You Should See This

[mug-of-beans]

“The old magic persists thanks to it’s unfathomable power.”

No, the old magic persists because the new magic can’t run the legacy spells I need to do my job, and keeps trying to install spirits I don’t want or need onto my orb.

[aqueerkettleofish]

Look, if the new magic didn't have a personality construct that kept trying to tell me which spells to use, maybe I wouldn't still be using the old magic.

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Yes it had a deep blood cost, but at least it was a one time sacrifice and not this monthly bloodletting nonsense new age magic has

[wizard-archivist-official]

The old magic is robust enough to survive a decade of use and it's compatible with every wand, staff, scroll, and charm in our collection.

The new magic stops working after three days and every spell uses proprietary runes.

Our preferences, as an archiving institution, should be pretty clear.

[charlesoberonn]

You try to get guidance for the new magic and the king's sorcerers maybe will answer you in a few days with an unhelpful suggestion to buy the newest orb.

You need guidance for the old magic and a dozen retired middle-aged wizards will pop up to explain it to you rune by rune if necessary.

[escuerzoresucitado]

[typhus-andronicus]

[slorty]

The fact that this is completely incomprehensible to me makes it funnier than if I could understand it

[silver-tongues-blog]

skill issue. i understand it completely

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

Who wants to hear my new conspiracy theory about lawyers

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

Can’t legally lie, but they trade in half-truths and misleading language

Obsessed with contracts

Required to follow the letter (but not the spirit) of the law

Really good at exploiting loopholes

Range from semi-helpful to openly malevolent

Conclusion?? Faeries

[tanoraqui]

consider alternately, lawyers:

skilled at exploiting loopholes

habitually do not give definitive answers (”innocent until proved guilty”)

but also seek, demand, material proof of all suppositions

well-practiced researchers and judges of character

often very helpful; indeed, a legal right

yet just as oft maligned in jokes and stories for the masses

conclusion? ancient order dedicated to defending humanity from the Fair Folk, who in turn seek to undermine their popular support

[sos-fandoms]

Obviously the truth is both. Half the lawyers are fae, and the other half are anti-fae.

[aerialsquid]

I need this Ace Attorney AU.

[russsiawave]

[postilionstruckbylightning]

I don’t like how you put these two photos together, as if to imply that the dumplings with the paw print have anything to do with this sweet, innocent angel who has never done anything wrong.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

When we were children, my sister had private music lessons at her violin teacher’s house. I only visited there once, but I still remember that afternoon. The teacher had an artificial pond in her yard, a large beautiful thing with lily pads and plant life. And in the pond, there were goldfish. I had never seen such enormous goldfish. 

I spent several minutes just staring at them (and trying to convince them to bite my fingers.) When my sister’s violin lesson ended, her teacher came out to the yard and explained that these goldfish were the same small creatures that were often unfortunately sold in plastic bags at state fairs. They were only about two inches long apiece, when she bought them and put them in the new, empty pond. In essence, they were like every goldfish I had seen before, but they had been given a much larger, much richer environment in which to flourish. As a result, they had grown into some of the most remarkable, vibrant creatures my twelve-year-old self had ever met with. All because of a pond. 

Funny what lessons children remember. My sister doesn’t play the violin anymore, but that was the first time I caught a glimpse of the overwhelming extent to which it matters, the way the world treats us.

[yellow-hatco]

Reblogged again for this drawing I made for it

[221b-hound]

Give us room to grow and see how we flourish.

[tastefullyoffensive]

(via meanboysclub)

[mypissedoffsandwichold-deactiva]

The last one

[thunderboltsortofapenny]

Also good on these people for taking the aggressively petty route instead of falsely registering their pets as service animals

[toastyglow]

I love how everyone intentionally interpreted this not as “your dog must be small” but “your dog must be in a bag”

[im-a-goat-in-disguise]

“aww cute!! big doggies in ba-”

*cry-laughing as i hit the reblog button*

[lilietsblog]

I’m going to point out that this sounds like the system working as intended bc if your dog is actually currently in a bag its not going to like, run off and bother other passengers or piss/shit where is not supposed to.

