ignore the url and play a different system

Run by your friendly neighborhood wizard Orion (they/them). Used to be a ttrpg-centric blog but now it’s mostly just a place for me to post Funny Wizard Stuff and goof off. Asks are always welcome!

[doodles-and-dragons]

Hi, welcome to Wizard Hell.

Not very active here, but not dead.

main is @deathofdelta.

[theinfamouscruelclaw]

the voynich manuscript has finally been decoded and revealed to be homebrew rules for dnd 5e

[guitarbeard]

Wizard who got tired of fighting and casts fucked up unethical spells like “super brain hemorrhage” to end them faster

[blackkkabutops]

One time I did “Summon Water” inside a guys lungs and the GM allowed it because he had been playing for years and never seen anyone do that

[indyexploits]

Me “I can raise the temperature of a space by 5 degrees (Fahrenheit) per success” DM “Okay.” Me “And that’s 6 successes, so 30 degrees…” DM “Okay…” Me “And ‘inside the human body’ is a space, right?” DM “…I don’t like where this is going.” Me “So I’m going to raise the temperature inside his body 30 degrees.” DM “Yeah, so he’s dead now. He was fine, and then went through all the stages of heat stroke in half a second before his body went ‘No thank you’ and just shut off to stop it from being so hot. Good job.”

[unabashedlybi-deactivated201911]

[dogpuppy]

[mug-of-beans]

“The old magic persists thanks to it’s unfathomable power.”

No, the old magic persists because the new magic can’t run the legacy spells I need to do my job, and keeps trying to install spirits I don’t want or need onto my orb.

[aqueerkettleofish]

Look, if the new magic didn't have a personality construct that kept trying to tell me which spells to use, maybe I wouldn't still be using the old magic.

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Yes it had a deep blood cost, but at least it was a one time sacrifice and not this monthly bloodletting nonsense new age magic has

[wizard-archivist-official]

The old magic is robust enough to survive a decade of use and it's compatible with every wand, staff, scroll, and charm in our collection.

The new magic stops working after three days and every spell uses proprietary runes.

Our preferences, as an archiving institution, should be pretty clear.

[charlesoberonn]

You try to get guidance for the new magic and the king's sorcerers maybe will answer you in a few days with an unhelpful suggestion to buy the newest orb.

You need guidance for the old magic and a dozen retired middle-aged wizards will pop up to explain it to you rune by rune if necessary.

[grimeclown]

Putting all tabletop players into a college level ethics class and forcing them to turn in a paper on moral philosophy before buying a new book

[grimeclown]

This is…. An interesting thing to say… on this post in particular….

[grimeclown]

I think a lot of people reblogging this from @probablybadrpgideas are interpreting this as “this would be such a funny wacky way to make the table soooo complicated” but I mean this as a complaint about the way that so many tabletop players seem to just. completely lack an understanding of ethics. what it actually means to behave ethically and treat others ethically. and i dont mean this as "why do people want to be mean and play as villains? :(" i mean "why are there so many tabletop players that sympathize with outright fascist factions to the point of wondering why theyre listed as 'Lawful Evil' in the book"

[grimeclown]

can you talk me through why this was a particularly bad or challenging thing for your party to have done

[wizard-of-soup]

Goblins were in fact, for me, a turning point on this concept. I had a player who wanted to be a goblin, and I forgot about this fact up to the point that the party got a quest to kill goblins. As soon as I was announcing the quest I realized it would be a problem, though I didn't have anything else ready so I went with it. And it was! The players immediately questioned why the mayor was paying mercenaries to kill goblins, and then further questioned his justifications, at which point I realized it would be a better story if the goblins were a scapegoat and not an actual villain. This turned into a terse interrogation where the mayor threatened to put them in jail once their questions got pointed enough that he would have to either field accusations or lie; they then went CSI on the situation and drilled through his political cabinet to get answers. I had to improv pretty much all of it and I don't remember the actual ending (I know they sided with the goblins and the mayor was guilty), but this helped me realize that the Gary Gygax writing style of "certain races are just BAD and that's why they hang out in dungeons" was very short-sighted.

D&D writing, by and large, encourages a lack of questions. The surface runs deep. "Go into a cave and chop up goblins." Why are we doing this? "Goblins are bad." All goblins? "Yes."

I think the question of "why are there players comfortable siding with fascist factions and wondering why they're called 'lawful evil'" is pretty easily answered with... because D&D itself is inherently kind of fascist. And it's the most insidious kind of fascist, too- its villains are fascists, so how could you point fingers at the book?

Fire Giants are dwarf slavers. Drow are a megalomaniacal theocracy who hate men. Orcs are violent tribes of marauding killers. Illithids want to destroy all life and keep an entire civilization to scrub their floors. But these narratives still push the idea that "evil" is a racial trait. The players are not only justified in their campaign to destroy these cultures, they're encouraged to do it.

They let the cat out of the bag by making these playable races; because now, they're not cut-and-dry villanous societies. They're people. There are Drow accountants whose lives are about balancing taxes, not worshipping Lolth. There are Yuan-Ti who don't sacrifice babies on altars, and much prefer playing the lute or sewing blankets. Yet we're still expected to read "Chaotic Evil" under the Monster Manual entry for a bugbear and take it seriously.

[quantumcartography]

Reblogging again to add a quick take: as a DM introducing ethics makes your game so much better.

I had an intro to my campaign that involved a mad scientist kidnapping someone and turning them into a wererat. I didn't think much of it and I spent way more time fleshing out the other NPCs, I just wanted to use that wererat as a boss fight.

Once the party encountered him though they immediately saw what I totally missed: the guy who became the wererat was absolutely the victim of this story. I did my best at thinking on my feet and made the wererat this defeated guy who only followed the mad scientist because he felt like his life was ruined. So they, through good rolls, convinced him to help them fight the mad scientist and it made for such a better story.

