@dykeshark - Tumblr Blog

sparrowthemormon

Charlie Kirk is scheduled to speak at UVU. I have the opportunity to do the funniest thing of all time

bludraws094

kaity--did

Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me.

I know there is a lot of discourse (tm) around this right now but listen to me

sometimes you do just have to lie to children.

kaity--did

If, when my toddler is, you know, toddling around saying “mama? Big ball?”

If I were lean down and say “unfortunately the big beach ball for some reason fills you with such an unadulterated rage that is beyond human comprehension that you scream until you pass out, so mama had to remove the beach ball from the premises until you can better regulate your emotions” she would simply stare at me like I had 3 heads full of equal betrayal.

So, for now, instead “big ball went night night!”

kaity--did

Please understand when I say “removed the ball from the premises” I mean I popped it in a fit of exhausted confusion. I murdered the beach ball.

See I’ve lied to you all too and it was better this way.

inkloom

you can’t just leave this in the tags etc.

kaity--did

You can’t be funnier then me on my own posts, I’m in tears from laughter

innovadesexual

biocrafthero

valtsv

the thing about growing up with siblings in an abusive household is that ultimately you're each other's jail wardens and whipping boys and that does things to you no matter how much you sincerely love each other and understand why it happened the way it did and wish you could have been big and strong enough to save both of you

valtsv

it's just inevitably going to be difficult to reconcile the love you feel for the other half of a bear trap clamped around both your legs. is the thing.

notahorseindisguise

youd think a band named violent femmes would be made up of violent femmes. but it isnt. its dudes

notahorseindisguise

genuinely no mary... the australian dollar is not doing great right now

notahorseindisguise

i need to type with more of an accent

notahorseindisguise

youse may bloody reckon a band name of violent femmes'd be a buncha sheilas after a couple bundy cokes. but it aint. packa blokes.

mumblesplash

it’s so magical and beautiful that there are sprawling interconnected cave systems carved deep into the earth by various geological forces and you don’t have to go in them. there are miles and miles of stone passageways in total darkness that require you to exhale all the air out of your lungs to squeeze through parts of them and you don’t have to be there. some of these squeezes are underwater and require cave divers to take off their oxygen tanks and push them through ahead of them and me i am above ground looking at the sky as we speak. there are untold subterranean wonders no human has ever seen and i will not be the one to discover them #grateful #blessed

mumblesplash

cave divers when they are happily married with kids and beloved by their community but theres a crack in the bottom of a lake called The Devil’s Rotting Esophagus where 57 people have died

millionsknives

just invented something at dinner called soundboard storytime where i explain the plot of hamlet to my younger sister & her friend while our other sister punctuates every sentence with a choice sound bite from her phone

millionsknives

“hamlet STABS the man behind the curtain, thinking it’s claudio—- but it’s POLONIUS. [vine boom] [OOOO MA GAAAWWWD] that’s right, he just killed his girlfriend’s FATHER. [WAT DA HEEEELLLLLL] [BRUH.mp3]”