Like, yep. This works. If your dog’s well behaved enough to stay in a bag, THAT’s when it’s allowed on the subway.

[math-is-magic]

That last comment was my EXACT thought.

[targetedknowledge]

[elodieunderglass]

It’s too much for coffee early on, but perfect for a proper knight out

[cipheramnesia]

get back here

[cryptic-curation]

This sick bleach shirt I made. Something to showcase my undying love for prehistoric cave art.

Some of the bleach burned thru the shirt bc this was my first time bleaching anything ever, but it kinda adds to it.

[humoristics]

The ocean molded this clump of bricks into a rock shape

via

[pochowek]

real life texture glitch

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

Domesticated rock has returned to the wild and become feral

[animentality]

[arrowandaxe]

[bee-in-your-binnet]

Coyotes trying their damndest to get domesticated

[hst3000]

They coyotes are free you can just take them...

[crimsonclad]

I saw a bumper sticker and thought “is that seductive Daffy Duck” and then when I looked closer I realized it was actually a fishing bumper sticker but also. also it is still very much seductive Daffy Duck???? somehow????????

[cuteness--overload]

[pocket-size-cthulhu]

Romeo and Juliet retelling but it's a married couple who are planning to carve time out of their busy schedules to go out together, but she decides to take a little nap to try to get more energy to stay up later, and when he finds her asleep he assumes she's gone to bed for real so he goes all the way to sleep (I'm talking sleep mask + vaporub + white noise + melatonin, or whatever routine people do for a REALLY good sleep) and when she wakes up from her nap and finds him out cold she just goes to bed too. Tragic 😔

[bethanydelleman]

I need to build a collection of these low-stakes Modern Shakespeare retellings

[anneemay]

[nyancrimew]

this is GREAT two sentence horror actually

[prokopetz]

The wizard down the street got sick of rivals dropping giant rocks on them to circumvent their Anti-Magic Field, and decided to invent an Anti-Physics Field instead. We're not sure what happened next, on account of nobody who looks at the affected area can remember what they saw, but there's probably a research paper in it if anyone figures it out.

[ender--gaming]

[life-on-our-planet]

Gray foxes are known as mesopredators because they occupy the middle of their local food chain. They feed mainly on smaller animals while avoiding nearby apex predators like coyotes and bobcats. One of their techniques is to climb trees using their powerful hooked claws. They're capable of climbing branchless, vertical tree trunks up to nearly 60ft (18m). ©Texas Backyard Wildlife

[gutsygills]

mold pisses me off so much

oh you have to eat your produce the moment it leaves the store or the fuckin Hungering Dust will get it. and. poison your food

[tobiasdrake]

I ran into this post years ago and to be honest, it has completely reoriented the way I engage with food.

Like. I’ve always sorta understood that things grow moldy or stale or sour or such if left out, but I never really internalized it in a meaningful way.

But now I’m just like.

Yeah. The hungering dust. There exists omnivorous dust in the air that will eat my food if I don’t.

Those bagels have been sitting there for a week. Are we going to eat them soon or are we leaving them for the hungering dust?

Pizza’s been sitting out on the counter for an hour. Everyone’s enjoying the pizza, but if we don’t want “everyone” to include the hungering dust then we should probably put it away soon.

That’s just. That’s how food works to me now. There exists an invisible predator in the air that hungers for your yummies, and it will not hesitate to eat your food if you don’t make the effort to protect and preserve it. And eat what can’t be preserved before the dust can.

Life-changing.

[the-missing-number]

food doesn’t actually “go bad”, it just gets eaten by something else first

[the-haiku-bot]

food doesn’t actually

“go bad”, it just gets eaten

by something else first

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.