Random Stuff

||| Patren Blog for wanderingcarver and ajarofhoney ||| header by 5up3r-n3rd

[theocseason4]

[solitarelee]

[Transcript: a young woman with long blonde hair is speaking directly into the camera. 

“I’m gonna tell you guys something that honestly changed my life for good. So if you’re in college, and live in a dorm or an apartment, there’s a good change that a lot of people living in your dorm or apartment have an Alexa. And if you go into the hallway and yell loud enough... I’ll just show you the rest.” 

The girl is now standing in a dorm hallway. She yells at the top of her lungs: 

“Alexa! Play Fireflies!” 

There is a moment of quiet where several Alexas responding can be faintly heard. After a few seconds, Fireflies by Owl City begins to play loudly, followed a few seconds later by another starting up, then another, then another as the woman begins to walk down the hall, smiling and laughing, to a growing cacophony of Fireflies by Owl City. 

End transcript.]

[milkygastrobones]

@secret--psalms--saturn

[zenosanalytic]

[lucytara]

u can tell who the ancients of tumblr are bc they’re the ones not posting anything abt where to find them if this site collapses…we know this site isnt going anywhere….the apocalypse couldnt stop this garbage…..it has the cybernetic code of a cockroach

[bluehairedspidey]

those of us who’ve been on tumblr 5+ years: 

[djkoenig-deactivated20140905]

(◡‿◡✿)

(ʘ‿ʘ✿) “what you say ‘bout me”

(ʘ‿ʘ)ノ✿ “hold my flower”

[chronically-ill-dandy]

✿＼(｡-_-｡) “Kick his ass, baby.  I got yo flower.”

[kahguyaht]

i found it

the original post

i found it

[eviesrealitychangesdaily-deacti]

this should have the opportunity to be on everyone’s blog. 

[allons-ynumberten-deactivated20]

*tour guide voice*

and here on the left ladies and gentlemen, you see one of the posts before everyone went batshit crazy

[cutepetclub]

From @amy_simba: “Love my new friend 🐰♥️” #cutepetclub ⁠ ⁠ [source: https://instagr.am/p/CLHpVM5h8bh/ ]

[weloveshortvideos]

[snailandwellmet]

I love the guy who’s clearly a teacher who came over with the intent to tear two fucking idiot teenagers apart from each other only to find these fucking nerds it probably made his entire month

[daftqunk]

seth everman going WILD in the background

[tiktoks-for-dead-pope]

[fumadoresdememes]

[teaboot]

Is he aware that we physically fucking can’t

[sonicrainbooms]

? physically cant what?

[starswallowingsea]

Bend our ankles like that

[sonicrainbooms]

Like what???

[starswallowingsea]

At steep angles! Bones fuse and prevent that if you don’t do it regularly as a kid. It’s the same reason we don’t climb trees like monkeys, whose ankles don’t have the same restrictions we do

Human ankles don’t normally work like that!

[waral]

Iirc someone did an anatomical study and people of slavic descent have shallower hip sockets that allow that movement more easily as well.

[starswallowingsea]

Yes! This was something we talked about in my physical anthropology class, that like, some people physically cannot slav squat just because of their bones and skeletal structure.

[headspace-hotel]

Look until this post started going around I had no idea some people couldn’t do this???

[sensicalabsurdities]

Reblog and tag with whether you can slav squat or not.

[enoughtohold]

i think this is my favorite tumblr ad so far

[thehuskinbee-deactivated2017061]

She just goes there to knock everything off the shelves

[stagerevolution]

Debra “The Bulldozer” Johnson

[mellifexfarm]

why do Tinamou eggs look like that. i want to eat them whole 

[mellifexfarm]

im going to swallow these like a snake

[gallusrostromegalus]

I was seized with a primal need to know what this bird looks like and I’m not sure what I was expecting but:

I am EXTREMELY pleased with everything about this animal.

[zoreta]

I looked up why the eggs are like that.

This family is OUT THERE. There will be two single-sex flocks that are bonded- any female can fuck any male from the bonded flock, and vice versa, but NOT outsiders.

But the males and females don’t flock together- it’s two single-sex flocks that exclusively fuck each other.

So how exactly does brooding work?

A female lays her eggs in leaf litter, and her job is done. She peaces out, and *assumes* a male will happen to find them and adopt them like Bruce Wayne finding a plucky orphan. The odds it’s actually the father are astronomical, btw.

But at the same time, nesting is somewhat communal. If a pregnant female finds an existing nest, she’s likely to add her own eggs to it and peace out herself.

Imagine if Bruce Wayne left to do Batmanning, and came home to find another orphan just *appeared* and is playing smash with the Robins. And he didn’t question it because that’s his life. THAT IS THESE BIRDS.

Now you may be wondering, how does that explain why these eggs are gaudy as hell?

