent third-party sharingā option.
If you have concerns, please read through the Help Center doc linked above and contact us via Support if you still have questions.
unfortunately, a lot of the userbase won't opt out. those who don't see this post, those who have posted to tumblr but don't anymore, users on older versions of the app who forget to opt out next time they're on desktop, etc. the point of making it opt-out is to take advantage of people who wouldn't have opted in but don't/can't opt out in time. automatically opting out people who have discouraged search crawling is a gesture that helps Tumblr look more kind, but from the fact that everyone else has to manually opt out, Tumblr is definitely not looking benevolent.
I wonder, will Tumblr/Automattic be selling images from deactivated blogs? I assume deactivated blogs can't opt out.
when will they start selling this data? Is it already too late to keep them from selling every image you've posted before you opted out?
and if they're especially malicious, I wonder if they could get away with saying "this image is from a blog that's opted out, but it was reblogged by a blog that hasn't opted out, so we're selling the image that's on that non-opted-out blog."
making users need to opt out to keep their images from being taken and sold is a shitty move that makes it clear Tumblr/Automattic don't respect our privacy, and @staff are really not giving us much info here to suggest otherwise.
eventually you realize you donāt want to die. you just donāt want to live the life youāre living. and slowly you try to create a life you want to live. just gotta start there.
Your brain exists to preserve you; itās just Dumb, and how it goes about āpreservingā is determined by evolutionāsĀ āGood Enoughā meat-and-chemistry mechanisms rather than a firm grasp of biology.
You know how, stuck atop a burning building, ppl will sometimes throw themselves off in a vain hope of surviving? Thatās what depression-driven suicide is. You are under THAT amount of stress, often sustained for a FAR longer time. Your brain only understands āStressā: it doesnāt know causes, it doesnāt know Events, and it only has the one set of instinctive āextreme measuresā to fall back on. I made things SO hard on myself for SO Long conceiving of Depression as a Fight I had to Win, rather than a chronic illness in need of my understanding and careful management.
Help your brain. Nurse it. Ask yourself where it hurts and why. Recognize that the desire to die is a symptom, an injury, and not your āTruthā. Try to calm it, Try to endure: It WILL Pass. As perverse as it sounds, your desire to die is an expression of how PASSIONATELY you want to get away from the pain tormenting you; of how MUCH you want to LIVE. PLEASE Live!
Sooo I find this interesting. The devs confirmed that the emperor never actually lies to you (though manipulative) in the ign interview.
This can finally put one thing to rest: bro did NOT kill Ansur just because and lie about it. It was literally self defense. If your number 1 priority is surviving, you would probably also take action if you knew someone you trusted was going to kill you in your sleep. It's then also true when The Emperor says that it hates that it had to do that.
Hating the character for being self-serving and a coward is valid but I feel like some people who already hate the character invent more reasons to make it seem more evil.
Like WHERE did y'all get the idea that Empy killed Ansur in his sleep instead. Why is it hard to accept that a morally questionable character can also be a victim?
It's so wild to me that some people don't believe the Emperor when it tells us why it killed Ansur, because Ansur says it first:
It's right there! "You were becoming illithid. I offered you merciful death; you chose to fight." Even if people don't trust the Emperor, you'd think they'd at least believe Ansur when he says the exact same thing.
And sure, some people will insist that Ansur was in the right, that the Emperor should've chosen death over life as a mind flayer, and you could make a good argument to support that (even if I don't personally agree). But outright rejecting facts and twisting the narrative just because it doesn't fit your preconceptions (dragon = good, mind flayer = bad)? Boring. Lame. Stop it.
For a romance added so late in the game dev cycle, The Emperor is a great romance!
Now hear me out!
I know everyone here loves the romances and me too! Lae'zel, Karlach, Wyll, Gale, Astarion, Shadowheart, everyone is great and fantastic BUT... slightly rushed IMO?
When I first played the game I almost didn't romance anybody because the game expects you to start it in Act 1 and like.... I don't know about you folks but I don't romance character in games just to check it out, I need some attachment to them, some emotional investment first, and asking me to do that in Act 1 - which is very early in the grand scheme of things - was a bit too soon for me.
So here I am, chastised by Withers for not romancing anybody, literally calling me maidenless, we finish Act 2 and all that and then we meet The Emperor. Okay, dude was actually a squid, that's a cooler reveal than I thought, let's be cordial and carry on following mission squiontrol.
The thing is... there was already some attachment to The Emperor by that point. Yes, we did only talk to him through the Dream Guardian illusion but... you've been with him for dozens and dozens of hours in a way, then you have some conversations with him. He opens up with you, you have the chance to be nice to him, maybe hold his hand in a conforting manner, give him a hug when he's the Dream Guardian shape.... there's a very real and amazing emotional buildup to the romance scene.
Yes, it is open to those that have been antagonistic to him (which I think is stupid, the romance scene shouldn't exist if you've been a dick to him, not just stab him in the creche) but like... if you've been nice to him, hugged him, listened to his venting and sadness about Stelmane's death (regardless of their true relationship, he is legit sad about her passing), held his hand, comforted him... like, it is a very very nice romance.
Also add to the fact that you can just show him that you like him for what and who he is, tentacles included. If you ask him to be the Dream Guardian during the romance scene he's way more forward and active with the kissing and all that... but if he is himself, the squiddie, he is... kinda shy? He's allowing you to go first and lead on, almost as if he wants to enjoy this, he misses someone to connect with but isn't used to doing that as himself, there always had to be a layer of deceit and protection for himself before... but now with you he can be himself.
And I think that's beautiful for such a late-included romance.
