Self indulgence comfort fic. Not proofread.
You're out of that fuck ass house of that fuck ass family away from your fuck ass unemployed good-for-nothing brother. And you don't give a single flying fuck what they have to say or do. You're done giving them the chance to do you wrong. To keep mentally and emotionally abusing you with their silence demands in order to train you to be a good house wife by raising your stupid, lazy, disgusting baby brother that isn't a baby anymore.
Actually you had been for years but the opportunity never came to save you from your miserable life. But now that you do, you felt a washing relief that you never felt before. The burden ease from your shoulders completely. You inhaled the fresh air like you haven't breath properly for years.
The thing that saved you wasn't ideal. But you took it because it was the only chance you get. The chance to feel appreciated even if just a bit.
Arrange marriage. It was...a bit uncalled for. Especially when you had no saying in this. But the moment you see the alternatives in your head, you managed to see something positive. You would either be ignore by your future husband, or be beaten up for doing the smallest mistake that go unnoticed by you.
Your jaw clenched. It's a double-edged sword. Anything can go wrong. But you've trained for this. You learn to keep quiet. To do things without complain and hold grudges for the rest o your lives until you snap. This is piece of cake to you. So you make a decision and accepted the arrangement. Your brother looked at you surprised with a hint of mock, "Seriously? You don't even know the guy. What if something happen?"
You shot him a dirty look, "Don't act like you give a shit."
And that was it. Your final verdict that may change your life. And you don't admit it, your brother's word hold truth. Maybe a bit. What if something happen to you worse than how your family treated you. Then again you haven't even meet your mysterious spouse.
You are scared for you life actually. Your parents couldn't even spare you a little warning. About his looks, about his occupation. How are you expected to not stare?
Though you kept it cool for the most part, being both a spouse and a friend. Making up conversation like you had no childhood trauma your whole life. And the guy is an excellent talker, thankfully! You let your guard down for about a week after being legally married to him.
J is funny. At least to you. You don't like your schedule, you wish you could sleep in all day at any time but you learn to accept this is the responsibility you signed up for. You have to do your duty as he did by paying the bills.
"I'm not annoying you by any chance am I?" You asked carefully but casually as you set up breakfast.
He raised a brow behind his glasses, "What makes you say that?" reaching to sip his morning coffee. You shook your head with a small relieved smile, "Nothing. Just making sure."
"You have something on your mind?" He took a bite of his toast. Ah, you have love and hate relationship with this question. It's honest but also a trick question. How can you trust him he won't use this upcoming information to use it against you in the future, for someone so observant in his daily life?
"No, I'm just making sure you're comfortable."
"I am. Are you comfortable?"
His tone is neutral but with a hint of care. He wants to know too.
You nodded, sitting across from him, "Yes, of course."
J obviously didn't buy you answer and you cursed yourself for making it so obvious by averting his gaze. The tense on your shoulders are present. How you keep shrugging and move your body like there's a bug living inside your sleep wear. God you're pathetic and it's showing.
You hated showing others the things about you that goes beyond the surface level. You hope he don't interrogate you and try to crack you open like an egg. You hated everyone knowing how you truly felt. Because by the end of the day it didn't matter. So what's the point of telling these things?
You kept your polite smile. Bidding him goodbye at the front door as he leave for his shift. You let out a heavy sigh before flopping onto your shared bed face first. His side of the bed.
You inhaled it. You like it. You like his scent. You wouldn't admit it but you fucking like how he smell. You quiver with delight, smiling like a pervert with your arms spread across the mattress like a star fish.
You like him. Or you tell yourself. He treats you like a normal person. He never expects anything. You thought maybe because you never fail any of your task as a housewife yet. Because in your defense you did everything well, you cook, you clean, you do the laundry. No thanks to the lesson that was given to you by your family since the age of nine. Nothing will go wrong with this one. J won't punish you or beat you up as long as you follow the schedule.
But little did you know you jinxed yourself that day.
You felt a firm nudge on your shoulder. Making you gasped when your snapped your eyes open. You looked around, noticing J standing by the edge looking down at you with his usual stern face.
Oh shit. Shit shit shit shit. What time is it?
You looked at your phone to look at the time. It reads
Your eyes widened in horror. You missed dinner. You were supposed to make dinner.
"I'm so sorry." You stood up from the bed, rubbing eyes to ease the sleepiness after that deep nap. "I'll go-"
"It's fine." J's tone is final with an exhaled through his nose as he loosened his tie and take off his work vest.
You froze. You don't like the sound of that. You don't like it at all. Did you just...fail him for the first time?
"But...it's still early." You carried your words carefully, quickly looking for a way to make amends. To fix your minor error.
"I'll go cook something real quick." The moment you reached the door, he stopped you again.
"I said it's fine." He faced you fully, his face unreadable. "Go back to sleep. I'm not hungry."
"But-" Your hand on the doorknob slightly trembled. "I'm sorry I overslept. I didn't mean to. You don't have to lie, I can just do it if you're still- ow!"
You didn't even see him marching forward towards you. And pinched you by the nose to make you shut up.
"Ow, ow!" You whined, air blocked by his fingers. His grip isn't painful, he's just strong compare to you.
"You stubborn women. I said it's fine then it's fine. You clearly needed that nap." He released you abruptly, eyeing you with narrowed eyes as you rub your nose with watery eyes.
"Well I'm not sleepy anymore. And you didn't have to lie either. I can tell you're angry at me."
He scoffed, "Why would I be angry at you? You've been up all day."
"So do you!" You argued back, sounding a bit funny from the soreness. J gave you an unimpressed look, "Don't start that sort of argument. My daily task is different from yours and I'm not as dumb as you thought."
"Fix what?? You did nothing wrong." He pinched the bridge of his nose. He then paused, realization hit him.
"...You think I'm gonna do bad things to you."
"That's not-" "Humour me, yes or no?"
You didn't reply. You didn't want to admit it. You are terrified of what he could have done in case you slipped. You hardly know him.
Your silence is enough of an answer. He took a deep breath, relaxing his posture, "I'm not angry." He said again but with softened tone.
"I just thought you needed the nap, so I didn't wake you up sooner."
Oh. He couldn't just tell you that from the begining instead of making you feel bad about yourself?
Now you just looked like a sad puppy being kicked to the side, guilty as if it was your fault from begining when he told you reminded you that it isn't.
"Tch. Just order something. You don't have to cook tonight." He turned to discard the rest of his clothes to shower. But this time you stopped him, pulling him back by his calloused hand.
"You'll eat too, right?" When he turned to you, he sense that need of assurance haven't fully left itself. Defeated, he forced himself to give the answer you wanted, "Yes. I will."
Your face lit up slightly. J realized you found comfort in the act of forcing him to participate in supper. Even if it meant fixing something that you considered an error to yourself.
"What do you want to have?" You asked him again, smiling now. He called it, knowing you just want to avoid seeing his bad side. If only you know that wasn't the case since the start. He can't help but wonder what you been through to act like this. He had hunches, but he decided to address it later.
"You're weird." He commented.
You ignored his question, "What do you want to eat?" Tugging on his hand now.
"Whatever you want." That smile slowly dissolve itself as it morphed into a frown, dissatisfied by his reply. "I asked you."
"And I told you I don't mind."
"Then tell me what you want instead."
"I'm down for anything, okay?"
So that's how it's gonna be, huh? He mentally sighed.
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