The current theory is it’s so they’re a visual beacon for other females to find. The bigger the egg pile, the harder it will be for a predator to eat *all* of them. So everybody loses a few of their eggs, but nobody loses all of them.

Plus bright eggs are more likely to be found by a Bruce Wayne birb!

[jennenen]

@elodieunderglass there is so much awesomeness here.

[appraisedtiktoks]

[ip2lb]

Person with a mullet wearing a muscle shirt in a garage: You might think these are some normal cowboy boots, they ain’t. These are boot scooters. [Takes wheels out of dusty boots and stomps them on the ground] If you ain’t bootin’…You ain’t scootin’. [wheels away and runs into a fridge]

[pileofknives]

Mod these into Red Dead

[tiktoksthataregood-ish]

[chilewithcarnage]

[ten-and-donna]

the utter ecstasy of "is that lavENDER?" is what sells it for me

[lmainla]

🥰

[tokidokifish]

i cannot get over at this newsstory. i CANNOT. i cannot believe that they paid someone to write a story about how people aren’t having children in the middle of a global pandemic that cost MILLIONS of people their jobs. this is the stupidest fucking thing i’ve ever seen!! do they think people are just sitting at home like “well can’t find any new series to binge, might as well have a fucking baby! that’s the next logical step, right?” i’m going to SCREAM.

[cipheramnesia]

Conservatives: Individuals need to be more fiscally responsible! That’s why people are poor.

Everyone: Hmm, well, we have no money and it’s not getting better, we definitely can’t afford to raise and care for a child much less the medical costs of having one.

Conservatives: No, not like that, we still need human resources to exploit!

[regicide1997]

[animusrox]

Terminator: Dark Fate (2019) dir. Tim Miller

[signoraviolettavalery]

Okay but like The absolutely scalding commentary on the fact that a robot who doesn’t feel emotions is better at being a partner than most men because he actually fucking changes diapers and is emotionally available I love this movie

[bacoj8]

Good ace husband terminator is my favorite thing of 2019

[mysharona1987]

[scholarlyapproach]

DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO CEREAL!!!

Listen in the past the poor have had to improvise cheap food the rich never wanted as a means to survive. And over the many years of innovation made the food taste good until eventually the rich where like: “Oh hay you actually like that garbage? Why on earth would you like it?” Then they try it, love it, start buying it, and then drive the price up so much it becomes a luxury good.

They do this and its devastating, the food typically never becomes affordable again. It don’t matter how cheap the foo dis to produce, it doesn’t matter if there is almost no meat on the bone or its super difficult to eat and messy. Once the poor discover how to make some bit of cheap food taste good, the rich take it away via driving the price of it up.

THEY DID THIS TO RIBS.

Ribs were garage meat. Just look at them, there is hardly any meat on the bone, you have to eat them by hand usually, and they are messy. They where an undesirable cheap source of junk meat. But the poor being the poor made them taste good. (Because they don’t have much to choose from.) The rich discovered the meals the poor made with them and decided they liked ribs too. People discovered they could sell a few ribs to rich people and make way more money then selling lots of ribs to poor people and the price was driven up.

DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO CEREAL!!!

[askmace]

They did the same to brisket.  You used to be able to get brisket for less than a dollar a pound, which meant you could get a twenty pound brisket fairly cheaply.  And then you smoked it, sliced it, and had meat for weeks if not a full month.  And it was tasty.  I grew up eating brisket at least once a month because my family could afford it.

It was a cheap meat because no rich person looks at the dangly part of the neck of a cow and goes ‘ooh, that looks tasty!’.

But then Food Network started showcasing things like barbecued brisket.  Rich people started showing up at places that weren’t just Rib Crib to get their barbeque.  And the price of brisket went up.  A lot.

I regularly see it for over five dollars a pound in stores now.  And while yeah, that might not seem like a lot when you’re talking only a pound or two of meat, brisket is normally sold in ten to twenty pound sizes.  It’s become completely unaffordable to the people that made it delicious.

Sushi used to be really cheap, too, until it became ‘trendy’.  Guess why you’re now paying twelve dollars for your order of California rolls?  Because rich people discovered something that poor people had been eating for ages.

Noticed the prices of fajita meat, chicken thighs, or ham hocks has gone up recently?  You guessed it.  Rich people are taking our food and now we’re scrambling to afford the things that we grew up eating.

[auroraluciferi]

Lobster is a perfect example of this phenomenon.  For hundreds of years, lobster was regarded as a sort of insect larvae from the depth of the sea. It had zero appeal as a “luxury food” until people living in NY and Boston developed a taste for it. Before the 19th century, it was considered a “poverty food” or used as fertilizer and bait - some household servants specified in employment agreements that they would not eat lobster more than twice a week. It was also commonly served at prisons, which tells you something about prison food.

