I Don’t Know Usernames

Pls, coming up with usernames is hard

[quebecbyween89-deactivated20240]

*Dictating suicide note to my secretary who is typing it in on a big antique typewriter*

*Phone rings, i go to answer it*

Mhm. Yeah. Mhm. I see. Thanks. *hangs up*

Sharlene you can go ahead and cancel that, i've just been informed that We're Back

[innerchildabortionclinic]

PARENT: I got "rubber duck" for my child's "bath" and she loves it.

AUTISM RESPONSE: Rubber ducks and other rubber bath toys can accumulate mold on the inside because of small holes underneath where moisture becomes trapped. The mold often goes unnoticed because it's not visible from the outside.

CORRECT RESPONSE(?): That's nice, I am unaware of how mold could impact this situation.

[jayde-just-got-here]

How do I get mold out of my giant glittery Miku teal rubber duck pls help

[doesntknowusernames]

mold remover

[doesntknowusernames]

it’s not dandruff, it’s my sparkly effect cause i’m the main character in this BL

[ismenes]

you know those studies showing that cursing helps with pain tolerance or whatever. that’s how i feel about making my weird little noises to get through my basic daily activities. sometimes you just have to go hggblaaaah for a minute so you can find the strength within yourself to get up or wash the dishes or send an email. mmmnneh. urgh. the torments are unending but you can always make some little sounds about it.

[plushdablush]

Random thing for people to consider is that since Laika is the saint of one way trips should Felicette be known as the saint of safe landings since she did make it back to the ground safely

[ceruleanheaven]

how to become good at everything no practice no effort no motivation no passion no talent fast free

[princepilledboy]

‘puppy want a treat??’ puppy just wants one goddamn day without suffering

[elierlick]

The Department of Education worked with the far-right Family Research Council to officially designate March 12th as Detrans Awareness Day last year. But what actually leads people to detransition? It's not regret, but social stigma, incited by the very figures who claim to protect detransitioners. I want to hear their stories describing how the current moral panic influenced their decisions.

[tvguts]

yesterday i had a nice southern teenager call me "ma'am" and then look at me and go, in a well-meaning tone, "uhhhh, if you go by ma'am. sorry if not." and i had to be like yeah man ma'am is fine. appreciate you being inclusive though. i could almost see the little warning pop up in his UI-- hold up! people with blue hair often have pronouns. are you sure you want to address this individual with a gendered term?

[bardace]

Shut Up, I Don’t Care

[doesntknowusernames]

not logging in to tumblr for two days and realizing there was a terrible UI change and reversion of it is the equivalent of being absent sick from school and coming back to stories of a class party and petting zoo

[boymiffy]

passage of time stoppp 🤣 like literally stop 😐

[doesntknowusernames]

it’s sad that there’s such a drive, as a man, to lose your virginity asap. Cause like, rn i’m basically at the same status as the virgin Mary, so God could very well put a baby in me.

Can you imagine how CRAZY the omegaverse fandom would go?? They’d track me down and breed me to the point of octuplets

[doesntknowusernames]

it’s scary even through a religious view because then how would i know which one of the 8 is the baby jesus god planted in me

[doesntknowusernames]

it’s sad that there’s such a drive, as a man, to lose your virginity asap. Cause like, rn i’m basically at the same status as the virgin Mary, so God could very well put a baby in me.

Can you imagine how CRAZY the omegaverse fandom would go?? They’d track me down and breed me to the point of octuplets

[doesntknowusernames]

i’m not the most keen on guns but i do think that we should add the right to “shoot at the car of people who turn without turn signals” to the second amendment. That miku lover would’ve agreed with me

[homunculus-argument]

Imagine a young regency era lady trying to write a polite enough break-up letter to a guy she's actually glad she doesn't have to marry since a better option showed up, but trying to make it sound less mean while still being honest. Showing the latest draft of the letter to a friend like "how do I make this nicer without sounding like I still want him" and the friend is like "no that's fine, sprinkle a few drops of water on it so it looks like you were crying while writing it."

And the other is like "Victoria what the shit that's fucked up, where did you learn that. It's brilliant. I will do it right away."

And the guy receives the letter while he happens to be hanging with a friend, and reads it aloud, voice trailing off as he starts to realise he's getting dumped. And noticing the few dainty droplets smudging the ink here and there, he frowns and licks one, going "Aha! Water! Georgia you venomous vixen, I had not imagined you would resort to such low and base trickery."

And his friend looks at him like dude why the fuck can you tell what genuine tear blots taste like.

[ongoing-catastrophe]

You jest, but my dad knew a dude in college who purchased chicken blood from the butcher so that he could "write love letters in his blood" to show girls he was in love with them

I have no idea what his success rate on this plan was but personally if i recieved a letter written in blood i would be looking for the nearest biohazard bin

[zhenya-grey]

That hilariously would not work on me because human blood tastes different from chicken blood.

[homunculus-argument]

Okay imagine the same scenario as before, but it's the mid-90s and a weird goth has written a love letter with blood to a girl he likes, and she licks it and goes "ew, this is chicken blood! fucking coward loser, he doesn't love me" while her friend is sitting there like bitch what the fuck why did you taste it and why the fuck can you tell the difference.

[doesntknowusernames]

“i wish i could” is what i’m feeling but i don’t know what i’m wishing i could