The moral I'm trying to convey is that you need to treat every NPC in your game as a world within themselves. And I mean EVERY NPC. Why are the wolves attacking people? Are they desperately hungry? Mind controlled? Territorial due to poachers? Why are the goblins working for the wizard? Extortion? Promise of riches? If the bandits see that everyone is in armor, why wouldn't they just let the party pass and wait for easier prey? If one of the bandits die, why wouldn't the rest of them run for the hills?

[dunmertitty]

here’s a couple of articles on the history of racism + xenophobia in tolkien & how that influenced dnd

Orcs, Britons, and the Martial Race Myth, Part I: A Species Built for Racial Terror — James Mendez Hodes

This is the first installment of a two-article series about the racist origins, nature, and ramifications of orcs, a malevolent humanoid spe

Orcs, Britons, and the Martial Race Myth, Part II: They're Not Human — James Mendez Hodes

This is the complement to my previous article , “Orcs, Britons, and the Martial Race Myth, Part I: A Species Built for Racial Terror.” In t

anyone interested in the subject should definitely also check out the whole Three Black Halflings podcast, which talks about being black in nerdy spaces. a lot of times they’ll have on guests talking about their intersections and experiences in nerdy spaces. they have an episode with the author of the articles above.

they’ve also played a ttrpg based on african mythologies rather than mostly european ones like most mainstream fantasy.

highly recommend!!

[cryptotheism]

Yk the DND writers were famous for adding all sorts of horny sexual elfs to the game but I never see people slobbering over Drow matriarchs punishing their unruly consorts. People REALLY wanna fuck kobolds tho.

[sanitymakesposts]

I've been in multiple d&d campaigns with cishet white guys and invariably whenever the drow or the city of brass or any inherently d/s concept is introduced they all fall over each other to offer to go on 'solo recon missions' of enemy territory then look to their cishet white dm with big puppy eyes waiting for the descriptors of the eight foot tall whip-wielding drow mommy without an ounce of self reflection

[cryptotheism]

That's gay as fuck they should be fucking the diminutive bottom heavy lizards.

[randomly-generated-posts-machine]

normalize killing people with knives for fun denormalize overusing fireball

[delmondo]

dude fucking hell RIP rebecca heineman

[delmondo]

not only was she like, a super programmer (burgerlib was one of the most comprehensive and battle tested hardware abstraction libraries that you never knew about, also somehow squeezing wolf 3d to fit and perform well on an apple II GS) even more than that, i remember her as an artist and writer, whose numerous fan creations set the blueprint for what we see today in the exact same spaces (her sailor moon and ranma fics, and of course all of her original works)

[kaijuworldorder]

Rebecca Heineman ported Doom to the 3DO all by herself in only 10 weeks with barely any resources courtesy of a dumb-as-fuck boss who didn't even know what coding was. She worked miracles to get that game out the door in a playable state. RIP to a legend.

[chained-madman]

I had heard her late wife’s name before, Jennell Jaquays, speficically in regards to “Jaquaysing the Dungeon”. Both were notable trailblazing trans women and Jennell’s activism directly led to conversion therapy being banned for trans minors under Obama. Both had illustrious careers and shaped the landscape of TTRPGs and their digital descendants today. End of an era.

[lokaror]

Casting lightning magic alone in the parking lot

[lokaror]

Cops are here.

[lokaror]

Casting lightning magic alone in the parking lot

[100-manslayer]

"GMing is a skill" ✅ Good Take, no notes

"GMing is a super special skill that has to be honed like a tradesman" ❌ Bad Take, go have a very long walk off a cliff.

[100-manslayer]

This is what I'm talking about btw.

Official D&D Dungeon Master University Coming in 2026

A new "Dungeon Master University" is coming soon from the people D&D in a Castle. We hit the books and take a look at all the DM curriculum.

The only pushback I've seen is people bitching about the price of $995USD being the cheapest and $2250USD at the most expensive.

No one cares that this perpetuates a play culture that puts GMing on such a high pedestal that the average player feels daunted & dejected from trying their hand behind the screen. No one cares that it furthers the whole "GMs are supposed to do all the work" attitude.

[theinstagrahame]

Imagine designing a game so badly people need to take college-style night classes to run it well.

[theinstagrahame]

There is a theme in some of the reblogs. People trying to explain how to work around the game, or blaming the play culture.

Play culture? Yes and no. They sorta codified a lot of the crappy parts of the play culture. The main issue I have is that the books put all of the work on the DM.

But I do mean it when I say: if you make three 300pg books and people still need external resources and/or night school classes, you have designed a game badly.

Like, I'm saying this as both a game designer and as a technical writer.

[otterbf-deactivated20180205]

oooo its the fuckin wizard

[ross-hollander]

Verily, man, this wizard peace is splendid. I just saw a guy clap his hands together and say "spirits o' field and vineyard" or something along those lines, and every one around him was showered in fresh-baked pastries and loaves, had their cups fill with aged wine, and then were soothed by a warm summer breeze. The minstrels didn't even sing his praises, that's what a joyous time this is. And here I've just been casting calming dew and level 2 aura of cheer. I think I just heard "power word: dessert" two groups over. I gotta get over there.

[r0zeclawz]

dual wielding my badass magic blades ive named LMFAO and IDGAF

[bungerc0re]

if magic was real and i could cast spells i would still be annoying about magic circles btw I'd laugh at non-mages who got lightning blizzard tattooed on themselves because tbeyd heard it was deep

[electriceyespots]

Job search is going really well

[casgirl]

We have enough knight/princess lesbian art people need to start making butch4butch wizard art. Pondering a different kind of orb.