Only by cleverly marketing lobster as an indulgence for the privileged made it cost so much. It became a vehicle for enormous profit spawning a multi-billion dollar global industry in the process. This mythical affection for lobster flesh - not its practical value in terms of taste, nutrition, or any other reasonable consideration - drives its value.

[blackwitchmagicwoman-deactivate]

LMAO. Wait.

[thegrimmlovely]

Anyone else’s eye twitchin?

[strongorcbutch-deactivated20220]

Food gentrification is a long standing practice and it’s some of the most evil shit I can think of. It’s why I refuse for example as someone living in the US to buy things with Quinoa in them. It is specifically pricing an indigenous population out of their prime staple food. It’s a horrific invasion of one of the final requirements of staying alive.

[shitonthesewallsray]

[notourz]

[whatjanesays]

Are Wednesdays just gonna be like this in 2021?

So far:

January 6th - The Capitol gets stormed during the Electoral College vote certification … and the idiot rioters liveblog it

January 13th - Trump gets impeached … for the 2nd time

January 20th - Biden is sworn in as the President … somehow the least interesting thing on this list

January 27th - A subreddit bankrupted a hedge fund by … buying all the GameStop stocks

What’s in store for us on February 3rd?

Tune in next week to find out!

[kaijuno]

[ephemeralhorror]

"if you could have any videogame ability what would it be?"

[aspectofachilles]

[orangehatposts-deactivated20220]

[camjamclassic]

[cotton-andy]

[friendlyfirestarter]

[tricktster]

As I’ve previously mentioned, I happen to be the proud owner of some truly stupid novelty slippers, which I couldn’t wear until very recently because they terrified the cat. This sucked, because for 10$ novelty slippers from Target, they’re warm as hell.

Fortunately, as you can see, Peanut Butter decided that they were no longer a threat a few weeks ago, so a few hours after they earned her approval I was finally free to wear them to dinner, as I have nobody to impress and it’s cold as hell. Then, of course, my niece saw them.

Now, my 18 month old niece is REALLY into bears right now. Owls are still cool, of course, but BEARS ARE WHERE IT’S AT. And my slipper paws? In her mind, those are the paws of a mighty bear. It was love at first sight. She giggles at them. She pets them like they’re kittens. She scoots onto the floor to rest her head on them during bedtime stories. She becomes immediately alarmed and indignant when I don’t have them on. Or, you know, if I do have them on, but they’re not in her immediate line of sight. “Ba?” She asks. “BA? BA? BA? BAAA? BA?!!!!!” (She is also very big on repetition.)

It has been like this for several weeks now.

Look, I’m an absolute sucker for this kid, and I will do basically anything on earth to make her happy. I’ve been wearing the bear slippers a lot recently. Like a lot a lot. The novelty of the novelty slippers has worn off over the weeks of having half of the word “bear” cooed/screamed at me on repeat.

So, being a problem-solver, I figured I’d get my niece her own pair of paw slippers, as 1. she’d love them, and incidentally 2. If she transferred her affection I could maybe have a meal without being forced by the toddler on the other side of the table to do this pose on command:

(I mean it’s not exactly that pose, but it’s actually even sexier when I do it.)

Anyway, guess what I can’t find in a toddler size? Fucking novelty paw slippers. Seriously, I have done my research, and I don’t believe they’re being manufactured. Hell, I couldn’t even find a sewing pattern for toddler slippers online that looked anywhere close to paws, which is WILD to me, considering that toddlers are basically the target market for animal dress up.

Well.

That’s not entirely true.

See, I did eventually find a pattern for really, really well designed bear paw slippers. Once I hit on the right search terms, I found a LOT of patterns, actually, and more tutorials for how to make them and modify their size than I ever dared hope for. I took the best of several designs, pieced them together, and I’m presently in the process of making them for my niece. Before I show you guys the final product, I wanted to pause for a moment to recognize the people who made this project possible:

Thank you, furries.

Your ingenuity and DIY ethos is an inspiration to us all, and you are going to make a toddler very happy.

[tricktster]

holy SHIT GUYS

FURRIES WORK SO HARD

THIS IS SO HARD

THIS TOOK LIKE 45 hours and it’s just ONE FOOT

[tricktster]

okay okay okay okay

so l encountered an issue, but i’m fine.

i’m gonna be fine.

so I finished the paws. I did it, it took so long, I learned so much, I felt really really great about it, and all that effort was worth it when I saw the sheer disbelief and delight that overtook my niece upon first laying eyes on them

“Ba?” she whispered. Then, “BA? BAAAAAA?!!! SSSSS! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

(she calls me, for reasons best known to her, “Sssss.”)

Anyway, it was exactly the reaction I had been hoping for. It was, very briefly, a perfect resolution to this story.