As much as I'd love Larian to include more Emperor content, I'm quite happy with what we have........ although maybe remove the "I will erase their memory of our night together" line from the game, it wasn't there before and it's kinda weird. It feells like a cop-out for not wanting to record Lae'zel roasting you for Fornicating With A Mind Flayerā¢ļø and I'd have loved to have seen her do that!
Ooops Astarion fans on Twitter found out about the Stelmane scene and are shitting on The Emperor and saying they're soooo glad to kill him every time now
Well I'm sorry if my comfort character can't be an elf who disapproves of helping others all the time and is murder-happy even in the end-game after his redemption; at least the squid doesn't disapprove of us doing that because he *wants* us to have allies, he even subtly admonishes you for raiding the Grove when you meet him in Act 3 showing he's not in favor of senseless loss of life
Is it so hard to just ask to be respectful to people's favorite characters? Nobody is saying either of them is perfect, but it's not nice to yuck somebody's yam, people just wanna enjoy their faves without negativity and debate about them all the time
I just wanna hop onto this post to take the opportunity as someone who enjoys BOTH characters to say how similar they actually are in a lot of ways.
People who love Astarion but passionately hate The Emperor are so funny to me, because all the things they hate squiddy for are things Astarion also did/would do.
Oh The Emperor is manipulating you by not being immediately open about being a Mindflayer? That's funny, Astarion wasn't very open about being a bloodsucker either. The Emperor manipulates you by telling you what you want to hear and acting like your friend? Astarion did that too, and sleeps with you to get you to protect him. Astarion is on board with slaughtering defenseless refugees, becoming the Absolute and enslaving the world (even not ascended), breaking a defenseless tiefling's legs, even killing children. Astarion even says that what Cazador did to him wasn't wrong, just that he did it to him.
But we can all look past that and recognize that Astarion is a deep character with a lot of layers, but we HATE The Emperor for being tactical, secretive, and untrusting and for enthralling an evil duke?
Astarion coming onto you isn't creepy, but The Emperor showing up shirtless in your dreams is??? It's pretty privilege. People objectify the character who is ALL about wanting to be more than a sexual object and turn around and treat the mindflayer like an abomination. The cognitive dissonance is just so funny to me.
I wanna hop in onto you hopping in to say that they are also very very similar on the way their quest ends, if you believe The Emperor's feelings for you to be genuine in some sort of way
Astarion doesn't believe that goodness can exist in the world after the trauma he endured under Cazador. He even explicitly tells you - regardless if you've romanced him or just been really friendly - that you're the only one he truly thinks is good at heart and the whole world is bad. It is only after dealing with Cazador and getting the Spawn Ending that he sees there can be goodness out there... and that he can be a part of it. That's why he becomes an adventurer in the end... I mean... well... that and also because it is a free source of blood if he gets to kill somebody in his quests but a man gotta feed somehow!
On the other hand, The Emperor has intense trust issues and who can blame him? He was rescued by his friend/lover Ansur and humored him in looking for a cure, he was sincerely sad to see Ansur sad like that and pleaded for him to go... only for Ansur to end up wanting to mercy kill him.
He then later worked with Stelmane, and I know he has "the truth" scene but I believe he tells us what he thinks we wanna hear to confirm we are the "monster" we see him as in that route, because I've seen one or two texts in the game that corroborates that - at LEAST - they started as business partners like he mentioned before. The game it ambiguous enough that it's hard to know if he enthralled her from the get-go or if they had a falling out later in their partnership.
The point is that later he gets betrayed again, but this time by Gortash, throwing him back into the Absolute's arms. This is less of a "a friend I know betrayed me" and more like "non-illithids keep ruining my life" kinda betrayal.
And for the duration of his quest I sincerely believe that a friendly Tav/Durge sloooowly gets his trust for real. But, understandably, he never fully 100% trusts you... you can romance him and then talk to Raphael and he will still be nervous enough to try to mindread you. The moment where he fully 100% trusts you is when you choose him over Orpheus.
You - a non-illithid - chose an illithid's life over someone's else's. You showed him that a non-illithid CAN be worthy of trusting with his life, you vindicated his choice of trusting you from the very beginning. And he shows it by telling you he'll miss you and even going through the effort of writing letters to you in the epilogue, regardless of which of the 4 possible Emperor endings you got (Non-Illithid, Lonely Illithid, Knights of the Shield Partnership, Conquering The World Partnership Shenanigans).
And it also makes sense why you can *only* stay with him if you've became a squid yourself... you being trustworthy isn't gonna undo how people have treated him in the past. He trusts you as a friend, he'll write letters to you, he will miss your presence, but at the same time he has to keep you at an arm's distance because you're still non-illithid and... the poor squid needs therapy. But hey, according to the letter you're still free to visit him! So by the epilogue he at least entertains the idea of visits, he's improving.
However, you can live as a squid with him because that's someone who will know how he feels and has less reasons to ever betray him. Case in point, he's so vulnerable and trusting of you in the end that you can as an Evil Durge kill him to take over the world by surprise, or eat his brains as a squid because he didn't expect that from you.
Sorry, I know I spent more time talking about The Emperor than Astarion in this comparison about both, but people have a hard time putting themselves on his shoes and I felt like I had to spend the extra time rationalizing my thoughts about him. If Reddit taught me one thing, is that he was 100% justified in hiding he was a Mind Flayer and some people would/will murder him on the spot for what he is regardless of what he's done for you and the Tadpole Squadā¢ļø.
origamiaround
gummygunk
izzy806
blakekathryn
andulkaphoto
tangentwithtanner
discoholicmusic