And then I tried to put them on her feet.

so, to backtrack a little, before embarking on this project I researched a LOT, and I consulted a LOT of different patterns, but the ones I referenced the most were this pattern by Bardic Bestiary and this guide/pattern by @matrices.

I want to be perfectly clear here, not just because Matrices has a tumblr (that is unbelievably full of tutorials and helpful ideas) and therefore might somehow encounter this post, but because both Matrices and the good folks at Bardic Bestiary have honestly made this inscrutable process something that was possible for me, an idiot: What went wrong was not their fault.

So, again, the paws I was trying to make were for a toddler, and toddlers typically lack the requisite resources to purchase and/or create their own fursuits. Given their percentage of the market share, it’s totally reasonable that I wasn’t able to find a pattern specifically for toddlers. But hey, I figured, I’m resourceful, so I just plopped all the pattern pieces into the same Illustrator window, selected the group, and then scaled it all down until the insole pattern piece was 5.25 inches long. Easy.

Everyone with children and/or costuming experience can stop laughing at me right now.

To explain what went wrong, here’s a scientific diagram of a typical adult leg that I made from zooming in on clipart of a soccer player.

And here’s an equally scientific diagram of a toddler’s leg.

In case you can’t see the issue that rapidly became apparent as I tried to shove my niece’s foot into the paws that she now desperately wanted to wear, I will share one further diagram.

Help.

[zarnitza]

You could cut a line a few inches down the front or side or back, whichever is most appealing to you, open it up at the top to the width you need & then insert a triangle piece into that space. Fur or elastic would work. I’d just like put it in by hand with some back stitching & finish any edges with a whip stitch.

That would give you the room at the top you need. When I have a problem i usually find whip stitching can help. It won’t look as pro as what you already made which is amazing btw, but it would work 🤔

Alternatively you could put a cut on each side & just whip stitch the edges. Then you don’t have to add a panel

I hope the half assed diagram makes sense & helps a bit

[tricktster]

Wow, I know I have spent this whole project being very pleasantly surprised at how many people have gone out of their way to share their knowledge and expertise, but I honestly didn’t expect so many people to offer so many genuinely useful ideas. I was incredibly stoked to see @zarnitza​‘s suggestions, because I spent about an hour last night glaring at a pile of snaps, buttons, velcro, and zippers, haphazardly trying to figure out what would be the least annoying technique to add some room for toddler chonk while simultaneously being something that would not be a huge pain in the ass to fasten/unfasten from the ankle of an extremely squirmy kid yelling “BA”.  

What I eventually arrived at was basically what Zarnitza first proposed, with a slight variation. I was still flying blind at this point, so I decided not to do the same procedure on both paws until I was confident it would work. Here’s the way I approached it, which you can feel free to skip if you just want the payoff at the end:

I took out the liner, then ripped the back seam most of the way down the heel on both the faux fur shell and the liners. Then I traced the openings to make a super sloppy triangle template, went through the usual mess of cutting the fur (HOLY SHIT GUYS, EVEN FOLLOWING EVERY SINGLE BIT OF USEFUL ADVICE ON HERE, FUR IS ANNOYING TO WORK WITH), the much easier task of cutting fleece for the liner, and I sewed both the shell and the liner back up. As promised, this left me with a MUCH wider ankle. Easy to put on… but also easy to fall off/trip over. 

So here is where I think I might actually have been clever, I took the fur shell and I stitched in two elastic cords on either side of the triangle piece I’d just added, like this:

Okay, that’s an unintelligible diagram, but you get the point. Elastic bands, sewed in place with enough tension that the slippers would stay on her feet without cutting off her circulation, since that sort of thing is frowned upon. Finally, I put the liner back in, folded it over the shell, and stitched the cuff into place by hand. End result? 

I know you guys can’t see this (because I obscured it with a bear emoji) but holy shit… if she was this happy with ONE paw, I can’t wait to see what she thinks about getting to wear TWO of them tomorrow…. which will actually happen, because I just finished the final stitches on the second paw. They’re done. 

Thank you so much to everyone who helped me in any way during this long, weird journey I decided to take. I knew that this whole thing was pretty damn wholesome going in, but I honestly didn’t expect that I’d encounter the efforts of so many people who clearly put the time in learning how to make something, and put even more time in to share that knowledge with anyone who wanted to learn how to do it too. I’ve been feeling so bummed about what the past year has suggested about the average person’s willingness to sacrifice in order to help someone else out, and this was kind of a nice reminder that there are plenty of generous, thoughtful, genuinely brilliant people out there who just want to share something they love with the world… and a lot of those people, as it turns out, are furries. 

In conclusion, if I encounter anyone talking even the vaguest hint of shit about furries from hereon out, I will go to that person’s house and put a house centipede in their ear while they’re sleeping. 

[tricktster]

This is officially my final update on the bear slipper saga:

Not to get too emotional here but…

BA!!!!!!